Is it the worst thing for a woman to remain childfree?

Question

I held my nephew for the first time ever yesterday and while it was lovely holding him, I realized I don't think I have the capacity to do it. To be a mother.

Most of my life I thought that's what would bring me joy and happiness but I'm starting to think otherwise after my visit seeing my baby nephew. He's adorable and hardly cried, but still it was a wakeup call for me that I'm not equipped to be a mom.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

Nah, there’s parts of society that say women are at their happiest as mothers and for a good portion of women that’s true, but there’s also a portion of women who were told that same thing and felt pressured into motherhood, or assumed it was the only thing they could be, which can be stifling for you as an individual. There is no tragedy in recognizing that you’re not equipped to be a mother and choosing not to be one, if anything it’s good that you recognize that because it means you’re saving potential souls from endeavoring through a childhood with a parent who can’t give them everything they need. But those parts of society that claim women’s happiness lies solely in motherhood and traditional roles will be annoying about it and pester you, but trust your gut. You’re making the right call.
I’ve also chosen not to have children because I know myself well enough to know there are many needs of my children I would neglect because of how much they would need me and how much mothering would drain me. I know being my child would carry more suffering than I would be okay with allowing, so I choose not to and I’m happy with the path I’ve chosen.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

Honestly… I don’t think it’s the worst thing at all. I think it’s one of the most self-aware realizations a person can have actually.

Think of all of the kids in foster homes, or the kids that are miserable because their parents decided to have kids without their heart being in it.

Loving a child and wanting to be responsible for one 24/7 are two very different things. You can feel warmth…connection… and even joy in those moments and still recognize that it’s not the life you want for yourself.

I think it’s responsible to actually take a step back and ask yourself, “Do I truly want this… and am I suited for it?”

Of course I think most women would love to be a mother… but it’s not for everyone.. so don’t feel bad if that’s how you really feel at the moment..

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

You're free to do what you want in life, but holding a kid and saying you're not fit to be a mother I think is nonsense. It's something you MAKE happen when you actually have a kid and when it's your own flesh and blood that you carried in you for 9 months. It's a feeling you can only describe when you are a mother.

I'm not a woman obviously, and some people may think that a man could never put themselves in a woman's shoes, but I am emotionally intelligent and any emotionally intelligent person can accurately imagine the emotions they would feel in any given scenario. It's how I know I'd be on another level of happy when I'm I become a father even though I'm not one yet. It's how I know how I'd feel completely broken when my loved ones pass even though I haven't lost anyone yet. It's how I know raising my kid and seeing them accomplish things in their life would fill me with the utmost pride.

I genuinely feel that the majority of women end up regretting not having kids later in life and try to convince themselves (especially by telling others) that they are truly happy without them.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Mb8qbC5YuG0

MrChinaski · Accepted Answer

There's not a single right way to live. That's what makes it fun. You get to make your own meaning. Human connections are important to me in meaning, but you can achieve that without bearing children.

Live the life you have reason to value. Not the one you think other people expect of you.

sage2021 · Answer

Please listen to this song sis.

I know that becoming a mother isn't for every woman. And I believe that if you don't think that you would be a good mother that you definitely should not have any children. Period.

As for me, I wanted children since I was a very young girl. There was never a doubt in my mind not to have children.

I was 23 when I gave birth to my son, Garrett. I fell totally in love with him the first time I saw him and held him in my arms. Actually I loved him while my body was making him inside of me.

He's always been my greatest joy and it's my pleasure to be his Mom❣️

Twodogs0525 · Answer

I can think of worse things. Being a mother doesn't define you as being a "woman." I'm sure there'll be times you'll feel a void but you will have your nephews and nieces you can spoil. Maybe get involved in organizations that involve children? I have an aunt that does that, she directs plays for a youth theater and enjoys every minute of it and has formed special bonds with some of the kids. Obviously, it's not the same as having your own but she's a very important person in their lives.

MisterWack · Answer

The worst thing for a woman would be to be a murderer or to be murdered.

Remaining childfree is a choice most women have to make at some point in their lives since a lot of women want children, but wait for the right guy and moment to actually conceive a child. Don’t hate on a woman choosing not to especially since things are tough at the moment with the economy, housing, gas prices, also dating apps causing chaos and unstable date setups that don’t last longer than the first meet up.

ohsheeT · Answer

I'm so glad that I've already had my children and I feel bad for women that want them but are smart enough to think I had to look ahead to see where we are headed and realize what we are all about to go through I think you're very very smart I think you're very wise and you're thinking way in advance not to bring a child into the world right now because we're going down a rabbit hole pretty soon and you not only has to protect yourself and you have to protect that child too so I know it might break your heart but you're being so wise

exitseven · Answer

I have said for years that kids are not for everyone. People that pressure their kids to have children do not do them any favors. Do not think that there is anything wrong with being childless.

Apple1996 · Answer

Being childfree is completely okay but I will say from my own personal experience being a mom that is so much different when its your own kids compared to when your just around other kids that aren't your own. I never really felt motherly until a bit after my 1st son was born then it kicked in

msg321 · Answer

I think being a mother is in all women's nature. Once I've heard that from a father. He said being a father is not like being a mom. You learn being a dad after you became a dad but being a mom is in women's nature. You know Even when they are little kids girls tend to play a mom role with their dolls so I don't think you are different as a woman. I think if you become a mom. You'll automatically feel how to be a mother the moment you hold your baby in your arms. You won't need to do anything special for it.

FreyaRed · Answer

We are living in capitalist societies and children don't grant any benefits. So according to rules of capitalism having children is obsolete.
Of course for capitalism are children important because new consumer and later slave worker but for an individual in capitalist society children are a burden because it's an investment without return.

CherryLove007 · Answer

Never is the worst thing. The worst thing is that if your not prepared than it is a lifelong commitment. Having the right person to do parenting with is essential.

Maybe you haven't been with that person who brings your feminine motherly way out of you? When you are happy with your freedom that is all that matters.

However the other side of the coin is if your partnered with the right devoted person who see's being a parent could enhance your lives forever.

thegreenyogi · Answer

This is probably the third time I'm saying this today but again the world has changed. I think it's not a matter anymore of doing the right thing which in this case would be to procreate. We have a right to decide what is better or worse for us. Motherhood is so much more than simply giving birth to a baby and it's perfectly okay to be child free if that's how you feel.

HighValue · Answer

It is fine. There are only two possible and COMMON problems.

1. Many that don't have kids regret it later in life.

2. Many women are angry at men that want a partner that can have and does want kids, and the majority of men won't be interested in a woman that is not interested in creating a family together.

Just realize the likely consequences when making important life decisions.

fonduegirl · Answer

Motherhood is a gift, gifts are not always wanted. You're the kindest person I know here, the status of childfree doesn't change my outlook

NathanDavis · Answer

the worst thing?  maybe for privileged women from the "first world" it might feel that way but if we're talking about the "worst" in life... there's a whole lot of bad stuff out there

BCRanger10 · Answer

I suppose there are worse things, but I would be curious to know how and why you've arrived at this conclusion.

Lliam · Answer

No. There is nothing wrong with choosing not to have children. It's not for everyone. And it's nobody else's business but your own.

My wife and I have been happily married now for almost 30 years and are glad that we don't have kids.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Hey, that's a completely personal decision. Better you figure it out now than after you have a baby. Unwanted kids don't tend to have great lives and you may end up resentful. Your life your choice.

nolabels · Answer

I didn't want kids, for very valid reasons. I ended up with a son, now long grown. I love him. I still shouldn't have had kids, though. Everyone should do what's best for them.

jazzy34 · Answer

No. Don't force it. More and more women are choosing to be childfree and they're happier than ever. :)

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

No its not the worse thing. It all depends on what you want. If you want children have some if you dont want any then dont. a lot of women now a days are opting to not have children there is nothing wrong with that

lilBigPotato · Answer

It depends on the individual... If someone doesn't want kids, nothing wrong about it.

Shiprex · Answer

It is not but there are soon to be some incentives to get women to pop sprogs and that will come from taxpayers who don't have kids

Xawyx-2 · Answer

No, of course not, there are a lot worse things than that.

Mike_Hum · Answer

The truth is none of us feel equipped. After the discharge from the hospital, you just are given this human you have to keep alive, keep mentally healthy, and prevent from being an asshole.

AviatorTom · Answer

Not at all. Not everyone, male or female, is cut out to be a parent.

slatyb · Answer

No, the worst is to have children then abuse them. If you don't want to have children, then don't.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

You never know what you're equipped for until you try. But I take your point, some women don't make the best mothers.

Anonymous · Answer

It's the best thing for the world to remain child-free, or only 1 child so the next generation is half the size of this one.

msc545 · Answer

There are many worse things than having children. Arguably having children might not even be a good thing for lots of people.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Having children isn’t for everyone. I’m at a point that I don’t want them. I feel that I’m too old at this point, and I’m fine with that.

Staximus · Answer

There's nothing with with a woman not having a child

Jerre · Answer

If not having a child is how you feel, that’s as good as it gets.

Jennz6 · Answer

Women are meant to have children

Nikki1989 · Answer

It is far from the worst.

CubaPirate · Answer

Not in the slightest

888theGreat · Answer

They will die alone in a nursing Home

Abbycado · Answer

Not at all.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope

KostasKouvalis · Answer

Of course not

Is it the worst thing for a woman to remain childfree?

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