How do I handle a well-off sister who won’t help pay for mom’s care?

[Anonymous]

My mom is an elder lady who of course she has her needs. I take care of her with my brother at home. As an elder person of coruse she need things to be well at the house and be away from risks, (special bath rug, and other stuff for her safety at home). Anyway my sister is married and she of course is always concerned about mom safety. My sister lives well not that she is a millionaire but she earns well and her husband much more. They travel often locally and domestically, they always buy new electronic gadgets, they like to hang out socially often with friends, etc.- Anyway in my house we dont have a lot of money so we need to take care of the money we spend, unlike my sister.

Whenever my sister lets say sees something that my mom could need for her safety at house, my sister send me or my brother a photo of the item and tell us to buy it. It happens often, with any gadget she sees she inform us. But guess what? She wants us to buy the item but she never collaborates and buys it herself for mom, my brother and I are the ones who need to buy the stuff , she just inform us. I dont think taht is fair. she is also mom`s daughter but she can't buy the thing herself, it has to be my brother and I, the ones who do not earn that much money and my mom pension is not so much either. Each time is like that with my sister. She find something on the web or at a store and tell us about it and tell us to buy it. But on her own will, she never does it. It is so easy to just let us know but not cooperate one bit? And then she complains that we haven't bought the thing when we have to buy it.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Is she well-off because she’s married or is she well-off because she works in a home with dual incomes? If the former, she probably isn’t allowed to spend her husband’s money without his consent so she doesn’t risk it. If the latter, she probably doesn’t feel comfortable spending any money that’s not hers and she can’t afford whatever it is you two should buy. I get that you’re frustrated but given your syntax and the way you talk about this, I’m guessing women don’t often get jobs in your country and marriage is the safest way to secure finances.

[Nikki1989]

You cannot force a well-off person to be generous or fair. What you can do is be explicit about the need, clear about the consequences of her not participating, and honest with yourself about what you can actually sustain without destroying yourself in the process.

[Staximus]

How about you just tell her cheap ass to buy it. She's telling you to buy it because she's too cheap to buy it

[Iron_Man]

Your sister has to help that’s her responsibility is she trying to dump it off on you

[Taurus_Woman]

Your frustration makes sense. Right now, your sister gets to act concerned without sharing much of the financial burden or daily responsibility. That can build resentment very quickly.

The key is to stop treating her suggestions as instructions

Tell her: “We’re already covering most of mom’s care expenses. We can’t buy every extra item, but you’re welcome to help with this one.”

Also remember:

You and your brother are already contributing a lot through caregiving itself

Time, effort, stress, and daily care are real contributions , not just money

Your sister may not fully realize how much pressure you’re under unless someone says it clearly

You don’t need to accuse her of being selfish. Just set boundaries and stop automatically accepting every recommendation as your responsibility.

[genericname85]

so first of i wouldn't just assume she's "well off". you don't know her bank account. and second of all: what does she do for your mom you're not doing? ask her why she thinks that's justified, not us. we can't know.

[RavVid]

I would say you should have a talk to your sister but sadly I think you won't get more than what you are.

You could try but be realistic.

[Anonymous]

you need to be bold enough to mention to it her.

tell her: "you buy it, otherwise, don't text me to buy this stuff ever again. we don't have the money for that"

[Anonymous]

Stop buying the stuff and tell her to buy it herself or fuck off

[Anonymous]

Learn to put your foot down and tell your lazy ass sister to get off her rear and buy it herself if she thinks her mom needs it that badly