Why people say "don't go looking for love, let love find you", is that a metaphor or do they mean it literally?

[Anonymous]

Because I'm single right now, I really want a girlfriend, but people always give advice by saying phrases like this " don't go looking for a girlfriend, let her find you, don't go looking for love, love will find you". I don't see how that can be true, because a girl will never ask a guy out, a girl will never pursue or chase a guy, it's always us guys to take the initiative and do the pursuing and chasing, asking the girl out. So why do people always say those phrases that I mentioned?

[jeffmt1234]

I think this was you I answered before.. But look man. The only time you have to pursue or chase a girl is when you're at a bar, a party, or some event where you don't know anyone. Half the times you don't want a girl you randomly met at a party or the bar..

Now "don't look for love, let it find you" What that means is, don't go out in mind in hopes to find someone today.. Or don't go to a party in hopes to find a gf.. Let things just happen. Go out and meet a ton of new people.. Network, meet friends of friends.. eventually you will run into someone you click with just as much as they feel they click with you. When you meet someone naturally "unforced" you tend to get better results and it will probably actually work..

Looking for love example: Going to a party tonight, arriving there, and trying to get as many phone numbers as you can...

Letting love find you example: Going out with friends camping, or doing something fun... A friend of yours invites a friend who invites their friends.. You get there not expecting anything and you see the most beautiful girl walking around, maybe even two of them. You guys get to talking find out you have things in common exchange numbers.. Bingo.. That's love finding you, and that's love finding her.. The expression works for both people.. She wasn't looking and neither were you. You both just "found" each other.

Hope this helps

[Asker]

Man, I hate how us guys always have to be the ones to initiate, yeah I know it's been that way forever, but I hate it and despise it, I don't care if it gives me control or power

[jeffmt1234]

That's just fear of rejection.... Eventually you will come to realize what's worse being rejected of making small talk with a girl you didn't know yesterday and will probably never see again after today.. Or avoiding the possibility of being rejected and spending life 100% alone.. I don't know about you but rejection doesn't sound so bad to me.. even since it's not guaranteed.. Just be confident. You stumble or screw up who cares.. its a learning process for the next girl..

[Asker]

How do you develop the mindset and attitude that will preven me from trying too hard to get a girlfriend?

[jeffmt1234]

Go out to have fun.. Work on yourself right now.. Improve yourself. When you least expect it.. It will happen. The key is to get out and do things.. Be social and be happy with yourself.

[Asker]

That sounds like very hard work

[jeffmt1234]

Nothing is easy man.. Not everyone can hit the lotto.. Some people have to work hard for what they got.

[Asker]

For me, it's not so much fear of rejection anymore, it's just being tired of it

[marinebio4445]

In my experience, and I know this is a rare one, but that advice actually held true. The girl of my dreams, which I didn't know she was at the time, randomly asked me to her prom, and after that I just totally fell her for, and her for me, and now we're together! It was like my dream come true, haha

[Asker]

So she was the one that initiated?

[marinebio4445]

Yep, I mean, I was the one who officially asked her out, but she got the pebble rolling so to speak

[awesomechick20]

well number 1, of course girls chase after guys. I know I spent around at least 3 months pursuing my now finance. (he needed a little push to see what I saw from the beginning) lol. I think its true though that love will find you, you can't force yourself to love someone any more than you can force someone to love you. it just doesn't work that way. but as for finding a girlfriend you can't just sit back and not do anything. you should be dating and meeting new people until you find someone that you click with and want to be in a relationship with. have fun and live life because you only get one =) don't take things so seriously, I'm quite positive that you are a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have someone like you.

I wish you the best of luck though I'm sure you don't need it. things will work out, just have faith =)

[Asker]

Are you saying that girls do ask guys out and initiate?

[awesomechick20]

Some girls do. I guess it depends on the situation and the people. =) I knew that my guy was shy but from the moment I met him it was like I couldn't get enough. He very quickly became my best friend but even though I could see that he would get jealous of other guys around me he never made a move. So it was left to me to do something and once I did everything developed from there.

If its an outgoing girl or a shy guy, then the chances of the girl initiated are actually pretty good.

[Asker]

Why do you think a majority of a girls want the guy to be the one to initiate?

[awesomechick20]

Because its a nice feeling to be wanted =) and girls typically like masculine men, and the typical role for men is to be in control of things like that.

[Asker]

Why is that a "masculine" thing?, I think it's sexist and bullsh*t, we are all humans, why do you think society and culture made it the "guy's role" to do that?

[awesomechick20]

Whoa, I don't mean to offend you or other guy. I obviously don't rely on the guy to initiate. I was just saying that it seems to be the typical thought. I don't know why or where it comes from but the idea is that the ideal guy is masculine, tough, and the dominate one in the relationship. just like the ideal girl is small and feminine and submissive to the guy.

good luck with changing it though because its been like that for a hell of a long time

[Asker]

I know that I can't change it, but oh well, I can deal with it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it

[madcat44]

well I think its true...it really does come when you least expect it...and that's because when you're not looking...you're doing the things you love to do,working, hobbies, and you're enjoying yourself and not so worried (consciouly and subconsciously). about having a girlfriend or bf...so women/men tend to be attracted to people who are happy with themselves...and you may not know it...but you might be look a little unhappy or unapproachable because of the way you feel...but yea...when you're doing something and not worried or thinking about who date and what not...some girl might find you attractive..doing your thing and you guys might hit it off.well I'm not sure...its just a thought...i hope it wasn't confusing haha :P

[Asker]

Yeah but a girl will never ask a guy out or make the first move

[madcat44]

Yea kind of true....

[Asker]

Yeah, it is so much easier for you girls, that's a fact, that's the the Truth and Reality

[madcat44]

Im sorry but you shouldn't bitch about it.....i've tried asking a guy out....he was turned off by it...WTF?! most guys like the chase and don't let rejection bring them down! keep trying :) and don't be so worried about it....

[Asker]

No he just rejected you, it was his loss, not yours, I don't think most guys are turned off, if they are turned off if's just rejection

[madcat44]

Ahah no seriously...he liked me in the first place...his guy friend which me and him were both friends with told me that he doesn't like aggressive girls.....and when I asked him out he got turned off by it

[Asker]

Well me and all of my friends like aggressive girls

[AllisonA]

I think that definitely comes with it, pursuing, but only at the right time.

I take both literally and metaphorically. Kind of like, 'Hey, just hold it out for now, wait. you can do it, and he IS out there' but also like 'Don't go pursuing pointless relationships, let him come to you'. Something similar to the quote is a personal favourite: 'Why do people look for the right person? Instead of looking for the right person, prepare yourself now to BE the right person, for the sake of your future husband/wife.'

[Asker]

Well even if a guy is comfortable and content with himself, a girl will never ask a guy out

[AllisonA]

Ahh, well that may very well be true.

But one day, you may find a diamond in the rough :)

[Asker]

What do you mean by the that?

[AllisonA]

Well a lot of girls feel a lot more comfortable asking guys out. Times are changing, so with that, girls will also. Well, at least their preferences on who asks who out, money/date issues, and variety of things.

If you still feel as if a girl will not ask you out, I can bet you 5 American dollars (or, well, at least 5 NZ dollars) that you will find a girl who will not have one problem. It isn't too much a difficult situation, really.

[Asker]

So there are girls who ask guys out and initiate?

[AllisonA]

Yes.