Do You Believe: "Love Doesn't Exist" or "People Are Looking For Love In All the Wrong Places"?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Love doesn't exist

Looking for love in the wrong places

[Miristheiss]

I know love exists.
Many people have the wrong expectation of love.

We are biologically programmed to feel butterflies, excitement, tingles, amazement when we find someone attractive, we meet them and click and find out they like us and we have things in common. It is somewhat magical when we are in the honeymoon phase.

It is normal... due to having the same stimuli and familiarity with people to get used to them and for those magical feelings to subside.

That is why couples need to work at keeping things new. To keep dating and courting their mate instead of going to work... coming home... sitting around everyday. Going out once or twice a month. Letting themselves go... turning into mom and dad bods.
Couples need to keep courting each other, keep doing new things together, spontaneity, surprises, keep looking attractive for each other and dolling up from time to time.

That is just the chemical attraction hard wiring we have. You basically should just try your best to find someone you are attracted to... you have things in common with and who you are compatible with on your core issues.

Love itself is a CHOICE. We choose to put someone else above ourselves. To put their needs above our own. To act selflessly or selfish. To treat someone lovingly. Take the time to learn their love language and to fill their tank daily with love. Love is a CHOICE. Most believe love is a FEELING. Real love is the daily choice to love someone. People will be disappointed if they expect to FEEL in love all the time.

Being selfish or selfless is a daily choice. Most in today's world are super selfish and they all think they are the most important person in the world and its all about them.
A truly loving relationship in its purist form is 2 people both putting the other person and their needs above their own and choosing to give love daily. Each has their needs fulfilled because each is focused on giving to the other... hence they both get their needs filled and get love daily.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I agree and agree people these days are more selfish

[Lliam]

Either or?

Love has to come from within. If a person doesn't believe that love exists, then, for them, it doesn't. But their belief is a result of either sociopathy, trauma or extreme immaturity.

If one simply looks around, it's obvious that love does exist. Parents love their children enough to sacrifice anything, including their lives, for them. People might love their spouses or family members to the same extent. People perform good deeds and even sacrifice out of a love for their fellow man. People sometimes risk their own lives to save the lives of complete strangers. Duty or honor aren't enough to risk one's life. There is something deeper within them. Maybe things like duty and honor have their basis in love.

People who are capable of love can love other things besides people. People love their pets deeply. People's hearts go out to stray or injured animals. They may even risk injury or death to rescue an imperiled creature. Nature, itself, makes my heart swell.
Many people make sacrifices out of love of Earth, country, liberty or principles that they cherish. Hell, even animals are capable of love. It exists.

One has to believe that love exists and have love in their heart before they can "find" love. Only then are they be able to give themselves completely to another and be able to receive true love in return. And in doing so, love continues to mature and grow.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You don't have to convince me live exists lol but for those that say it don't, maybe it's because they're going about it the wrong way or looking in the wrong places, trying to find love by dating strangers online just one example

[Lliam]

LOL I know that I didn't have to convince you, my big-hearted friend. I just got on a roll in addressing the first question.
Now I see what you were driving at with your second question. In answer to it, I'd say that people won't find romantic love/relationship unless they get out there and search. Yeah, there will be dead ends and disappointments along the way. It kind of reminds me of being a researcher or inventor. There are a lot of failed experiments before one finds success. The main thing is to keep trying.

In regards to finding a partner, there are definitely better places than others to search. I'm thinking that nightclubs and bars might be some of the worst places to search for serious partners because look at the type of people who frequent them. On-line apparently has low probabilities but isn't a terrible way to seek connections.

When I was dating, it was kind of random. It was a matter of meeting someone and asking them out. Actual in person dating was the way to get to know someone and see if there was a connection.

Once I was ready to find a life partner rather than a girlfriend, I wound up enrolling in a (pre-internet) dating service. It was like a freaking candy store. Volumes of profiles with photos. Similar to internet sites, I assume. If you liked someone's looks and profile, you had to submit a request to call them to set up a real, in person, date. If they accepted, then the two of you could arrange to meet.

[Lliam]

I guess some on-line sites are similar. But I see a problem these days in the fact that people are afraid to actually meet. They want to develop virtual relationships with endless messaging and interviewing before they'll take a chance on actually meeting someone in person. I find that baffling. I think seeing what someone looks and acts like in real life is the only way to see if there is any connection. You can tell by one date. And then you get to know them better on subsequent dates. I think it's a joke for people to think they have fallen in "love" by messaging back and forth and sending pics.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I agree💯

[tatianamay]

People are entitled to their opinions and beliefs. There is no "right" or "wrong" belief. Only belief. As long as it does not affect anyone else in a negative way, I honestly do not care. I do believe that love exists, but you can fall in love with multiple people in your lifetime. There is no "the one". There are 7.8 billion people in this planet, the odds of finding your "soulmate" is highly unlikely, because there is no such thing as "soulmates". You meet a person you're attracted to, you get to know them, you fall in love with them, and if circumstances do not tear you apart, you get married and start a family.. or start a family and not get married.. or not. To each their own. Nobody needs to "look" for love as though that is the sole thing they need in life, I think they can actively search for it, and if the timing is right, you'll meet someone and grow a liking to them. Compatibility, trust, honesty and communication plays a HUGE role in building a strong foundation in a relationship. There is no right place, wrong place. Either you like a person, or you do not. That's about it. I do believe in love, before I did not, but I sort of do now. But I think, before thinking about all that, I need to make myself worthy for that man I'm going to get married to. So, I'm just gonna concentrate on my studies for now. A respectful, caring guy will come along.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Okay, let me get on my little soapbox...

Love DOES exist. However...

Yeah y'all knew my cynical ass would have a catch-
There are different types of love. From platonic, to self love. Meaning romantic love might not be meant for everyone.

You can be a good person, attractive, have a great personality... but does not that mean you're going to find love or your "soulmate." And that's okay too.

I know plenty of people, myself included, that don't look in the wrong places, and STILL can't find love or a relationship.
Does that make them the problem if it's harder for some people than others to find relationships? If so, please educate us; I welcome your feedback.

So I think it's mostly bad luck and bad experiences for some. In which case, it's important not to be all doom and gloom in regards to love. Instead of thinking, "Love doesn't exist!" Find the people that DO want you in their lives... even if that's yourself, and focus on that instead.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I love when you get on your soap box🤣I actually picture it in my head, lolol
I do agree. I'm not trying to blame people if they don't find love. I guess I more mean the people that are so quick to have live they delude themselves into believing they're in love with anyone that gives them the slightest attention whether that be in real life or online.. the "he looked at me does that mean he loves me" type, or the "my friends with benefits said he loves me"(meanwhile said friends with benefits sleeping with others as well as well as keeping them as friends with benefits only and that ain't love)

[jennifer_bloom]

I think with most people, love has to be earned or merited based on pity. Most people do not love strangers cause they don’t know if the stranger has a job or if they are a good person or if they share the same faith or religion or lifestyle or moral values or cultural background or interests.

[coachTanthony]

Now I have that song stuck in my head.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Hahaha you're welcome😊🤣

[Jamie05rhs]

"Yeah, It's going down."

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Jamie05rhs Lolol

[ohshee]

Love truly does exist if you like yourself and if you are happy and you could smile when you are filled with love and a couple other things LOL but the passion the desire and the love that you're looking for is because you have it within and whatever level you have with him is the level that you're looking for can somebody else there's probably 5,000 different types of love I want to experience all of them because I want them all within me and is looking for them in all the wrong places most people do because you look at somebody the outside of somebody and they fall in love with that look and they should have been looking on the inside because that's who the real person truly is there's a ball of energy in all this that's who we truly are her energy is our guide and teacher in the roundabout way I don't know if it keeps our brain and our heart from getting on the same page or if it's trying to get our heart and our brain on the same page because once those two Unite there's nothing that can stop us but you find true love you have to look Within and if you don't then you're looking at all the wrong places

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Great answer

[CrazyGirl2]

Honestly, if it weren’t for my parents I might just be in the in the “love is an illusion” camp! But a lifetime of observing my parent’s marriage, and the way they are truly the very best of friends. They STILL act like newlyweds, the way they still find every opportunity possible to touch the other. From the obvious displays of appropriate affection, like a hug, or a kiss, to holding hands, or my mom sitting on dad’s lap, to them touching fingertips or even playing footsie if circumstances do not allow mom to sit in her preferred way; her arm around daddy, and her head planted firmly on either dads shoulder or resting lovingly on daddy’s chest! I would even occasionally catch them giving each other furtive looks! So I absolutely KNOW love exists! It’s just dripping from the metaphorical pores of my parents’ marriage! So if love has eluded anyone, they are either looking in all the wrong places, or they are simply looking at all the wrong people!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Great answer😊 and sounds like your parents have a great marriage.. That's awesome👍👍

[CrazyGirl2]

Thanks, they really do! I’ve never seen a married couple as openly affectionate as my parents. It’s very comforting to see them as an example for what a truly good marriage should look like!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍❤️💛

[Crazybeeguy]

Honestly, I think it is how we define love.
I think that we look for characteristics we want in a partner. E. g must carry a conversation, or hobbies that both people can share. Then the love part, is the expression of your feeling for the other.
The fact is that "look" of physical attraction fades. All their flaws will be there, you will have to love them for all of their imperfections. Hollywood is an endless honeymoon that doesn't exist. So, we define love in the wrong context. The thing is love in that sense does not exist. Even in your first photo, is Hollywood. Happy hunting

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh I'm not hunting lol

[EmbraceThePain]

10000000% “people are looking for love in all the wrong places.”


Love, without a doubt exists, unfortunately, most people don’t really find that perfect someone especially because we are constrained by who is around around us and we settle for people that may not entirely be a perfect fit for us.


You can have sex with a bunch of people, get a long with them, and enjoy their company.


But these people aren’t necessarily a “soul mate.”


Someone who truly vibes with you, your personality, and everything else about you.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

💯 agree

[Itsmeeeee77]

I loved a girl who gave me hope and a lot of words. Then when I said to her that I love her she dumped me and went with another guy who was tall and young. Then I pursued after 7 months she hugged me tightly and then she started giving me something and then again she dumped me and went with a different guy who was tall and a bit younger than her. Needless to say she is a cougar. And that’s how I was repaid by love. I truly loved her from all my heart and respected her. I wanted to have kids with her and marry her. But she chose jerks and not me. So love exists but love hurts and lust doesn’t. I will never ever love anyone.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sorry you went through that

[whirled_up_girl]

I think it's looking in the wrong places. I also think sometimes the social climate has made it difficult. Women don't want to be labeled as sluts if they are too forward and ask a guy out at a club. Men don't want to come across as threatening or aggressive if they ask a woman out at a club. In the workplace, neither men nor women want to be accused of sexual harassment or make an awkward work situation if they flirt ask the other out. I honestly think that's why so many people use dating apps, they don't know where to look for love.

[DonkeyDan]

For some people love will never exist because they can't even love themselves. Many people look in the wrong places or at the wrong kind of people. Some concern themselves with looks over substance and will never find life that way. Generally love does exist you just have to be right for it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Good answer

[zeitgeist057]

Neither.

Love exists, and it's not about looking in the "right or wrong" place. I believe the reason people have such difficulty with love today is because they don't actually understand what love is, how to give and receive it. Many people have some amorphous understanding of love as some magical enigma that will fall into their lap.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's very true

[Youdumbeotch]

Love is only for those capable to being loved. Which is usually reserved for happy individuals or attractive people.
Im 27 I have never ever dated, been intimate let alone have friends. Girls have never lingered around me, flirted with me or even talked to me unless to insult

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sorry to hear that

[Youdumbeotch]

Sorry you had to read that rather

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh stop that🤗🤗

[EQisKEY]

It's like the squiggly lines in your eyes... Stare at it and it runs away... Relax, gaze into the distance and appreciate making moments, and it will find you.

... But if you are only meeting people on dating sites or whatever, posting, long-term only, then that shuts the door on what could have been, which is the equivalent of staring at it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah, I don't personally believe in online Dating/relationships.. I need the real deal, not looking distance video chats and sexting... What people consider real relationships these days truly baffles me

[EQisKEY]

And then worse yet I would say, a lot of females have this checkbox list that, even if you fill 99 out of 100 perfectly, because that last one wasn't checked off, they stare at it, and stare and stare, and then the guy is deemed not compatible.

... It truly undermines the magic of a relationship spark that a lot say they are supposedly searching for...

It's like the novelty of utopia being held as the standard that nobody, including men, could ever live up to... Then they get a cat and it's all over, lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Agree, but some men do that too, not just women.. people throw that checklist away, and go by your heart and that "click" that happens

[EQisKEY]

🎯💘

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

😊🤗

[dustybiker]

People don’t communicate much anymore. Our ancestors used to lean against the property fences and actually chatter with people, just because they wanted to. It was slower paced, safer (well, assumed), friendlier in general.
Now everyone is jaded, sensitive and closed off. Rarely do people want to try something new or just outside of their safety bubble. How anyone finds anyone to love these days is a miracle.

[t-8900]

Love does exist but it's not how we are taught or how it's portrayed in movies and literature. I think that's the big disconnect people are having. Different results and expectations. It's not bad or good, just have to relearn what love is all about.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Good points👍

[t-8900]

ya that's why we need to discourage children watch disney movies tbh. Makes them do stupid things imho and opens them up to unnecessary world of hurt.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I watched Disney movies and so did my girls and we get reality verses fiction

[t-8900]

i didn't have a mom, that could've have been part of my issue

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

What happened to your mom, if I may ask?

[t-8900]

lets just say she wasn't interested in the family life or having a son.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aww sorry to hear that🤗 so you do have a mom, just don't have a relationship with her

[t-8900]

well i was born after all lol

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well could of been hatched for all I know🤣🤣🤣

[t-8900]

i mean we all technically start as eggs :P

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

See what I mean LOL

[BCRanger10]

People are definitely looking for it in the wrong places. But I also think a lot of them also don't understand what love truly is or what it rightly demands of us.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

So true on both counts

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

Love is nothing more but a figment of the imagination these days. And if isn't that, then it is weaponized as a tool that people use to get what they want or to make themselves look/feel better.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Some people definitely do that.. But not all.. I know love exists because I had it... And guess what? My next door neighbor just got married. She's in her 60's.. Didn't believe her, till she showed me the rings and pics.. Not because of her age, but because this guy been coming around the 18 years and when I'd say that was her man she'd deny and insist they "just good friends", and now they married aww.

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

Oh that's good for her.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I still can't believe it lolol but happy for her, well till she brought up ube crazy (her name for him) 🤦🤣 been years since he stayed here, why she still bring him up🤷 guess it scarred her lolol

[PoliteSpeaker]

Love is harmony. The issue is people have disharmony within themselves. You cannot give what you don't have... You can only give what you DO have. And they have disharmony...

It is very simple. If you are angry, you give to the world your anger... If you are doubtful you express your doubtfulness.

[crazy8000]

It exists.

It needs fuel from both sides without the thing's that bricks it.
Entitlements tends to be one of the factors to brick and female's more likely to have them and brick the whole thing. the same with expectations.

Blaming os an other one that tends to brick.

That the other one should make them happy.

That he should do what ever she comes with.

Try to shange/improve the other one.


The thing is that many think they know what real love is amd when it goes over to it they think they doesn't love anymore and fucks everything up and tries with someone new.
Many tends to repeat this amd becomes a serial relationship jumper without learning anything.

[libsaretards]

I no longer believe love exists. People want to use each other for their own pleasure and will not commit to something that requires any effort. This is true for both men and women.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I do agree with that. That doesn't prove live doesn't exist.. Just shows people these days are too selfish and don't get what live is meant to be

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

*love

[TonyMetal___86]

Real love exists miss brains muffins and your a proof and i'm a proof, also it doesn't have to be that we are looking in wrong places, it's all about luck, we never know when and where we can find it but all i know is that's it's very rare...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Very rare especially these days

[TonyMetal___86]

True unfortunatly 😕

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You can say that again😔I miss the way things used to be... I don't fit into today's world...

[TonyMetal___86]

I agree miss brains muffins, i feel the same too, if i can just jump back in time where things used to be real and simple, also where family was everything to a person...

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Agree💯