Do you really think it matters who is the Dumper and Dumpee?

[Anonymous]

OK, I've seen questions on here asking would you rather be the Dumper or the Dumpee, and stuff like that, but do you really think it matters who is the dumper and who is the dumpee?

Take my guy for example. He claims he is the one that dumped her, because she cheated on him for months (he figured 3 months before he dumped her only). He says it matters but the thing it it doesn't matter if HE was the one that dumped her because it seemed SHE was the one that dumped him already since she moved on to sleep with other guys. SO who dumped who? and does it matter? Even though he claims to have dumped her, he couldn't get her out of his head/system and moped around waiting to get her back for another 6 months! And he continued to talk about her wanting her back for another 6 years! And when we met he talked about her non stop,comparing me to her and making me act/dress/have sex like her! So he cares who dumped who! RIGHT?

No It doesn't matter who dumped who

Yes it does matter (explain)

[Iamnobody]

okay your guy is verging on obsessive & you should tell him that he needs to try to move on. especially if he's already with you now. its been 6 years! how do you even tolerate that? if my girl was asking me to act/dress and (worst of all) have sex like her ex, I would drop her in an instant. this is just my opinion, but to me it does matter who does the dumping because more often than not the dumper's ego tells him he has the upper hand. its strange as even if we have been cheated on- which as you said is already like being broken up with... we tend to feel more powerful when we have control over the situation. in this case being the dumper. it gives us some false sense of confidence that we have the power move on before the dumpee. but sometimes it doesn't always work out, like in your guy's case. he dumped her and he still thinks about her because his heart & his ego took a bruising and breaking up with her was just a way to protect his dignity. but he has been truly hurt and emotional scarring is really hard to get over

[Asker]

read what you just wrote. It gives the dumper a "FALSE" sense of confidence to move on, and his ego plays tricks on him. It doesn't matter really because even though he did the dumping, he still had a hard time moving on. she moved on to someone new right away, and has been with him for 7 years now. He's still moping around... SHEESH, it doesn't matter. And yes, he makes me go on top like her, put strawberries on him like her, dress in his jeans like her, what a moron (my guy, not you)

[Iamnobody]

that's why I wonder why you're still with him! this guy NEEDS to move on. its been 7 years. how long have you guys been together by the way if you don't mind me asking?

[Asker]

we've been together a year and a half since Oct 2009

[Anonymous]

Surprisingly, some people that cheat don't want to break up. They want a loving relationship when they get home, but they want to have sex with other people and sneak around about it. If he is the one that actually stopped the relationship, then he dumped her. But, not of that really matters. He is talking/thinking about her too much and needs to get over it. He needs to know that his ex wasn't worth anything especially compared to you. He needs to realize that if he keeps doing this that he is going to lose you.

[kitten2]

No it doesn't matter at all who dumped who. It sounds like he was really hurt by the fact that she cheated on him. Lots of guys I have met have really been knocked by being cheated on. It hurts them a lot and knocks their confidence, but tell him that you are not her and want him to move on from the past and start thinking about you instead of having her in the back of his mind. Making you dress like her is very extreme and so is the sex. Ask yourself how this makes you feel because he should like you for who you are and not because he wants you to be like someone else. One of my ex-boyfriends wanted me to shave because his ex-girlfriends did and I told him that I wasn't them. It turned out that he was very hung up on sex in general and we split up, but he did lower my confidence.

[Asker]

:( I'm sorry he lowered your confidence! He shouldn't have made you do something just because his ex did it, what a scum bag. You should make him lower his confidence and tell him he is that girl's piece of garbage waste and you don't want her trash.

[brkadv]

The entire question depends on definitions.

What does "dumped" mean? Does it mean the person who actually says the words "I dump you" or does it mean the person whose actions SHOW that they have stopped committing?

When you say does it matter, what does that mean? Does it matter to who and in what way?

Once you clearly define those things, I think your questions will answer themselves.

[Asker]

dumper means the one that says "I don't want to try anymore until you change" the dumpee is the one who gets the message that the other person is leaving. What does it matter? It matters to some people because they look down upon the dumper or the dumpee saying that the dumper is a person who gives up too soon, and the dumpee was still trying or what not. To who? to the next person I guess... I don't know. People ask it all the time on this website, just thought I would too.