Dumpers still think about the dumpee?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people get back together..I'm just wondering how the dumper goes about this process. eg: do they think about the dumpee a lot before hand?, do they ignore them while they are thinking about their old relationship?, is there a rebound in between? are their signs?

And are there signs the dumper is never going to reconcile?

[Paladinrja]

Nope, in most cases most dumpers don't give it much thought. Its like, you know at Christmas when you are a kid? You know there is gonna be presents under that tree and you can't focus on sleep because you want what you think you deserve? You lose sight of everything else right? I mean, how many people leave out milk and cookies for the reigndeer? Almost no one. Same shit. Most dumpers have no idea what they are giving up because they can't see past what they want. More often than not its due to boredom or too much routine. Nothing new in the relationship. Now anyone who thinks you are a performing seal doesn't deserve you... unless you are one... you're not are you?

As you get more experienced with this shit you start to realize that dumping someone or being dumped doesn't matter. Its how you spend your time together and what quality was there thats gonna determine how people feel no matter who breaks. If you did your best and know you got good then you have no reason to feel bad. Dumpers generally never get this til they hit a wall somewhere along the line.

I don't do either. but then I am very happy with myself and my own company. I take more of an alert approach. When this wolfs ears prick up that means I'm payin attention and it also means you are being watched. From that point you are either gonna grow into the relationship or you are gonna fail it. I won't stop either because I can't be fucked with kiddie games. If you have the emotional range of a peanut then go ahead and leave, but know that you are walking or running away. I will shut the door behind you. How people breakup is crucial to so many factors but the dumpee has every reason to settle on the dumpers decisions and none not to. They called it.

[Anonymous]

Well, I got dumped 9 weeks ago by a girl who said I was her "forever" and that we'd marry. I mean she didn't even sit down and break up with me, or even call, she just sent a text and it was over just like that. She never looked back either. Hasn't called, texted, emailed, nothing. I went from being her everything to her nothing overnight. I've heard she's moved on, has dated other guys and I am sure she's sleeping around or has slept with a handful of guys or so. I guess I am in the same position as you. I am always wondering if I'm ever thought of, missed, or if she will ever try and contact me again ever. She has a lot of growing up to do. I myself haven't been able to date, or sleep with anyone because the pain of being without her was just too much. Now fortunately I am feeling much better and am over her emotionally. I am not 100% mentally there yet, but it will come soon hopefully. All signs point to her never coming back and honestly I think I might be better off for her leaving me.

[Paladinrja]

You are. You just need to seal the deal with your head. Don't idealize love relationships or objectify partners. Man I broke up with a 25yo girl two months ago (feels like 2yrs you get better at it as you go on) and she was a child. 8 weeks later a 24yo Bartender and soccer player, rings up to come say hi, just because a buncha girls I haven't seen in 3 years had been talking about me and she wanted to 800 odd km's to meet this person she had been hearing about and liked certain things she heard. Anyway, was a hard sell as I like my solitude as well but she was a smart cookie knows I'm 17yrs older than her and bribed me with some good wines. Hey, why not right? Play some nintendo MK8, talk a bit, go for a spin in the outback, cook up some dinner (great wines!) and the rest is, well. Was a great coupla days. Life can surprise you, you just have to be good with yourself.

[embemm99]

Well I dumped a guy I know truly loved me this was almost a year ago now, stayed in contact every now and then but now he has another girlfriend who he loves and I miss him like crazy I think it's almost like I thought he would always be there so I let him go but now I want him back I can't have him. I speak to him like 3 times a week and we are amazing friends but it breaks my heart when he talks about his girlfriend.

Although during the time we broke up I got another boyfriend which lasted about 4/5 months and he treated me really well but I just didn't feel like he loved me and this made me want my ex back.

What I'm saying is that the dumper has to miss the dumpee to want to contact them etc

[Asker]

did your ex beg for you back at all? or did he do no contact?

[embemm99]

he begged for me back for about a month, I then cut contact but I re-started contact 6 weeks after that - personally the begging didn't make me want him back but after time you completely forget they begged you and you think they are over you

[Anonymous]

I was the dumper on my past relationship of 3 years. I can tell you it has not been easy to move on. I think it depends on the reasons for the break up. I broke up with her because she was emotionally abusive and made my life real hell. Yet I loved her deeply -Ironic, huh?- She moved on much quicker than me. She actually started dating a new guy just a few weeks later.

Now she complains that he is violent to her but she cannot leave him 'cuz he ends up always doing what she says and she loves that... oh the Karma!.

[Paladinrja]

Women always do. Dumped or dumpee there is always some dropkick waiting to assuage their ego's and more often than not thats what women do. They don't rush into new relationships that fast because they don't give love that easy in the first place. For them its all about reaching goals according to set values that you have to find out about. So most girls just fake it because the new guy is either company or has something she wants or needs.

Guys are different, our natural state is not to love but to objectify, so most men don't rush into love relationships when one goes sour for a long time. Guys can go through a string of rebounds but girls needn't be proud thinking they hurt him, she fuckin failed too. He's not usually hurt if he is strong of character, he just want to spend some time alone once he gets back up off the floor wondering when he left himself so weak. In other words he gets with himself trying to harden up so this won't happen to him again. Some never learn.