What is the point of the dumper being mean to the dumpee?

So, my ex girlfriend dumped me after almost a year of dating. She said she never loved me and that the relationship was not going anywhere.

In fairness, I may have taken her a bit for granted and never told her that I loved her after 10 months of dating (though she could have said something too). I tried to get her back by clearing up my feelings for her, but she had already decided it was over.

Because we are somewhat in the same social circle, I wanted to keep things amicable. She told me we could still be friends, have coffee together (although she said she would not call me for coffee because she has a "full life" while I could feel free to call her), wish each other happy birthdays, etc.

Months of NC passed and I saw her again at an outing with mutual friends. It was awkward, but amicable. A month later, I saw her again and when I approached her to say hello, she went cold and rude on me. I later found out that her friends told her I had been socializing and dating other women. True enough, but I was not dating anyone seriously and besides, it was my ex that broke it off and said we could still be friends. If I had any inkling that she was interested in a reconciliation, I would have pursued. But, she never contacted me.

Recently, my birthday passed and she never contacted me for that. One of my friends who knows my ex's friends thinks my ex dislikes me. But, why? I was nothing but gracious about the breakup. When she was cold to me, I continued to take the high road and never once expressed hurt or anger (although I felt both).

I know my ex is attractive and she told me she is used to getting attention from guys, including exes.

So, is it because I would not feed her ego and beg her back after my initiatial attempt at reconciliation that now makes the bad guy and persona non grata?
So, I think I can finally accept that it is really over. My birthday came and went last week without so much as a simple text from my ex. Mind you, this was after she said we could still be friends by wishing each other happy birthdays.

In fact, she scheduled some event with her volunteer group on my birthday night. Since, I was on the email distribution years ago, she must know that I received it. Perhaps it was a coincidence or she is taking a jab at me. No idea.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay, so here's my take on it.

    1. You both dated for 10 months, took her for granted, and you never told her you loved her, so she probably felt like you didn't. Who wants to be with someone that they don't feel loved/appreciated by? If she is in your age group, she is most likely looking for someone to build a future with, get married to, have kids, etc. The clock is ticking and she probably doesn't want to waste her time on a relationship that is not going anywhere.

    2. You never fought for her back. Maybe she broke up with you to see if you would even react. The fact that you hid her emotions only shows her that you don't care nor love her (which you never said if you did or not).

    • i did express my love for her, but only after she broke up with me. and I never actually said "i love you". it was more like "what I felt for you during the relationship can only be described as love". I guess nothing substitues for "i love you"?

    • Show All
    • So what do you think you're going to do?

    • I can't do a single thing now. It's been almost a year. At first, she said we could still be friends and wish each other happy birthdays. My birthday came and went and I didn't hear a peep from her. Her birthday is coming up in a week and I do not plan to reach out to her. I would have had she reached to me. So, I guess it is hopeless. I just never expected her to be so cold.

Recommended Questions


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • i think she was just immature and stupid jsut ignore her

  • If your ex did not care she would show apathy but to have anger towards you is a sign that she still cares. And it does sound like she wants you to stroke her ego. She was the one that broke up with you. Being a female I would let her be and continue doing what you are doing. Although its up to you if you want to reach out. No use in her being mad that you are dating other women she chose to be friends. Some of us women can be quite emotional. Think about it if she doesn't care about you or the relationship then why be mad?

    • Thanks. There is not much I can do but to continue to live my life. If she and I were meant to be, we will be together again. I will not throw other women in her face, but I won't live like a monk either in the hopes that she may come back.

    • No problem. I couldn't agree with you more.

What Guys Said 3

  • I think many do it for the ego boost and to make them feel like they're right for doing it... Some also do it so that someone gets the point, some people just seem to be clingy during breakups and the best way to prevent it is to be a d***.

    • Thanks...the funny thing is that I kept my distance during the breakup and was not clingy at all. Yet, she still was a bitch to me the next time I saw her. Go figure.

  • I have some reality for you: She doesn't have to so wondering why she doesn't is a waste of time.

    She may have just grown to not like you, period. There may not be some deep underlying cause. It's better than guessing at her reasons not knowing her personality when I know full well that some people just don't like other people because they don't and it's fine by them.

  • sounds like my ex except we only dated for a couple weeks. she gave me the whole wanted to be friends bit but she didn't want to be friends, she wants to be a bitch and continues to do so

    • sorry to hear that, dude.

Recommended myTakes