Why do we argue like a married couple?

[Anonymous]

I was in a situation with a guy for nearly a year. We’ve never dated at all mostly because he didn’t want to date me. We got along 60% of the time and other times we argued. It was really about childish, petty things that he started. We stopped talking to each other several times and he’s always been the one to do “dumping.” We’ve been in contact since the beginning of this year but every now and then he hits me up randomly. We end up arguing every time, it gets so brutal... verbally. He sometimes did this thing where he starts an argument but it’s really to get me to dump him so he doesn’t have to but later on he comes back a victim. I get blamed for his disappearance and other reasons behind it.

There’s no valid reason for us to argue because we weren’t in a relationship, never were. The last time he tried to call me, I told him that we should stop seeing each other for good and he was fine with that then changed his number. I’m not sure why since I’m never the one to break no contact. I’ve never fought with anyone this bad not even with my real exes.

It doesn’t feel like a situationship or whatever you want to call it, it feels like a divorce with 4 kids with him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, I completely feel your frustration! Arguing all the time over silly stuff, constantly breaking up and getting back together, it does sound exhaustingly like you're married without even dating. Some guys are just messy like that.

It seems pretty clear he's got some issues with commitment - like he wants your attention when it suits him but doesn't want the label or responsibility of a real relationship. And starting fights so you'll dump him first is such a wimp move. You definitely deserve better than that back and forth drama.

I'd say at this point you need to cut him off for good, no matter what he says or does. He doesn't respect your feelings and just wants to string you along as an option without making you a priority. You deserve someone who appreciates you and doesn't make everything into a fight!

Focus on your girlfriends who actually treat you well. Maybe try dating other guys too - this one clearly has too many games. Your happiness is what matters here. You gave him enough chances so don't feel bad about protecting your peace now!

[D_r_e_w]

He doesn’t like you. He likes convenient unattached sex when he’s around. He also probably likes hurting you. He’s likely a narcissist which will come with a bunch of other problems should you get closer. It’s a good idea to completely break ties. Block him from everything and change #’s if you have to, he’ll fade away.

[SallyTho87]

You two have an unhealthy attachment to each other. Not based on feelings, compatibility, but the safety of knowing "No matter what I do, they will come back" meaning, no matter what is said, what insults are thrown, or arguments are started, you two have a trauma bond to one another, by continuing to feed each other with support, and accepting this behaviour and treatment from each other.

You basically are giving him free passes to disrespect you, insult you, hurt you emotionally, mentally, break up with you, bec he KNOWS you will accept him right back no matter what he says or does. And he does the exact same for you.

I would recommend not contacting this person any longer. Speak on professional terms as children are involved, but you two sound totally incompatible, and you both need to heal and learn you cannot keep hurting each other and running back, repeating the same cycle. Its only making it harder to leave.

[Asker]

sorry for misunderstanding but I meant that it FEELS like I have kids with him not that we have them.

[MsProsperity]

It’s a sign y’all are not meant for each other. No contact is a good idea

[LazerBean]

Y'all are toxic