Am I wrong for being distant from my boyfriend after he called me a gold digger "as a joke"?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We were once talking about this movie and how he thought the woman was a gold digger because she married a rich man, I was arguing that not every woman who marries a rich man is one (there were a lot of points we argued on, but can't write all of them) and long story short, he said exactly, "Why are you acting like this? Pretty soon you'll act like a woke American woman, and you'll leave me for a rich man in the future. I'm doomed". Basically, he said I'm a gold digger. I was left speechless and he understood I was upset, and apologized profusely and said it was "just a joke". It's been a couple months since he made that "joke" (Ig 3-4 months), but I'm unable to open up to him ever since then. He's even questioned me that ever since he cracked that joke, I've been kinda distant. Am I wrong for doing this?

[ohsheeT]

No I don't think you're wrong I think you know wrong from right.

And I think that you know that some part of that was not a joke he meant what he was saying and I think that you still hurt within to this day. And I'm sure you questioned yourself about it and say I'm not that person..

And then you feel sad because he sees you that way so you're quiet not to give him any part of you at the moment

And I think if it was truly a joke that he really needs to think about it and then apologize to you in a whole different way so you understand and believe what he's actually saying because I'm sure his total voice when he said that you knew he meant it and that kind of really sucks

[JacobJordan]

So he insinuated that you were a gold digger which you claim is untrue and yet instead of proving that it is untrue by laughing it off you get defensive. You do know that if you aren't actually a gold digger then you have no reason to be offended or defensive. So it would seem that you are likely a gold digger as you are unable to laugh it off and instead continue to dwell on it

[Asker]

Not that it's any of your business, but I'm from a financially well off family. I don't feel the need to be a gold digger.

[JacobJordan]

Then why are you being defensive and offended?

[Paris13]

**My Ex-But Not Sure Now What We Are---Once Sent me this and This Week, Never Celebrated Women's International Day with Me and Knows it is Part of my Book that Was Published. I'd think Twice about The Guy You Have, I am Sure it is Not the First Bad thing He Has Insinuated to you. xxoo

[handsomelad70]

Yes, because "gold digger" is one of the worst accusations that can be made about a partner.

[Paris13]

@handsomelad70 I Think He Thought I have it All. lolxxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks, Gag. xxoo

[petitedollbabee]

It was a distasteful joke, but I don’t think you needed to back off from him as much as you have. He didn’t directly say “you’re a gold digger”, or seriously mean that you’ll leave him for someone rich. I think you’ve taken it too seriously.

[Asker]

I mean I haven't backed off completely. I still joke with him, I still enjoy talking to him (I'm very serious about him too) . But he recently brought up that I've been distant from him ever since.

[petitedollbabee]

You said that you’ve been unable to open up to him ever since that joke. Which would insinuate that you’re only having shallow conversations and communicating at the bare minimum now, rather than having any real interest in talking to him.

[Asker]

I don't know what u mean by "shallow", but I just wanted to say that I haven't completely withdrawn from him.

[petitedollbabee]

By shallow I mean small talk. The type of conversation you’d have with a coworker, rather than any meaningful or deep conversations.

[Asker]

No I don't do that. It's just that I'm afraid he'll make a joke like that again, because most of the time, his jokes are likely to hurt people

[aceleon]

yes, the guy is right about being distrustful, you are a woman and the state of womans nowadays is obvious you may not be one of them but you pretty much didn't gave him anything else to think about you with protecting the girls who marries rich guys your intentions are purely irrevelant it is what people sees on the outside that is important in our society, what is inside of you is a matter of you, we can't know what we don't see or heard he is not a psychic or fortune teller.

[DagonbroughtMehere]

If You want the relationship to survive You must reestablish communication and connection with Him, tell Him how You feel, if he dismisses, leave.

If He asks forgiveness but then does it again, leave.

If however He changes His Modus operandi for humor, You have ground work for growth.

[Anonymous]

WTF, two months? Seriously? You need to either get over it and stop messing up your relationship, or cut the poor guy loose and get yourself some help. If you can't forgive him for one mistake, for which he "appologived profusely", then he should move on and find a more grounded woman. That's a red flag that any self respecting man would not tollerate.

[Peter_Penetrator]

Visit a women’s shelter.


Ask them what personality traits, men have, that you should truly be concerned with.

[RavVid]

I think you were both taking a movie too seriously. He didn't say you were a gold digger. Get over it.

[slatyb]

Not funny. Now you know how he really feels. DTMFA.

[Nikki1989]

If that was a joke, his sense of humour needs some work.

[Starrrboy]

Maybe he's just insecure , but no.. you're not wrong..

[noohair]

Did he actually say, you are a gold digger? If not, you are putting words in his mouth.

[Anonymous]

All women are basically gold diggers.
A mans money is always a requirement.
No woman sates a broke ass man.

[spartan55]

Taking it pretty far I'd say.

[Danny_dan92]

Are you though? Like honestly?

[Asker]

Am I what?

[Danny_dan92]

Seriously?

[NewgodOmega]

Are women ever wrong?

[OddBeMe]

Why did that hurt you so much? Is it true?

[exitseven]

lighten up.