What good is personality when you're not physically attracted to a woman?

[Anonymous]

Personality is pretty useless without looks

[Anonymous]

I am going to send a link to this post every time I read a comment from a man saying that it's not fair that no girls ask him out, and women are so superficial, and women hold all the power in dating/sex....because this is the reality for everyone. If you are not attracted to someone, then you aren't. No amount of looks or personality depending on what you value more or both, is going to change whether or not they are attracted to you. Everyone has a preference and if those boxes aren't ticked about what floats your boat, then that's it. And for anyone that says, well looks fade...yes, they 100% do for most of us over time, but you still fell in like/love with that person partially because of the way they looked and their personality also happened to be something you liked so that and a whole host of other factors is why you don't leave them because they gained ten pounds or have gray hairs down the line.

[Asker]

Where did i write saying its not fair? Im just calling out people's lies when they say that personality makes a man more attractive.

[Opinion Owner]

Re-read the first line...I said I'm sending it to the men who essentially get pissed and write these rants on GAG about how it's unfair that women don't ask them out because they are too this, or too that, or why can't their personality win...because life is unfair, and it sucks and you can't force anyone to like you, whether that's looks, personality, or both.

[Asker]

Apparently you didn't read anything because no where did i bring up anything about fairness. Dating life isn't like a Disney movie. It can be brutal but oh well. Im just tired of all the politically correct shit people say when their actions tell different story

[Opinion Owner]

Oh my goodness, you really don't get it. I'm not talking about you at all! No where was I talking about you. I'm literally agreeing with you, hence my point...if you don't get that, I can't help you.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree. Personality alone will get you as far as the friendzone. You need looks and personality for the person to feel more satisfied and not like they’re settling. I have to date someone who has both. He doesn't have to be hot or handsome but certainly cute at the least. Face is the first thing i look at when i see a person

[DizzyDesii]

I can fall for an online persona for example. But seeing what he looks like is a major deciding factor in whether or not i’d still be attracted to em

[Asker]

Thank you for being honest and not so politically correct on this topic. Feel like im talking to a bunch of npc's that always say personality is what's attractive etc

[DizzyDesii]

Im not even into politics so you’ll hardly see me being politically correct haha. A lot of people just have a hard time admitting what they want in life but i dont. To me, its not shallow to want someone attractive as long as its not all about physical attraction. Like i said, i want both. But when we meet people in person, we go based off their looks first because we dont know their personality yet. When we meet people online, we go based off their personality first (if they dont have a pic up), but their looks will be the ultimate deciding factor in if we’re still truly attracted to that person as a whole. You can tell people are lying below. I mean look at dating sites. The swipe left/right is often people swiping based off looks instead of opening up the profile to read about their personality/interests. I remember someone acted so into me, personality wise but then found out my ethnicity and lost interest. Or like people who have seen me and found my looks/personality attractive but then found out i wasn't “mixed” or whatever they hoped and then lost interest. People just hate admitting their shallow moments and love to excuse it as having a type or preference. I just keep it real about what i like in a guy.

[Asker]

And i respect that. Which is why you'll get Mho when i get the option to pick. Honesty over everything else

[DizzyDesii]

Well if you decide to give me that, thank you in advance. Also, i like that you seem to know about standards. Some men and women dont have any and would fck anything. Kind of like this gif here

[RockyHammock]

Looks fade with everyone. My experiences dating are that the younger girls (18 - 24) place a high value on looks, but if you look a little older, say (30 - 35) looks become less of an issue. Every girl is different though, I've had some girls tell me they could only get off in sex if the guy they were with was noticeably less attractive than them. Those same girls most guys would assume would be out of their league.

Take a break from dating and work on yourself - the results will speak for themselves.

[Anonymous]

You’re right. Looks matter to both genders.

women just dont say it out loud because they dont want to seem shallow.

and guys delude themselves into thinking that they dont need good looks to get women, just “game” and status. The truth unfortunately hurts.

[Asker]

THANK YOU! Someome who understands the question. People dont understand that looks are the first 50 then personality is the last 50

[Opinion Owner]

Id say its even more biased. 70/30 or 80/20 in favor of looks.

All the content you see online, be it a video called “Are shy guys attractive” on youtube where women are interviewed in public, it’s assumed that the guy is physically good looking to begin with. No woman ever would think “a shy guy who is ugly”.

Or something like “describe your dream man/woman” and people will describe their personality, but this is already assuming that they are physically attractive.

It’s just how it works. Always has. Men want good looking women, and women want good looking men.
Women are fully aware of how much their looks matter, but for some reason men have deluded themselves into thinking their looks aren't that important. You can see that by comparing the average girl’s routine to look good vs the average guy’s routine to look good. It’s something as little as taking care of your hands. I bet my money the guy average guy will have unkempt hands and the average girl won't.

[Biancam13]

True

[wittymilf]

This just isn’t true though. If you’re a fat poorly dressed slob, man or women, it’s unattractive… but that’s not because you don’t try hard enough to be better and that’s your personality not your dna.

[Asker]

@wittymilf Lady please stop. It looks unattractive and isn't appealing. Its not a personality flaw, its a physical flaw. In GENERAL people don't want fat ugly guys which is fine and it doesn't make you shallow for not being attracted to that. But it has nothing to do with personality

[Mmmariaxc]

Lol… if that’s what you found, you might have a good personality just not the right personality to attract a lot of women.

[DribbleGodCurt]

That's true I fully agree with this bc my girl fell in love with my personality before my looks lol

[Asker]

How do you know what my personality looks like at first site if you wouldn't even know who i am?

[Asker]

Generally speaking

[DribbleGodCurt]

Your attitude is crazy lol not going to lie, I'm a man and my attitude is bad sometimes but I never display it towards my loved ones or other people I deal with it alone before I talk to other people, if you get that in check you should be good.

[Asker]

@DribbleGodCurt Like i told another person there's a lot of trouble maker men that have criminal records or break the law that have no problem attracting women. I sure there wonderful personalities are what's attracting women

[Mmmariaxc]

Some men just have that confidence in who they are and know how to be flirty without creepy these aren’t anything to do with looks but it makes them attractive lol

[Mmmariaxc]

Sexy personality on even a not physically attractive man will get all my attention much more than a good looking man who doesn’t know how to talk to me. 🤔You just think looks are so important because that must be what you see when you look at a woman.

[Asker]

a lot of men don't even get a chance to show their great personalities because they're not physically attractive. Its interesting that people know and intrinsically do this but once someon talks about it, now personality is the number one thing

[Mmmariaxc]

Um no 🤔 you can talk to anyone you want to if you got the balls and social skills

[Mmmariaxc]

You can even be broke lol just be fun 😉

[Asker]

Social skills matters after you've passed the physical attraction barrier. Looks are the first 50, personality confidence skills are the last 50

[Mmmariaxc]

You can’t compare how you look at women to how women see men

[Asker]

Exactly. If women dont even want to give a chance to get to know you, that should tell you all you need to know

[Mmmariaxc]

No you only think this because looks are so important to you most people are not so shallow. It’s your insecurities are the turn off.

[Asker]

For fuck sakes caring about looks isn't shallow. People need to be physically attracted first and then everything else comes into play. I'm starting to think we're living in the Matrix

[Heolurt]

I don't agree with this because everyone seems to judge me from my face and never try to get to know me.

[Anonymous]

No it's not. Personality is the key to longevity. You have to understand how mating works. Mating is predicated on 4 things:

1. All of what you offer
2. The Quality of that offer
3. The difficulty there is in replacing the contents of that offer
4. Your environment

Looks is just 1 thing of which you offer. If you want better results offer better things and make them high quality. Personality can be changed. Looks can be built up to a degree but personality is completely changeable. Also the life you provide is apart of what you offer. There are ways to make up for not being a 10. And if you do you can still get at the very least a girl who is a 6-7. Many ugly dudes have hot chicks because although they lack looks they rock in the other areas of their offer.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't listen to the girl commenter man. they are just negative because they can't find dudes either. I see those same girls on other post.

[lightbulb27]

Depends on the person. Personality is essential to me, don't care how good they look if personality isn't there.

We all want the best, but have to make tradeoffs. Those are your choices and may change as you age. It's a formula of some kind.

You do need physical attraction of some sort, but chemistry is more important.

[Asker]

But in (general) for most people what ignites the spark for everything else to come into play? Looks or personality?

[lightbulb27]

Looks is the first thing you see, that's face and body. Then talk, emotional connection. Attraction is sub conscious thing related to familiarities from early life, at minimum.

[Bricealan]

I disagree. I went on a 'blind date' with a girl, I was fixed up with and did not find her particularly attractive. What a complete fool I was? I should have started going out with her as she was a WONDERFUL girl, and I was a dumb ass for not continuing with her.

[Asker]

In general people operate this way (looks first, personality after)

[Bricealan]

Yes, and that is a SAD reality! She was a really neat girl!

[coachTanthony]

Sometimes you might see someone and say to yourself meh not sure If I am physically attracted to her but then she might have the cutest laugh or the biggest smile you ever seen that might make you think differently. Now if you are simply just talking about someone who you know for sure they ain't my type then nothing will probably change that.

[rabbitzzz]

You would look good too if a woman would give you complements a few times. The added confidence would make your skin glow. So sad you don't. It's like an endless cycle of low self esteem. You have low self esteem so woman treats you bad and then it in turn lowers your self esteem even more.

[Anonymous]

I have the looks but no personality, and I get nowhere with women.
Ok, I have a good personality, but it takes too long for me to let my guard down and show it.
I have no problem attracting them in the beginning, but once they start talking to me they usually lose interest.

It's a god damn curse.

[DizzyDesii]

Dang im sorry to hear that. But its true. He can be the cutest guy ever but if he takes foreverrrr to open up, have deep conversations and show a good sense of humor, then im outta there. I’ll give a guy anywhere from 5 to 30 days to open up. But what about your personality is running girls off? How long it took to open up? Or do you say rude/sarcastic things that you consider funny but they dont?

[Alessa13]

Seems like a lot, many guys say they really like me before they have ever met me. Then again I could send them a ugly pic and suddenly they stop liking me.

If your vain then your right.

[Asker]

Its not wrong to care about looks. If that's all you care about then sure its shallow. But in the beginning the only thing people notice are your looks first

[petitedollbabee]

It’s very important. Looks fade. Personality doesn’t.

[Asker]

Yeah but to get your foot in the door, the looks have to attract first

[Asker]

Generally speaking

[petitedollbabee]

That’s true, but you don’t have to be a 10/10 with physical looks in order for your foot to get in the door.

[Asker]

No but you have to be at least a 7 or 8

[petitedollbabee]

I’m not sure who told you that. Maybe some women have that mindset but I don’t. I don’t think I’ve ever dated anyone who was more than a 5 or 6/10. I’ll always value personality over looks. An amazing personality can make a 1/10 be the most handsome man ever in my eyes.

[petitedollbabee]

Besides, the “ugly” guys in terms of society’s standards, usually have the greatest personalities because they can’t just use their looks to get through life.

[Asker]

Well you're an exception because as of right now women find 80% of men unattractive

[Guy13]

I think I'm in love as that's one funny woman in that pic... I love a self-deprecating humor and light-heart person. That's someone who can do "stuck/married" and life roller coasters with style and strength.

[Nikki1989]

Your looks might get your foot in the door, but without a winning personality it won't last long.

[Asker]

Yes but at least you get an opportunity to show off your personality because you passed the looks barrier first

[Biancam13]

Mostly everyone looks for both physical attraction and mental attraction.

[Asker]

Exactly. Looks are the first 50 and then everything else matters after that. However if you're physically attractive first, your other qualities don't matter

[Sasha0426]

And this is why no woman wants to date you. This attitude of yours.

[Asker]

There's a lot of shitty men that are trouble makers that have records that have no problem attracting women

[Vegasrunner]

@sasha0426 When did he say no woman wants to date him?

[Stressyalaire]

The looks are going away with time. Are you going to break up once she ages then?

[Asker]

No but what sparked everything to begin with?

[wittymilf]

I don’t think you can assume to know what all women find “physically attractive “ 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

In the GENERAL sense yes you can

[wittymilf]

So you think generally all women have the same taste in men and it’s physical?

[wittymilf]

If this is what you believe… your personality can’t be quite what you think it is.

[Asker]

In general whos gonna be more successful in the dating world a guy in shape that has good genetic qualities or a fat guy with a double chin that only relies on personality?

[Vegasrunner]

@wittymilf For the most part all women are looking for the same type of man

[wittymilf]

If you’re a fat double chin guy… you don’t have the right personality. I could be a fat double chin chick , it’s not my genetics that makes me eat well, dress well and go to the gym.. it’s my personality

[wittymilf]

@Vegasrunner we do like men who take charge of their situation and try hard, do better etc. but that’s not a physical thing, that’s a personality thing. 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

Lets throw the politically correct stuff out the window and be real. The guy can have an amazing personality but most women aren't going to give him a chance even just wanting to know him

[wittymilf]

Hmm that’s bull shit 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

Of course it is 🙄

[Vegasrunner]

@wittymilf Agreed, but I wouldn't call it personality I would call it discipline but discipline is part of personality.

[Vegasrunner]

@wittymilf Women dont really like men that "try hard" because typically the type of men that do that are the ones that can get any women. Also as it relates to the question attraction is A-symetrical, you're making the mistake most women make of thinking it's symmetrical. What men are attracted to is completely different to what women are attracted to. For men, a women's physical appearance is 99% of the attraction a hot girl w/ a terrible personality goes a lot further in life than an ugly woman w/ a great personality. A man however has to have a ton of qualities going for him to be considered universally attractive. Thats partly why women are delusional in believing that a man is going to do all the work it takes to become attractive and then settle for one woman.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker You didn't finish your statement. If he doesn't have anything else going then yes personality does nothing, but if a man has some of the other things women look for Money, height, resources, personality will inhance and increase their options.

[wittymilf]

@Vegasrunner super hot guys with 0 game get a lot less women than average guys with attractive personalities

[Asker]

You dont need game if you're already attractive. A man can get away with a lot if he's attractive

[Vegasrunner]

@wittymilf Sometimes but that is because looks aren't as important to women as they are to men. An ugly man can make up for it by having money, resources, personality etc. An ugly women can't. That's why I always tell guys to work on building up yourself first and then u can pick and choose what women u want to spend your time with. If a woman is ugly she doesn't have any real value and can't use other things to make up for it.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker I think u should listen to what @wittymilf is saying. Attractiveness for a man isn't as important as you think. Women will choose a man w/ a lot of other characteristics b4 factoring in attractiveness.

[Asker]

@Vegasrunner Not taking my chances on rare exceptions. In general people man and woman care about looks first. That's why you have to go to the gym, work out, eat right, get enough sleep and take care of your finances. This stuff does matter and real life isn't like a Disney movie. A man has to check off all women's requirements and looks are one of them. There's nothing wrong with that. Its how society and human beings work.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker That's part of your problem your making the assumption that what u want equates to what majority of women want. In a way you're seeking the Disney movie because you ignored her response and are now creating a different topic. As u mentioned a man has to check off all a woman's requirements which means by definition any man that has women is bringing a multitude of value to the table. The point that she is making is that a man that is bringing game to the table is going to get way more women than a man bringing looks and no game. I live in the same neighborhood as rapper Flava flav and Comedian Carrot Top and no one who has seem them in person would ever consider the "attractive" however each of them have probably banged 10x the number of girls that the mod attractive guy you ever met has. Women get upset because it's your value that is limited by attractiveness but women don't like double standards unless the benifit them so they behave as you do.

[Asker]

@Vegasrunner There's a general pattern for everything. Women have all types but if a guy works out and gets in shape, he increases his chances of succeeding in the dating world. If you're overweight, double chinned, acne etc, you really can't rely on the whole "A woman will love me for who i am" cliche. You have to make the improvements that'll give you a chance at attracting women. Now sure personality& confidence matter but only after you've passed the physical attraction barrier. Its funny how people intrinsically do this but once it's said out loud, people like to be politically correct and say that personality is why you're not attractive or your attitude is unattractive. There are a lot of men that are shitty and not the best kind of people to be around that still attract women and even date multiple women at once. Im sure its their wonderful amazing personality that's attracting the women right? A guy can get away with a lot depending on how he looks. a lot of women will let things slide. And i dont want things to be like a Disney movie. And yeah its not like those guys are rich or have status. That can't be the reason they get laid so much. Poor examples

[Vegasrunner]

@asker I think you're making up a random statement to attempt to win an argument. No one ever said anything about a man being overweight, double Chinned etc and I certainly never said anything about women loving a man the way they are. What I'm telling you as a man that has had sex w/ over 275 women, many of them being other guys girlfriends is that as a man you need to be multifaceted to be good w/ women. Looks alone won't do it. Yes, I'm 6'2, subjectively attractive, and make over 6 figures annually, but I also have multiple degrees, am a published author, have a sense of humor, and charming and undefeated female nature, you need all of these things in order to be attractive to women whereas a women is only valued on her attractiveness. You're agreeing w/ me but are struggling to provide an insult into your answer.

[Asker]

@Vegasrunner If you're just going to hookuo or trying to get laid, none of that other shit will matter. But in terms of relationships because women want a man with a future, those things education, degrees, income will matter more

[Subarugirl]

Well if that is the way you want to live sure, but the reality is that looks change so if the physical is the foundation for what you find attractive than be honest about it.

[Vegasrunner]

@Subarugirl Yes that's why guys typically go get a younger woman as the current one ages out.

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner As long as he is honest about it.

[Asker]

Obviously looks change. But in the beginning most people notice looks first. Personality and other characteristics only matter after you've passed that threshold

[Subarugirl]

That entirely depends on the person. There are plenty of people who dont get attracted to people until they get to know them.

[Vegasrunner]

@Subarugirl How would that benifit the man?

[Asker]

In general most people function like this. You like the looks first and then get to know the personality after. Its human nature

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner it benefits both parties to be on the same page and share values. If you have to deceive the person you are with to be with you… how does that benefit anyone?

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner integrity and honesty is beneficial. Pretty sure everyone can agree that lying and deception is wrong.

[Vegasrunner]

@Subarugirl I asked how does it benifit the man to tell a woman that he is trading her in for a younger model when she gets older?

[Vegasrunner]

@Subarugirl Ahh, so you're saying it's wrong for women to wear makeup?

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner Because it is beneficial to find someone who shares your values.

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner Only if she lies about it.

[Vegasrunner]

@Subarugirl I'm asking how it benifits a man to tell a woman he is trading her in for an older model. Not sure what values you're referring to are u sure u tagged the correct person?

[Vegasrunner]

@Subarugirl By wearing makeup technically every woman is lying about her natural appearance so are you dating that every woman that wears makeup lacks integrity?

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner it verifies you because then you get to find someone who’s values align with yours.

[Subarugirl]

@Vegasrunner it’s not lying if she’s honest about wearing make up. I mean if you wanna go that far wearing clothing does the same thing.

[Anonymous]

In my case, there are times where personality can change how i look at the person. There was a this one girl who i thought was unattractive physically but we became closer because she has a really nice personality that made me fall in love with her so her personality changed how i look at her. I fapped at her pictures and it worked!

[RolandCuthbert]

Because ugly men get women.

And if we can get women so can you.

[Asker]

To increase the chances, men should be going to the gym and getting in shape

[RolandCuthbert]

I was never "in shape".

[Asker]

Good for you?

[RolandCuthbert]

Dude, you are full of excuses.

No one can help you, if you refuse to take responsibility for your life.

[Asker]

Yup That's it. You got me officer

[Adam1978]

Being useful and having skills, humor doesn't hurt either.

[Asker]

It will after you've passed the looks barrier first

[Adam1978]

That how you use the front door into a relationship, it's not the only way in.

[Asker]

Its the general way it works for most people Adam

[Adam1978]

Yes but if it's closed for you, you look for another way in. Same goes for most things in the world enter it through the path with least resistance.

[Asker]

Its not that easy and its hard to find a woman who gives chances to see how guys personality is. Im not gonna hold my breath on chances

[Adam1978]

If you don't like chances you can't date, because nothing is certain in dating. Remain single is the only outcome you can control. When it comes to all human interactions you have to take on the best approach you can think off. If that is going for another girl or another approach to a girl, is a judgement which never really can be forseen since you are working mostly blind regarding the parameters that leads to success. Your best odds might still be bad odds, but not trying is the same as accepting failure.

[Asker]

Nothing is certain in life. Dating is no exception. You either get it or you don't

[grierwrange]

Very true so just go for people in your league in looks. You’ll still have plenty to choose from

[Asker]

Even women in the same lesgue dont want men in the same league

[grierwrange]

Then go for women below?

[Asker]

Even below dont want average lol. Only top tier men get access to all the women. 80/20 rule