Establishing unspoken boundaries between friends seem to fade as time passes

[theironlady]

The science of whether guys and girls can actually be just friends is a tricky one.

There is no exact science behind it because everyone has varying degrees in their friendship. Some friendships start as purely physical attraction, others start based on nothing more than sharing the same interest.

I've asked many questions on this forum to gauge guys responses to things that have happened between one of my guy friends and I. Now, at some point in our 4 year friendship, our relationship went from strictly platonic to hovering on the flirty/sexual tension side. I've been trying to decode this for the past couple months until it hit me today: why do we need I need to decode it? Somehow, in the midst of our friendship, we agreed that we can be this flirty and do questionably non-friend things without saying anything in regards to that. I'm sure it has been hinted at when we make generalizations in our debates about what guys/girls want during sex, relationships, etc. but we have never straight up said to each other "well, we would never get together." I'm assuming that both of us already know that, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, the point of this take is that you can have a platonic friendship, but the flirting will always be there. Flirting doesn't mean you like them, it's just the way things go. If you think that maybe boundaries are beginning to blur and fade, and you two are headed in a direction...talking may ruin it. I know that if I asked my friend why he does some of the things he does, he would be on the defensive because he either a) doesn't want to show his "hand" or b) is weirded out that I'm even thinking that way.

Friendships evolve throughout the years as people change as well as circumstances. My friend hooked up with my friend after four years of them having sexual tension, and now they don't really speak because she wanted to clear the air and talk things out. What I'm saying is, thank you guys for being here and bouncing ideas off of. Although you don't know the full story between my friend and I, it's nice to be able to have some brutally honest feedback.

What do you think? Can girls and guys just be solely friends or is there always some tension? What are your experiences with that?

[tenchu11]

I've had female friends the tension was so thick... zee would go out have a few drinks... and fool around and never talk about it. Only way we stayed friends although at times I felt Bad because we both liked each other but neither of us made any move. Just the whispering a of sweet nothings as we fooled around seemed to never exist when sober

[theironlady]

Yeah I feel like that's where im at with
My friend right now

[tenchu11]

People like mutual friends would comment on our friendship as how it should be more but just that constant fear of losing each other to a "no". I think kept us from being together. But those moments when we had some drinks and we weren't worries just her and I at a nice restaurant then had a slow dance... and kissed. It was a friendlationship. Even two years later after I moved the fact that we were so close as friends for a long time I could see myself marrying her and being happy. That feeling of mutual rejection sucks and stopped a great thing from happening.

[theironlady]

so whats your advice on that? bite the bullet and see where it goes or just forget it? a lot of people say its not worth ruining a friendship, others say why not go for it. personally i dont see him liking me, im just not his type. but some of the stuff he does sometimes makes me think that maybe he is trying to subtly hint that he's attracted.

[tenchu11]

Don't do what I do. I regret every day never sitting down with her and having the conversation. "We obviously like each other we spend a lot of time together and we make out... I want to know if there will be more or should I only see you as a friend."
She was gorgeouse always had guys perusing her but she only had eyes for me and I was insecure about being with her. At parties I was the only guy invited not in a designer suit or high wage job. I regret never asking her "to be more than friends."

[tenchu11]

A rejection is better than regret

[theironlady]

ah but what about the friendship itself? i don't want to change how my friend and i are and how close we are. if I'm even reading the signals right (which I'm not sure if i am, could be just in my head and over analyzing) i would have to be the one to start the conversation. i wouldn't want him getting weirded out and changing our friendship because of the talk, know what I'm saying?

[tenchu11]

Do you two make out and stuff?

[theironlady]

i feel like its headed in that direction based on things that have happened recently

[tenchu11]

Well what's more important losing him and never knowing or seeing him with another woman and never knowing?

[bobwallice]

I think there's always going to be some tension but I don't think that tension has to mean anything.

[PSIHEPA]

One or two will become more then friends eventually and disaster strikes then.

[Tarvold]

Yes. Girls and guys can be platonic friends so long as the guy is getting regular sex elsewhere.