Why I Don't Say Yes To Guys Who Approach Me

[Anonymous]

I see guys complaining on here all the time about this. That when they approach girls, they get rejected constantly and how it feels really frustrating.

So I wanted to write about why I always turn down men who approach me. As in cold approach, like with I've-never-seen-them-before-in-my-life-guys.

I turn them down, because I honestly assume he's creepy. Why does he need to approach me? He should have his own friends or girls he sees more regularly that he could approach instead.

If he's willing to walk up to a random stranger, then to me he comes off as really desperate. Or creepy. Like creepy to the point where he'd force himself on me if we were alone.

So that's why I turn them down, every single time. I feel like it's not safe to get into contact with them.

[Jibaku]

For a start, everyone is initially strangers to each other. Your friends, they were strangers to you at one point. The people they introduce you to, they were probably strangers to each other at some point.

I think the attitude you have is understandable, you made it pretty clear as to why you turn them down and I don't think there is anything wrong with that especially when it comes to sex and romantic relationships. I'd turn down a stranger who I've never seen in my life and weren't introduced via friends if they just wanted sex.

On the other hand, there are a lot of great people out there who you just need to stretch out to and they could become a great friend or introduce you to something you knew nothing about or broaden your way of thinking,,,

I've traveled a bit, lived in 3 countries, attended 9 schools, 11 homes, some stupid amount of different sporting clubs, I've lived with 6 people who are not blood/family related and lived in a hostel for 4 months (in a small rural Australian town) where I met aprox. 250-300 people.
While I know a decent amount of people who got together with their partner through friends or school/college/uni/work after seeing them around for but I also know quite a few people who have gotten together with their partner while traveling or cold approaching them at work/school/uni/night club, etc.
The majority of people that I've met are decent people and you don't know until you speak with them and that often means that you cold approach them or they cold approach you.
Some people you end up being friends with, some people you have a brief conversation and move on, some people broaden your mind and some people nothing happens with.

Cold approaching people (for whatever reason, friendship, sex, companionship, a chat, a cigarette, ect) allows for new doors and opportunities to open.

[LittleSally]

I get the paranoia... I do, and the fact that whoever approaches you and doesn't know you at all is only approaching you because he likes the way you look. Only that superficial quality of the first approach is enough to deter some from going any further with it. But you have to keep in mind that you will meet new people each day, probably won't see them again. Maybe it's time to open yourself up a bit more to new opportunities. You don't have to do anything alone with them - you can make a double date or an informal hangout with you and him and both of your friends...

[Prof_Don]

Please heed this advice, Asker. Your life will be more enriching. ✌

[LittleSally]

@Prof_Don ^-^

[the_rake]

'whoever approaches you and doesn't know you at all is only approaching you because he likes the way you look'

fair point but also this is the only information the approacher has to go on. I normally insinuate that I would like to know them on a deeper level meaning I want to see if there is anything else they have besides looks.

[coachTanthony]

Women have been approached probably 25,000 times before the age of 28. I would assume it gets old and the reaction is now hardwired to say GET LOST. We all have been taught as young adults to not talk to strangers. Remember that? Well if you think about it... thats really a wrong message. Strangers have everything we need to selling them something, friendship, love, etc. If it wasn't for strangers.. nobody would know anyone.

[Prof_Don]

I agree... she has forgotten every friend she ever had was once a stranger. She'll eventually grow up and check that high school clique mentality in the past where it belongs at age 20+.

[ikissedtheskyonce]

I have never seen an expert reply on here before

[LilWeezey]

@ikissedtheskyonce
Its like a rare animal sighting.
Like Bigfoot

[Coconutty]

Women do not get approached that often. Trust me. It's a myth.

[Anonymous]

In my case all my female friends are either in long term relationships or are lesbian. After getting out of a long term relationship, all my friends are couples. The only way to meet a single women is to find a stranger. Am I creepy? No. I have a good life, a good job, I'm responsible, romantic, considerate, and considered good looking. I have money. My female friends say I'm the perfect catch. With the cold approach, I suspect I am labeled creep by many like yourself, because apparently some women allow unfounded fear to dictate opinion rather than intellect.
The fact is, that by blindly rejecting guys who you don't already know you sevearly limit the number of men you can choose from. And in many cases will miss the 'one' because of your prejudice. That's ok for me because it shows me the women who can see outside of the box, and who is childish enough to label someone a creep because of your fear and sad assumptions.

Recently I went to a coffee shop and approached the woman working there. She acted weird and shot me down. Somebody I know asked her about it and she said she was worried I was a creep. After learning about me, the next time I went in she was all over me, flirting, and practlly throwing herself at me. But I'm no longer interested. Why would I want to be involved with someone who's knee jerk reaction is to think a perfectly nice man is a creep, simply because she dosen't know him? That says a lot about her. The woman I'm with now wanted so badly for a good looking guy who has things to offer to walk into her life. She, like most woman, fantasized about just that happening and it did. And she was smart enough and open enough to try me and is so happy because of it.
Expecting the worst of people is detrimental to your own life. Being prepared, but open to new things will broaden your life.

[heya6766]

This actually kinda helped with my own situation.

[Anonymous]

I've never approached a woman I didn't know in my life or asked for a random girls number. I always wait for them to do it first. But I drop subtle hints or make sure that they notice me in a good way. I can't tell you how many women come up to me because I seem sexy and mysterious but not threatening. It still happens to this day even when I'm out with my girlfriend. When we go out she goes to the bathroom almost every time I get a drink sent to me or a woman will come tell me how handsome I am or straight up tell me that they want me. I've found that if you plant a little seed of attraction just by giving a look or a momentary flirt and then look away it drives women crazy and they do the rest. It's so simple yet so complex but once you get it down it makes developing new relationships with new women much easier because they don't have their creeper protection wall up before they get to know if you're actually a creep or not. So I see what you're saying and my piece of advice to any guys reading this is don't seem desperate and you'll be alright. Cheesy pick up lines NEVER work and most women will think you're a loser if you try too hard to get them because you'll reek of desperation.

[Beaver19]

Maybe you're more attractive than girls he has in social groups? Honestly I hate the idea behind this as in our age of hysteria there a while layer of this 'face to face is bad' garbage, constant connection has made 'talking' a thing rather than how people used to get to know each other:dates.

He could be respectful and like you, my father asked my mother out the first night they met, they lasted nearly 30 years till dad passed away, dad wasn't desperate at all, he saw what he wanted and went for it.

Quite honestly I can't stand when girls or 'women' say a guy being straightforward-assuming he's respectful-is bad or strange. The guy is having some balls and taking initiative, yeah there's low life's who only want sex but stop acting like all men sex junkies. You may say it's not you're way of thinking but if it wasn't, you may actually give your number to the next guy who meets you and compliments you right away.

[joaninhagirl]

Guys, please don't take this take (lol) seriously. Girls love to get approached by guys they flirt with.

So, are you going to say that you have never, ever in your life made eye contact with a random guy and felt curiosity to know him better? You never walked by a cute guy and thought about him the minutes after, thinking that if you could know him it would be very exciting? So you never, ever want to know new people? If a girl you don't know starts a conversation with you at some party you will find her creepy? Just because she's trying to interact with you and possibly make a new friend?
I am sorry, but I can't agree with you. You have your opinion and that's okay but damn... just think about it for a minute or two.

[myTake Owner]

I was talking about sexual approaching lol. I agree with U about the flirting first with him part, but that would actually be me approaching him. I flirt with guys I see a lot, mostly because I know they live in the same area and I can ask about him.

[redeyemindtricks]

Yea, I know some people are like this. But... like, how do you convert "just knowing someone" into sexual attraction?

See, I have this lifelong problem, where sexual attraction is either immediate... or not at all. Now or never, kinda thing.
When I say immediate, I really mean immediate. Any dude I knew for more than an hour or so, without sparks flying, was relegated to the #brotherzone.
Not just the friendzone. Nope. You don't stop being someone's brother. That's 4lyf. LOL

How's that happen? Like, how do you just... go there, one day, with someone you already know?

[Chief16]

Wisdom here.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. Guys approach me at bars or out elsewhere and I immediately get a creepy feeling as It has an awkwardly sexual vibe to it. Always know his main objective is sex and it doesn't matter how sexy he is, still is awkward and creepy. I have never given a random guy my number or attempted to take a conversation much further then small talk, essentially turning them down. Trying to protect myself as there are many instances that it can become an unsafe situation. Sorry to guys who feel a cold approach works. It just doesn't with me and so many other girls.

They really should cool it with the cold approach. Very creepy and does not give off the best vibes and does appear very desperate..

[Prof_Don]

Oh my... you and the Asker have the same paranoia issue. Not all us guys are threats to your safety.

[Kirah]

I seriously don't understand my own gender sometimes.

If the guy approaches, you post weird takes like "I don't say yes to guys who approach me".

But if the guy doesn't approach, you post takes like "ugghhh why does no guy approach me? Men are such cowards! :(((("

Make up your mind!

[myTake Owner]

Guys nvr make up their minds. If U don't want to fuck then they're in the evvviilll friend zone. If I like a guy I flirt with him 1st. I like being more direct.

[Indigocloud]

Isn't him approaching you direct?

[myTake Owner]

@Indigocloud I meant I do that with guys I see a lot. I like ur name.

[Indigocloud]

Thanks

[RJGraveyTrain]

Uh... I don't think cold approaching is creepy or insinuates that someone is a rapist, that is a super big jump. People cold approach because how else can you get to know a beautiful stranger if you don't at least take a pass at them? Sure, there are creepy cold approachers, but those are people who are literally being inappropriate. Approaching someone and simply being kind to them and asking for their number... eh, not creepy or "rapey" in the slightest.

[Smells-like-lavender]

Thank you

[RJGraveyTrain]

@Smells-like-lavender You're welcome.

[GingerBear]

I both agree and disagree with this. I turn down most guys (all guys, since being in a relationship) who cold-approach me, because I don't know them, and they don't know me. I want to know someone before they ask me out. However, I don't find them creepy (unless they actually are creepy), I just politely turn them away.
Calling guys creepy for approaching a girl they find attractive is pretty harsh, especially if it's only an innocent introduction, and maybe an invitation to coffee. Sure, if you're not interested, turn them down, but insulting them and making them sound like rapists is a bit much.

[myTake Owner]

I've had guys ask me where I live and for all if my personal info. Maybe 10% of the guys who've approached me did it in the cute way u mentioned

[GingerBear]

Yeah, I have too, and those are the ones that I did refer to as creepy. But referring to everyone that approaches you as creepy is a bit unfair, especially if it was totally innocent and they just wanted to get to know you.

[myTake Owner]

U mean, since they just wanted to get to fuck.

[DanHart]

I disagree with you.

There seems to be a negative stigma on men nowadays, maybe due to the demonization of them that is promoted by feminists -

(feminism is a hate movement to me, I see no reason to discriminate agains anyone and to portray women as the "victims)

-Hardly anyone is a really bad person but I do admit that lots of men I see are not well groomed or not well dressed and do make an odd impression on me, whereas women hardly ever do.

I wouldn't say "Why does he NEED to approach me? " - I'd say "Why does he WANT to approach me?"

Honestly, life is too short to miss out on chances like these - there are still many great people out there

Here is one important sentence : People forget that they're constantly engulfed with the influence of the media as fish are in the water at all times - meaning that you mainly hear bad stories about such things in the media.

I also find that women generally seem to have poor insight into human nature :/

[myTake Owner]

I've heard guys say girls cold approaching is creepy too.

[DanHart]

It of course depends how you do it and your demeanor and how you are dressed and on whether they find you attractive at the first glance or not.

There was a girl at Starbucks who was too shy to approach me, so her guy friend did it for her (there were 2 other girls sitting at her table too) and I said "yes" and the guy went back, but before he had reached their table, the blonde girl who was interested in me had stood up and the other 2 followed suit and they went off - The guy apologized for this to me.

I didn't find this creepy at all, but I can understand that she didn't want to hear the possible rejection and this way she saved herself from getting hurt :/

It left me astound and surprised admittedly - because I do not bit really

[Prof_Don]

Funny thing is that I "cold-approached " this girl 2 days ago at a takeout place. She seemed to have this strange energy combination of flattery and nervousness around her. I got her number and messaged her immediately but she hasn't responded.

I have no idea what past experience a woman has had with men when I see her, but I will admit that I don't care. I may never see her in my life ever again, so you better damn well believe I'm going to approach her and take my shot.

[myTake Owner]

No one has ever touched me in my past. That comment was almost funny. There's nothing wrong with sticking to guys I see all the time in classes or that friends introduce me to.

[Dipsy]

I think you shouldn't have texted her immediately. At least wait till you're back home. Preferable wait 3 to 5 hours, to kind of subconsciously show that you have a busy life and that she isn't the top priority of the day, it could make her want you

[Prof_Don]

@Dipsy I get what u mean little homie. I always text a girl I approach WHILE we were in conversation.(same case as the above), to exchange numbers.

Haven't texted her since. Maybe she gave me a fake number. If so, it's her loss, she missed out on a prize (me). ✌

[myTake Owner]

Why did U go on a huge mini rant? I made it clear in what I wrote that I don't do this with guys I've seen b4. Like I can ask about him to other people, or at least I know that he lives close to me. It's the most convenient thing for me to do. This post must've bothered u a lot.

So I'm assuming cold approaching doesn't usually work for you anyway. I'm not the only girl who thinks this way obviously.

[myTake Owner]

And yeah people are all strangers initially lol but that's not the same as seeing them all the time in school or where he works or whatever. Not immature in the least.

[Prof_Don]

I can honestly say that closed-mindedness when it come to socializing with new people, bothers me. #NoShame

[Prof_Don]

Anything else u want to ask me or pick my brain about, Ms. Asker?

[Dipsy]

@profdon yeah maybe she gave you a fake number. You shouldn't want a girl who gives you a fake number anyway haha, you want a honest girl i suppose. So her loss yes :)

[Moose2coolvargas]

Yes professor I do gather that same notion from my hypothesis and deduce that she very well in fact have you a fake number😋

[Prof_Don]

@Moose2coolvargas I have a strong personality so I understand how I turn some people off. No worries, the sea is plentiful with lady-fish. :)

[the_rake]

'I may never see her in my life ever again, so you better damn well believe I'm going to approach her and take my shot.'

that's my man :)

[the_rake]

'I'm not the only girl who thinks this way obviously.'

unfortunately no. lot's of women are similarly closed minded: "he asked me out ---> RAPE!"

and then the same girls will be the first ones to give generic advice like "just be yourself, just be confident".

[Humping_Tornadoes]

And how do you know you can trust better guys you see in class than complete strangers? The only way you can see quality in anyone is interacting with them not how regularly you see them @asker

[myTake Owner]

Other people I know will already know him. @Humping_Tornadoes

[the_rake]

'Why does he need to approach me?'

Because that's just how it works - find, meet, attract.

'He should have his own friends or girls he sees more regularly that he could approach instead.'

What if the guy doesn't want to ruin his social reputation with girls inside his circle that think approaching them is creepy? What if the guy doesn't have a particularly wide social circle? Does that make him a creep or somebody that doesn't have a lot of hobbies (as if the latter automatically buys you a social circle)?

[red324]

No shit. Try approaching your best friend, then watch her and all her friends you see disappear when she avoids you now cause she doesn't feel the same way. How many times does that happen. Then you're left with nothing, better off to approach a girl sitting down at the coffee shop. Nothing to lose.

[the_rake]

@red324 THANK YOU lol

[myTake Owner]

@red324 Has cold approaching worked for U two?

[the_rake]

@OpinionOwner

I've had more success with it than social circle game or online and tbh I could do without judgmental prudes telling me what is and is not socially appropriate. this is especially so when those people happen to be women and therefore do not experience the flipside of the dating coin - where as a man you are expected to be initiator and if you do not initiate as (a) you will be seen as passive and (b) by and large you can expect to be unsuccessful.

[red324]

I get numbers, but they always ignore me when I call for the most part. Every girl is different and you really can't tell how she's going to react until you approach her. Some girls are bitches and others and completely flattered and I get to talk to them for a good 10 minutes and usually get their number if they don't say they have a boyfriend.

[red324]

Unfortunately 95 percent of girls have the attitude that you have in your mytake. You have to take a chance if you want to succeed in life. I don't mean being stupid, but just be more open to possibilities.

[myTake Owner]

@red324 well, thank U at least 4 saying most girls think like me. Some people tried to insult me on this by saying I'm strange.

[the_rake]

@OpinionOwner

actually I find it's pretty much 50/50 the girls that find it acceptable versus ones that don't, and even the ones that think it's inappropriate mysteriously change their attitudes when they find the man attractive. so this should tell you something but forgetting that just because a majority of people believe something to be true doesn't mean they are right. you seem to have this fear of strangeness - people approaching you is 'strange'. you want to speak for most women in what you say because anything else would be 'strange'. people that talk like you are generally cold and unpleasant to be around.

[red324]

Remember not everyone has much of a social life, but just because they don't doesn't make them a loser. Also not everyone is a social butterfly where they're the life of the party, so you combine that with my situation where I own a lawn care business and work by myself all day long it ends up making it that much harder to meet girls cause I know that every cute innocent girl I see is going to think I'm a creep cause I went up to her and said hi and tried to get to know her.

[the_rake]

@red324 yeah same here. I'm pretty normal and have my hobbies, work out, etc. but this does not mean I have a massive social circle. that doesn't make me a loser and actually I don't care that I don't have a loads of phony friends and stuff - I could do without all of that. but something else I could do without is condescending attitudes like those of the OP.

[myTake Owner]

@red324 I've had 2 loner bfs b4... I srsly thought they were hot. We dated becuz they both were my friends for a few months.

@OpinionOwner @ the both of U, I don't know how U guys could meet girls. I'm not a guy, so it's true I don't know what it feels like to be one and have dating issues. Don't you guys @ least have clubs near U?

[red324]

I always heard a club wasn't a good place to meet girls. Most go with their friends and aren't really approachable and the girls who are alone are clearly looking to be taken home for a one night stand. I'm not into those. It is possible to make a move on a girl when she gets away from her friends.

[myTake Owner]

@red324 Why not have a relationship come from a one night stand?

[red324]

It does seem that that's how they all start these days. I just don't want to get an std from someone I know nothing about.

[the_rake]

lol try going to a club by yourself - you think cold approaching is creepy, you will stick out like a sore thumb. yeah I've tried it both with and without friends. most guys could not handle it though.

[myTake Owner]

Don't U drink 1st and then talk to the girls? U should be able to find a handful that R alone too.

[the_rake]

no, girls don't really go out alone and drinks don't help with your confidence (it's fake confidence - been there and done that a LOT believe me). anyway, by you're logic they shouldn't trust a guy they don't know in a bar because he might be a rapist (which is true to be fair).

[myTake Owner]

Too many girls fuck random guys in bars for that to count lol I wish I could say something to help U with girls, but I don't know what to say. A guy should write a mytake on this or something.

[the_rake]

uh tbh casual sex on the whole is not something women are willing to do as men. this counts as much for drunk women versus drunk men. anyway, I don't need advice from you, I'm just saying don't be so condescending to guys that are getting out there to make an effort to meet and attract women, especially not when you don't have the perspective that MOST men have when it comes to this.

[myTake Owner]

I'm pretty sure cold approaching fails for most guys anyway. But I know lots of girls who initiate hookups, me included.

[the_rake]

lol women hardly ever do that, not even in this day and age. most girls want relationships, even when the guy is hot, they want him to commit. and it does not matter how much of a catch he is, the man will still be expected to initiate, be a good conversationalist, buy drinks, etc. I knew few guys that were able to hook up on looks alone.

[myTake Owner]

Where I live people have hookups nonstop. srsly

[the_rake]

you are probably thinking of a small minority of very confident / attractive men. MOST men do NOT hook up casually unless they SERIOUSLY lower their standards. but there is no point in continuing this discussion because there's absolutely NO way you're correct about any of this. because you as a girl have found it easy to hook up, and because you know a handful of other girls who choose to sleep with a very selective pool of men, you are assuming it's easy to sleep around in general. this is extremely /fallacious reasoning.

[Xseed]

What's the difference between a random guy approaching you versus a guy you meet in a classroom or by a mutual friend? Literally they are the same. In all these scenarios that same guy could be a rapist or creepy.
Example, a random guy that approached you that you rejected was actually a well known amazing guy and was very successful. A guy you met through a friend was a loser rapist that No one knows about but you accepted him cause your friend did. See? No matter where or HOW you meet a guy or a person in general, they all have the same possibility of being a rapist or creepy or a loser or a great guy.

[myTake Owner]

Because other people I know will already know him.

[Xseed]

That's what I'm saying. Just because your friends know him doesn't mean he is someone that you can trust. Pretty much what I'm saying is that if a guy was creepy and was going to rape you he could be your closest friend. If that was what his intent was then it doesn't really matter how you meet him

[myTake Owner]

Yep. That's way if someone is evil, U should listen to ur inner voice and nvr speak to them. But guys who cold approach seem desperate for sex.

[Xseed]

What are you talking about? Approaching women, or just anyone in general, has been the very fabric of our societies creation. Your grandparents didn't have cell phones or a large network of friends so how did they meet each other? They would approach and get to know one another. Imaginative you are in a world where there's no cell phones no technology and no way for anyone to get to know one another unless someone approaches

[Coconutty]

I think it's flattering if a guy is interested enough to walk over and say hi. Of course, I'm not a student either so I don't have crowds of people to choose from.

What matters is how genuine and personable he is. If he wants to have a real conversation and get to know me. I won't just give out my number, and no one's asked, but we might feel each other out as to "Do you come here on Thursdays?" (if it's a Thursday night) or "Are you on Facebook."

Asking for someone's Facebook info is a great way to stay connected, learn what they're like as a person, and be somewhat protected.

I've approached a few guys myself, but they always have someone already.

[Doofey]

That's a really messed up way to view an entire group of people. It's strange that this seems completely natural to you but if somebody said they avoided an entire race because they were worried they would be robbed or something stupid like that I bet you'd think that was really racist. Sorry but you come off as someone with extreme prejudice and these guys who were interested in getting to know you are probably better off

[isthatarose]

Wow. What a weird mentality you have. A man is supposed to go after who and what they want but i think you are just psychologically damaged. you may feel like a man who approaches has a motive because u dont feel worthy enough. i'd much rather a man approach me than me approach him. yes i turn down 95% of the guys who approch me but thats because i dont find them attractive.

[myTake Owner]

So if u turn down so many guys, then how are u different from me? No reason to try and insult me.

[isthatarose]

i dont think they are creepy for approaching me.

[the_rake]

worse is when girls like this say, 'just be confident' but then go ahead and hate on guys that are doing the best they can to take initiative and overcome their anxieties approaching a beautiful woman.

[winkwink89]

Definitely are weirdos out there, but a lot of great guys are around too! I think it's kind of cool that a stranger could be compelled to approach a girl just because he wants to know her. At one point everyone you currently know was a stranger to you. Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Not surprised. You're still in the age range where you meet lots of potential dates naturally. For most people that dries up pretty fast (and for some it doesn't exist at all... i should have done a lot more cold approaching when younger, i went to an all boys school...)

I'd suggest guys read this and realize this isn't a reason for them not to keep trying. Rather it's why they shouldn't take rejection personally. Some girls they hit on will be turning down 100% of guys. So you just move on to the next one.

[Bliss-taylor]

The way I look at it is, I've hit on guys I didn't know because I found him very attractive and probably never see him again. So I think what the hell, I either get his number or I don't. So if I see an attraction Ill at least give my number to a guy that hit on me.