I've been noticing a trend on this site (and life) lately and it mostly has to do with people asking questions about and directing issues towards the way that women are treated in the mating game.
Over the period of my short life, I've seen many men become disenchanted by women. They are becoming increasingly upset about being rejected by women... and most of them are willing to place the entirety of the blame on women. I don't know what it is but it is definitely a characteristic of Generation-X. The Me-Generation. We will find fault with anyone but ourselves. We will be willing to blame anyone but ourselves. Even if this means deceiving ourselves.
Accordingly, these men blame women. They'll look up books on pick-up artistry, call any girl wearing a mini skirt a hoe and will be mistrustful of women in general. All because their crush from Junior High won't give them the time of day.
Forgive me for being condescending, boys, but frankly, I'm getting a little sick of the pity party. There's no punch and there's only so many days of Halo 2 that I can take.
So you were rejected a few times at a bar. You consider yourself a nice guy and you don't understand why girls don't recognize that and aren't willing to go out with you. You're mad at them for being so damn superficial and you wish they would realize what an awesome person you are.
And here is my answer to that:
1. You are superficial too.
Superficiality is the constant of our lives. If you are getting mad at a girl for being picky, why don't you try her less-fortunate looking friend sitting in the corner? You won't, right? Because you deserve a girl better than that? Well, what made you so special? If you're blaming women for being superficial about physical appearances, social standing and such, the first thing you need to do is look at yourself.
Are you superficial? Why should anyone be willing to overlook things that you wouldn't overlook? It's a quid pro quo world, my friend. We can't all date Megan Fox. You need to figure out your place in the world, figure out what you have to offer, and go from there.
2. All guys think they're good guys.
Even Jude Law. I'm serious, he thinks he's a saint. I know this because I told my high school crush he was a bad guy after a punched the carnival assistant in the face. He looked like I sacked him.
So if you're looking over at Don Juan buying your ex-girlfriend a drink and wonder why she's going for that arse- don't worry about it. Because someone somewhere out there thinks you're an arse. You are all collectively arses... stop looking at other men as undeserving of the girls they score. They're not. You're all undeserving.
3. Girls don't reject you for their own amusement.
Yes, they want attention. Yes, they like the attention they get from you. No, they aren't saying no when you approach them because they have no souls. They are either insecure or in a relationship or not looking for a relationship or they're just not into you because there is something about you that doesn't sit well with them. That's life. Not every girl you approach will give you the time of day just because you were brave enough to walk up to them. We didn't walk up to Hitler and expect him to disband his reign of terror. We had to fight for it.
So what exactly is wrong with you? Who knows and who cares. If she doesn't want you, why would you want her anyway? For sex? Save it. If that's all you want her for, you don't deserve her. You want to have a meaningful relationship with her? Why? You probably know nothing about her. Her killer smile doesn't automatically give her a killer personality. Just move on.
And please don't blame women for wanting some moderate attention (notice the use of the word moderate), it's biology. You may want to be acknowledged for how beautiful your garden looks but that doesn't mean you want to plant flowers for your entire neighborhood. If you think it's unfair, stop looking.
We all need affirmation in some form or another. Females are pushed to have that affirmation in terms of male attention. We don't make the rules, we just play by them. Seriously, if I'm spending two hours on my hair, I don't think it's too much to ask for a guy to appreciate how I look. And also, sometimes we are out to have a good time with the girls with no male intervention whatsoever. Weird, right? It happens.
4. I am not your ex-girlfriend Amy, who had sex with your best friend on top of your grandmother's bed... or the girl who stood you up at Hot Tub Time Machine last night...
So can you stop treating us all like a package deal? Yes, I know there are women out there who manipulate men and try to use them to their advantage but I am not that girl. Neither are my friends. So when you try to play games in order to avenge your broken heart, you're hurting both of us. You're hurting me because I'm being screwed with for no reason and you're hurting yourself because you're making yourself emotionally unavailable to anything with me ever.
I have opened myself up to you and made myself vulnerable. I've put everything I value on the line and you're using it to either have sex with me and then never call me again or never call again because I won't have sex on the second date.
5. You're looking for the wrong girls.
I know you hear it from your girl friends all the time but seriously, they are right. If you constantly go after girls who don't give a crap about you, what do you expect to accomplish? Yay, you'll have a 10 on your arm who likes to sleep with the pool boy. Is it worth it in the end? Only if you have no respect for women or yourself. Trust me, I hate these women too. I see them all the time. The ones who'll ditch you after you buy them UGGs or fool around with your brother-in-law when he separates with your sister. They make life so difficult for me in so many ways, I can't even start. They are the reason why quality men are jaded and want to screw me and chuck me.
So stop falling and start catching. Stop looking at external appearances and social interactions. Instead, focus on your priorities and interests. Something like the former will end up in one of you breaking up after two months, the latter is what love is made of.
You can go ahead and keep on discarding women like champagne-soaked paper towels on New Year's Eve, but what are you doing? You're destroying women who have done nothing to you and are just trying their best to live within societal norms in a world that is constantly telling them that they are imperfect. Maybe a few of them have hurt you but the majority are out there looking for someone who they have something in common with. Now it's up to you to figure out what you're doing wrong.
Instead of looking outwards, look inwards to understand why you keep getting the duds and where the hell all this anger is coming from anyway... and then go TP Amy's house to get some of it out.
I'll help.
Over the period of my short life, I've seen many men become disenchanted by women. They are becoming increasingly upset about being rejected by women... and most of them are willing to place the entirety of the blame on women. I don't know what it is but it is definitely a characteristic of Generation-X. The Me-Generation. We will find fault with anyone but ourselves. We will be willing to blame anyone but ourselves. Even if this means deceiving ourselves.
Accordingly, these men blame women. They'll look up books on pick-up artistry, call any girl wearing a mini skirt a hoe and will be mistrustful of women in general. All because their crush from Junior High won't give them the time of day.
"You need to figure out your place in the world, figure out what you have to offer, and go from there."
Forgive me for being condescending, boys, but frankly, I'm getting a little sick of the pity party. There's no punch and there's only so many days of Halo 2 that I can take.
So you were rejected a few times at a bar. You consider yourself a nice guy and you don't understand why girls don't recognize that and aren't willing to go out with you. You're mad at them for being so damn superficial and you wish they would realize what an awesome person you are.
And here is my answer to that:
1. You are superficial too.
Superficiality is the constant of our lives. If you are getting mad at a girl for being picky, why don't you try her less-fortunate looking friend sitting in the corner? You won't, right? Because you deserve a girl better than that? Well, what made you so special? If you're blaming women for being superficial about physical appearances, social standing and such, the first thing you need to do is look at yourself.
Are you superficial? Why should anyone be willing to overlook things that you wouldn't overlook? It's a quid pro quo world, my friend. We can't all date Megan Fox. You need to figure out your place in the world, figure out what you have to offer, and go from there.
2. All guys think they're good guys.
Even Jude Law. I'm serious, he thinks he's a saint. I know this because I told my high school crush he was a bad guy after a punched the carnival assistant in the face. He looked like I sacked him.
So if you're looking over at Don Juan buying your ex-girlfriend a drink and wonder why she's going for that arse- don't worry about it. Because someone somewhere out there thinks you're an arse. You are all collectively arses... stop looking at other men as undeserving of the girls they score. They're not. You're all undeserving.
3. Girls don't reject you for their own amusement.
Yes, they want attention. Yes, they like the attention they get from you. No, they aren't saying no when you approach them because they have no souls. They are either insecure or in a relationship or not looking for a relationship or they're just not into you because there is something about you that doesn't sit well with them. That's life. Not every girl you approach will give you the time of day just because you were brave enough to walk up to them. We didn't walk up to Hitler and expect him to disband his reign of terror. We had to fight for it.
So what exactly is wrong with you? Who knows and who cares. If she doesn't want you, why would you want her anyway? For sex? Save it. If that's all you want her for, you don't deserve her. You want to have a meaningful relationship with her? Why? You probably know nothing about her. Her killer smile doesn't automatically give her a killer personality. Just move on.
And please don't blame women for wanting some moderate attention (notice the use of the word moderate), it's biology. You may want to be acknowledged for how beautiful your garden looks but that doesn't mean you want to plant flowers for your entire neighborhood. If you think it's unfair, stop looking.
We all need affirmation in some form or another. Females are pushed to have that affirmation in terms of male attention. We don't make the rules, we just play by them. Seriously, if I'm spending two hours on my hair, I don't think it's too much to ask for a guy to appreciate how I look. And also, sometimes we are out to have a good time with the girls with no male intervention whatsoever. Weird, right? It happens.
4. I am not your ex-girlfriend Amy, who had sex with your best friend on top of your grandmother's bed... or the girl who stood you up at Hot Tub Time Machine last night...
So can you stop treating us all like a package deal? Yes, I know there are women out there who manipulate men and try to use them to their advantage but I am not that girl. Neither are my friends. So when you try to play games in order to avenge your broken heart, you're hurting both of us. You're hurting me because I'm being screwed with for no reason and you're hurting yourself because you're making yourself emotionally unavailable to anything with me ever.
I have opened myself up to you and made myself vulnerable. I've put everything I value on the line and you're using it to either have sex with me and then never call me again or never call again because I won't have sex on the second date.
5. You're looking for the wrong girls.
I know you hear it from your girl friends all the time but seriously, they are right. If you constantly go after girls who don't give a crap about you, what do you expect to accomplish? Yay, you'll have a 10 on your arm who likes to sleep with the pool boy. Is it worth it in the end? Only if you have no respect for women or yourself. Trust me, I hate these women too. I see them all the time. The ones who'll ditch you after you buy them UGGs or fool around with your brother-in-law when he separates with your sister. They make life so difficult for me in so many ways, I can't even start. They are the reason why quality men are jaded and want to screw me and chuck me.
"Focus on your priorities and interests - that is what love is made of."But these girls won't learn and there isn't any changing them. They are a fixture in our life. A obstacle to jump over, not plumbing that you keep undoing again and again. Get over them. They are jerks. They will not change but to assume that every girl is them is the pit that you're all falling into.
So stop falling and start catching. Stop looking at external appearances and social interactions. Instead, focus on your priorities and interests. Something like the former will end up in one of you breaking up after two months, the latter is what love is made of.
You can go ahead and keep on discarding women like champagne-soaked paper towels on New Year's Eve, but what are you doing? You're destroying women who have done nothing to you and are just trying their best to live within societal norms in a world that is constantly telling them that they are imperfect. Maybe a few of them have hurt you but the majority are out there looking for someone who they have something in common with. Now it's up to you to figure out what you're doing wrong.
Instead of looking outwards, look inwards to understand why you keep getting the duds and where the hell all this anger is coming from anyway... and then go TP Amy's house to get some of it out.
I'll help.
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