Friendzone: The Pedestal You Stand On

[Anonymous]

Coming home from the gym, my brother was complaining about how "nice guys finish last." As in, they don't get in bed with the girls in interest because these girls my brother is eyeing are trying to "maintain their morals" with guys like him. At least, that's his explanation as to what's going on in his social network at high school.

And he did actually bring up a valid point, which I'll voice the girls' side on. Although we pose as idiots to do so, women tend to make it harder to automatically jump in the sack involving a man we respect. Reason being, we don't want him to see us in the same light as the guys we've had casual sex with do. We want to see if we're worth his time, so we take our time before doing anything with him. In all honesty, out of the people I've had casual sex with, I was in a legitimate, bf/gf relationship with one of them. And he was the only one I didn't want to have sex with right away. Quite puzzling, isn't it?

I'm glad my brother was complaining tonight, because answering his question helped answer mine. So my brothers, please don't hate yourself when you're having a tough time getting with the girl everyone else seems to be able to get to swoon, because deep down, whether she realizes it or not...

She's got you on a pedestal.

[Aud_Queen]

I'm sorry but this is BS. There’s a difference between holding out on sex with a guy your interested in and just not being interested in the guy. I respect everyone equally until they prove me otherwise. When I like a guy I hold out on him because I want to build a relationship past the physical stuff because I want more than that. I want to see if we're compatible. I'm still a virgin, and I haven't gotten past this point. If I were to hold off on a guy that I friend zoned, it would because I don't see him as a potential partner therefore wouldn't want to be intimate with him. There’s no sugar coating this.

I'm also very warry of guys who call themselves 'nice guys'; it's like they think the world owes them for being a doormat. If you don't think your being treated right, walk away and find someone who will.

[Aud_Queen]

Excuse the spelling mistakes 😰

[genuinlysensitive]

Yes some men lie and say they are a "nice guy" in order to get laid, so what are ACTUAL nice guys supposed to say, that we are assholes?

[Aud_Queen]

No! You don't NEED to label yourself. These day people get too caught up in labels. Just do you. Talk like you want, act like you'd like and say what you want! Have confidence in what you do (being nice and all).

I was what a lot of people who call a nice girl. I was overweight with acne soo personality was the only thing I thought I had. And to be honest, I never liked the labels. Being nice was just who I was, regardless of the fact that most guys didn’t appreciate it.

Being nice is not a curse. It human cutesy. Being a push over 24/7 will make you hate your life. I think that's why assholes feel good about themselves. Because they do what they want.

I'm starting to ramble, but basically, don't restrict yourself saying you XYZ because that's all you'll ever think of yourself as.

[Aud_Queen]

@genuinlysensitive

[genuinlysensitive]

Exactly it is not a curse! it is just a quality! It is not as if that is the only thing about us, but what are we supposed to do, say we aren't nice, we are assholes? Then what are people who act like assholes supposed to say?

[Anonymous]

I think what your analysis of your actions as well as some other females is quite accurate and smart but the logic behind the decisions (not the analysis) is pretty dumb. Maybe its an ego thing, but guys REALLY and i mean REALLY dont want to hear that you were quick to bang a dude because u didn't respect him but took ur time with a guy u liked its backwards and does damage to a guys ego when u have sex with a sleeze bag. .

[Bandit74]

So basically the guys who you don't see as relationship material you'll fuck them right away freely and easily and then for the guys you do want a relationship with you'll get him to jump through hoops, and date you for a month or 2 before you're willing to have sex with him.

Yeah it feels so special to wait and work hard for something that was free and easy for everyone else :)

What if a guy took his friends with benefits on romantic dates and opened up to them and introduced them to his parents really early on but for you since you're the one he wants a relrelationship with he decided to make you wait and work for those things that he gave freely and easily to his fuck buddies. I'd bet you'd feel real special.

[MaskedSanity]

Welp, I don't need to comment anymore. You said everything that needed to be said.

[lumos]

I agree with you. But at the same time I can kind of understand the asker's point of view too? Like she wants to know that he's not just in it for the sex (like her fuckbuddies were), that he's different from them and that he's actually interested in her as a person, not just as a body. But then again idek, I think there are other ways to figure that out than to withhold sex for x amounts of months. Sorry, just thinking out loud :P

[Bandit74]

@lumos
yeah I suppose I can see both sides as well.

[bubble_tea]

Yeah, it should be free and easy for everyone!! However, would you still want her if she gave it to you free and easy?
Or are you proposing abstinence for girls to make all of them valuable?

[Bandit74]

@bubble_tea
I'm not proposing anything.

[godfatherfan]

Nope, calling bullshit on that one sorry.
Plus I want to scream and pull out what is left of my hair when I hear any woman refer to a straight male as a friend. That is a woman fantasy. I will put money 100% of the time that the "friend" you like so much... if your both single and you said you wanted to have sex with him, 100% of the time he is going to have sex with you. Because that is why he stayed on your radar. That is the only reason we do it. maybe we are seeing someone right now... but we want to have you as an option later when the relationship we have ends... stay "friends" good friends... next thing you know you have a break up and are crying on my shoulder then all of a sudden my pants are off and your head is bobbing in my lap. me with a huge "friend" smile on my face...

[Dandeus]

I've had physically attractive female friends who I would never get involved with.

So there goes your theory. 😱

[godfatherfan]

1) I don't buy it.
2) there are exceptions to every rule. But if your straight, I would be inclined to say see rule number 1.

[been_waiting]

You can be sexually attracted to a friend. . And still be friends.

[zagor]

BS dude, I've had very good female friends that I had no interest in having sex with - they were just fun to be around.

OK, they weren't exactly supermodels, but I did hang with them a lot.

[godfatherfan]

and I am calling BS... if both of you were single. You had no options on the table and you were horny... she offers sex or just to blow you... your going to take it...

[tyber1]

This is what irks a lot of men. Decent guys like to get laid too, sex isn't something only jerks like. So when you withhold from sex with a decent guy when you'd have let a jerk sleep with you, it can make him feel like he's missing out because he's doing the right thing. It's not necessarily about being owed anything or being punished, though there are plenty of guys who think like that. It's more like if you helped your friend through a breakup and you let him sleep on your couch and you were there to cheer him up in his time of need and the second he got 2 center front row tickets to the Super Bowl he gave the other one to the mailman. It's not that he owed you the ticket, but you still wanted the ticket really really badly. You can have sex with a good man and still have a great time with your clothes on.

[TheLoverNotHater]

So essentially... y'all don't want anything to do with me (don't really care about sex. A bonus, yeah, but I'd rather wait) because y'all admire and respect me? Um... no. Nice try, lass, but you gotta do more than gimme this BS to convince me. Because by your logic, you're saying that girls are TERRIBLE people because you'd rather get involved with a sleazy bastard than myself because you... um... look up to me? Wait... logics, why you no work? What you're describing is exactly what your bro is complaining about! You're proving us right! Please. PLEASE prove me wrong. I hate being right about this cause it means I suffer. PLEASE convince me!

[been_waiting]

'Y'all'

Pretty sure she's one person..

[AleDeEurope]

I'm sorry, but this doesn't make any sense. Why do you push away the guy that will make you happy and keep going to those that don't offer you more than sex?
I completely disagree with this Take, basically because there's no use of common sense in that.

[been_waiting]

She's talking about sex here. Not a relationship.

But I agree it makes no sense.

[AleDeEurope]

@been_waiting yeah, but she's saying that when she likes a guy she just keeps him there, doing nothing, while to other guys she has sex with them. So basically she gives the guys she doesn't respect all of her, while the guys she does respect don't get anything.
I'm not saying she should have sex with them too, don't get me wrong.

It just makes zero sense.

[been_waiting]

She said she doesn't have sex outside of relationships. I think she's trying to speak for other girls and failing.

[AleDeEurope]

@been_waiting She actually did say she has had casual sex: "out of the people I've had casual sex with, I was in a legitimate, bf/gf relationship with one of them. And he was the only one I didn't want to have sex with right away"

[been_waiting]

Oh my bad I thought she said all.

[Anonymous]

So you whore arround, and suddenly expect the nice guy to bother to stick arround? Why do you think they just want to bed you?

SPOILER: because they're not as nice as they claim (they can still be good guys), and KNOW you're kind of easy. So they KNOW they should have an equal chance, but thanks to this "respect" bs (which we ALL know doesn't lead to anything anyway) you cockblock him.

Protip; just let him take you to bed in the same manner the guys you fuck arround with take you to bed, because he's not having that "respect" for you. Why? because he sees straight through your mask, and KNOWS how easy you really are.

I know i'll get a load of thumbs down for this, but IDGAF. It's the truth

[been_waiting]

Take owner said she has only had sex in serious relationships. Good reading skills you got there.

She's talking about guys who are trying to GET SEX getting turned down because the girl "respects him" and wants to be respected in return. She isn't talking about fucking dozens of dudes then looking for a nice little virgin boy.

I must add tho I disagree w her.

[Opinion Owner]

"women tend to make it harder to automatically jump in the sack involving a man we respect. Reason being, we don't want him to see us in the same light as the guys we've had casual sex with do."
Quote directly from the text. So while take owner might not fuck arround, like some other girls do. We all KNOW THIS!
Thus my point still stands.

[Opinion Owner]

@been_waiting

[been_waiting]

You're saying "guys, if a girl won't have sex with you, its because she thinks you're awesome and respects you! "
When in reality, that's probably not why any of these guys on here aren't getting any. I mean seriously if the guy is tryna get in a girls pants I doubt she has him on a pedastal and thinks she needs to be the Holy Virgin Mary for him to respect her. Don't give the whiny entitled "nice guys" the wrong idea here.

[aficionado]

Duh! Friendzone is just a way for women to indirectly tell a man "I will never date you even if you're the last man left on earth, but I still want you to be friends with me so that you can soak up my emotional problems and lend me a shoulder to cry on". And the men who REMAIN in the friendzone are fools of the highest order, because they can as well choose to walk out of the friendzone AND her life with theirs heads held high.

[circlebill]

In other words, decent, respectable men must be punished! And women wonder why so many men are jerks! Jerks are rewarded with sex and decent men who are worthy of respect are punished! American women won their rights and this is what they do with them! LOLOLOLOL!!!

[circlebill]

Here's a really crazy idea for women! How about you ONLY have sex with men who are worthy of respect? And if the man is not worthy of respect, you just keep your legs closed!

[Sinister]

Great! As if regular relationship and certain friendships weren't already frustrating enough w/o adding more to them.

[Izzy2102]

So what you're saying is the same thing guys always say about street harassment? Take it as a compliment !

[Anonymous]

So if I went to get a girl I should make sure she doesn't respect me, and then she'll be more attracted to me sexually (but not interested in a long term thing)?

[Opinion Owner]

I'd rather be having sex than on pedestal, I'm sure enough of that.

[myTake Owner]

Almost.

[Opinion Owner]

*want to

[Opinion Owner]

Coming across as someone she wouldn't want to be with long term is good thing then, right? (If I want to have sex.)

[JustinX9]

this is one of the reasons why i gave up on women... if women aren't gonna get attracted to me then i'll do the same thing to them...

[Anonymous]

Its not that we hate ourselves, its more just frustration with trying to find the right woman and yet failing time after time again. Even women have the same trouble in the dating world.

[Anonymous]

So what your saying is that I'm too awesome for her?
Weird I thought that would make her want me more.

[Koldhearted]

the guy "on the pedestal" doesn't open the dams quite as well is all that I"m getting out of this

[StickStickity13]

Why would I want a girl who was so easy to begin with? That makes her extremely undesirable

[zagor]

So women DO tend to sleep with jerks. At least you're honest enough to admit it.

[YourFutureEx]

Lesson learned: Just earn love, not respect.