Why won't he ask me to be his girlfriend? Am I too impatient?

[Anonymous]

So I've been seeing this guy for almost a month. We went quick quickly, in that we made out on first and second dates - and I stayed at his place on our third date and we slept together. Since then I've gone over to his place literally every weekend, and we are pretty intimate towards each other. When we are outside, he would always hold my hand, caresses me, carry my heavy bags, holding on to my hand when he's driving and we are always giving each other little kisses. He always hold on to me so tight when we are in bed and it feels so warm every time. I asked him before if he was sleeping with someone else and he said no. When he asked me back the same question, I said I was not either. There was one time when he asked me to come over to his place and I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to and he replied me in a text asking me if I think me and him are worthwhile and if I think we are wasting our time as we should be killing to be spending time with each other...Why would he be asking me this question if he thinks that we are just casually seeing each other?

Last weekend when I stayed over at his place he mentioned something about how he is 'with' me and that he is seeing me. Whilst walking, we saw a lot of couples holding hand and he asked me a random question like 'why do I see so many couples nowadays? is it because they see us got together and then decided to get together too?'. We have done everything that a couple do in a relationship and the only thing missing is the official status - he never asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I realized now that my feeling towards him is growing and I am slowly falling for him. My conscience tells me to ask him directly the next time we meet - about our status and if he ever wants us to head into the relationship direction? Do you guys think that he will freak out if I ask him this question to clarify our status? I've been hurt so many times before and I'm just so afraid of getting myself into the same situation. What do you guys think? Any comment is greatly appreciated.

[meplusabeemer]

Your relationship is on the way to "official" status based on what you wrote. However, I don't think that you should have the "status" convo just yet with the guy you're seeing. IMO, I think it's still too premature to have that type of discussion. I don't think you want to make him uncomfortable or rush into anything. He might feel pressured or back off. I think once you've been dating for 2 months or more then you should discuss the status issue. Personally, this has always been my golden rule when dating a new guy and the time frame has been safe. Typically by then, he knows what direction the relationship is headed, how he feels about the girl, etc.

The final decision is yours so I wish you luck.

[Asker]

Hey meplusableemer,

just want to say a personal thank you for making a comment on my question (:

i think you might be right, so I might hold that "status" conversation till another month. I don't want to scare him away.

[meplusabeemer]

You do what you think is best. Like I said, I always wait until the 2.5 month mark before the "talk." Because in my experience, if he doesn't know by dating me for 3 months if I am girlfriend material or not then I will move on.

[x0xMelina]

I was in a similar situation. The guy acted the same way with me, and I was convinced that he saw us as official. I finally got up the nerve to ask and he seemed shocked that I would think of us as official. My point is that no matter how much you act like boyfriend and girlfriend, NEVER assume. Be sure and ASK.

[MadHatterni]

I feel you should go based on your heart. To be more detailed if hearing you two are steady makes you comfortable bring it up and don't waste time stressing about it. So many good things come to an end due to people never speak up. He should understand that your investing your time and body to him because you actually want him to be something more then friends.

[Asker]

I totally agree with your point that I am investing my time and body to him.

i'm just afraid it will pressure him and he will feel pushed to make a decision. but then again, if he can't decide now when can he decide?

[MadHatterni]

He should of decided by the 7th date actually. Plus you gave in to easy. So maybe in his point of view friends with benefits is what you want because you haven't spoken up. Just sit down and tell him how you feel, if he likes you can cares you won't be lonely.

[dreamer010999]

I think he is assuming that you are his girlfriend even if he hasn't said so. Yes, I think you should ask him just to make sure.

[Anonymous]

You already gave it up. He has nothing to work for. Conquered.

[Anonymous]

Based on your last paragraph, it seems he thinks you guys are already considered boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe he doesn't think it needs to be said and is just assumed.