How do I know he likes me for more than just sex?

Okay so I've been seeing this guy for like a month and a half, 2 months. When we first got talking we got to know a lot about each other and we had a lot of similar interests and values and stuff, so I finally just asked him, 'are you going to take me out on a date yet?' and he did. We got along amazingly and I was really ladylike as usual, we had the second date and we kissed a lot, then on the third date we had sex - he never pushed me into anything, never has, and always said if I wasn't comfortable with something to just tell him. Sometimes I have, and he's respected that (though usually we ended up going there anyway, at my wish, just a bit later) Up until then we'd still been talking and enjoying the dates and I really like him, and I think he really likes me too... but the thing is, I know this sounds kinda arrogant of me, but I seem to fall under the category of good in bed? He says I'm beautiful and I have a really curvy but skinny figure, curves in all the right places I guess, I like all the things he does in bed, and that includes some pretty dirty stuff... I guess I have a really high sex drive, I can go a bit crazy, I'm not all that inhibited. And since then, we've still been talking and dating and doing stuff, but the conversations always include sex somewhere, as do the dates. If we can't have sex for some reason, it starts to get to be a main topic of conversation. I kinda feel like he always expects me to sleep with him. That's not a problem for me, but for all my kinkiness, I don't like casual sex or one-night stands, I only date a guy if I really like him, which means if I sleep with him I'll really really like him.

But lately I've been thinking, does that mean he only wants me for sex? The thing is, if I'm dating someone and I don't think a serious relationship could come of it, I end it - I don't like to just 'casually date' forever. Do you guys think a relationship is possible here? Is this normal? I know that if I'm in a relationship I still want to have a good sex life... so, is he just enjoying his as part of the dating process and maybe it could stay that way later too if we got serious? Or is he taking advantage of how I don't like to rush things but also really like him and like a lot of sex? I can't really tell... what are your experiences and thoughts?


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What Guys Said 1

  • i love a girl who can have a real relationship and still have lots of sex.. me personally I use sex as a way to communicate my feelings to the person. and yea with y ex's sex would always be a major topic but then again sex usually is everywhere you go. he may be using the subject of sex as a way to keep a conversation alive because he doesn't know any other subjects or something else to keep your interest. that's the hardest thing when you have sex so early is that its hard to keep the girls interest afterward s. because now on the 6th date she's not excited and thinking about how great the sex can be because how well you two are getting along and how your chemistry is. she already knows. and so what's next, what else can we do to keep you interested? our minds are simple sex is usually one the top of things. so just keep talking with him and try to talk about things totally opposite of sex. is he using you for sex? not that I can tell. sounds like you guys hit it off hot and heavy tho so the relationship is based on sex.

    one thing I live my life by I have also said many times to my friends so I don't end up in a relationship that is based off sex is that " I use sex as a way to express my love for the girl when saying I love you isn't enough, sex is unimportant to the relationship. the relationship is the key focus. only once I have the relationship under control will I have sex. sex is a bonus and not my key focus. my focus is to find a girl who I can truly care about and make her happy. "

    • I like what you're saying, and I kind of recognise a bit of him in it. As for keeping my interest, I can safely say he can hold it in other ways, but I do worry sometimes that the impression I give off is a lot more sexual than what I actually am. Even my friends think I'm really obsessed with sex, and they don't realise otherwise until they really get to know me and become my really close friends.

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    • When a relationship is based on sex then it needs sex to survive. you have to keep it fresh in the bedroom and do it quite a bit.. but there still is other activities you guys can do and still have fun. like going out walking and have a picnic or going to the beach or to the movies or ice skating or to dinner.. now if he was using you he wouldn't wan to do anything other than have sex and call you up for sex when he wants it.. he may play along a little but for the most part just want sex.

    • Ah right okay. I think I may be one of those people, I think it's good to keep the passion alive! Though I've always seen sexuality as being a major aspect of a relationship anyway. Just that I also like to know that we could hang out and not have sex and still be cool, which is hard to tell since it's never really happened yet... but oh well, I guess I'll find that out soon enough...

      Thanks for your insights!

What Girls Said 1

  • Hi, I'm not judging you, but these are my honest thoughts :)

    "I don't like casual sex or one-night stands, I only date a guy if I really like him, which means if I sleep with him I'll really really like him."

    ->sleeping with someone outside a relationship i.e. sleeping a guy you're just dating and you don't know if he likes you for just sex, means you don't know him well enough, which means it's casual sex :)

    Yes, if you have sex or when you're not having sex the conversation seems to end up being about sex, then what you guys have is a sex-based thing...he enjoys your company of course but he's mostly in it for the sex. He's not serious about you.

    You should consider a lifestyle change or just keep repeating the same mistakes with this and future guys :)


    • I can see your point, but I wonder if it's worth pointing out that I'm British... I've found that you guys seem to have a totally different view of sex in the US. We have a lot less 'saving it for marriage' people and a lot less reservations about sex in general. I'm not saying either is 'better' than the other, but it's definitely different.

      When I said I only date a guy if I really like him, I mean things like I like to find out a lot about him before that first date and stuff. From what I

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    • One day or not, and so far, it's always been true. Maybe I'm kidding myself but I at least feel like I'm pretty good at making judgements on people. I'm kind of ahead of the game in a sense - when I agree to a date, I'm probably already at the place most people would be at a few dates later, and by then I'm at the place most people would be at ages later again, etc. What I mean is, I won't just screw a guy because he's hot or seems cool or whatever.

      About the conversations, I don't mean he

    • Pushes it that way (sometimes it's me, if I'm honest) or that it's the majority of the conversation or what it ends on or anything, just that it's definitely in the list of things we always talk about at some point. It's just hard to tell whether he's like me and has a high sex drive but also wants something more, or if he just has a high sex drive.

      Anyway maybe all that doesn't change your mind, in which case fair enough, but I just thought it was worth pointing out <D