Does this "nice guy" coworker like me? If so, how much?

[LuckyGirl1]

I would like to avoid awkwardness, but it is somehow difficult for me to read the signs.

We know each other for almost 1 year.
He is generally very sweet, whatever he does could therefore mean that he is just being nice.
A while ago I felt that he had a major crush on me, then I thought he started to like someone else. I stopped sending any signals and we are sort of friends now.

A few weeks ago I noticed several things from his side that make me wonder :
- He is permanently asking work advice from me (well, I have some expertize), so he is at my desk > 5-6 times a day
- Every now and then a brush/touch happens between us (hands, feet, ca. once a day, he is usually someone who maintains a good distance), could also be a natural consequence of us talking more often
- He initiates hugs/fist-bumps. The last hug was particularly awkward, he didn't let me go when I pulled away, until I got back in and clapped him at the shoulder. Again, is he just getting more comfortable?
- He started to text me outside of work (but always on work related issues) or talking about him thinking about texting me the night before when he couldn't sleep. He has my number for half a year now and this never happened, if anything the texts were really one-worded and without smileys. Now we're having real conversations.
- He started to sometimes turn his head when I pass buy and quickly turn away when I look/smile at him.
- In groups he behaves in either of these two ways: 1) completely ignoring me and turning away or giving one-word answers (since we talk a lot alone and clearly like each other, this is very weird for me) 2) commenting on anything I say to anyone, especially using our insiders or mentioning stuff that I told him months ago - again could be here that this behavior is really addressed at someone else than me?
- Behaving nervously around me (could also be impatient), like playing with a pen, adjusting his hair/clothes, dressing/undressing his jumper

Help me - is he just nice?

Updates

+1 y

There was some escalation of touch from his side when we were at a meeting sitting next to each other. He was constantly brushing his arm against mine (not letting it there, though). I suppose this was either of two things: 1) On purpose (because this never ever occured so far, even if we had to sit extremely close together) 2) He is not conscious about touching me anymore, because he thinks we are just friends. However, recently I touched him unintentionally and he flexed quickly away...

[Enaya]

Exactly the same things have been happening at work with me, except my coworker asked me alone to lunch a couple of times when he tried to find common hobbies. I am an extremely clueless girl, so I have not read into it despite him calling me sexy behind my back. Until he actually asks, I don't want to expect any sincere feeling because he sends mixed signals sometimes. The one time I asked to hang, he pretended to be super busy, so I have given up expecting anything from him. He also does all the things your guy does, except he is afraid of touching me. He hugged me a few times but doesn't touch. Talk about awkward! I have been giving him the silent treatment lately.

[LuckyGirl1]

Yeah, we also sometimes have lunch alone (but I never heard me calling anything behind my back :p). He also usually does anything I ask him for (but I think given how much I help him with his work, this is somehow understood). I know what you mean though by 'mixed signals'.

[Enaya]

Someone told me to headbutt the issue, but I don't want to scare him.

[LuckyGirl1]

I can totally understand. If I was you I would probably try to give clearer signals and see what happens, but I would not try to initiate more meeting/contact yourself...

[Enaya]

I initiated many texts with him to show him interest. He asks me about my plans in the weekend, I say nothing is planned and then he goes quiet. It is very frustrating because I know he wants to ask but cannot muster the courage. It is an awful circle. But I really don't want to make it any easier for him.

[LuckyGirl1]

That sounds not too good. Maybe you can mention something you'd like to do (like watching a movie) but cannot find anyone to join - and see if he takes this opportunity

[Anonymous]

LOL Aww That's cute.

From what you just said I am sure he's into you.
(I love when guys are nervous around me)
I guess trying to make him feel more easy and less nervous around you might help.
Smile at him every time you see him.
Throw some hints and help the poor guy out of his misery ;)
Good luck (y)

[LuckyGirl1]

He often just doesn't smile back when I smile at him. That's confusing.

[Opinion Owner]

He's just nervous...
Talk to him more. How about you go by his station? Don't do it often but once a day just to see how he's doing or something (he should know it's personal) with no excuse of work.
Throw him some bait. So he can understand that you are also interested.
And if he looks irritated or making excuses to NOT seeing you much, just stop. Wear your self respect with pride girl. But before that give him enough hints to get the picture.
Good luck!
And do revert back with progress ;)

[LuckyGirl1]

He seems very happy when I come talk to him (but also this - could be just friendly?).
I noticed a couple more signs in the past few days though. Like him looking at/for me in a crowded room, shying away suddenly when I accidentally touch him (how does this fit with the initiated touches?) and paying his full attention to me when I directly start talking to him in a group. Also he seems to get jealous when I'm talking to other guys. He is also teasing me about small things I mentioned a while ago (again, this could be friendly though).

[Opinion Owner]

He seems introvert :/
They are tough to deal with bc you never know what threshold they need to overcome to have enough guts to come and talk to you. And it's getting frustrating now. It must be distracting you at work a lot.

This time it the guy really has to do something before you grow out of this 'you fancy him' phase.
I'm afraid if you are going to do any more than this it might come out as desperate or something. So I would suggest one last try and it might or might not help you. 50-50 chance.
And that is- Completely ignoring him.
If he really care he might come and talk to you... Fingers crossed.
P. S. Try this at your own risk ;)

Good luck lucky girl :)

[LuckyGirl1]

Well, I've tried it already many times, because ignoring works extremely well with him - he gets interested and seeks me out, tries to get into my vicinity etc. But then the whole cycle restarts again. I'm tired of this. Sometimes I think that he just wants to boost his ego. Also: hard to say whether he is in- or extroverted, he acts both ways sometimes.

[Opinion Owner]

What?

Now I would say look out for more interesting inspiration girl!! ;)
There's plenty of fish in the pond and maybe you might find someone straightforward who won't play such games with you. It seems less hurting though.

That guy seriously needs to be a man & claim you or else sit down and let you see other deserving candidates ;)

[LuckyGirl1]

You're probably really right :)

[Anonymous]

Wow i didn't know women notice all that lol i thought only the poor guys do that hoping that someone would like us 😂 , he is showing that to u but i think u r the one who is giving mixed signals like when u pushed him when he hugged that why he ignore u at the meetings because he doesn't want u to be mean to him in fron if everyone. Show sime signs that u care too.

[Enaya]

A guy did all the same things for me but he never asked me out!

[LuckyGirl1]

Hmmmm, this came across wrong I guess. I certainly didn't push him, I only pulled away myself and nobody was around to watch us.
I might be giving mixed signals though, mostly because I don't want him to notice anything. Stupid, isn't it?

[LuckyGirl1]

@Enaya Do you have an idea why?

[Enaya]

Not following?

[Moose2coolvargas]

Who know I've experienced #1 lately, there's only 2 other times in my life that has happened. Where a girl just doesn't care for my existence, and had an attitude for no reason, seemed to hate me as a person. I guess I remind her of someone she knew didn't like? Never knew why either

[LuckyGirl1]

You mean her ignoring you? But if s. o. hates you, he/she would always ignore you...

[Moose2coolvargas]

No well after they find out you like them, they change.

[LuckyGirl1]

But do they still display cold behavior sometimes?

[Moose2coolvargas]

Yeah, but I have to let it go. It is what it is

[jordan90]

He likes you. Make it happen.