Is acting "unreachable" the way to go?

[michitas]

I've been having tons of conversations with my female friends on what a woman truly sees in guys which makes them attractive. I have been thinking a lot about this topic lately. the thing that always comes up is that my female friends tell me, that a guy who acts as if he is unreachable is the way to go. is this REALLY the case and if so, why?

I mean I understand that acting unreachable can be attractive for some women in the sense of that they have to fight for a guy, but if you truly analyze this it is absolute nonsense!

some background information: I have been having problems with finding the right girl, since I'm mainly afraid of approaching new women I don't know or do not know what to do in the right situation. I can't really "feel" when a woman is interested in me or when I'm allowed to, as an example, kiss her. I've been single for 6 months now after a pretty long relationship and really wanna get out of this single life! my female friends keep telling me that I have all the traits a woman can look for (intelligent, good looking, funny, good job, great character, athletic, open minded, etc etc), except the unreachableness... I can't act like I'm unreachable since it wouldn't be me...

so what do you people think? do I truly have to learn how act unreachable and kinda like an asshole?

[Anonymous]

"... my female friends tell me, that a guy who acts as if he is unreachable is the way to go. is this REALLY the case and if so, why? "

NO! NO! NO! NOT unless you want to date children^^

Even if it works your relationship is never going to o very far beyond that... Anyways, why would YOU want to date someone who looks for THAT in a relationship... Do not expect LESS than you actually WANT...

I know it is tempting to act like things will not work, but people need to get used to respecting each other.. Everything is getting totally distorted.

You act like you hate the people you LIKE, cause you do not want them to hurt YOU... You act like you like the people you are not attracted to, because you do not want to hurt THEM , & everything is upside down.

I think attraction is best when it is based on attraction, not detachment... Better to find someone you have common interests with, then challenge each other THAT way... It will be real & lasting... How much can you base anything on ' I love you / I hate you ' ? -- BORONG.

:-)

[michitas]

Hmmmm "dating children"...what's your definition of a "child"? many women my age seem to fall for guys who act this way! I don't consider myself a child with my almost 22 years of life experience! It' just that I'm tired of waiting and I just want to be myself...but being "myself" hasn't proven to be very successful in getting closer to the women I like, since they will eventually just fall for one of those other guys again...is this making any sense?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes.

I think a child, is someone who has to rely o others to know what he / she is thinking or feeling . It is not inherently bad, & is necessary for forming thoughts & learning, & trust.. HOwever it can be age in aproppriate.

We should start to think independently during pre- adolescents, & it builds from there, until you are able to analyze & synthesize information yourself, & other people are there to think WIT not BY.

So some people need others to LVE them or HATE them to know what to do

[Opinion Owner]

Watch out for peple who layblame a lot, or cannot exoress themselves well, I mean if they HIDE what they think or feel whenit is apripriate to be honest - like when asked...

As far s yoursituation, I wold not WORRYabout it, but PLEASE do not resort to lying.

It may even seem to work in theshort ru, but then you just hurt someone you get hurt, then go to hurt thenext people , proviong that RELATIONSHIPS DON'T WORK ON TRUST

Just stay a good person, try to meet people in stuff you do regularly:-)

[michitas]

Don't get me wrong...I'd never lie and am always honest! I don't want to change, but want to figure out what I have to do to be noticed and be a man which women are comfortable of aproaching...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I got the impression you did not want to lie or change, when you said

" I can't act like I'm unreachable since it wouldn't be me... " lol

I think the fact that you have already been I relationships should be a MAJOR help..

Answer that, there must be something, & you seem like an interesting person even to be searching this out here, so I am sure thee are many things, So what do you like to do?

( remembr, just CARING about this, heightens your attractiveness quite a bit)

:-)

[michitas]

How can the fact that I've been in relationships truly help? I have no problems leading a healthy relationship, since I like to talk and always try to be positive and caring...I ALWAYS listen if something is up and try to discuss things rationally if problems occur... but all this doesn't help me to get INTO a relationship. to answer your question about the things I like to do: I like practicing martial arts, salsa, tango, learn new things, programming, psychology, and tons of other stuff...

[Opinion Owner]

I like practicing martial arts, salsa, tango, learn new things, programming, psychology, and tons of other stuff... "

There ois NO way ou will have problems meeting someone. lol

I understand your impatience, bu honestly 6 months is not very long. lol.

I did not LIKE someone until I was 19 & that is about 12 years after I started liking boys- loooong time.. & I will not be in a relationship for at least another year cause I am in love with him, & I am in a different country right now. -

[Opinion Owner]

Umm, ok. Why do yo WANT to be in a relationship?

Do you live I a large populated area, or a smaller town?

Ate any of the fabulous activities you mentioned things you take classes for, & are the classes co -ed.

How did your relationship start, last, & end?

The REASON, ANY previous relationship helps , god or bad, is it is EXPERIENCE.. Unless it is abusive, any experience is better than one... & All experiences are educational, even if they seem / are bad.

:-)

[michitas]

I wanna be in a relationship because I want to share my life with someone! someone that cares for me in a special way and actually thinks "I wonder what he's doing right now!".I live in a "city" in switzerland with the population of about 16'000.the things I mentioned are kinda complicated lol. I used to take salsa with my ex and tango in college and now I just like to dance it.the martial arts part: I teach private classes for friends(complicated story-9 years of practice and for now on my own)

[Opinion Owner]

Well, if you find ANY activity that you like you should have o problem finding someone that you like.. I really think it should be no problem.

How do you go about meeting people.... Always best to meet them in the context of something else... Are there any classes you can take.

Maybe keep notes on your interactions.. See if anything develops, or if you notice any patterns.^

Is there anyone you LIKE right now?

[michitas]

I mainly meet new people through friends. once I know them it's not a problem to talk to them, but it's a problem to get closer to them! yeah, there's someone I like right now...but don't know how to go at it...and I don't truly know if she likes me back. I don't know if she just find sympathy in my character or if she likes me aswell. I've had a lot of bad experiences where I thought that someone liked me even though they just thought I was an alright guy

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmm, ok. Well, keep a journal, like I said - not to OBSESS or anything lol

Just so you can begin to tell the difference between someone LIKIG you & liking you. :-)

ONce you get6use yo THAT then you will be better at getting closer, caue you won't be worriedabut what is RALLy ging on.

I am often REALLy surprised how many peole really NOT read things that I think are obvious.

As a friend of mine said( afte kissing me at a REALLY bad time- "YOU get over that"

(he meant - Worrying lol)

[lilmisspriss]

ok unreachable ? no so not the way to go

u have to show some intrest be confident

but NEVER NEVER tell a girl you like her too soon because it will mess it all up

u have to be flirty and sweet with out being clingy

but never be afrad to talk to a girl because you never no she just might be waitin on you

2 talk to her

if she acts snoby then just brush it off and move on

never use cheesey pick up lines

and tellin a girl she's hot sexy or beautiful will not make her like you

remember it the little thing that count

girls do NOT like to rush

girls are shy rember that no matter how outspoken a girl is she is some what shy

so somethimes you have to make the first move

but don't be weird and don't ramble about stuff that she could care less about

well I hope this helps u

[BigBlueEyes]

this is a hard lesson to learn or not learn.

i think its a basic human trait to want what can seemingly not be gotten easily.

i'm 29. I've always approached things as in be yourself. she will find you... the last year or so I've taken the play hard, always leave them wanting more, be the object of desire, not the hunter.

result. a lot more fun and frolicks had in the last year. Now I'd LOVE to meet someone special and right. But I think a lot of girls under 25 are just wanting fun and good times and not the hubby... not yet.

your day will come my friend, but maybe not till your dating girls who are 25 minimum. so either go out and have fun till then or start dating older people now.

good luck

[michitas]

Thanks! only problem is, that older people tend to stick with people their age somehow...either that or they're already taken. I don't really wanna wait...I want to be desirable for women my age without becoming an asshole prick like many others...