Help: My married coworker and I are sexually attracted to one another and things have become intensely odd, how do I make it go back to normal?

[Anonymous]

He’s married. That’s the issue and I want things to go back to normal where there was no sexual attraction between us but I don’t know how. I think we’re both trying to make it all go away because we’re both more formal with one another, little to no jokes between us, we both avoid eye contact now, sometimes catch the other looking at eyes/ face / lips. I would not have given a shit if he wasn’t married I’d have sex with him full stop. But I want us to be normal? Friends with no sexual attraction? I want to push it away and I’m sure he’s trying to do the same but it’s so tense when we’re close to each other and it’s become a little odd when we’re talking - extremely awkward. Like we’re both acting so formal and then catch each other looking it’s just... awkward. From those who have experience, or know of similar situations what can help? Please... as much as I’d love to sleep with him I want to make it all go away and just stop? What helps?

[XRabbitHeartX]

Do not take this wrong way.. it is going to sound harsh but you just have to simply get over it. There is no magic trick or spell or thing you can do that will make you wake up tomorrow and suddenly not like him. I have also had a crush on a co worker (he wasn't taken but I knew it was against our code and dangerous and unhealthy). But I had to accept that it is not happening and just got over it and stopped entertaining fantasies. Just like you should be able to separate personal issues from your work, you need to separate feelings from him. Once you have found someone new to be sexually attracted to it will be easier. But you gotta just be harsh. Get over it.

[Asker]

I’m not entertaining fantasies as much as I’m so conscious of the awkwardness :(
Like I want us to be coworkers who are close and can have a laugh without the sexual tension that surrounds us of “I want to bang you”. We’re both so formal with each other and it’s not leaving.

[XRabbitHeartX]

But surely being formal is appropriate in a working environment.

[Asker]

Of course but I mean so formal it’s not the norm for us if that makes sense

[XRabbitHeartX]

I think that you have to treat him as you treat any oher work colleague.

[Asker]

I think so!!

[Anonymous]

I've been in a similar situation with a co-worker. It was obvious that we were both sexually attracted but he was married. All day I was distracted by thoughts of kissing him, having sex with him, and all sorts of inappropriate thoughts. I knew that I had to stop so I started only talking to him if it was absolutely necessary, nothing unrelated to work, no joking around, no smiling, all business. I ended up quitting my job and working elsewhere.

[Asker]

How did he act around you?
Yeah I’m going to be strong and not quit my work because I love what I do and where I work.

[Opinion Owner]

I would catch him staring a lot but he'd look away once I caught him. He eventually didn't talk to me anymore. It ended up being for the better because we had friended each other on social media before that. Weird thing is that after we quit talking, his wife caught him jacking off to a bikini picture of me and went nuts messaging me, accusing me of having an affair with him. I never did anything with him and it's not like I told him to do that with my picture. I had to cut all ties with him. I left my job not because I was weak. I wasn't happy at my job and the awkward situation with him made it worse.

[Asker]

Oh my god that sounds awful!!! 😣😣😣😣

Oh god it was wrong of him to jack off to your photo. So in disrespect to the wife :(

[QueenofCups]

There's no way to make it go away. All you can do is not act on it.

[Asker]

Great!

[QueenofCups]

You could always masturbate before you go to work. That might get the sexual tension out of your system.

[Asker]

He probably masturbates + has sex with his wife why doesn’t that stop him?

[QueenofCups]

Forbidden lust is always the sweetest, especially for guys.

[Asker]

Yeah...😬😬

[QueenofCups]

Besides, I know you're already masturbating over him anyway...

[Asker]

Hahahahhahahah. Believe it or not. I haven’t.
I have had dirty thoughts and all the things I’d do to him but haven’t gone there yet

[kentlevi]

You're not being clear with him he's a guy so he's going to continue thinking you want to have sex with him. If you really want it to go back to normal, you need to approach it professionally. Say something like "Hey, it was fun when we joke and play around before, however you're married and I don't want to keep doing that anymore. I want to make sure we keep things professional so I need you to stop, and I will as well.". I know this might be tough and awkward to say, however it's the only want to get it back to normal.

[Asker]

That sounds like the best thing to say but would he hate me?

[kentlevi]

He might. That's on him though, not you. You need to do what's best for you. Just make sure you're being firm, not mean about it.

[Asker]

That’s very true! Wondering why sexual tension happened just from joking and teasing. Like I never blatantly flirted neither did he - it was all fun and games and then bam :/
But the talk needs to happen

[kentlevi]

You are probably a very sexy woman. Without a pic I couldn't discern for sure, however that would be my guess. 😊

[Asker]

Thank you. I wouldn’t say sexy. Pretty I’ve received so I can accept that one

[kentlevi]

Thanks so much for MHO! 😊

[DivideByZero]

You can't make a man go back to "normal" after you two start to flirt. He will always have a strong urge for getting laid with you, because you showed your interest once. The only way to make him back down is to have a serious talk with him. If what you said is right (him wanting it back to normal too), then you have nothing to worry about - you two can talk this out. Otherwise, I don't know.

[Asker]

I don’t know if teasing and jokingn is flirting. Like I’ve never touched him or complimented him. Just a good tease and laugh.

[DivideByZero]

Men are terrible at "reading" female signs, so who knows.

[Asker]

Who knows. Can you guys tell if there’s sexual tension between you and any female?

Maybe he can’t sense it off me?

[DivideByZero]

Most guys will perceive simple smile and "hello" as if a woman likes him already and is ready to spread her legs, so I don't know.

[Asker]

Really? Are you serious?

[DivideByZero]

I don't waste my time joking Ma'am.

[Asker]

Just thought mature guys don’t think like that... thought it was a teen thing

[DivideByZero]

Not everybody is the same Ma'am. Also keep in mind that I'm not exactly from USA or any advanced country, so my opinion works mostly on locals.

[Asker]

Where from?

[DivideByZero]

Georgia the country.

[Asker]

Nice!!!

[DivideByZero]

Thanks, I guess.

[maladeeh]

Kinda like my situation but thing os im engaged. I wish the guy and I could talk normally like we used to but sooo freaking awkward now aandd were both avoiding each other. 😭

[HotDogg]

You're 14 and engaged?

[maladeeh]

25* actually

[Asker]

That’s exactly what’s happening but because of work circumstances we need to actually communicate for work related reasons but it’s so freaking odddddddd.

[maladeeh]

Ya... its annoying too at times but hey, its for the best i guess

[Darknut123]

I find the situation highly interesting

[Darknut123]

The original posters question that is!

[Anonymous]

now this sounds familiar. How closely do you work, can you keep work a mix of formal and informal so it gets back to friendly? i know i reverted to making things more formal once i realised we'd got that emotional connection a bit too much.

[Asker]

I think I’m trying to do the mix of formal and informal. Trying to treat like other coworkers. We’ve done that too now, we’re both too formal with each other that it’s just so odd. It’ll be nice to have that mix where there’s respect, formal/informal, naturalness to it all without anything happening or going there

[Opinion Owner]

well good luck. If you only are in contact during work too it could be easier to revert to being just normal co-workers.

[Intraluminal]

Just what you're doing now. Be very formal. Soon that odd feeling will become discomfort, and that will end the attraction.

[Asker]

You think? Then that would be good. I guess I’ll probs need to stick out

[Asker]

I think we’re already at a discomfort situation it’s too tense, awkward to the point of discomfort but I think were both avoiding each other but it’s just the lore avoidance the more akward?

[Asker]

At points he looks physically ill :/

[Intraluminal]

And so he should. He shouldn't be making googoo eyes at you while he's still married.

[Asker]

I’m pretty sure the physical I’ll looks comes from guilt out of staring which he has tried to avoid

[Intraluminal]

So he knows right from wrong. That's a good start.

[Asker]

Yes definitely

[Intraluminal]

You'll be fine. The sexual attraction may never COMPLETELY die, but you should be able to get it to a place where it's acknowledged but also understood to be verboten.

[Asker]

I think that sounds the most realistic to be honest!

[Jayson101]

That sounds like a sexy affair you little minx. Do it! And deal with the inevitable drama later (trust me)

[Asker]

Lol maybe not. Don’t like dramas and don’t like causing people pain (ie wife)

[stang1558]

did you already have sex with him? Or what exactly happened between you too?

[Asker]

Noway! Nothing

[stang1558]

well then what happened exactly to cause the issue?

[Asker]

Absolutely nothing but a lot of joking and teasing.
There was no touching and no flirting

[KeyOneLou]

Look He is married Just imagian ur histrue wife and what will happend if you notive ur husband is a cheater dont be selfish

[Asker]

No freaking selfish. One minute we’re coworkers the next close coworkers the next sexual tension. Like? I want it to stop or go away because I did put myself in that position and seeking help for less awkwardness

[Darknut123]

Have you tried talking to him about it, or message.. you guys still work together? I once worked with a girl who acted this way towards me, I ended up leaving for another job hadn't seen her in almost 2 years now

[Asker]

@Darknut123 Oh wow!! No we haven’t spoken it’s just been a bag full of avoidance, awkwardness, and tension.

[Darknut123]

like each other then it seems

[Darknut123]

My situation the girl seemed pissed and avoided me blocked me on social media but I'm not all that good at reading people... but she acted just like you are describing

[Asker]

@Darknut123 no I don’t have him on social media. I wouldn’t want to add anyways because it’ll just add an unnecessary layer. Why was she pissed though?

Yeah I was willing to kind of be “normal” but his behaviour of avoiding eye contact, looking physically ill or extremely awkward around me but normal around everyone else ans his entire behaviour changing made me awkward and hesitant to go near him to talk about work related matters that I need to actually talk about for the project

[Darknut123]

I know I've been there... what else has happened.. is there more?

[Darknut123]

Pm me

[Anonymous]

Don't act on it, get a husband for that and tell him to screw his wife so he doesn't go looking elsewhere

[Cowboy6666]

Pick anyone.:

Make me your boyfriend
Resign from the job
Address him bro.

[Asker]

First two aren’t an option

[Cowboy6666]

I know right 😂. Is he your boss or same level?

[Asker]

Same level

[Cowboy6666]

Bro zoned him.
I hope u still haven't kissed n had sex yet with him.

[Asker]

No man! What even. Like I never touched him and I wouldn’t since I KNOW he’s married.

I said it, if he wa single this wouldn’t be an issue, jd sleep with him. Fullstop.
But we both clearly have morals in place but the awakerdness was really getting to me

[Cowboy6666]

Contact his wife n complaint about him. Lol

[Asker]

I don’t know what part of avoiding and trying and awkward you didn’t get lol. Lol. Lol.
The guy is trying and taking distance and so am I

[Cowboy6666]

Tell him lie u are seeing someone else

[Anonymous]

Tell him to end everything n never talk to him again. He is married. Have empathy

[Asker]

Maybe read the extra info if that’s okay... and you’ll get the picture?

[es20490446e]

Finding another one.

[Asker]

A nom married one? Hahahah

[Asker]

Non *

[es20490446e]

Yes, otherwise you can just choose this specimen.

[Asker]

Specimen ! Hahahaha

[es20490446e]

I suspect that's what you want :P