Why don't women give straight answers?

Question

I've been talking to a girl at my job for about 6 months now. For the first 2 months I got to know her and have asked her out countless of times but there always something with her ether she is to busy or she is not felling well. I have asked her like twice if she was really interested in me she said, " Its that I have to much to deal with now so I can't handle a boyfriend right now. Its not you it me, you would be like the prefect bf." I have to be honest that it mad me a little mad, its not the strait answer I was looking for from her, I rather hear some thing like, "I don't think of you in that way and I rather stay as friends." But after that I never asked her to go out again, I talked to her got to know her better but I only talked to her at work. for the 4 months that past I did date one other girl for like a week but didn't work out and I told her about it we talked, she seemed relived actually that I was dating and not talking to her as much. Two days ago I asked her out again and she came out with the same answer but she added that she wouldn't be able to make me happy. The funny thing about that is ever time I do get to talk to her or see her I get happy just by being around her, so that's bs. If you like some one you try to make time for them no mater how busy you r, at less that's what I believe. If she doesn't like me like that why play game with me and not just say it to my face it not like I would cry about it, on the other hand I'll be the happiest guy around at less I got what I wanted.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Umm, you can't take the hint that she's relieved to be rid of you? You're already clinging to her, and you two aren't even dating. Get a hobby, man.

Also, how and why would she make you happy just by being around her? I have a feeling that most men get this sort of wishful determination when they meet a hot girl who doesn't openly push them away. Can't she just be a nice person and without being hounded by delusional fanboys?

How about you act like most adult coworkers and just reciprocate what she gives you? Don't keep pushing for that ultimate answer, because when it comes it could go one of two ways: She could say "yes" to a relationship she does not want out of desperation, and constantly be passively attacking you, or, more likely, she'd give you an explosive no, including all of the little details she most likely has come to hate about you, and/or begin to ignore you completely.

She's already given you the simple answer, just not in the exact words your bulldog brain wanted to hear. Women are generally more considerate of feelings, which means she in particular is probably never going to give you the "guy" answer of "I don't feel that way about you, I think we should just be friends". So, just picture what she said as translating into THAT in guyspeak, and get over it.

Vee72 · Accepted Answer

The problem here is you don't really understand this girl. To me and hearing your side of the story this girl isn't interested in you but she's a sweetheart and she doesn't want to do anything to hurt you. And though you say you'd be much happier if she told you in blunt and honest truth, she doesn't know if you really will be happy because in the back of her mind you'll get hurt, things will be awkward and that's not what she wants. She works with you, it's hard to see someone in a day to day basis and have cold hearted-ly rejected them.

Maybe you should step it up and and say, "Hey, look, I like you and I'm spilling my heart out to you right about now. But all I need to hear you say is you don't like me and you don't want to be in a relationship with me and I'll back off and we can be friends/coworkers. I just don't want to play games anymore. You're not being straight forward and I don't want to put my hopes anymore. So tell me what's on your mind and we will go from there. Don't worry, we will still be the same. Promise"

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

she is not playing games...STOP ASKING HER OUT!...I will tell you how she really feels, she is annoyed that you can't stop bugging her to go out with you...she does not see you as more than collegues, she was happy that you dated someone else because that meant that you won't bother her anymore...and now that you are STILL annoying the crap out of you, she added that you cannot make her happy...what else do you need her to say...STAY THE F*** AWAY!...if you are working together she needs to be polite and have a decent work relationship so she needs to sugar coat things...please do her and yourself a favor...stop annoying her!

Jinmetsu_Rasetsu · Accepted Answer

Ugh... When will people learn... Workplace romances are a death sentance... Personally, I would advise you to not even think about her and find a girlfriend somewhere else... I mean, Would you like to have her around you 24/7? Work... Home... All the time? Hell, My girlfriend while I was in Highschool did not even go to the same school as me. Moreover, we went to different colleges... Our relationship only ended because I joined the Army and she is a pacifist. Back to the subject at hand... If you value your sanity, I suggest you not drink where you bathe...

Now as far as being indirect... That is how women are. Rarely are they direct. Aside from Judge Judith Sheindlin... I mean, seriously... They want to hint you if they want intimacy with nonverbal cues hoping you get the hint... using euphamisms, because they refuse to be too direct about a relationship issue (unless you are arguing... Then all bets are off...)... I mean, seriously, it is the nature of the beast.

For her to say what she did, it ain't worth your effort to persue her. If you continue, you'd be doing nothing but chasing dreams and fantasy. I prefer to chase reality... Dreams are for sleeping.

Mesonfielde · Accepted Answer

I had a similar issue right here. I got "I think of you as a friend and I wouldn't want to ruin that connection in case we break up", and she was unwilling to talk to me completely afterward. You know what I personally hate though? "You are such a nice guy, I'm sure you will make some girl happy." It makes me want to tear off my face and eat it. Maybe once in the next millennia you'll be a perfect boyfriend for her. Yeah, right. Liars. >.> Anyways, you have no chance with her. Break all contact and be happy alone, or "keep her as a friend". But don't be suffocating in your anger like I was, haha. Try to move on. Her selfish niceness makes her someone you wouldn't want to be with anyways. You know, there's a saying: Saying "we can still be friends" is like saying "the dog is dead but we can still keep it". :D

Anonymous · Answer

You're putting her in a really tough spot. She has to work with you and doesn't want to create problems/drama at work by turning you down too harshly. Also, she sounds like the nice type of person that feels bad turning someone down. That's why she comes up with all the excuses of "it's not you, it's me".

Bottom line is she is not interested in you. She's just too nice/scared/etc to say it straight to you. If a girl turns you down more than once because she is "too busy" then you have to flag her as not interested.

Curious-Plumber · Answer

I was in a very similar situation with a girl and it sucked ass. She would say yes, then ditch me. And at one point she forgot she even ditched me because she was being so "nice." It's not nice and girls should learn to flat out tell the dude, hey you're cool, but you're just a friend to me. That's it! Bam! Over, no problems. Yet girls are indecisive or worse they'll bend over backwards (no pun intended) to be super nice to the guy which often backfires into hurting you more. It's cowardly and pathetic, but a fact of life that many women will never get. Find another girl worth a damn.

amgo55 · Answer

She doesn't like you, she doesn't want to hurt you, that's why she is honest ironically and she just wants your attention. To be honest there is no girl that doesn't like attention, and we love when there are guys like you to be around us. That's why she is not honest, she likes the attention, likes you as a friend and therefore doesn't want to hurt you as bad as it sounds. We woman have a hard time figuring you out and we often see your situation from your point of view, which often its the wrong one :S

Laurence · Answer

I once asked a girl this, and they said they are firstly worried that the will hurt us and secondly they are concerned we will respond irrationally. I think this girl does not like you, she may enjoy your attention sometimes, but she is not interested. As guys, we need to pick up these confusing signs girls give us and interpret them. I know how you feel, I had a girl, who I thought stringed me along for about 2 years when I was in high school, but actually she was too scared to refuse me. Ironically, after school, she became interested in me, but I was a little bitter, so I ignored her. The most self-benefitial thing you could do now, is look for other girls and cease being interested in her. She may start being nice to you in the future, but not be mistaken, she is likely just happy to be friends. If you continue to ask her out, she will just become awkward and uncomfortable around you.

imaboy · Answer

Stop pursuing her and wait for her to contact you and show interest. No matter how busy or sick she is if she really felt you'd be the perfect boyfriend she would make time, other people being a higher priority. She is being dishonest with hersefl, whether it is confusion, uncertainty or purposeful denial and deception. You should consider the later no more than a possiblity and assume the best. Personally I can make time for people although someimtes I can't drop what I'm doing immediately, I can call them back or if its okay with them chat while I keep productive.

hesaysim2sexy · Answer

wow. I've been called a sly for not telling the truth or straight answers. the reason:  because I'm putting my guard up not really opening myself up to the guy.  because I don't trust him. short and simple. so yeah her asking you out, for me is like trying to keep you around and to keep you interested maybe because she's bored and lacks entertainment. (fyi, doesn't only apply to women, men use this tactic too).

ALWAYSclassy · Answer

um she DID give you a straight answer. it's not like she said yes and kept canceling on you, she pretty much told you no and rejected you more than once. she probably doesn't want to be like "hell naw leave me alone" because she has to work with you and then that would be awkward. just because she doesn't give you the answer you want to hear, doesn't mean it wasn't a rejection. it was a straight answer and at least she was polite about it

bellemoonbeam · Answer

I think the reason she isn't being straight with you might be because she is afraid to hurt you. She probably really likes you as a friend and maybe has had those thoughts about being with you, but she just doesn't think that it should happen. I would just stop asking her out, stop trying because I think it just either makes her feel worse for not liking you back, or she is excited to get the attention. Some girls sadly lead people on cause that enjoy being liked by someone. You seem like an awesome guy, keep talking and dating other girls. Don't wait around forever for the girl that will never be the one.

spidey · Answer

I think she is just being nice and trying not to hurt you.

Not all people can take a straight answer. It may make them vindictive. And since she is your colleague, she would definitely want to avoid such a situation.

Next time you ask her out and she gives this answer, just tell her in a a nice way that "Its fine if you want to be just friends. I don't mind if you say it in my face. But I would really like a straight answer."

But be nice and don't scare her off. Don't ruin your friendship over this.

martyfellow · Answer

Gads, you still haven't gotten the message? I'm surprised she isn't really angry by now that you won't take a hint!

She's decided it's not worth the complications of a work relationship, such as what happened to you with the one week affair. It's so touchy to date at most work places. REally a lot of risk of embarrassment and problems...

MeeshMosh · Answer

We'd all be the happiest people if we could just get what we wanted. But that's not how life works. Stop asking her out. Whether it's the real reason, or if it's how she's comfortable telling you it's not gonna happen, IT"S STILL a no! If a girl liked you, she wouldn't have blown you off multiple times.

Leave her alone. And it's unfair that you're mad at her just because she's not interested in you in the same way.

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

some girls but not all. right now it sounds like she's just liking the attention and knows you like her. Just stop talking to her and see what happens.

find another girl who can be more direct. If I don't like a guy, I ignore him and he will know right away whether or not I'm 'too busy' to hang out etc.

nermalinda · Answer

Not all girls are like this, but a lot are. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but she's not interested in you like that, and she doesn't know what to do. So she just keeps making excuses. She's probably shocked you didn't get the hint after the second or third time.

gtex1991 · Answer

one NO should be enough, also reading a female body language can tell you that she doesn't want you. that is how girls they are, best thing you can do is anticipate their behavior if she doesn't like you then leave it at that nothing else. also don't mess with you coworkers. don't cross that line. I worked at bookstore where many girls worked, they where 4 girls who showed signs of interest. I never saw them that way because of work obligation

psykobrahe · Answer

Why are all you people defending her behaviour?

While it is perfectly human, there is nothing commendable about it. Being vague when someone is hitting on you is cowardly, not kind. You're toying with their feelings. I should know, I've done enough of it myself.

Life is short, if you're lucky enough that someone has a crush on you, don't waste their time. Tell them how you feel.

Xihb07 · Answer

Be very careful with this situation.  An accusation of sexual harassment can destroy you.  On second thought, it sounds like she is playing some sort of game, and having fun at your expense.  Dump her and move on.

msbossy · Answer

Hunnie don't ask  her any more if she keeps coming up with excuses she just doesn't know how to tell you no or may be she is not ready. wow it looks like you like to find you are women at work. don't mix bussiness with pleasure.

RayBrown · Answer

The women who can't be honest are simply immoral, selfish and just plain stupid. They want you to believe, they are lying because they are 'too nice' and the only alternatives in responding to a guy they are not interested in is to lie or be rude, like its impossible to be honest and not be rude. How about something as simple as, I'm not interested in that type of relationship with you? Well, duh.

enlightenment · Answer

because she doesn't want you to stop wanting her.  That doesn't mean she is ever going to want you though...sorry

nermalinda · Answer

ooo! I want to know how the date goes, keep us updated!  xD I think it's hillarious how all of our answers seemed to be wrong...

Why don't women give straight answers?

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