Guys and Girls... What are your thoughts on guys buying drinks at a bar for a girl they've never met or even seen before?

[CheerGirl38139]

I have had this debate with various friends and family members (guys and girls) - so for purposes of this poll, I'm neutral.

If a guy offers to buy a girl a drink at a bar to start up a conversation, should she even accept the initial offer?

If they have a good conversation and he continues to buy her drinks all night... should she keep accepting them? In other words, she's not asking... he's offering...

If she lets him buy her drinks all night and then asks for her number, should she feel obligated to give it to him?

tips for guys

tips for girls

Should she accept the free drink offer? Does she owe him anything other than "thank you"?

The guy should never offer / the girl should say no thank you from the start

The girl should accept only ONE drink if she wants to talk to the guy

If he wants to buy all night, she's free to accept all night with no strings attached

If she drinks on his tab all night, she owes him her number if he asks for it

something else...(please offer your perspective)

Updates

+1 y

Additional Context: Both parties are enjoying the conversation so the guy keeps offering to buy her drinks ALL NIGHT.

She is having a good time, but still has ZERO intention of giving the guy her number? Is it OK for her to keep accepting the free drinks since he's offering and she's not asking him to buy?

Still not getting her number. Bogus or fair game?

[winterfox10]

The woman's behavior is deceptive and she is playing him, if she doesn't tell him flat out from the get-go that she won't give him her number. See, this kinda shit is why men are so weary of women.

I think it's interesting how the majority of people said that she should feel free to accept the drinks, as long as the guy understands that there are no strings attached, but that's not how things work... Let me learn y'all something about bars: you don't buy drinks for people who you don't either want something from, or plan to approach, and you don't approach people you don't know at a bar without having some business besides talking to them (you might strike up a conversation while playing pool, for example). Why would I spend all night paying some chick's bartab if I wasn't trying to get laid? She's not going to tell me that I won't get her number, because she wants attention and free drinks. If I don't have her number by the end of the night; she played me, whether I was a willing participant or not.

[CheerGirl38139]

then why buy her the drinks at all?

[winterfox10]

That's my point. The only time you buy someone a drink is if you're trying to shmooze up to them. If I buy you a drink, and you say "hey, thanks for the drink, but you should know that I'm not looking to share my bed with anyone tonight," then my choice to buy you drinks after that is on me.

But you kept flirting with the guy. You kept engaging him in conversation, with absolutely no intention of continuing the involvement outside the bar. Having some continued contact with you was the whole reason he was buying you drinks in the first place.

[CheerGirl38139]

Oh... I totally get that... but flip that around.

Why doesn't the guy just be honest and say "hey... I'll buy your drinks all night if you let me bang you when we leave"...

It's a two way street.

[winterfox10]

That's not a two way street at all. One person is responding to an advance, while the other making the advance. It should be obvious that I want something more if I am footing her drink bill, and telling her straight up that I want sleep with her in exchange for her bar tab would be incredibly brash. A woman might even get offended for treating her like a prostitute. An entire evening of drinking for two can add up to A LOT of money.

[winterfox10]

When a guy is buying a girl drinks, he wants the chance to talk with her and romance her. He is hoping that the drinks will be an opportunity to charm her. The cost of the drinks is an afterthought, and if he is too upfront about his intentions, it makes it seem like he is making a business transaction... And that would make for a terrible hook up, among other things.

[winterfox10]

Am I correct in assuming that this situation happened to you recently?

[CheerGirl38139]

I was intentionally exaggerating to illustrate a point.

You expect us to read your mind from your gesture. So it's "Our fault" for not turning you down right away. It can't possibly be YOUR fault for taking the gamble that your ploy of free alcohol is going to get you laid.

I'm not taking a side one way or the other. The whole thing is a social colostomy.

Its not "fair" to guys or girls - but then again, life isn't fair.

[winterfox10]

Fair enough, fair enough communication could be better (or better yet, we start realizing that bars aren't a good place to meet people)... see... the big difference between the minding reading that I just told you about, versus the mind reading women expect from men, is that what I just told you about is common sense. There aren't any complex messages or codes to read or translate. There is only one simple question you need to ask: "why would this man, who I've never seen before, be providing me, specifically me, an alcoholic beverage, in an establishment where I can readily obtain my own alcoholic beverages?"

[CheerGirl38139]

it happens every weekend... if not to me... to other girls that I know... And like I said, I don't have the answers.

[winterfox10]

If the woman has made up her mind that she isn't going to give the guy her phone number, then clearly she isn't interested in him, and she needs to make her lack of attraction known, because the guy has already made his attraction know by approaching her in the first place. Guys need to understand that buying girls drinks isn't a surefire way to do things, but we already know that anyway... so yeah... the burden here really is on the woman.

[CheerGirl38139]

the answer to your "Why" question is in fact the dilemma that girls are faced with tho.

If this guy isn't annoying, and is willing to buy my drinks all night (AND I NEVER ASKED HIM TO)... if he wants to hang out and talk and keep buying (and nothing else) - then why would I not accept?

He's offering and what if he just wants to talk or maybe dance? Who am I to try to figure that out?

No good answers really.

[winterfox10]

But sweetie (I hope that's not being overly familiar?), what I'm trying to tell you, is that there has never been a single straight guy in your life, nor will there ever be, who has bought your drinks and just wanted to dance and talk. If someone is buying your drinks; it's because they want something.

[CheerGirl38139]

well if Im supposed to ASS-ume that, "sweetie"... then you should know this:

If you think any girl that isn't either stupid, too drunk to know better, or just a plain ol skank... is gonna bang some dude just because he bought her 5 cosmos the first time they met... you're wasting a lot of money for very little expected return.

Unless that is of course, you like stupid girls, skanks, or are willing to fuck some girl that doesn't know she's having sex. :)

[winterfox10]

Lol so that was too familiar...

Look, you're still missing the point of buying the girl drinks. The point isn't so that she'll bang me for buying her a few Cosmos (that would be a business deal, like solicitation, which is NOT why guys buy girls drinks), the point is to have the opportunity to talk with her and get to know her.

The drink is just your in, that's how you break the ice.

[CheerGirl38139]

then we are back to me letting you buy me drinks all night so we can sit and talk... and nothing else. :)

[winterfox10]

Which, if you know you're just wasting my time, is incredibly disrespectful.

[CheerGirl38139]

is there a mulberry bush around here somewhere?

[winterfox10]

My whole argument hinges on the idea that you know that I don't have a shot in hell with you, but you continuing to lead me on so I'll buy you drinks anyway. If you know that I don't have a shot in hell with you, then you should say that. If I really enjoy your company, then I'll stick around anyway.

[winterfox10]

A... Mulberry Bush?

[OlderAndWiser]

I think that when a guy offers to but a drink for a lady, she knows that he is expressing a sexual/romantic interest in her. When a lady accepts a first drink, a guy can reasonably interpret this as an expression of willingness to sit and talk further. By the time it gets to drink #2 or #3, the lady should know whether she has sufficient interest to gibe the guy her phone number. At that point, if she has no interest in him, continuing to accept his offers is a bit misleading.

Of course the lady is not obligated to give him a phone number at any time, but the decent thing to do would be to end the conversation and move on if she has no interest. Otherwise, she is using him.

[Elliegirl]

I say start with one drink if she wants to talk to him. If the convo is good and he offers another, it’s probably still okay. Just as long as you’re not bankrupting the guy with your orders or getting hammered on his dime with no intent of ever talking to him again, I think it’s fine to continue to accept within reason. If there’s no interest or not worth continuing, thank him for the offer but decline. Also, just because you talk to a guy and accept a drink, or even a few, from him, it doesn’t mean you have to fuck him. He may be looking to get laid or he may not, but if he thinks buying a girl a drink makes her obligated to drop her panties for him, then he’s a douche.

[AuroraRoseat]

I chose the last. I'll take a single drink and talk to the guy, but if I'm not interested, I wouldn't get anymore.

If a guy is trying to get me liquored up, I'd be suspicious.

If he sees me going to the bar for shots--which I am prone to do--and simply wants to spend his money, I wouldn't do it. I'm not into him so I wouldn't spend his money that way.

[Logorithim]

Buying a drink for a girl is a time-tested way of getting her attention, so a guy should do it, but not expecting anything.

If the girl knows she is not interested in him, she shoudl decline any further drinks unless she really likes the conversation. Why waste time with a guy you're not interested in.

[Cosytoasty]

I voted C...

Honestly it’s so overblown how much of an apparent “burden” it is for the guy to buy drinks. It’s like 5 drinks each for an entire evening... it’s not like you’re both doing 30 shots one after another.

FWIW I have NEVER chatted with a girl who hasn’t bought at least a couple of return rounds... despite me offering to get everything. I see it as socialising, I’ve met friends at bars after I found out we have a common work interest. That doesn’t mean it always has to lead to anything romantic or sexual.

[dantetheexplorer]

I don't go to bars so I never buy women drinks. The bar is one of the last places I would want to meet women.

Having said that, I voted for it being okay if the woman accepts drinks all night with no strings attached. No one's signing a contract. Would you sell your home without signing a contract? Same here. If the man is desperate enough to ply a woman for drinks in exchange for sex, he is essentially gambling, because there's a chance she'll say no, and the woman is completely in her right to say No. Buying someone drinks doesn't entitle you to anything. So, if the man wants to gamble, he should go in knowing that there's a chance his bet isn't going to pay off. Don't want to throw money away? Don't gamble.

[RegularTK421]

I voted A. If a girl has no intention of giving the man her number and giving him a chance, she is just taking advantage of his interest in her. A man shouldn't be stupid enough to buy a girl drinks all night in a bar. You end up paying for her bar tab and getting nothing in return. It used to be kind of an unspoken code that if a woman accepted a drink, you kind of had a chance. Now these girls just play along cause they are broke and use men who express interest in them to get drunk for free. Then when the men realize they got played, they can't handle it and start attacking all women verbally or become bitter. Don't try to get her drunk, and ladies dont accept drinks and send mixed signals. People just need to be honest and upfront thats all.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

If there's no intention of going any further then I think it's pretty shitty to keep mooching drinks. If you're enjoying the conversation then buy your own drinks and show you're staying for the conversation and not for the drinks. You don't owe him a number if you weren't giving it anyway, but you owe him the kindness of not leeching drinks. He's allowed to do that in spite of the situation if he wants, but that doesn't make it right or good, just as you are allowed to self-harm or drink yourself into a drunken stupor in all your free time but I don't think it's good for you nor recommend it.

[Philyouup]

I think, if they are already talking and enjoying the company of each other, offering to buy her a drink is fine. If he does it with the intention of getting "in her pants" it's his money he's losing. I think a woman talking to a guy that offers her a drink, knows if he's "fishing" for some fannie or if its a genuine offer of "friendship or courtesy" To offer a drink out of the blue, I'm not so sure one way or the other. It could be just an ice breaker to get a chance to talk to somebody that catches your eye. For a guy to expect that there will be any reciprocation other than conversation or drink in return would be a bit backward and caveman like.

[Evo38]

I feel she should tell him that she is not interested from the start. If he still is willing to buy then it's all on him. Personally I've always just bought them a drink and then turned and walked away without saying a word. It keeps them wondering and the looks are priceless sometimes.

[CheerGirl38139]

LOL that would come off creepy to me like it was spiked with some drug

[Evo38]

Lol Nah when I do that it's with both parties at the bar and I never touch their drink.

[CheerGirl38139]

mysterious.

[Evo38]

And it works out well. It's all about being intrigued

[Ouroboros8Fate]

I mean it depends on the guy. Some guys buy drinks for girls simply because they want to get to know you over a drink and that is essentially the start of the icebreaker. Some guys think that they are entitled to your attention once they buy a drink. But normally if it's a nice guy it's just a friendly gesture of them showing interest in you and wanting to get to know you.

[SarahsSummer]

If a guy offers me a drink AND I’m interested in talking to him, sure. At some point the girl needs to decide a couple things tho do I want to keep talking to this guy and have I had enough/too much to drink?

[Sociopathvictim]

i bought a drink for a girl just so i could kiss her with tongues because she had a tongue ring. But the alcohol wasn't enough to clean her mouth out, i got an ulcer the next morning :[ damn.
Anyway the point of buying a girl a drink is to bribe her into some kind of sexual favour. I think men make great police officers because we can tell how sober a girl is ;) HEYYYYYYYYY THIS ONE NEEDS A DRINK OVER HERE omnomnomonomnom

[Finchie40]

If he buys her 1 drink and she knows she isn't interested in him she should tell him thank you for the drink and make up a lie or whatever that she is already taken. It would be the appropriate thing to do to make him aware that he doesn't have a chance

[HereIbe]

He's free to buy. She's free to drink. There is no obligation placed upon her that is not explicitly stated. What he is "buying" from her is her time AT THE BAR, nothing more. Anything more than that is her freebee to bestow or not, at her will. Thus, if his Game isn't up to getting some Happy Fun Bed Jumpy Bump Time as the freebee, then he needs to up that GAME!

[CheerGirl38139]

interesting outlook

[passinby]

How about if I buy her a glass of milk? Would that be less rapey?

[CheerGirl38139]

the question doesn't imply that anyone is being "rapey". Nice try.

[passinby]

What do you mean? That guy's tie is loose and he is eyeballing her naked through her indebted glass of brain polish.

[CheerGirl38139]

Not taking your bait bruh.

[passinby]

It just seems that the whole drink buying thing is so outdated and damn risky given the current laws. Shit if she walks outside and breaks an ankle say on the curb because she got smashed on free drinks, she could sue the bar owner and the that guy.

[CheerGirl38139]

I see it every weekend. That's what prompted the question

[passinby]

What if she drives and hits someone or gets killed? This buying drinks sht could be a complete life changing event for all involved.

[CheerGirl38139]

uber.

uber.

uber.

[passinby]

I happen to know of an incident where the taxi driver had a warrant out on him and was stopped at a roadblock and the passengers were all arrested for public intox as soon as they were told to get out of the cab. So they sued the cab company, the bar owner, and for all I know they could probably sue the stupid bastd buying drinks too.

[CheerGirl38139]

I've never taken a cab. Everyone in my social circle either walks, or uses Uber and Lyft when going out drinking.

[passinby]

So this is absolutely impossible with Uber and Lyft? I mean there is no possibility that one of these rent a drivers would ever be that.

[CheerGirl38139]

I have no idea what you're on about dude.

The question has nothing to do with whether or not it's a good idea to get blackout drunk or assist someone else in doing so.

This is about social interaction and what people think is appropriate behavior

[passinby]

You asked "What are your thoughts on guys buying drinks at a bar for a girl they've never met or even seen before?" and I am simply saying that this social interaction is obsolete. It is just that you didn't like my first implication of this idea so we had to take a detour to get back to it.

[CheerGirl38139]

you went for the "rapey" thing straight away man.

Then you launch into a lecture about drinking and riding in cabs.

[passinby]

I have to say I am busting a gut here. You are funny. Most would have dropped this a long time ago. At least you have a sense of humor I think.

[CheerGirl38139]

media.giphy.com/media/3oEdvd1X2hohEgyPNC/giphy.gif

[Prankster13]

Option C. Although I would say. If she already knows she's not giving him her number? That's kind of leading him on to keep accepting drinks feom him... I mean there's nothing wrong with that. But still. At least warn him maybe?

[Andrea89]

It would be considerate of her to only accept the drinks if she's up for at least blowing him in return. If a guy buys a random girl drinks, it's because he's looking to get his dick wet

[Benedek38]

If she has no intention of making anything of the conversation, then she clearly is using the guy, and should refuse the drink, or at least refuse the second drink.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think guys should offer a girl. Does she want him to buy her a drink? And if she says No Thanks than he should take it that she says No Thanks !!!
He shouldn't push the issue on buying her a drink.

[CheerGirl38139]

OK but assume she just says something like "sure thanks" and then he keeps buying them for the rest of the night...

[clarinet89]

A girl I know, once posted a tweet saying "guys, if you are thinking about sending a drink over to a girl you like, send wings instead"

Now, granted I think she's more of a wing eater, than a drinker but, I wonder if she really meant, ALL women?

[CheerGirl38139]

LOL
...

[clarinet89]

Did I really say something that funny?

[CheerGirl38139]

She did

[clarinet89]

Uh, care to explain?

[SarahsSummer]

That’s awesome! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 you don’t think that girls comment is funny?

[clarinet89]

I mean, I don't really get it

[IndieGirlJess]

I think he is trying to get her drunk so he can get her in bed.

[maddithebaddi]

If I'm not interested in him I'm not letting him buy me a drink. if I keep accepting things from him he will assume I'm interested

[CheerGirl38139]

badass side boob top by the way

[maddithebaddi]

😂😂🤣😆

[maddithebaddi]

Thanks sis