Based on custom and tradition, likely the man makes the first move. However, that is not always true and in my case it made a difference.
To start, I had been badly hurt in a relationship - I will spare the details - but it was really bad and even to this day it still hurts. So I was not really in the market but had been riding a serious emotional roller coaster.
Anyhow, I worked for a Member of Congress and we put on an event. In walks this pretty girl. She caught my eye right away. A pretty smile and the most beautiful eyes. She worked for a think tank and we got to talking... and talking... and talking. So much that my CoS mentioned it at the end of the evening.
The gal and I exchanged business cards but it did not take me long to come back to Earth. I was hurt and - frankly - the last thing I wanted as I was getting my sea legs back was another relationship.
Funny thing. She dropped by my office to give me some informational materials that she could have easily e-mailed to me. Then she invited me to some "business lunches." First they were in groups, then I still remember getting to the restaurant - and it was just her.
Then she would drop by again and again with more materials that she could have e-mailed. At first the materials were relevant to legislation that my Boss had cosponsored but then it was stuff that we barely had any interest in. Still, lobbyist do that and other than the personal visits instead of e-mail, I really did not think much about it.
Slowly but surely it dawned on me. "Hey, I think this girl likes me." So, finally, not really wanting to and scared to death, I asked her out to dinner - of a non-business variety. We saw a movie after that.
She made me laugh. She held my hand without asking. I still remember our first kiss. I REALLY remember the first time - and she said it first - that she loved me. (I was floating on air. I remember the lighting in her apartment hallway. I remember the carpeting. I can tell you EVERYTHING about that moment down to the last molecule and the last second.)
Well, 12 years later and not a few bumps along the way, she - and the three little munchkins she has given me, the most beautiful wonderful gifts a woman has ever given a man - is the center of my universe. I can get through any day any frustration any disappointment so long as I know, the next morning, I will wake up and feel her next to me and holding me.
So I cannot speak to all women. However, I know how it worked out in my case. I would not change it for the world. I am so lucky to have her and my little munchkins - and I owe it all to her making the first move... er... moves, and holding me when I needed it.
Depending on what you mean by first "move", I'd say women do it quite often. Face it, if she is standing in front of you, looking up into your eyes and smiling at you, and has relaxed, open body language, she is interested. It's her "first move". If you notice her hanging around you or if she is the one who walked up to you, it's an even more certain indication. She might try to engage you in conversation, laugh at your jokes as if you're charming and funny, and even touch your arm with her hand in a easy, playful manner to punctuate some of her responses. Touching is a sure sign.
All those signals are called being flirty.
If she is shy, she might just find opportunities to be in your proximity. You'll catch her repeatedly looking at you and then turning her eyes down nervously when you notice her. She might blush and fidget.
If she's bolder, she might just look straight at you from across the room and give you an interested smile. It's all about having the ability to read body language.
Short of those kinds of things, what is she supposed to do, hit you over the head with club and drag you off to her lair? What woman wants to be with a weak fuck who is too awkward to respond to any of her signals. They are looking for men. They aren't looking for lunkheads who can't pick up on the most obvious of hints, either.
Women are hesitant to come straight out and ask guys on dates. One of the main reasons is that many guys will assume that she is a "slut" who picks up guys all the time. I constantly hear the word slut used to describe perfectly nice women.
Plus, guys like to feel dominant as opposed to submissive. They feel less masculine when the woman is assertive. It's like a role reversal.
Men like the feeling of being looked up to as big, strong, protectors; knights in shining armor, who can handle any situation. And when a woman sees him that way, she also assumes that he is powerful, virile, and capable of dominance as well as tenderness when it comes to sex.
When a woman isn't interested it's totally obvious. Her body language is closed. She might cross her arms and have a cynical expression. She might smirk and turn away as to say "In your dreams, sonny." Or she might simply be dismissive, ignore you, or act like you don't exist.
LOl so it’s really none of my business whst people want to fo
but watching women and men say year after year “ well it’s not the norm for women to ask so it’s understandable that they don’t”
{or “they do in subtle ways” when everyone very straightforwardly knows what you are asking And it is not whether she smiles at a certain degree Angle while he looks in her direction somewhat.🙄🙄 }
it’s really annoying to me bc
1 women DO ask guys out, so there isn’t any actual obstacles. Many decide just to, but it’s simply bc they don’t wish to. There is No inherent disability that women possess that Lewis turn from asking guys out. Stop excusing it. They do or they don’t just like guys will or won’t. A person is either shy or outgoing it doesn’t matter what sex they are.
2 Things are only “ out of the norm” until they are done Normally...
if anything “ being uncommonly done” is a reason to do something MORE not less.. Not a reason to not do it.
I’m not sure why this particular thing bothers me. People say all kinds of things that are flawed.. I think it’s the Disconnect between being expected to act like an adult— except in relation to your ADULT-relationship, that gets to me.
The way women agree to live a bipolar existence.. There isn’t Anything in life where you can just say doing nothing is the right thjbg to do.. unless you are a woman, dating.
I understand some people are shy But even then you can work through it And men are more willing to do so.
It’s when the only reason a person won’t ask someone out is bc they feel that if they do, that person won’t be interested.. Obviously someone has to ask someone.. And the asking falls on the shoulders of the guy..
So , immediately before the dating begins, the initiator (guy) has the privilege and respect of being accepted as an adult. The perused ( woman) , does not.
It never ceases to bother me that this is accepted.
and of course I also think it is unfair for men to be expected to do all the initiating. It’s too much pressure when often nothing happens. It also makes it difficult to clearly reject someone stem they think if they just keep trying...
The whole set up is dumb and infantilizing for women and way too taxing for Men... I don’t see why we have overCome so many other idiotic Rituals.. yet this one gets excuse after excuse.
Just let it go. It isn’t useful app it does is make people feel doubtful and confused and stressed out.
The important part is getting to know each other.. initiating doesn't prove anything.. it just gets the ball rolling.
I'd prefer other people to make the first move, especially since I'm shy and am fairly afraid of rejection (as I'm sure most people are). That said, I'm willing to make the first move if I'm sure there's at least some chemistry, I'm really into him, and he's shy or doesn't seem like he's going to make a move.
I wouldn't be as blunt as the examples you gave, but I'd probably hang out with him a bit alone then say something like "hey I really enjoy spending time with you" then drop the question of dating.
Also it kinda goes against the norm, so a girl making the first move is probably a big thing for her to do and it means a lot
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So when I was in high school a girl approached me and asked for name. I told her my name and she walked away. Everytime she would leave class as she had to escort her friend in crutches, she would scream bye to me. She would give me love notes And say I was really cute. She would scream marry me In the middle of class. She would say she couldn’t sleep at night thinking about me. I was so pissed at the time because I was going after another girl who was like a 7 in my grade. This chick who approached me tho was one of the hottest in the school and in her grade which was 1 year younger than me. She gave me a love note and threw it right back at her and she got the message. After that she would just stare at me with a blank face. I was 16 at the time. She was 15. I didn’t really know what to do because I was the smart cute one in classes but I never got hit on like this ever in my life before. I rejected her brutally and what to this day I feel disgusted at what I did. Sure I didn’t like her but for a girl to have the confidence to approach a guy just made it special. I felt stupid because I want more girls to be like her. If she sees a guy she likes I want her to approach him. I feel like I destroyed her confidence in approaching other guys. I want more people especially women to be like this. Stop sending stupid signals and commit.
I sent him a facebook request, he wrote to me, i suggested we meet up and asked if he was single, he said he was and sure. Then we started dating because I asked if he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend and he said yes. That's my story. I made it pretty easy to him that i liked him, but he was also letting me know he felt the same.
Jesus dude. When complimenting an attractive woman of any "league" never compliment their looks if you're not in a private setting. It won't mean much to them as theyre told theyre attractive all God damn day. It takes work to put an outfit and make up on. Compliment their good work and admire them with your eyes. She will know what you did and that you appreciate a well dressed woman.
If i know the woman and I'm sleeping with her I just send a "come over, there's a problem you need to fix" text and since she's not dense she gets it and comes over.
Anything else I can help with?
Even when guys want that, the truth is guys don’t generally take that girl seriously... very rarely do they do.. and in fact right away labor her as easy and judge her by assuming she must do that with every guy and talk about with their friends instead of the way they’d view a girl that THeY made a first love on and so on.
The first half of my life living as a guy, I can't tell you how shy I was. I think women should ask out shy guys because otherwise they are missing out on a whole demographic. The second half of my life, I am a woman, a trans woman, I am still a little shy, but less so, I will try to approach anyone just to talk and include them because I believe everyone has something special to contribute. Guys and girls approach me now and it's a new experience. It makes me feel good to be appreciated that way and I think no matter what gender you or the other person is you should just do it. ... and be upfront and open, the other person is usually not a mind reader.
A few do and they are usually really strange like one as a server throwing my food at me, another punching me, and one intentionally bumping into me. I went to pick up a car and the agent, a cute pale brunette, grabbed my hand when she gave me the keys and then we went out. One woman just did a deer in the headlights stare on me at the hardware store and it was I have to say memorizing and we did hit it off. But, the most direct was a blonde petite at a yacht race walked up to me on the dock bikini-barefoot, never said a word and took my hand and led me below to have sex. She got in the bunk and pulled me on top of her. Still not often enough. ..
I don't know if i do make first move. Usually the guy shows some kind of interest either by striking a conversation or bu giving more subtle hints. After he does that I may try to initiate too but i keep it friendly. Usually, if a girl talks to you more than once or twice in a month she is interested.
I've had women be upfront wanting sex at clubs or on dating apps but they were all unattractive, as you might expect.
The most I've had from attractive girls is them coming up and talking to me which has given me the opportunity to make a move, but I've never had an attractive girl do anything more than that.
In my experience, every now and then. Only one person has been bold enough to talk openly though. I've had 2 girls say they were going through anxiety and other emotional stuff and needed to "cuddle naked" (such an odd phrase. How did two people think of it?), and 2 girls say nothing but get suddenly handsy.
The direct person earned some attraction points, and the indirect people turned me off.
Back in my early twenties when I was working my way through college, was athletic and better looking, it made me very uneasy when women would approach me. I didn't know how to react. I was thinking to myself, "Um... okay? I don't have a job, no money, living with my parents... what do I have to offer her?"
Today, I would've handled it differently. Back then, I didn't know any better. But you live and learn.
Well we can't really know for certain, I don't think anyone is really keeping calculations or studies of that sort of thing. All I know is that there are some women who are straight forward and some who are not. But i was one of those girls who asked my boyfriend out first though but that was the first and last time I'd ever ask man out to a date.
2 girls made the first move on me, cuz I usually dont make any moves. One went on a couple dates and she dropped me for no reason. And 2 she asked me out and then decided to move back in with her ex, so we never went out.
Word of advice girls, do not make a move unless you are actually interested, and you got a clue that he is too.
More when they're drunk, horny, desperate, or over 30.
2 of the 3 times I've been approached in my life have been in this situation. The other time was when I was 15 and a girl in my tennis group had the hots for me and came up to me and approached in an attractive way without desperation written all over her face.
It depends on what you define as "making the first move". If it means smiling at him or making other use of body language, having a third party mention she is interested, saying hi on a dating app or on social media or discreetly flirting or starting a convo with the intent to get him to talk to her and get her number or ask her out, it's a lot higher than people think.
Never they know they don’t have to. There is an endless supply of desperate pathetic men out there lined up behind every women. Just look at some of the loser in here who rate every girl who post a pic a 10/10 or 40 year old fat fuck who hit on 16 year old girls I swear 40% of the male population should just disappear
Not often enough... and for all you ladies out there.. please be less subtle and more obvious. That'd be great. I hate to think about all the missed opportunities because I'm simple and miss the subtleties.
I have had 2 women ask me out before. The first I went on a couple dates but we had nothing in common at all. The second I spent about two and a half years of my life with and when I was about to ask her to marry me she left, so there is that. I am married now to a woman I approached but it does happen. Not frequently mind you but I think it's a good thing overall.
I had a move made on me... if what you describe is extreamly direct then this is one above that I fell asleep after a few drinks on her dad's couch and woke up mid-blowjob... I honestly didn't know she liked me until (my workmates and even my boss knew)
I’ve told a guy I liked him before he said anything if that counts
That depends on how one defines the first move. In girls' minds they've made the first move if they've been within 30 feet of the guy, added him on social media, looked at him even if he didn't notice, said something to him even if he didn't hear her, ignored him, or any of their other subtle hints that are oh so obvious but never really land.
In terms of actually asking the guy out, very rarely.
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