How much "interest" do you have to see from a girl before you make further moves, guys?

Question

Hey guys... (or girls can chime in too w/their experiences)

How much interest do you typically have to see from a girl before you make a move on her romantically?

In other words, if you're interested in a girl you already sort of know (maybe a co-woker, school mate, friend, mutual friend of another person, etc) at what point do you find the guts to go ahead and actually start to PURSUE her for more than just "friendship"?

Does she have to flirt with you? Invite you places? Simply smile at you? Ask you personal questions? etc?

What IS it that gives you the "green light" to continue to pursue her?

I'm just trying to figure out whether or not I'm giving guys the proper amount of "interested" signals. I don't want to come on TOO strong, but at the same time I don't want to come off as TOO aloof or TOO hard to get either. :-/

Brontosaurus · Accepted Answer

I think you'll find that it differs across the whole spectrum of men, and even the same guy, depending on where he's at in life, can require different "green lights."

There have been times when I'd be so weary of women playing mind games, so tired of expending the energy to "prove" that I was into them for what was ultimately an uncertain reward, that a woman would practically have to throw herself at me to get me to believe she was interested enough to pursue her.

Anyway, assuming I know her as a friend or coworker, I personally respond much more positively to physical cues than verbal ones. For example, sitting on my lap (yes, I know teenagers do this casually, but adults not as much) would generally work to get me to start being significantly more aggressive in my pursuit. Even then I still need periodic signs/reenforcement that things are moving in a direction she is okay with, but I don't mind taking the lead at least once I feel the "green light" has been given.

Other examples...slipping her arm through mine while sitting together out in public, wrapping her arms around me from behind, even just grabbing and holding my hand (though not, say, in a park where we then go ahead and swing our arms). Obviously some of this depends on how long and how close we have been as friends. Very long-time and/or very close friends often do all of these things out of habit, so there would have to be some sort of escalation for me to notice.

Once in a while I do get completely oblivious. I had to have one female friend invite me into her apartment after a date and get ready for bed in front of me before I was like "Oh duh..."

joeypete · Accepted Answer

It of course depends on what kind of "advances" you are talking about. If I was with a girl that just wanted to get physical I would rely on body language cues, such as, smile, casual touches, body position (hips thrusted forward, direction of legs...etc), flirtatious gestures, basically if she's giving me good body language ill start to reciprocate and start 'slowly' getting physical with her (dont want to rush things and look like a jackass). Body language only tells part of the story however. In order for me to be interested and have any kind of 'green light' not only does she have to be giving me good body language cues but we also has to be having a good time. If she's laughing at my jokes and just enjoying my company in general, paired with good body language... that's usually enough for me to know that she's interested and take it to the next level! (smooth right!)

As far as romantic involvement goes such as, dating, relationships...etc. I feel like I have to know the girl pretty well before considering dating her. If I know her and she's fun to be around and we seem to 'click' I would probably trust my instincts and ask her out.

Hope this helps you out, lemme know if you have any questions/comments.

Best regards,

JP

crushsodacan · Accepted Answer

Dude, I always get amazing guy advice from my guy friends, haha, and when it comes to showing interest, you literally have to shake them over the head with it. You have to be straight with them. Guys are kind of clueless when it comes to 'hints'.

beerY33 · Accepted Answer

I think it's different from guy to guy. A more shy guy is going to need lots of reason to believe you're into him, but a really confident guy might not need any signal at all to give it a shot.

thisGUYknows · Answer

-smiles a lot at us and makes meaningful eye contact (the shyer ones will be a little nervous and can only do it for so long)

now depending on how we are with game, this is enough for some of us to make the next move. however some girls are just really friendly or flirtatious so we look for...

-she initiates conversation as often as possible. if in a group, she directs it towards you.

most of us can get the hint by then. then the flirting starts.

-conversation turns to flirting and you have that silent pause where you just look at each other.

in an public envornment i.e. @ work, school or a party, if there is that "moment" where you just catch each others' eyes from afar and you just smile and hold eye contact. that's a definite green light.

it might sound like a lot but it isn't really. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. again though it depends on the guys confidence because apparently its OUR job to initiate everything. lol. if you feel like he likes you just a little don't be afraid to do the initiating.

7121uc · Answer

If I think the girl is attractive, I make a move without her giving me any signal. For example, last week in school, I saw this hot blond that I had seen in campus all year sitting in the cafeteria. I went up to her and we did small talk while I flirted with her. However, if I don't find the girl attractive, I won't make a move even if she sends signals. For instance, this girl in one of my classes always smiles and sits next to me in class. Once she even invited me to go to lunch with her, but I decline because I had to do something. So, even though I know she likes me, I don't make a move because I don't find her physically attractive. If she would ask me out, I guess I would go out with her though.

art84 · Answer

There was this girl at school that was surprised to see me as we have never seen each other for a few months. She asked me how I was doing and my family as they know her. We've known each other for years but never really sat down and talked. She became sad when she found out that I had moved from the same church we attended together. She said she enjoyed talking to me when her ride arrived and hoped to see me later. A week later I attend church and she gives me a tap on the shoulder and I turn around and hear her giggle. She grabs my hand for a few minutes and has this huge smile on her face like she's surprised to see. me. She has also said hi to me a lot and smiles every time she sees me. Makes me feel that she wants to be more than just friends with me.

Prof_Don · Answer

"Dropping hints" imo is a bad way to go about this, Ms. Annonymous. To be frank, a guy that's not trying to look for a girl's "hints" can easily overlook them.

I know that if a girl was dropp'n hints to me when I was busy, stressed, or simply focused on something else, I wouldn't be able to use the brainpower to decipher your games, because, well, I'm focused on something else.

Imo, be VERBAL with him to be certain your point gets across. These "hints" that you may be dropp'n may simply be interpreted as you being nice.

Usually actions speak louder than words...but in this case it is the opposite. :)

Lovelesspassion · Answer

Well for me I could use one of 2 things to act truly romantic..

1. Her to say she likes me.. That's to say it not act like it..

Or 2.. Show me so much intrest as you can... The best way is to hugg me hold onto me and not let go for a long time.. I can't resist a girls hug.. But a long hug for no real reason is sweet..

Mind you for both of these I must acually like the girl.. And she had better not have a boyfriend.. If she does then I won't react.. But id still give a comfortable hug back..

malekoniky · Answer

More shy, more interest he needs. More attracted he is less "interested signs" is enough.

Smiles for longer time, just showing that you enjoy being near him is enough most of the times (if he likes you), but it may take time.

Fbksguy · Answer

Well, I tend to find a girl I'm interested in, go into pursuit mode and see how she responds.  Best way to make her intentions obvious is to make yours very obvious as well.

Backbone · Answer

If she returns my texts or calls, I'm happy already!

WeaponZero · Answer

I need verbal confirmation.  Subtlety and hint-dropping are too confusing.

smbcomix · Answer

If she doesn't flat-out tell me she likes me and beg me to pursue her, I'm not going anywhere. I need concrete proof that's what she wants.

Anonymous · Answer

i am shy and never had a girlfriend so she would have to ask me places or show more interest right now.. I might anyway idk.

How much "interest" do you have to see from a girl before you make further moves, guys?

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Guys, what makes you think a girl is interested in you?

How much "interest" do you have to see from a girl before you make further moves, guys?

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Guys, what makes you think a girl is interested in you?

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