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everybody is insecure in one way or another so why are guys punished for it?
Why are insecure guys unattractive?
Anonymous
(30-35) 
Women think about the world subjectively. Men think about the world objectively.
I'll explain that.
You can argue this all you want, but regardless of how "liberated" a woman is or how "independant" a man is, much of our biological makeup revolves around the propagation of the species. In layman's terms, that means eating, attraction, sex, and child-rearing. Everything else is "icing on the cake" so to speak.
This is part of the reason people say "you can't control who you're attracted to". You really can't. Women are attracted to strong, confident men because in antiquity, strong, confident men were usually the best candidates for a strong, stable family.
It's only in modern times as we have added artificial standards of worth (clothing, money, house, cars, etc) that we have started to see these types of problems in relationships. Insecurities, for example, are generally linked to a self-standard of worth - "I don't make enough money", "I'm not good looking enough", "I'll never amount to anything", so on and so forth. These problems are also amplified in first world countries like America and England due to the media's bias. Argue the point all you want, but when (for example) the Huffington Post prints an article like "American Men: Can They Still be Leading Men?" talking about how American men no longer have the physique to be movie stars, and the pictures they show are of Tom Cruise and Ed Norton (relatively good looking guys), the average guy looks at that an totally internalizes the underlying message that "hey, if Tom Cruise is getting ripped on, and I'm no where near as good looking, I must not be worthwhile". It's also very self-propagating (meaning it feeds itself). If I'm insecure, and I go out and try to get a date, and women don't respond to me, that only serves to make me more insecure, and so on and so on. There have been studies on this - this is why America is one of the most prosperous nations but also has one of the highest divorce rates and one of the highest "single person" rates.
The right answer to this is just stop worrying about it. There's a great article on GAG somewhere about not worrying about what THEY like and focusing on what YOU like istead.
Most Helpful Opinions
Because most women are insecure and opposites attract.
Anonymous(36-45)1. If you don't like you, how do you expect anyone else to like you?
2. being in a relationship with an insecure person is like a job. anyone who's had a friend, relative, etc. who was extremely insecure knows that you have to constantly babysit the person's feelings, they either become oversensitive/dramatic, or passive aggressive, clingy, needy, whiny. it's an entire host of bad behavioral traits that are a result of insecurity. work on the root issue first and you can increase your attractiveness
3. we like men who can make us feel safe and protected when needed. men who show these traits are usually masculine and do not let their insecurities get the best of them. feminine women are attracted to masculine men, opposites attract. I'm attracted to kind of a dominance in a man that's sure about the situation and got everything under control. I don't need a guy who's all scared and looking at me like my little brother or something lol
4. confident people are more attractive. this happens in both sexes. I've seen girls that everybody (guys and girls) thought was hot, but when you really broke it down and analyzed her, she wasn't the most beautiful woman around but she focused on her positive points (not just looks) and didn't dwell on the negative. there are guys who are like this too. nobody is perfect and you should accept yourself. but if you have major flaws work on them. if you've done your best F the rest. have a good attitude and you will attract good things
to answer the rest of your ?
insecure women are also punished. they can still attract guys, but they are very very likely to be used and emotionally hurt because they don't set any boundaries and accept bad treatment. most guys will treat a girl the way she treats herself. if she doesn't like her and think of herself as a priority, why should he treat her like she matters? he wont. it goes both ways.
instead of dissing an entire gender, work on yourself and maybe you will attract one of the women you seem to look down on.
I think there's a difference between insecure and insecurities - there are those who are confident but with some insecurities (like everyone), then there are those who are just all-around insecure about themselves (they just straight up don't think they're good enough). The latter are the ones who seem unattractive, because they don't seem to like themselves much/are not very confident - it's hard to try to like someone who doesn't even like himself. The former is just about everyone, we are generally confident but have some insecurities - this is only normal, if we didn't feel insecure from time to time we would be robots.
I think it goes both ways. A insecure girl is bound to go for a jackass or loose a guy over some stuff that she is insecure about... an insecure boy is bound to do the same...either not be able to date a girl or find a girl that isn't right for him...
What Girls & Guys Said
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Opinion
7Opinion
I was just talking about this topic earlier with a girl I know and she said it is when guys need constant compliments and always ask if they look good and get jealous of other guys when it gets unattractive. I was wondering the same thing though. Girls always say they find "confidence" attractive but what if your not confident then what? Are you supposed to pretend you are? There is some things about people that they don't know or take into consideration about peoples insecurites. Maybe something in the past made them scared of something but should that make them less dateable? Usually people liking them regardless is what helps them get over that fear. I have wondered the same question though. I think you are right though girls don't accept guys who are insecure very well because of that prior expectation.
2.5K opinions shared on Flirting topic. Because not everyone shows it.
When sh*t hits the fan, "modern" woman goes right back to her primitive instincts. She wants the man to take charge, do what needs doing, and take care of her. She doesn't want to turn to the man, only to find him looking at her saying "What are we going to do?"
When you hear an intruder in the middle of the night, the woman wants to know the man is capable of doing what's needed. He can be scared and insecure all he wants, but he can't show it. He's got to man up, and do what needs doing.
It's basic evolutionary biology. Insecure guys won't make girls feel safe and protected. And on some basic gut instinct level, they still need that.-
I wouldn't say punished for it but judged harsher for it than women, yes. It might be because we're all taught at a young age that men are tough and emotionless so it seems unexpected when a guy shows his insecurities (which is weird if you think about, being taught that men are emotionless) . Like you said everyone has insecurities, the thing is not every one wallows in their insecurities. I don't like it when a guy obsess over his insecurities and expect me to give him compliments 24/7, that to me is unattractive.
- Anonymous(36-45)
A. I need a man who can fend off robbers and murders. B. Insecure men need too much reassurance.
There are a lot of cocky yet very insecure people out there who aren't punished for it because they put up a good front. At the end of the day, to an observant person, it all comes out. Even the cockiest of insecure men is too demanding. They tend to passive-aggressively fish for compliments, or worry that you might cheat on them. They tend to be more possessive, demanding, and controlling... OR, they're too much of a push over, prone to depression, and are afraid to voice their own opinions. In the case of the latter, it can be pretty annoying to carry on a conversation with a Yes man. "I don't care hunny, wherever you want to go. I don't are hunny, whatever you want to do." In the case of the former, he may have a tantrum if he can't have his way. Well everyone is punished for being insecure, not just guys. Some people just find it unattractive.
The only thing I find unattractive about insecurities is when a guy needs constant reinsurance. My ex would always need justification and it's not like I didn't give him any on my own, he just constantly needed it and it drove me crazy, you can only fish for so many compliments before you drive someone crazy, and when compliments are forced they just aren't the same.Women put greater value on a man's confidence because we are innately inclined to people who will help us feel secure. Blame it on nature. Men usually go for women whom they feel the need to protect, and women go after men who can provide them security.
Actually, it's because girls are already insecure and how in the world could an insecure guy alleviate that? But a guy/man who is confident can make a girl feel good about herself (in no small part because the confident guy isn't afraid to act on his attraction.)
Look the key to your problem; is to fake it til you make it; confidence and security won't come over night, but if you act like you are both, eventually you will be. so smile like you know a secret, laugh loud and say what you feel. eventually itll become first nature and you'll have mad swag :) haha
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Because we want a guy who could protect us and help us. I can hear the feminists scream now... well eff them, I hate them anyway...
A guy who comes off like he doesn't know what he's doing or is scared isn't much of a man. We want real men.
Doesn't mean you can't be insecure, we all are, as long as you aren't like that all the time. I hope that made sense. -
Because most women (and men) think that confidence is just something that you can pull from your sore, pulsating, pimply asshole.
Brb. Going to use my Asgardian powers to destroy the Earth. Should be back in approximately 5 minutes. -
Girls are punished for it, too. We are all people, and since we all have insecurites just be confident, and you won't be as unattractive anymore.
everybody is insecure. some people are just better at hiding it. the only ones who are not insecure are narcassistic sociopaths. in my opinion people who appear least insecure could actually be very insecure.
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Wait... Do you mean that they might be insecure due to the fact that they're unattractive? This also happens to girls. Except I'd say most girls are insecure anyway.
602 opinions shared on Flirting topic. because women are already insecure, who is going to put up with their insecurity? at least they won't
315 opinions shared on Flirting topic. Because a secure guy won't care whether a girl stays or leaves him. So she'll have the freedom to choose what's best for her.
- Anonymous(36-45)
who wants someone unsure wabout themselves and always second guessing
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Because , guys complain about their girlfriend leaving them for another guy
truth is with your insecurties ..ur pushing her away
what guy should you be worried about ..is yourself . -
I wouldn't mind dating an insecure guy.
I'd be able to relate to them, and maybe be on the other end of "But you're really attractive!". - 377 opinions shared on Flirting topic.
because girls have higher standards
- 2.1K opinions shared on Flirting topic.
because women have higher standards
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