I recently met a very attractive guy. For some reason he was acting very hasty and refused to make eye contact when he was talking to me. I thought that maybe he has a girlfriend or he is married or he might not like me. I noticed other women were trying to flirt with him but he seem very confident and relaxed around them. Its confusing because I also noticed that he keeps looking at me but doesn’t talk to me and wants to ignore me, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve caught him staring at me. Anyway, it’s led me to the thought that perhaps he might be shy or insecure.
Well, I have a friend that I've known since we were in our teens. He's a good looking guy and always had girls. He had both girlfriends and one night stands. When we were in our late 20s he was freaking out about some girl that he really wanted to go out with. He was acting like a shy 14 year old. I knew that he had plenty of girls and I couldn't figure out what was going on. Was this a case that he really really liked this girl, like far more than all the other girls he had?
Well it turned out that even though he had all those girls, he had never asked one out before. He was good looking and every one of those girls made the move. He never had to do a thing. So suddenly when he had to make the first move, he had zero experience.
Over time he got way more confident. But in his late 20s he had no confidence because he never had to make a move before.
By the way, up until about his mid 50s he still had college age girls hitting on him and flirting with him. Once he reached 60 it was finally starting to slow down.
For one, unless they are quite obviously super fit and toned, they usually have almost zero idea of how attractive they are. We get very few comments on our looks.
And while shy could be one cause for this there's also another that comes to mind.
If he gives much of a damn about women's issues, he's gotten a barrage of how attraction or any sort of special attention is threatening, sexist, objectifying, etc. It's been taking me a good chunk of time to realize some girls actually LIKE being complimented.
Like, it just doesn't process with me, because I've never heard a girl be like "this guy flirted with me today. It was great!" It's always "I was having a perfectly good day until some jackass thought he could just flirt with me. Ugh, men are fucking animals."
So when I would be interested in a girl, I would overcompensate in the opposite direction so as not to make her uncomfortable. Avoid eye contact, keep social interaction professional etc. i would often save the flirting or compliments for girls I wasn't especially attracted to, or even to men. Because I would figure I wouldn't accidentally give nonverbal cues of interest.
As you can imagine, it twists me up in knots and I hate it. A combination of "I'm supposed to be the one to show interest first" followed by female voices in my head calling me a sexist piece of shit for wanting to do it.
I suppose another factor was that I had false accusations against me by girls who didn't want me to join theatre.
I will say it is WAY easier if it's someone you already know or are otherwise in an unrelated situation that has you chatting. It's where if you see a cute guy who seems shy like this, it's often to your advantage to initiate a bit to make it obvious you're receptive.
I feel this.. all the way. It's gotten to the point where I now am confident and extroverted.. but only so long as I am not exeperiencing attraction to or from myself or others, then it's overthink-mode and the exact opposite..
I've got too much baggage dealing with girls and group-dynamics to relax at times. But im working on it, making progress.
ok so attractive is in the eye of the beholder. just because you find him attractive , it does not necessarily mean all girls find him attractive. There were times where I had a very handsome black man who was extremely attracted to me. He did the same thing as what you've mentioned: looks low energy, uncomfortable making eye contact, awkward. But he just wasn't my type. There were guys who found me extremely attractive while there are other guys who find me as very average looking.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder. just because you think he is attractive , it does not mean all girls want him
Beautiful women are often than not proud of their beauty privileges, guys are not they might think things like 'What should I do if people around me found out I'm not nearly as good as I sounds after they approach me for my appearance?' So, unless they're unmotivated or successful in their careers attractive men often had trouble approaching other people unless they know how to make use of their charms to get ahead in life.
So I'm not at all fit but I get a lot of attention from girls. I think it has something to do with a good jawline, my goal-oriented way of doing things, the initial confidence, my disregard for following the crowd, calling out people with honesty and definitely for being mysterious.
But like even if I can have high confidence, look people in the eye and be all extroverted (which I think is missunderstood as flirting).. All it takes is some attraction in any direction and confidence is dispelled. This is my baggage though, nothing universal about hot men.
I don't know how it is generally for women (also depending on culture).. My biased opinion is that women has less pressure to act so openly (risky) and can 'ride' on their beauty more than men can. If we don't have our character all together our attractiveness just makes others expect more from us than we're asking for (sometimes unable to deliver).
--Deepdive into my side of it:
Being kind and considerate is important to me, probably too important. This is why feminism in the 2010-2017 really got to me, but it was also the reason I was extra insecure about it regardless of my inexperience.
At some point I had to start chasing those experiences though which led to witchhunts and me questioning my viability as a man. I was mildly traumatized and every time I got too much attention for too long it just triggered those memories of times when women lay higher expectations on me because I looked and seemed like I could play the game from the outside. But I didn't know how to be and I didn't trust my intuition at all so when they got confused about me they thought I was creepy and rumors do most of the work until someone feel justified to punish me for nothing but being insecure.
But recently I've decided to trust myself more and just go at it. Modern feminism isn't as much ruled by the extremes anymore and I feel like honesty and persistance to try and be better goes a long way. Besides, it's mostly my insecurity that causes itself, I just have to break the cycle, as hard as that is. But I am 30, I took me a long time of seeming hot but being unobtainable before I started to feel like I made much progress.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
This is complex. These guys might try to date their equivalent when it comes to looks. But a hot girl won’t just date her equivalent. She will often look to date rich and famous men. Or she is so used to everyone kissing her ass that she will naturally be more attracted to assholes (challenge). So if the attractive guy makes an average salary and is just a genuine “nice guy” she will quickly get bored with him. Good looking or not.
Plus some ugly and/or fat girls will notoriously say nasty comments to both good looking men and women out of jealousy and frustration. I was told by a lot of people I was a good looking guy. Especially in my 20s. I also got some very nasty unprovoked insults from fat women since I wasn’t giving them attention. They also try extra hard to cock block out of jealousy when I am interested in their attractive friends as well.
Also a good looking guy will often being unfairly be accused of being “gay” if he has been long time single. Especially if he’s a nice guy. It’s a shitty stereotype and that adds to his insecurity. Attractive women never get their sexuality questioned whether they are single or not.
Maybe when they're very young and don't realize that they're attractive. Once they have gotten enough feedback from girls or women to realize that they are indeed attractive, they are rarely insecure, at least not about their looks or interacting with women.
In your case, I have a hard time believing he'd be too nervous to look you in the eye, so either he's really attracted to you or isn't interested, and I can't tell for sure from what you posted. Are you more attractive than the other women there?
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3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
That makes a lot of sense. He is not young and he definitely receives compliments from women because of his looks and his work. It’s so odd to me that he can’t look me in the eye and avoids me and yet he keeps staring at me. I think I’m a pretty average looking woman, I’m just athletic with curves, there is girls that talk to him that are like models skinny, tall blondes.
You might just be pleasant to look at. If he is attractive he understands the game of giving a woman too much attention. She falls for you relatively quickly and if you don't escalate the relationship then she ends up feeling insecure about herself, which depending on her personality type and ego, can aim in a non constructive way back at you by claiming you're a player etc etc...
If he hasn't approached you for conversation then odds are he has other things that are more important to him at present than a relationship with you. But he still enjoys looking at you, no different than you may go to an art gallery to view the pieces, doesn't mean you want to take it off the wall.
No, they are not. On the contrary, most guys who are Chris Hemsworth or Robert Pattinson level attractive, probably get told they're attractive so many times already that their egos are probably through the roof, so that's the opposite of being insecure.
Maybe the guy you're talking about might be really shy talking to you because he thought YOU were attractive. Or if he really is attractive, he either doesn't know it himself or he doesn't believe he is due to some past trauma or abuse or something. If you see him again, try talking to him yourself and see where things go. If you find someone attractive, let them know. It doesn't always have to be the guy who has to make the first move. Make him feel comfortable in your presence so that he feels less threatened opening up to you.
I been told I am attractive, but quite a bit I have a hard time believing it because when I was Younger I was not considered attractive. To answer Your question there could be a number of reason a Guy may be afraid to make eye contact. It is possible that some woman could have been nasty and asked "Why are You looking at me?" Or she could have said something like "Ewww, You're creepy." The list goes on and on. Things like that can cause a Guy to have a mental block and instill an unwarranted fear of all Women. Unfortunately there are some mentally cruel women out there. I am not sure of the reason in Your situation , I am only guessing, that is a possibility as well,. don't be discouraged. Try telling Him it is ok to look at You, chances are He will feel more comfortable making eye contact from then on.
Maybe he is attracted to you or maybe he doesn't want you to think he's attracted to you because you're not attractive to him.
Where did you meet him
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I met him at a soccer match, I was in the middle of my training session and he kept looking at me and I’ve been seeing him since then. It’s confusing because if he is not attracted, then I don’t understand why he keeps looking at me and checking me out but then pretends not to be looking and ignores me.
When I was younger, I was very shy. If I had a crush on a guy, I wouldn't make eye contact with him. I'd avoid conversations with him, because I'd get tongue-tied and nervous around him. But I was could talk confidently with guys I didn't have a crush on. So the guy I had a crush on would take my behavior as a sign of disinterest, but it was the total opposite.
@Jamie05rhs It's surprising how many people are that way. I refused a date with one when I was younger because I was too shy to talk on the date. But he would have thought I didn't like him.
He likes you and it makes it difficult for him to talk to you. He can easily talk with other women because he doesn't really care what they think of him.
It seems to be that both very attractive men and women tend to be some of the most insecure people. A co-worker of mine is better looking than me and he too cares what people think and is concerned about his body. One of my exes is very attractive yet wears make-up to hide her age and is so worried about what people think.
Sounds like he's just shy. He's probably confident with the other ladies cause he doesn't like them in romantic sense but with you he's a lot more nervous. That usually indicates that someone may like you, people tend to get very weird or awkward around their crush. I was the same way around my husband when I first met him.
Some of us are. It's not cause you see us as a hot guy, that we do too. You don't know us as a person, our story, what we are dealing with at the moment, how we are feeling. You just know us for the pretty face.
I'm only like that around women I REALLY like. My life's been hell & the best thing I can do is let them find someone else. I'm a work in progress. Sometimes I think its best if I stay alone. When I fall in love I'm all in, thats never been reciprocated & sick of trying.
I'm not saying I'm attractive, but if I was I would get insecure sometimes just like anyone else What's on the outside doesn't always effect what's on the inside IF I was attractive, I'm sure there would be days when I didn't feel so good about myself No one is perfect, even the most perfect person
ok first of all im no one to gudge in looks but after 2 years of gym im pretty confident in my physiqe so as far as i can relate if he is attractive he dosent know and is insecure or he does know but he likes you so he's insecure when he's around you
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
A lot are. The thing about some women is that they love to tear men down, and the more attractive and confident a man is, the harder they'll try. It only takes a handful of comments from women to undermine your self-esteem. I can think of a few personal examples
Yes they can be. I am extremely attractive yet introverted and shy especially at first meetings. No matter how attractive you are, there is always someone more so. We have the same insecurities and hang ups as anyone else.
they can be, I've always thought the best looking guys usually have the worst verbal skills with women because they usually haven’t had to say much to get girls in their past. Then once a girl comes a long that isn’t immediately smitten with them, they don’t really know how to flirt with her.
As an attractive guy myself I tend to look at everyone. I’m just curious what people are doing. The fact he doesn’t make eye contact is that he doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea. He’s not into you. Saying is shy and insecure is to protect your ego. Women have very fragile egos.
I believe I'm an attractive guy and a lot of girls have told me that. But I'm both insecure in my relationship and is not confident to talk with a girl.
Some are, some aren’t. Most hide it pretty well. He probably likes you. Plenty of attractive people who are usually confident get nervous around their crush.
Well first off, not to be rude (at all) but an attractive guy (to you), doesn't mean EVERYONE finds him attractive... And even IF they do, that doesn't mean he KNOWS he's attractive...
A lot of women consider me to be a fairly good looking guy, so I'll go off of that, but yes most definitely... In fact my game with women is not the best either..
Sometimes. One thing that really sucks about being attractive, or so I'm told, is that people constantly feel the need to knock you down a peg to "give you a taste of reality."
Oh yeah, it just got my attention because there are some women around who just care about how tall the guy is and nothing else lol. I mean you can have preferences.. but if thats the only one then its weird I guess.
Being attractive doesn't mean people don't have feelings. You think if their partner cheats on them it's not going to bother the guy or girl in future relationships?
Some are some aren't, You cannot say all Good looking Guys are Incensere or all Good looking Guys are not sincere.
Just like you can't say that all Confident Guys are sincere.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Not just guys, girls too. Ugly people always think they're sexier and good looking people think they are ugly (most of the time) I have no idea why, but it is strange 🤔
As a shy guy myself he is probably very shy. Some guys might be very attractive on the outside but don't see it or feel ugly on the inside. He might not even find himself attractive.
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