Does age really matter, should I tell him?

[Anonymous]

After a bad marriage, a horrible financial year, death of my best friend I went out with a huge group of friends and met someone. I knew he was younger than me but I swear I wasn't looking for a relationship. I hated sex with the ex and it was most of our arguments. Deep down I felt it wasn't sex I hated just him, and when I met this younger guy I wanted to see if I could, if I still had it , it had been so long since I had been with another man, honestly, I wanted to use him to "get back in the saddle" again so to speak! I know a lot of people say they don't look their age but I really don't, and I have always been accused of being immature however, there is 11 year age difference. Nothing happened the first night, but we exchanged numbers, I gave myself a week to try to have sex after that my children would be back from visiting their father. Out of all the 27 year olds I meet I had to meet the one who wasn't one night stand material. He asked me out on a walk, and caught me off guard when he asked me my age, thinking this wouldn't go anywhere I said 33 (shaved off 5 yrs). We have now been together 2 years and I still haven't told him. I am embarrassed, scared, hesitant, but I swear I didn't do it deliberately, I really NEVER thought we'd end up together never mind 2 yrs. He does suspect, I know he knows I am not 35 but I just turned 40 and he just turned 29 and it didn't seem that bad when I was technically still in my 30's but just the number 40 I think it would REALLY freak him out but its been 2 years how do you bring that up now? And we are so good together, but I honestly think it would bother him. ADVICE?

[HodCrow]

Wow!

For some reason you had me smiling the whole way as I read this. I know it's serious, but I think you really have an opportunity to sort of laugh this one off and now is the perfect time to tell him.

If he likes you how you are now then not much can change. Sure he might be a bit upset that you fibbed a bit, but like you said, he already suspects and possibly even assumed up front.

Just tell him the truth. You'd be surprised at what guys are wiling to forgive and forget if it isn't related to the bedroom. He can handle it. If you're really concerned about the outcome then have a sexy surprise planned out ahead of time to change his mood. Pre-planned make up sex comes in handy at a time like this.

Bottom line is, he's been with you for two years, he's still attracted to you, so relax and consider this old adage: It's easier to ask forgiveness then permission. You didn't ask permission up front so now it's time for forgiveness.

Best of luck with your new relationship!

- Hod

[islands7]

Sure, I'll tell him my real age, once he tells me all his secrets that might turn Me off. This might take years. So many years that he/no one gives a damn anymore. He's not involved with a driver's license age/photo, doesn't have social security care concerns for me yet and I don't appear old enough to be confused with his mother!
RIght now the spark plugs are hot & firing this engine, so it's running on high grade fuel until the gas runs out. Then we might talk about new spark plugs and what age the old one were. They just might need a rest/vacation before firing up the engine again!

[dontknowwhattodo3]

why not tell him now...don't act as if its a very serious matter in front of him..bt don't make light of it too. just tell him normally "u know I think there is something you shud know... I am sorry to have withheld a little info...blah blah"

[justlilly]

Age doesn't necessarily matter, but the fact that you lied about it for 2 years could.

[clovisx]

You need to tell him or your whole relationship could be undermined. I understand the desire to be younger than you are but there's a good chance that if the relationship progresses, he's going to find out one way or the other. If your feelings are strong for each other then it shouldn't be a big deal but he might have some feelings of distrust such as, "She won't even tell me how old she is, what else is she keeping from me" or "She doesn't trust me or respect me enough to be honest..."

If there is anything else you are keeping from him, you would do well to lay it out at the same time and just get it all off of your chest to clear the air. There will be questions and it might not go well but it also might go fine and everything will continue on as if nothing had happened.

[Asker]

I have never lied about anything else in fact I hate lying. I know it may appear that I am trying to hold onto the fountain of youth but definately not true. I HATE the term cougar I think its disrespectful, I like who I am and looking back I WISH I had come clean earlier. I just don't know how cause everyone is right. Its really not the age its that I lied for 2 years and I would be PISSED if the shoe was on the other foot. Its such a mess and I really am a good person and hindsight 50/50!

[clovisx]

It sounds like if he did find out, things would smooth back over and everything would be OK. I agree with you about the cougar thing. I am annoyed by how "cougars" are the new "co-eds" there is the expectation that you're wild and hunting men. It is disrespectful and annoying and hopefully it will die a quick cultural death soon.

[notentirelynuts]

You're eventually going to have to come clean. How long do you think you can keep up this charade?

After 5 years, the guy should pretty much know how he feels about you. He isn't suddenly going to COMPLETELY CHANGE HIS FEELINGS just because you come clean on the 40 thing.

OTOH, if he recoils in horror, what it should tell you is that he has probably been upset about the age difference for quite some time and just didn't want to tell you about it.

So, you might want to lead up to it by asking him if anything you say could make him change how he feels about you. If he says no, say "What if I told you I'm actually 50?" Then when he laughs and says "You're not 50," you can say "What if I told you I'm 45." Repeat until reaching 40. Then stop laughing and say "I'm not kidding. I am 40." And see what he says.

Be brave. The relationship's fate is already sealed. You're either safe, or not, and all you have to do is find out what's already been determined.

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