How to read a shy guy's intentions?

[Anonymous]

okay so I like this guy but he tends to be very socially awkward and shy.. a few months ago his long term girlfriend ended a relationship with him so I think that adds to his shyness.. but recently we've become good friends and hang out when we can etc there are times where he shows me all the signs that he likes me.. he flirts, he stares at me and holds my gaze, he offers me his jacket when I'm cold, offers to pay for lunch on occasion etc but other times you'd never know he knew I was alive.. he ignores me if we're in the same room.. won't say hi unless I say it first.. if I try to start a conversation he gives me short answers with no intentions to continue etc.. and another thing he does that makes me mad is he will talk to someone that I'm talking to without even saying a word to me.. his mood swings are insane.. one minute he's good then next he's a total stranger.. but one night we went to a party and we were together the whole night and everyone pretty much noticed how close we looked.. I really thought we were getting somewhere.. but a few weeks later we all went to a club and he ignored me for a lot of the night.. at one point I was dancing with my group of friends and he came over and was trying to dance next to me I guess? but I think he wanted me to take the initiative.. but I wasn't going to because all night he had been ignoring me so I wasn't even sure that's what he wanted.. and our gay friend started dancing with me instead and he got so mad at me that he started dancing with other girls and was all over this other girl the entire night.. can someone please help me figure out what's going on here? I'm so confused..

[sa230e]

I think he likes you. Shy guys often unknowingly exhibit confusing behaviour. He may have his own reasons but my hypothesis is that his confusing behavior is caused by low self-esteem (which it was in my case).

When the girl I liked flirted with me I felt like I'd won the lottery yet I was grappling with thoughts that I wasn't good enough for her and I doubt I'm the only one who's experienced that. My emotions were always in flux, sometimes I'd be so hot for her and other times I felt nervous and unconfident and I retreated back into my shell. The fact that he just lost a long term girlfriend doesn't help you either. That's got to be a big blow to his pride and confidence.

Shy guys may also be dealing with social anxiety. Personally, night clubs make me uncomfortable and I don't often go to them. The lights and loud music are an assault on my senses and I don't feel comfortable in big crowds of people. If that's also the case with him, he won't be comfortable enough to be able to flirt in that situation.

Dating a shy guy has it's pros and cons. On the plus side, they'll be a loyal and loving boyfriend but on the negative side, you'll have to do more of the pursuing than you're used to. Now he may get over his shyness and he may not. Personally, I'm still struggling with mine to this day. I'm not saying it won't happen but I wouldn't count on it. If you want this guy you're going to have to fight the urge to punish his cold behavior and be bolder than most girls in pursuing him. If that doesn't phase you then he's yours for the taking.

[Asker]

wow that was really helpful and actually put a lot in perspective for me.. the thing that I don't get though is if he does like me why was he all over other girls the entire night? all I did was dance with our friend who he knows is gay..i mean we looked pretty close but he's gay so it shouldn't matter right? I even tried to talk to him at some point later on and I felt like he didn't want anything to do with me after that..

[sa230e]

It probably matters to him. He could have interpret it as a tacit snub on your part and danced with other girls to try and make you jealous.

By the way, this is all just speculation. I make no promises that my guesses are accurate. All I have to go by is your description and my experiences, there could be other ways to explain his actions as well.

[Asker]

yeah of course I understand.. thanks for your help tho!

[demonman]

He probably has a crush on you and doesn't want to act to creepy and scare you away, so he's avoiding getting TOO close, thus the mood swings. Just illustrate that you like him too.

[Asker]

yeah that could be a possibility.. thanks for your input! I hope that's the case anyway lol