Quiet girls. Where do I find you and what would be the best way to approach you?

Question

I really don't care for loud party girls. They're hot sure, but they're not at all the kind of people I'd want to be in a relationship with.

I find quiet/shy/respectful girls much more appealing, and I think it would be lovely to date a girl who prefers a quiet night in or going on a relaxing date over constantly getting hammered at loud parties and social scenes.

Unfortunately it's hard to find shy girls since they're all...well...shy. I have no idea where they hang out or spend their free time, therefore I cannot approach them. So, I thought I'd pose a question to the shy girls of the board: When and where can I find girls like you, and how would you like to be approached there? Also, does that kind of nice, quiet relationship even sound appealing? Or would frequenting exhausting parties and stuff be an expected part of a relationship? I'd much rather just watch a movie or go to an art show or just geek out over something we both like, but I feel like girls wouldn't find me 'adventurous' enough :/

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'll approach your question very differently. First off, be extra careful with who you are looking for because quiet does not = shy does not = respectful girls. These are 3 very different elements. A quiet girl can be not shy and be very confident and know to talk when necessary. A shy girl may be quiet but not necessary respectable because they can having one night stands with many men behind everyone's back. And also, respectful girls aren't necessary quiet or shy. Most importantly, neither of these characthers or personalities suggests that these girls are what you want in a relationship, or able to commit in a relationship, or able to be a good girlfriend.

What you are looking for really and truly is people who are able to enjoy a relationship with you based on what you prefer, i.e. spending quiet time together, or people who share similar WANTS as you in a relationship (be it how both of you spend time together, how you spend money, how you deal with situations etc.) Thus, to answer your question, take initiative to know new people EVERYWHERE, talk to them, and observe. Don't totally disregard girls who in a loud party. Sometimes you may find the girls out there in a party who's merely hanging out with her girls but don't actually quite enjoy parties like you after all! Hope this helps ;) x

Amelia14 · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I am shy, and I am most likely in the library or in a quiet more isolated area when big tests are coming up...say finals. I do not like sitting in the middle of crowds, so when eating, shy girls are more likely to sit on the outside tables of any room if they aren't with their outspoken friends. As for the approach, ask a question that will snap us out of what we are thinking. A question that we can usually answer like 'is anyone sitting here' or 'do you know where to find ___?' That usually puts me at ease that you are not all forth coming about your wanting to flirt at first. Also, you will most likely have to do all the talking at first in order to get her out of her shell.

Yes, a nice quiet relationship does sound appealing. An occasional party is nice, but personally, I don't do parties too often unless I know the majority of the people that are going to be there. That way I don't have to down shots to be talkative and have a good time.

And I think those are really cute date ideas. I wish my last boyfriend found those interesting to do. As a shy girl myself, I would totally be down for an art show or whatever your shy girl you find is into.

CatholicVirginia · Accepted Answer

Meet her in class. She's the one who might not even be talking or socializing because she cares too much about education (that's me... my motto is, I go to class to learn, not to make friends. I'll make friends outside of class). Also. try some interesting clubs. You won't meet them in sororities, but maybe a community service club or anything that's interesting and different would have these girls.

Once you find one you're interested in, just approach her and be nice. Try to get her to laugh. She is probably going to send you signals that make you think she's not interested (because she is shy), but keep at it. Just be nice, like you would a friend you care about. (If she sems annoyed, then you know to stop and give her some space. You could try again later, but if she seems annoyed - actually miffed, not just disinterested - then THAT'S your sign that she's not interested). See if she requents the club. If there is a good chance that you willl see her again, don't ask for her number. See her at this function maybe two or three times, joke with her, make her comfortable wtih you, woo her a little, THEN ask for her number and give her the best date of her life.

ap1100 · Accepted Answer

I'm not a homebody, have been called adventurous, but hate clubs/big parties/loud places, and the girls I've met like me, who are a bit shy and mature, typically feel they've "missed out" on something because their friends, co-workers, etc., call them mature, older than their age, etc.  So be careful.  Focus on the connection, not the "type" of girl.

rotarymoon · Accepted Answer

Depends on where you spot them. Try to look for something in the environment or the situation and start a conversation about it. Try not to do it when the person seems really busy into something and you will be disturbing. A polite intrude could work just don't push it if you don't get a positive vibe.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's easy to say you want a quiet girl but much harder to find one. You can't tell by looking at a chick if she's shy based on her surroundings. It's true that shy people tend to hang out in coffee shops, libraries, art museums, etc. but it's not always the rule. It's not like they walk around with signs around their necks saying they're shy. And just because a girl is shy doesn't mean she'll be prone to wanting a quiet, chill relationship. She could want excitement and going out all the time.

I would say don't necessarily focus on only "shy" girls. Everyone's shy when they first start dating. Date any girl you can, within reason, and see how things go. There isn't a certain way to approach finding JUST shy girls. Don't exclude girls with different personalities and interests because otherwise extroverted, social girls could become more tame in relationships in the "settling down," comfortable mode.

I'm quiet and trying to find a boy like you and what you want. I go to a university and I'm too shy to approach guys that I do see, even though I'm attractive and smart. Online dating sucks too. I'm just being patient.

Shinbun · Answer

I'm shy around people I don't know, and tend to be quiet at first, like I don't approach guys I like, or start convos randomly. I'm def trying to change though, since it doesn't make for the best existence, and I feel like I miss out alot. Anyway overtime (if you take the time to know me) I open up. I think most people do. ;)

I don't consider myself a "stay-at-home" introvert, OR an extroverted "party-girl." I appreciate the quiet indoors sometimes, and really want to get out of the house and go *somewhere* other times.

I think you can find "shy girls" at school, in cafes, even at clubs and parties because although I may hesitate to mix and mingle with strangers on my own, if my friends are going out somewhere that sounds like fun, I'll be there! Take a better look around you, people handle shyness differently. Some girls will try to act all "hard" and loud to compensate for not feeling confident or good about themselves. Many girls are shy, at least sometimes. There's probably more shy girls around you than you think.

miki94 · Answer

We don't hang out in discos, we don't tend to visit some major group outings, so don't think approaching other people will increase your chances of meeting us. Most of us tend to be connected to a small group of friends we occasionally hang out with. If we do go out, you will find us sitting somewhere, dancing with a girlfriend, joking with our friends. We can present ourselves as outgoing though being lout never really works for us.

Some possible places are libraries, parks, any relaxing interesting destinations that are beautiful and quiet.

But every girl is different. I for example love running and martial arts. So if a boy wanted to get to know me all he has to do is join me. Even if it's on the way to school/work and you "accidentally" meet her. Just knowing you went so much out of your way to meet me, gives me a big signal.

You must know just going out and looking for shy girls is a really long shot. If you have a certain girl you like, you figure out where she frequents and approach. You can even ask her to a group outing, just because she is shy, she doesn't have to refuse. A little fun in a comfortable place and company is always welcome.

rotcod · Answer

Girls of that type usually be in quiet place, library, bookstore, some book-coffee shop or maybe just somewhere safe around the campus. Girl who's quiet usually like thoughtful boy, someone who can express their sense of humor in a smart way, someone who can find interesting in some common things for them to talk about with. To approach a quiet/shy girl, you know you shouldn't be so fast or rushed; they're usually conservative (in which I mean they're not so easy-going type of girl or hot chick) so try to be friend first, make them feel you're reliable, you're someone they can feel free to talk with and safe to share. But be aware you may drive it to the friend-forever direction instead of something-more-than-friend-zone :D

:D. Well, Quiet girls are a lot out there :). The thing is they're so quiet which is the reason why you can not recognize. They don't talk much but it doesn't mean they can't, just like they still can't find boy who can listen. They're shy but it doesn't mean they don't ever make a move, it's just that they still don't feel safe to do it. You said that you though you might be not "adventurous" enough, tell you, it could be your advantage. Girls do prefer a safe and sound relationship :)

I wish you soon find one :)

Anonymous · Answer

im right hereee I love walking along parks going to work school library bookstores museums coffee shops restaurants shopping malls I don't socialize much

i like guys to approach me by being decent and friendly like 'hi how are you? I love your scarf that you're wearing..." and just start a friendly convo

nothing creepy or sexual or hardcore staring like you're a rapist lol just be casual and believe it or not, be a bit shy as well... it makes me feel secure that you're shy too like I am and ill admire how you gathered up your courage to come talk to me...

ConfidentNerd · Answer

Try the book stores. I find that they're a little more organized than libraries and you can even choose your pick based on which isle they're in!

Pick of the girl, that is - not talking about the books.

I would be a little more intelligent. Based on my research of MBTI (cognitive functions) the quiet ones are likely introverts meaning they might prefer a more intelligent level of conversation. Don't gossip, go straight for the good stuff. Wow her with your knowledge of Shakespeare and Jane Austen.

Tigerlily · Answer

We're around =] you've really answered your own question - go to the places you'd like to be, and you'll find other people who like being there too. You might spot a regular over in the corner of an art museum always sketching by herself, and you could strike up a conversation with her, maybe ask her out on a date at some point. First and foremost, we're people - we go to the places we want to go to! So pick a 'quiet' hobby, find its hub, enjoy yourself there, and find the girls who are enjoying themselves too. Partying definitely isn't a required part of a relationship. If you're with a girl who likes to party, then maybe it's a required part of a relationship with her, but not with anyone. There are also dating sites to try, and some that are specially for particular kinds of people. I don't know what you'd be looking for (dating for geeky girls? Lol) but try a search engine and see what comes up =]

kit915 · Answer

I'm an in-between girl. I'm a shy and quiet girl but I hang out with people who aren't that way at all. So I think if you see a girl that seems to be having less fun than her friends at a party well, that might be who you're looking for. Other than parties I frequent cafe's libraries, book stores, concerts, and of course basically live where I work: the grocery store. No matter what you're looking for , you won't know the type of person someone actually is until you talk to them. That is the worst part of it all, true. But it is also the most essential.

Anonymous · Answer

"They're hot sure, but..."- Are you trying to say quiet girls aren't? lol

Enough with the stereotypes. Quiet/shy girls are everywhere, you just don't notice them because they're not drawing attention to themselves. There are shy girls that like to go to parties/clubs/bars too just for the occasional girl's night out and that doesn't mean that they are dissrespectful or sluts. I consider myself pretty shy and sometimes quiet (I can manage a good conversation) but that doesn't mean I am a bore so I like to go out. Watching a movie, going to an art show, and geeking out is all adventure but staying in with your favorite person also sounds great too. Just don't get too boring.

Briers · Answer

Holy crow, there are a lot of answers but I guess I'll put in my two cents anyway. I doubt I'll really be of much help since I'm still in high school so I don't get out much. Mainly I go to the library, the park, coffee shops, book store, movie theatre, music store, grocery store, and just out walking on the street - sometimes I like to randomly go out for walks :)

As for the approach, I think a nice casual compliment would do the trick or just a comment appropriate to the scenario. For example, a comment on the author of a book they're examining or the artist of a cd they're looking at.

Nice quiet relationship sounds perfect :) I don't think I would mesh well at loud parties with drunk people that I don't know. I'm too quiet and awkward around people who are unfamiliar to me, I find it hard to be myself. Maybe I'm just deprived, but I wouldn't mind a relationship with minimal adventure factor. It sounds rather appealing actually.

Megan1407 · Answer

I am glad you asked this. :)

I am a shy kind of girl but I can be confident from time to time. I like going to parties but to be perfectly honest, I am more one to stay indoors and watch a movie or read. I guess, in a way, I would like a guy like you to walk up to a girl like me and start talking. Try to keep the conversation going by joking/flirting and trying to get to know more. If either/both of you laugh or giggle or even smile etc, then keep approaching her like this. I am sure that slowly but surely you can build her confidence in you as well as her trust. Then, well you could ask her out. Approaching girls like this takes time and patience. I personally feel that when a guy approaches me, they are doing it to please his friends, to make a fool out of me. Make her feel like you are being serious about liking her.

I hope that helps :)

12elizabeth · Answer

I think that is a good kind of relationship if you ask me other people might think differentely. You'd definitely wouldn't find us hanging around with loud obnoxious people or big crowds since were shy, some of us aren't really shy were just reserved and quiet is all. You wouldn't find us in clubs or in parties, some of us are extreme extroverts and light going out with only their group of friends and note that we don't hang with people that aren't like us. I think you'd find smart ones in the library and or clubs (boys &girls club) ,gym, your eventually gona find them when your not looking for them lol.

vishna · Answer

You , if this applies to you, should start at school. There are all types of people there. Also maybe your trying to meet quiet and shy people at the wrong places. Almost no one is going to be shy at a club or party because wall flowers aren't found there. Look out for the mall, once again school, or local events. Once you find her or are interested in that special girl you should start out with Hey, then my name is, then what's your name. All the while being curtious and DONT COME OFF AS A PLAYER, if you do she might feel uncomfortable or that your just trying to mess with her.Trust me nice quiet relationships are very appealing. I'm sure you'll find someone

Roraq8 · Answer

i hang out at school and umm .. well at home and the library and the grocery store .. I kind of live alone and I've moved into ireland and there isn't anything I'm thinking of other than studies .. I have a few friends and the only times I do go out with them is when there planning to meet at starbucks and study.. I don't mind being approached in any way though I'm most likely to ignore you just cause I'm shy, I actually think I'm too shy and because of that I've never dated and don't think I will ever will.. however if there comes a day I like someone I'm not just going to shy away in a corner but id try to talk to them..

adventurous doesn't really matter to me too adventurous is too much for me as I'm very very quiet but if your one of my best friends you would find out that I'm very loud .. I talk a lot and I'm cheerful but if I don't know you I'm just quiet shy and I think I look sad

justbecause · Answer

I just wanted to say that I'm quiet and shy and some of my friends are too. The thing we all dream of is a guy who comes up and introduces himself or says hi and starts talking. The ice is pretty much broken then because we are flattered that you noticed us and we are happy to talk to you. It's just getting things started that we have a problem with. Although we're shy, we talk if prompted lol.

Anonymous · Answer

i hang out in the park, the library, coffee shops, anywhere that's like me, as in anywhere where there's not a huge rager haha. go to the places where you would take a shy girl on a date, and I'm sure you'll find one there. when you do, just say hi. smile. if its a library, ask what book she's reading or what she suggests for you. try going to a new place, and when you see her there, ask what's around since youve never been, or at a little cafe ask what's good. get her to open up about what she knows best, that lets her be more confident in the conversation and you'll have a better chance then.

BuBBly123 · Answer

Go to the movies, or an art show! Hello! The answer is in the question. Girls always go were we like to go, so if you want to find a girl that likes museums, go to a museum, if you want to find a girl that likes movies, go to a movie theater, if you want to find a girl that likes to eat a lot, go to golden corral! OK that last one was a bit of a joke... but seriously, go to places that the kind of girl you want, will be interested in! Good luck buddy! ;)

Anonymous · Answer

ok, first thing I have to tell you is that girls love it when you take them someplace interesting and secret that not many people know of. if you don't know of a place like this, find one, quick. as for where to find girls like that, I have no idea. I'm one of those girls, but I don't really know many...my only advice, which sucks, is if you see a girl somewhere just go up and talk to her(duh-told you my advice sucked;) if she's reading a book or whatever, ask her what its about, if she likes it, etc...and yes, most quiet, interesting girls would not expect you to take them to parties...you don't have to worry about not beig "interesting" as long as you keep your relationship surprising...good luck:)

Anonymous · Answer

On the internet :p Hey I met my boyfriend online and I moved an hour and half to be with him now we live together and its awesome.. Not to say I'm not social and stuff but it is so much easier talking to someone and getting to know them online first before having to actually meet them. Then you can find out if they are actually looking for the same thing as you or just wasting your time. I wanted a boyfriend that was looking to settle down and get engaged with in the next year or two and I'm only 20 so its hard to find people like that... and to match me - for example I've been out of home for about 3 years renting.. I don't want someone just out of school with no life experience. Good luck, nice girls are out there :)

Anonymous · Answer

Hard to find us -- we're quiet, you know. (Lol.)

Go to the library, to church, to volunteer groups and organizations. We're there. The weddings and mundane "family" functions you're forced to go to. We're there.

On the off chance that we are AT a party, don't just assume that all the girls are wild and crazy.

Quiet/"Geeking out" IS nice, and yet you need to make sure you both have a pulse, that you'd both be happy, that you're not just catching the girl in one moment where she happened to be quiet and assume that she is this quiet and shy girl. You heard about a quiet little thing called Pandora's Box? Don't open that thing!

Bottom Line: There will be some fast-paced days and some slow and sultry days.

Quiet girls. Where do I find you and what would be the best way to approach you?

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