Why do guys get whipped so easily?

[c7777]

I pisses me off to my close guy friends turn so whipped and boring after being in a relationship after a while. Only one of them hasn't turned out like that and still comes out and has fun with the rest of us guys. ( by fun I'm not talking about bars or clubs just so you know) but the ones who have gotten whipped if you met them a couple years ago before there serious relationships they are completly different people. (from fun to boring with no soul) I can't see why their girlfriends would find them attractive like this? What to you think? I've never been in a relationship so I guess I can't say I would know but it just seems so unapealing and a waste of time having seen what my friends have turned into.

[selfishstars]

Well, it's not just men, it's women too.

Being in a relationship does change people---generally in two ways:

1. Spending a lot of time with someone has an affect on you. This is true of any kind of relationship, not just romantic relationships. Humans are very fluid---we don't remain the same our entire lives, but adapt and change to our surroundings (which includes the people around us). The fact that your friends are spending a lot of time with someone means that they are going to have shared experiences, inside jokes, introduce each other to different ideas and interests, etc. and all of these things get incorporated into the person and they often change because of it.

2. Being part of a couple means building a life together. It means maintaining that relationship and it may also mean that the people involved have goals that they want to reach together (they may not always be explicitly stated, but a large number of people get into a relationship with the goal to eventually move in with each other, get married, have children,etc.). In our society, a long-term romantic relationship is often seen as one of the more important things in life to achieve. I think that part of our strong desire for this stems from the fact that it's difficult to have a very close relationship with someone who is just a friend. We have the desire to have someone in our life that we can confide in about anything, feel completely comfortable with, can always rely on, etc. and it tends to be easier to have that with someone that you "share your life with" because you are working toward the same goals, whereas a friend has their own life and goals to deal with that is much more separate from you.

When you see your friends become "whipped", there's probably one of two things happening:

1. Being in a relationship has caused your friend to change---they aren't the same person they were before and they are happy about the person they have become. You can't expect a person to stay the same forever.

2. They lack boundaries in their relationship. This, unfortunately, is true of a lot of couples. They allow someone else to become their entire world and ignore themselves, their hobbies, their interests, their friends. Sometimes it's self-inflicted---they get so caught up in "being in love"; other times it has a lot more to do with trying to please the other person who has unreasonable expectations of them (also self-inflicted, but has a lot more to do with the other person). They want to maintain their relationship and "keep the peace", at expense to their own personhood. Like, a guy who stops hanging out with his friends because his girlfriend/wife doesn't like them, doesn't trust him, or expects him to spend all of his free time with her, and if he does hang out with them, he'll be in the doghouse. Essentially, these people are placing more value on their relationship or their spouse than they are on themselves, and that's not healthy.

[selfishstars]

That said, romantic relationships can be very positive and I wouldn't say they're a "waste of time", it's just important to have a healthy relationship, which includes maintaining boundaries and your own individuality.

[c7777]

" Being in a relationship has caused your friend to change" when its over they usually go right back to the same person as before and trust me that 'change' isn't a good thing there like f***in zombies when I'm around them

[selfishstars]

Well, that's why I said "one of two things". For some it's an actual change, for others, it's a problem with boundaries (thus, usually just lasting for the time that their girlfriend/wife).

[toulouse]

@ our society, a long-term romantic relationship is often seen as one of the more important things in life to achieve. I think that part of our strong desire for this stems from the fact that it's difficult to have a very close relationship with someone who is just a friend. We have the desire to have someone in our life that we can confide in about anything, feel completely comfortable with, can always rely on, etc. and it tends to be easier to have that with someone that you "share your life-

[toulouse]

with" because you are working toward the same goals, whereas a friend has their own life and goals to deal with that is much more separate from you.

I disagree with all f that. relationships are not seen as important, they are seen as an industry. people make lots of money by getting people to buy sh*t to be a good partner. Also wanting to be in relationships is often seen in a very negative light- as exemplified by this question itself. needy clingy desperate etc etc

I have extremely close-

[toulouse]

friends that I have no romantic feelings for what soever. closer than someone I'm in a relationship- friends tend to last longer than partners and general for people.It is easier because people don't have the same expectations of you , when you are just a friend. & he is not talking about marriage-hes talking about dating/ relationships.

anyways friends can be the closest of people& I think in the us relationships are so degraded- they seem like they should be called manipulationships. .

[Anonymous]

idk my boyfriend is like that. he never wants to hang out with his friends anymore. I just think maybe they werent that great to begin with?

a lot of guys I've dated have been that way at some point and they don't like when id rather hang with my friends instead. I have my own life, sorry if you dont. I don't want him cheating or anything though so honestly, it has its benefits. he's so inlove with me and he'd rather go somewhere with me or stay in and play, hang out, or cook together than hang with his friends.

they don't like me though. I don't like them either to be honest, they aren't the type of people I like to hang around but I don't sit there telling him not to hang out with them. one of his friends got so mad about this that he called my place and left a message on my voicemail. he went on and on about how I'm a bitch, and I'm controlling him, and he said he hopes my boyfriend realizes what a worthless whore I am so he can bounce back to reality. he said he doesn't know what I'm doing to brainwash him but he wants it to stop "or there will be consequences." I called him back like, "listen you little bitch. don't call here threatening me." and I played the tape for my boyfriend. needless to say, it took a strain on their friendship. this wasn't my problem though, I didn't tell him to leave dumb messages. he could have been a mature man about this and talked more to my boyfriend, but he decided to take it up with me and verbally attack me. I'm no psychic or fortune teller, but I don't think that's going to mean good things for their friendship in the future. kind of sad because everyone needs friends. my boo just has sh*tty ones who like to talk sh*t about his girlfriend. its a bad situation.

thats just my current story. I have been in that trap of just loving someone so much that you always want to be around them, but personally my friends mean a lot to me. I invite them over to hand out with my boyfriend and i, I go out with them without my boyfriend, etc. I can't do that with my bfs friends though on account of the fact that we hate each other. so its a tricky deal. its up to him though. if he wants to only hang with me mainly then its his choice but I just don't think its healthy.

[traintolondon]

god, trust me its not just guys! almost all of my best friends who are girls disappear the minute they get a boyfriend and its almost impossible to get to see them. And when you do they only talk about their boyfriends non stop, and the only time they want to go out is when their guy goes out. And then when they break up they come back and wants to go out and do stuff again. Its really annoying.

But I see why you ask, I have been wondering the same thing. I had this guy friend, and we were pretty good friends for a while, until he got a girlfriend. Then he wasn't allowed to hang out with girls alone anymore, and he could only talk to girls she approved of. They have been dating for almost two years now, and he almost hasn't any contact with his best friends anymore, he only gets too hang out with the guys if she is with them (not even to watch a game), and then she sits beside him looking at the clock and drags him away the minute the game ends. she even has given him a cellphone that he only can use to contact her, and he has to have it on him at all time. He almost has no contact with his family anymore because they don't approve of the way she is treating him, and there fore she doesn't like them. and he had to say no to a medical training because of her. the list just goes on and on.

Whats wrong with people like that? why do they put up with it, and why does the girl even treat him like that?

[jjacksoniv]

Because that bros b4 hoes statement is and always has been a false saying, girls are amazing and they make you feel certain ways that your friends couldn't even come close to, and I'm not just talking about the sexual experiences.

[c7777]

lol that's hard to believe for me

[jjacksoniv]

yea I thought the same thing, but once you find the right girl, you will see no one else matters

[c7777]

calling bullsh*t

[jjacksoniv]

go ahead, but no guys gonna make you feel like a female does...unless your some kind of homo or sumthin

[SnackG]

Anyone who gets a girl and essentially goes f*** everyone else she's all I need either 1. Has something wrong with his mindset or 2. Has been brainwashed by his girlfriend. I can see a girl taking precedent over friends, but they should still exist to him.

[MikeK]

Absolutely. I've got a pal like that right now... can't wait for that bitch to drop him so I can leave him drowning in his sorrows...

[Jager66]

because its harder for us to get sex, so its easier for us to be manipulated by it. until we wise up that is.

[Anonymous]

imagine a best friend who also shows you affection both physically and emotionally. I think guys who are in love who branch off the group to spend most of their time with their woman do it because it's really the best of both worlds to them and to be honest they just don't miss the mindless video gaming and beer drinking that their friends are into they really only enjoy that when they have nothing else in their life. These guys probably wanted a serious relationship with a woman all along and were just hanging out with the guys because there was nothing else to do and then the guys who don't want that type relationship (yet or ever depending on the guy) they get all bent out of shape because he's not into the man time like he used to be when actually he's just growing up and getting different priorities that his buds aren't ready or aren't capable of moving onto yet. Some of them are jealous because they can't find it.

[urdeadangel]

Not all guys go like that but my boyfriend used to go out a bit but he said it was more just for something to do... fill in time I guess. Now he has me I actually have to push him to go out with the boys. Mainly because he says its such a big waste of money and the fact that most of the guys only go out to pick up so I guess he has just kinda lost interest.

[Anonymous]

Because they get sex enough, and they think by being some girls bitch that they will get it more regularly. :D

[nordicjan]

I think a lot of guys are so lonely they'll put up with a lot of bossing around from any woman who will swleep with them!

[sam240]

cuz they think with their d***s that's why

[Anonymous]

because women have magical powers