How do you (yourself) tell someone they’re moving too fast without scaring them off?

[DizzyDesii]

I hate when I like someone more because I feel it eventually runs them off. And then i hate when someone likes me more because then i feel like it’ll eventually run me off. I just want balance 🤦‍♀️ So i met two great guys. One is moving at a more balanced pace and i like that. I want that. And although he has the sense of humor that matches mine, i fear he’ll drift into the friendzone because I dont know if i can see myself being into him sexually. Like some of the stuff he says when trying to flirt sexually is cringe 💀 I like goofy and corny but not cringe.
And then the other guy, he's got it all but i think he's also battling with insecurity so he's moving faster than me in such little time. I know its bad that when talking to him yesterday, it made me slick miss someone from my past. I don't know how he randomly reminded me of the guy, but its not that long ago that me and that person ended. Im not trying to rebound. Im not even trying to date anyone else come this month but I want to see if they’re worth getting to know enough to take with me into the new year. I feel like i made that super clear because I just want to get to know these guys, but they’re super lovey dovey in super little time and its super freaking me out. I just don't know what to tell them.
#FeelFreeToList

Updates

+1 y

Okay the talk didn't go well so far because we just talked for FOUR hours and i said its almost 9pm, i need to go eat. I haven't eaten today. He goes, “can you take me with you and just leave the phone on so i know you’ll be back.” Like he really think im going to call someone else! Which i was 🤣 but not until some hours from now. This other guy has already blew my phone up asking why it keeps saying my line is busy when he calls. And two others think im ignoring em 🥲 This a wholeass workshift

Updates

+1 y

At this point, I hope i scared him off because he didn't get the point
Are you grumpy if someone or something interrupts your sleep (read below)? ↗

[Anonymous]

We guys often hear that women know within the first few seconds of the first date if there's going to be more or not (sounds really ridiculous), so hats off to you for actually taking time to get to know these guys before deciding! But I would just be honest with them and explain where you're at. You don't have to get into the specific details, but just that you're seeing someone else as well, and so far like both of you. If one of the guys is moving too fast, just say that you want to move a bit slower, but that you do like him. Like you say, everyone moves at different speeds, and chances are, you are the only girl either one of them are dating. So yeah just be honest and tell them, but at the same time, don't keep them hanging for too long either. As soon as you make a decision, tell them. And if they can't handle that and are "scared off", then you don't have to worry about the decision right? lol Meaning that if he really likes you and is interested, he's not going to run.

I'm really curious though, what's an example of the sexual flirting that makes you cringe?

[DizzyDesii]

Wow such a great answer!! And i dont remember what all he said but it was a lot of cringe stuff. Yesterday he lost me at rimming

[Opinion Owner]

Just read update lol, but advice is the same. Letting them know they aren't the only ones you're dating, will slow them down. And yes, some might "run", but if they're interested enough they won't. And it'll only make your life and decision easier.

[DizzyDesii]

I let Sam know and he didn't run. But i dropped him yesterday anyways for other reasons

[snowboarder720]

Do you want to settle down with either one of them? Or are you just looking for fun? The answer lies within your intentions.
Strictly sexual relationships have zero meaning and no strings attached. Real relationships have meaning and loyalty to whom they are in a relationship with.

[snowboarder720]

After reading your question it sounds like you want something in between a sexual relationship and a real relationship. Unfortunately you can’t have them both at exactly your own pace because then you’re looking for a relationship that doesn’t exist. Relationships are a team thing. You have to give some kind of personal sacrifice for the relationship (sexual or real) to succeed. Otherwise it’s not really a relationship and only about you.

[DizzyDesii]

I've never looked for just fun. I think both of these guys are great but i just broke up with someone 2 weeks ago. I dont mind getting to know someone but i wasn't trying to be all lovey dovey again so soon. And im not having sex with anyone before im in love with them

[snowboarder720]

This is why I choose to focus on one relationship at a time. Seeing two people at once can be a little much and eventually you’ll end up hurting one or the other.
If you’re not looking for something only sexual then you’re looking to date with the potential of the relationship to be serious. You can’t exactly do that with two guys (unless they consensually agree to be in a poly relationship). If that’s not the case then you should pick one that you wanna only see. Juggling two guys will be too much and eventually will end in disappointment.

[DizzyDesii]

I was juggling 4 guys but thats because its only been 2 weeks. I simply wanted to get to know all. At this point, i hardly care to know any. Check update

[Gochogirl]

That's a tough one. Especially because men aren't great with boundaries. All you can really do is openly say what's working for you and what isn't, whether you want them to take one step back or slow down or whatever. And then it's on you to keep up the attention and continue getting to know them.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea like i dont want them to leave. But i can't do the whole “baby” and “mi amor” and all that they keep doing in just week 1.

[melanieeeB]

Honestly I would probably just suggest friendship at first? Like I would say, that you're not trying to date right now but would still like to get to know them slowly and if that friendship someday might turn into more then great! And if not, you have a new friend maybe who knows

[DizzyDesii]

Lol but i know im not looking for friends 😂 If i say that, they’ll hmu all the time and i know i dont like that unless its someone im dating. I mean i could see myself dating them but i want to get to know them some before but they keep Saying things like “baby”, “give me a kiss before you go”, “im going to miss you”, etc. Things that are awesome. But in week 1 though? 💀

[melanieeeB]

Ohh.. well I personally run when that happens to fast😂😂
Anyways, how do they react when you just say, that you can see yourself dating them but they should slow the fuck down. I mean what's wrong with just saying that

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao that sounded so mean just reading it 🤣🤣🤣

[melanieeeB]

Shiit😂

[DizzyDesii]

I gotta figure out what to say but i’ll throw in bits and pieces of what u said haha

[melanieeeB]

Good luck, I mean you should be able to just say how you feel and the right person, should understand and try to make an effort

[DizzyDesii]

I shouldve been mean lmao. Check the update

[melanieeeB]

Giirl that sounds way to exhausting and why do they wanna talk all the damn time? I wouldn't know what to talk about and honestly it does sound controlling, like the part with the eating and just letting the phone there for him to know... creepyyy

[DizzyDesii]

As for the convo, i can hold a convo and love to talk. So i was okay with that many hours had we been more than a few days in lmao. But the eating and sleeping part was a hella weird request. And yea i think he might be controlling because i told him i wanted 1-3 kids and he was like “no we’re having 5.” And im thinking its day 3 of knowing you. So IM HAVING 3 lmao

[andy530]

Tell them “hey I’m really interested in you but things are going a little too fast and I’m not quite comfortable with it, it’s definitely a me thing but I really want to continue to get to know you I just need to go a little slower. How do you feel about that?”

[DizzyDesii]

Omg love this. Thank you

[andy530]

Thanks

[DizzyDesii]

Chekc update

[andy530]

Sounds like he has some serious attachment issues

[DizzyDesii]

Seeeerious

[andy530]

Sounds like you’re dodging a bullet

[DizzyDesii]

I haven't dodged him yet. Debating

[jahaims]

I would say something like I would like to take things at a slower pace than we are currently going. I would make sure they know I am interested and like them and it has nothing to do with who they are it's just my preference.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you :)

[noinsight]

drop the guy with insecurities biggest red flag that can exist in someone. I hate the amount of seemingly good relationships I've seen “suddenly” end because the guy ended up having insecurity and was controlling/overly attached. maybe recommend some self care while ur at it 😐 he’ll thank you later

[DizzyDesii]

The sad part is, 3 of the 4 are insecure. But i dropped 2! yesterday and am
Likely to drop the other 2. See update

[noinsight]

holy shit the insecurity is so massive it almost resembles some weird ass form of confidence

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao thats what i said 🤣

[Hulk30]

bottom line ya just passin time with em and that's because ya can not to say women are evil i just know how most of em tend to be so takin advantage of havin more options in the datin game than non-select men ok i get that attractive men actually got it much easier than women due to the fact that most women deal with men they don't want sexually i would just cut it off thats cool that ya give nice guys a chance but ya also gotta understand that just because he's a nice guy that dont mean he'll automatically treat ya better than the bad boys

[G5TWA1]

just tell them it takes more time for you to know if you like them then they do, there's nothing wrong with that

[DizzyDesii]

Oooh i like how u put that

[Ascarymanasks]

Just tell him it’s better to be straightforward rather than failing at telling him, just say “hey I really like you but would you mind if you slow down, I can’t keep up with you” and that should work:)

[DizzyDesii]

It's over now lol

[Ascarymanasks]

Oh… sorry

[Ascarymanasks]

That a good thing or a bad thing

[DizzyDesii]

Good for me lol

[Ascarymanasks]

Oh congrats than lol

[Honesttguy]

Well you are multi tasking what seems if they move 10mph but u have 4 of them you are overwhelmed with 40mph speeds. Whats slow for them is fast for u. If they had 4 other girls to play with they be more slow speed as well simple mathematics here.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao that makes sense 🤣 Well i just dropped 2 of em yesterday. Possibly about to drop the other 2 cause im hella annoyed. See update

[TheLittleInnocent]

I was just straight up about it. Sat him down and told him I wasn't comfortable with how fast he was taking things and asked him to slow down a bit. He took it pretty well and we still going strong.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats amazing. Mine still didn't understand. He just said “I love you.” On day 4.

[TheLittleInnocent]

Good lord 💀

[DizzyDesii]

😂😂😂😂

[JosyJosy]

I usually tell them from the start that I am Not looking to date right now, but if I catch feelings I won't stop them. Or they'll move on, we just become friends which isn't bad and/or he'll stay friends but waits for me to give that green light

[DizzyDesii]

I mean i can see myself dating them but i just wanna get to know em
More first

[JosyJosy]

Yep same here, someone who confesses their love to me within a week is someone who I can not take seriously. I once had a guy serenade me day 1, sure that's cute and stuff but I thought such a thing was special, you do it that fast for the person you 'love?' a whole lovesong? yeah no doesn't make sense to me

[DizzyDesii]

Omg es he started singing to me night 1. Im like ummm

[JosyJosy]

Yeah haha it's like "oh you do this to everyone, what are you a Siren?"

[priyakigaandme]

@JosyJosy Yessss 🎀🎭🎄

[DizzyDesii]

Ong check the update

[JosyJosy]

I went "ew" when reading 'just leave the phone on so i know you’ll be back', sounds clingy to me. I put my phone on silent and toss it on the bed, away with the notifications

[DizzyDesii]

🤣🤣🤣

[Wiredone]

You should be upfront with them. Tell them you want to move forward but at a slower pace. You can say you like them and you're interested but you want to get to know each other a lot better

[DizzyDesii]

I dont even know if i wanna get to know them better. Im all over the place rn 🙈

[Static_In_The_Attic]

I would say slow down what do you think this is a fucking race.

[DizzyDesii]

🤣🤣🤣

[Likes2drive]

Most guys don’t want to really take it that slow but it’s tough during the holidays and I’m going through the same thing right now with someone I don’t know where it’s going to go

[DizzyDesii]

Ahh so are they on a cuffing season high or something

[Likes2drive]

No they are afraid to go out now because of Covid

[Likes2drive]

No I feel like it’s just penpals

[DizzyDesii]

Oh none of these guys are afraid lol

[Likes2drive]

I’m not either and I’m fully vaccinated with the booster and she’s fully vaccinated so maybe she’s just using that as an excuse but yet she still texts me most days

[DizzyDesii]

Yea I don't know what she's doing

[Likes2drive]

Yeah I’m confused

[CallmeTheKnight]

Tell them you want to take things at a slower pace
Insecurities leads to unpredictable or predictable trouble down the road.

[DizzyDesii]

Check update

[CallmeTheKnight]

You got too much going on

[Mehzmeh]

I just tell them. If they don’t like it. Then they kick rocks. I have had to tell a lot of females that it was going to fast and we need to pump the breaks. A few respected that. Some kicked rocks.

[DizzyDesii]

🤣🤣🤣

[exitseven]

If he tells you that he loves you, just don't tell him he is crazy.

[DizzyDesii]

I would never do that.

[exitseven]

that would be cold.

[cookiecrusher]

Just tell both of them the truth.
Works every time, maybe not your desired outcome. Better than using some fancy political approach.

[DizzyDesii]

Loll

[cookiecrusher]

To update. This is exactly why i only date one girl at a time😅

[DizzyDesii]

See othe rupdate lol

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't understand why people are so scared of love. I mean, it's not a big deal. Just roll with it. Let it happen.

[DizzyDesii]

I've never been scared of love. You should know this by my posts. But they’re doing a lot and it hasn't even been a week

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Like what's he doing exactly?

[DizzyDesii]

Super clingy in just a matter of days. It hasn't even been a week for them yet

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Still too vague. I need facts. Lol

[DizzyDesii]

they’re like “baby”, “i miss you”, “please dont leave me”, “where have you been?”, “is there someone else”, “oh you have to run errands, i can just stay on the phone the whole time.” Like that stuff is cute maybe after a month but this is still week 1 of knowing them

[Jamie05rhs]

OHHH. Lol. That's even worse than me. 🤣.
Damn. Those guys are pussies.

[DizzyDesii]

No theyre not pussies. Its sweet but its so soon it comes across a bit desperate and insecure rather than genuine

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. Well, all I'm saying is it's a bit over the top.
If I was in a relationship with her, then yes, I might say some mushy things. But you can't say stuff like that if it's not even official yet. It's out of context.
... And even then... "Is there someone else". Kinda paranoid.

[Jamie05rhs]

(Of course, in your case, there IS someone else... But I digress.)

[DizzyDesii]

Yea they were asking is there someone else every day just the first few days of meeting. Feels like red flags

[DizzyDesii]

there's only “someone else” because theyre all week 1 acquaintances. Im still debating if theyre even my crushes yet lmao

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. Yeah

[Jamie05rhs]

True

[Jamie05rhs]

Re: Update: Lol. Looks like you have your hands full, girl. 😅

[Dchrls78104]

Gently. Tactfully. The timing and the approach have to be right. But with all that, you still need to be clear and firm.

[DizzyDesii]

I feel im clear but maybe not firm 🙈

[TrillXHippy]

Tell her to slow down since we have not been talking that long

[DizzyDesii]

Sounds good

[Slim57]

Just tell them you really like them but dont want to move too fast, if they dont agree its just not meant any way

[DizzyDesii]

You’re right