A lot of boys including me find it difficult to talk to girl. It seems like a mammoth task. What often happens is that I get nervous while talking and say something stupidđ. Or at times I lack topics to talk about. This often leads to communication gap and everything goes downđ. Please suggest me ways to get rid of this nervousness or hesitation. Since I'm from India, it'll be great if your suggestions are in context to Indians. But of course feel free to drop your thoughts.đ
How do you tackle nervousness while talking to a girl?
When I was in college, someone who got a lot of women told me it's all a numbers game and that even he gets rejected all the time. So I used to spend some of my spare time on the campass cold approaching chicks and I actually learned a lot from doing that.
First of all, you're going to have a nicer interaction than you expect 7/10 times
Women aren't like characters in mean girls, especially if you give eye contact and try your best, pretty much no one is going to try to make you feel bad for shooting your shot, unless their a straight up weirdo
Which actually brings me to the most important point. After you get rejected a couple times, you realise its not so bad. I didn't get a bad reputation, everyone on the campus didn't hear about me getting rejected (I don't know about you but back in the day, that was my irrational fear) and if anything, it made people think I was really cool and didn't give a fuck. Which eventually, became true.
Women are 90% just like guys. They want to talk, and have interactions with new people, date and have exciting lives.
Literally talk to them like you would talk to a guy and go from there. And remember to keep it light and fun.
And I'll give you a little secret, if you're self conscious about how you look, get into fashion a little bit. Doesn't have to be expensive. But woman are very detail oriented. Their brains light up when they see things working together visually.
And also fix your posture. Back straight, hip-line level to the floor, neck flush with your back. Good posture will instantly make anyone appear more attractive and trustworthy.
Knowing where the nervousness comes from is super important. Keep in mind back in tribal times if a man approached the wrong woman he would get his head chopped off by the tribal leader. Our brains are hardwired to be nervous ever since.
Remember you're not going to get your head chopped off so go in with no expectations and certainly not pining over an outcome of said talk.
I tell all my clients this... I would rather be rejected and understood than ambiguous in my actions. Rejection mostly hurts because we half ass our approach. Go in with confidence... it doesn't matter if you say something stupid... just own it and laugh it off. Trying to figure out the perfect thing to say just makes it worse.
The more you do it the easier it becomes. You should start also educating yourself. Go read these books
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover 3% man by Corey Wayne The subtle Art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson
Good advice @coachTanthony. But not to make up excuses for men to cop out but f*cking metoo didnât make this any easier for us in the last few years.
But your right about â I would rather be rejected and understood than ambiguous in my actionsâ. I actually asked a young attractive woman to get breakfast two weeks ago. She smiled at me and âthanks but I have a bfâ. I just said âoh I didnât know. Well have a nice dayâ and went on my way.
I was actually proud of myself for approaching her. She rejected me the best way possible too. She was honest but respected the fact I had guts.
@globetrotter22 : In the days before Facebook, I wouldn't even go that far. I'd say something like: "I'd like to talk some more. When and where works for you, if anything?"
Rarely did I get a straight answer. Sometimes, she'd say nothing, or tell me to wait for an answer, then take care of something else. I'd patiently wait my turn, then get ambushed by some third party telling me what a boogeyman I was that I held her to her word. So she could lie about getting back to me with an answer, and I was a monster for waiting patiently for her to keep her word? It wasn't even some unreasonable amount of time either! 2 minutes, and bam!
That, or she wouldn't be polite. She'd gaslight and lecture, as if using me as a pincushion to take out her frustrations on some previous man that wronged her, until I was like: "Uhhh... wtf? When did I say any of that?". But she'd persist in verbally abusing me, even if I walked away in disgust.
And the crowds always automatically took her side. That, or her insults would cut too deep, like accusing me out of nowhere of some crime. Then, I'd get visibly angry with her, and demand she retract her slander. But to no avail. Peers would bully me, and side with her, when they knew her garbage was unfounded.
Which led me to never want to talk to her or any of her orbiters ever again. Some got the hint that they went too far, few ever apologized.
Some, required me to go to some lengths to get them to leave me alone, because they wouldn't stop.
I wanted a simple chance to get to know someone. And instead, I got ambushed by a swarm of killer bees.
@ObscuredBeyond I have been publicly humiliated and/or very rudely rejected before too. It was horribly. Also guys are told to be made of Teflon and just let it roll off our shoulders. Some guys are really good at it. I got to admit I envy that. Good for them. But others are just human.
Be stoic in that moment. But afterwards go hit a punching bag, do a hard workout or even cry. Talk to someone you trust. Process that shit (privately).
While I do believe men are unfortunately held to a much higher standard than women when it comes to showing emotions that doesnât mean we shouldnât ignore it all together. Behind closed doors let it all rip. Get it out. Let off the steam.
I personally suffered for several years about something a long ago ex said to me. She literally treated me as less than human. Her shrieking disgust haunted for longer than I would like to admit.
Then about a year ago I got EDMR therapy. I had to recall the entire incident in vivid detail. There are only two times in my life I cried about her. The day she said what she said to me and the day in my counselors office recalling the incident. I never cried at any other point. Not in front of her or in private about what happened.
The therapy didnât magically solve everything but it helped a lot. Helped me manage the traumatic memory. Also it was done in complete confidentiality.
I would recommend seeking out help for what you described above. Itâs definitely helped me.
@globetrotter22 : For me, it wasn't so much the girl being rude; but her fanbase resorting to stalking and harassment to make sure I forever rued the day I met her, until I feared going out in public lest one of them find me and instigate new drama for me with someone else. That was the tipping point. The point where it got so bad back when I lived alone in an apartment, that every odd noise outside my door sounded like a potential ambush.
I became very paranoid. To the point that if an old friend turned hateful thundercunt out of nowhere on Facebook, I looked out my window, half expecting a car to pull up to the parkway near my balcony and start opening fire on my living room window. And grateful every time nothing happened.
Any stranger showed up at my door, I was reaching for a pair of scissors.
Then, it got so bad, I lost the ability to sleep. I started having palpitations and would go through episodes of primal rage, where I best up my couch out of fear that I'd hurt someone if I didn't release the anger some other way.
I wound up in the hospital in 2018 because of that. It took Zoloft to restore me to anything remotely resembling who I was before.
Even now, I fear to approach women in public. I see each one as a potential land mine. And if I get too comfortable, another busybody will sneak up on me like a ninja, ready to spew more lies and accusations and instigate new drama. Even if the girl doesn't fear me, she'll quickly get annoyed with these freaks that always seem intent on starting trouble for me.
A little hard to function in the romantic world when those are your conditioned expectations. Which is why I bury myself in my work. If I'm attacked by some weirdo, and there's no girl involved, outsiders are more likely to defend me than gang up on me.
@ObscuredBeyond although I never got to the point where you are at I can actually see why you feel that way.
You need to get counseling before trying to date again. This paranoia you have will show up subconsciously when you speak to women in the future. You need to get this resolved.
What was done to you was very wrong. But you got to get this addressed.
Do you mean talking to just any girl? Or the girl of your dreams? First of all, you donât need to be good looking to feel confident in talking or approaching girls. Just look them in the eye and flash them a smile. If they smile back, itâs a sign they can be approached and will engage in small talk that may lead to a longer one. If they look away or donât smile back, do not approach. They donât wanna be bothered and probably will give you a cold shoulder or attitude. That will just crush your confidence youâre trying to build up⊠Donât overthink it. Just do. If you fail, talk to the next one and the next. Chances are out of 100 girls, youâll at least have some girls who will be nice 😊 enough to make you comfortable in talking to them. And youâll be lucky, one might even ask you out or show some interest and will make you forget about how shy you are in the first place. You got this!
@uwotm8e : Had a crush for some time. But she's severely autistic. One little thing goes wrong at work, she acts like the world is ending. Little things, like an asshole customer or running out of pennies in the register. I get annoyed. She gets devastated.
She enjoys talking to me, but is too shy to meet up anywhere. Not someone with the confidence to date. She also means well, but avoids eye contact.
She has some screws loose, so probably not girlfriend material. But I have a soft spot for her anyway.
please donât take advice on girls from other girls, u ask the fishermen how to catch fish not the fish themselves đ womenâs first priority above all else is Attention not sex. Just because a girl smiles back at you doesnât mean sheâs dtf.
@dolemite89 : At this point, I'd settle for everything just short of that. If she's down to talk about life while downing Izze drinks with me at Barnes and Noble, then making out behind the theater while I hold her hands in mine, sex can wait.
@dolemite89 : I seek all-out companionship. Settling for merely "chasing tail" is not even appropriate for the adolescents who are known for it. But with her, I'd be content with friendship. Just as long as she gets the moral and emotional support she needs. I'm in no competition for bedpost notches.
@dolemite89 bruh đ , donât approach any girl bc u r dtf. Of course, not all girls are into pervs who will just talk to them to get laid. They might want to know you and be with you. Sex comes later if sheâs ready. đ now if theyâre aloof, they might just be shy just like you. But donât be pushy. It gets creepy. Sometimes let them come to you too. Youâll be surprised. Good luck đ€ and thanks for the MHG
@dolemite89 : She has 7 years more experience than you, but at least acts her age. You sound held back. Like you haven't matured a day in 20 years.
Her being selected MHG may be immaterial, and a bad way to establish credibility, but that doesn't mean she's wrong about everything.
A lot of it comes down to priorities. I'd rather have a hundred lady pals that are just friends, but are good friends for life, than have 35 bedpost notches, and regret all of them for one reason or another.
I currently only have to regret one woman that way. Otherwise, my other regrets weren't sexual. They were just bad friends. Backstabbers. All of whom had to answer for their dishonesty.
@ObscuredBeyond 7 more years and sheâs still canât hold down a man, go figure đ€ đ just because youâre a simp doesnât mean im âheld backâ if you wanna waste youâre time being in the friendzone while putting up the facade that youâre more âmatureâ and morally superior go for it pal đ
@dolemite89 : To assume that the ultimate measure of another's success and value depends solely on sexual conquest is an extremely juvenile worldview.
She may a failure at being a wife; but that doesn't automatically make her a complete failure at life.
I'd rather publish a thousand works that have a transformative affect on society, at the expense of dying single, than hook up with a slag that cares only about my dick, and otherwise accomplish nothing for God or the world's betterment, and produce an army of brats that are nothing but horny overgrown mice, only for them and her to abandon me for shallow reasons in the end anyway, because you get what you get.
At the same time, I'd rather Pinay enriched the souls of everyone she met, even if she dies a cat lady, than that she throw herself at someone worthless, only to wind up dying a cat lady anyway, but extra bitter.
If you base the justification of your existence or another's solely on sexual domination, in an uncertain world, and with zero regard for how empty and meaningless sexual conquest will be in eternity in and of itself, then you are countless magnitudes a fool.
It's not too late to rethink how you ascribe value to your own life.
Moreover, while I like to think I've made a friend in Pinay, she has made statements to the effect that my expectations of being "with" her in a sexual way, ever, are pretty close to zero.
I don't cling to her out of desperation to"lay claim" to "mediocre pussy." I keep her in my life, because I don't like burning bridges. Especially not for your magnitude of shallow motivation.
Strong suggestion, just cast a wide net. Just casually go up to girls you don't know and compliment something you see that they have. Book, pin, etc. Best if they have a fandom. Make it pleasant, and keep it very short/leave. If you see that girl again, be like (Oh you're Sailor Moon pin girl), or something. Bam, you are now in a positive acquaintance level of chatting. Talk a bit more, ask for numbers. Very causal serendipity. We love serendipity, so make it artificially by creating those opportunities for yourself.
@YashRaj53 This is fabulous advice from @SophiaSunshine here's a trick you may want to try. The day b4 you go and cast your wide net spend 24 hours doing nothing but complementing every person you encounter. Do this w/ the sole purpose of making each person feel good about themselves for coming in contact w/ you.
Nervousness tends to disappear as you get more experience so you simply need to force yorself to do this enough times and anxiety will begin to recede. In the meanwhile, identify a girl for conversation. FInd a reason to talk to her; ask friends about her interests and see what things you have in common. Plan a conversation and plan for it to be brief, but have at least two different topcs to talk about. Have an exit line for the conversation ("I'd like to talk more but I'm going to be late for class") so that you can end it at any time you start feeling uncomfortable
As an Indian I can say that approaching unknown girls is really risky.
Instead increase your contacts through the girls you know.
Start by frequently talking to the girls you know. Or they know you. Practice with them. Slowly and steadily.
And then move on to their friends and then continue on this path.
I did the same and in about two months, I am in contact with nearly all the girls from C and D divisions. I am in D division. You can say nearly 30 or so girls are there in total.
But to gian ultimate confidence, first muster up the courage to confess in your girl. Without thinking about the consequences.
If you don't have any girl of interest, then proceed with your friends or girls in relatives.
Like all things it takes work. Practice makes perfect.
Embrace the nervousness. You are distinctly aware of how they're different from you yes? Ok, so lean into that. Sure you can come off as a sperg if you make a big deal about the fact that you're talking to a girl, but the more self aware you are and the less fake you are the better you will do.
For that reason, I recommend that you play it wacky and alien. Some people might say, "girls are girls, you're not gonna be able to talk to them about like, computers and anime, right?"
But that kinda defeats the whole purpose. You're there to talk to the alien species, not your usual buddies, so feel free to be your usual masculine self. You should invite her to meet you in your space, rather than the other way around.
Just blurt out whatever wacky idea comes to your mind. "Can I ask? What's with all the fucking pillows?" Something like that. And then laugh, smile, and enjoy yourself.
One trick is having the conversation while seated, standing makes it difficult because you will be moving your legs and touching yourself randomly due to nervousness, also stressing over your physique almost non consciously, so try to sit down with whoever you're talking to
Talk to them like you'd talk to a guy. You dont need a grand plan, you dont need some secret technique.
Enjoy women. Enjoy being in their presence. Enjoy talking to them. Enjoy listening to their voices. Smelling their perfume. Making them laugh. Enjoy and embrace the femininity.
Once you learn to enjoy the experience the rest falls into your lap.
Find a list of questions to ask dates, also pracyice asking for more detail when she talks about something, even if you aren't interested in what she's saying. (I have to do this with guys too) it just shows you aren't selfish and genuinely interested in them.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I can go on a rant all about the topic but instead I would rather point you to a YT channel that helped me get from socially awkward to social butterfly, girls included.
It's called Playing with Fire. The main coach on the channel has the most practical and value packed advice on the internet. And his business partner and also dating coach is in fact indian and teaches you how to approach women as an indian and display very high value.
Look up wikiHow for how to make friends or how to talk to people, it has some useful stuff, and act like they're just another one of the boys. You'll be fine if you don't act like they're something special you have to act differently around, bro. 🙂
I went on wikiHow and they have really good tips. But you know a girl would gimme a perfect answer for this. by the way thanks for your suggestions âșïž
First of all, usually the nervousness comes from the fear of being rejected or being seen as a creep.
Second, when people are nervous around girls, it means they didn't interact with enough girls in their life to understand that at the end of the day, we're both humans with flaws and etc. Don't assume the girl you're talking to is perfect, it twists your view. Women are not idyllic fictional beings.
Third, get rejected, like a lot. It will tone down the nervousness when you talk to girls.
Also, never ever neglige building a friendship, keeping in mind, if it's romantic interest to not build it too much.
Lastly, girls notice when you're not confident when you speak to them.
Take them down from the pedestal and stop worrying about saying the right thing. It's much easier when you have a still mind though. Guys are busy editing their own thought process that makes for a boring conversation. Read the book 'Power Of Now' by Ekhart Tolle to learn more about a still mind.
Nope! I freak out when talking to the guy I like so I sad dumb things. Heâll turn around and Iâll do a facepalm because I feel so dumb from what things Iâve said
Preparing yourself beforehand can be helpful. Google topics to talk about. Eventually youâll get it down and have plenty to bring up. Asking the girl questions about herself is always good, and if she returns the questions back, it shows sheâs interested in getting to know you as well.
Ask her some open-ended questions/ or requests. Forget the yes/no items at this point.
So, don't ask "do you like rock music?" Instead , ask an open-ended question such as, "What is your favorite kind of music and why do like it?" That will get HER talking and take the burden off of you while you summon up the courage for more questions! Good luck.
The easiest method is to develop qualities in yourself that they might think is useful for the girls.
There is no girl in this world that will simply like you for you you have to show some quality hold on situations and authority with a little kindness.
Women are very practical only in this case choosing someone to date or even form friendships.
Just tell yourself before that you are communicating with another thoughtful and kind human being, or maybe think of her like you might of for your sister, it's not always easy, but when you have a good conversation going it feels very natural, humour is often worth trying.
Why is it that hard to talk to a woman? Just approach and say hi, look into her eyes when doing so. Formulate a conversation in your head first before you approach, so that you have a topic in mind, otherwise you will probably end up stuttering and that ain't no good.
Women are human too, they are insecure just as much as you are, and probably even nervous.
I had this same issue when I was in high school. I got a couple of female friends and they sort of de-mystified it for me. It took some practice but I did get better at it.
First off get your mind off of sex or thinking about if she will like you. Talk to her kind of like going to an interview which will make you more impressionable. Second listen and get interested in any emotional stories she talks about and make yourself sound like you really care about what she's taking about. Third if yiu get a second date comment positively about how pretty she looks. Thus is coming from myself who was too shy to ask for dates in high school.
Listen to me. Don't talk nor approach a woman that isn't giving you signs she's interested. That will make a huge difference.
When a woman is interested in you and you in her the chemistry will be there and the conversation will just flow naturally and super easily that you literally will feel like you known her all your life and there won't be no nervousness at all.
Think of it as something fun. Motivate yourself by thinking what will happen when you are successful at talking with women.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Actually back in college a friend of mine told me a good mental trick (ladies you wonât like this).
Look for a flaw she has i. e. blemish, nose, awkward laugh, etc and focus on it for a moment. It reminds you sheâs human and not some fantasy book princess. You talk to her like sheâs human.
just donât put girls on a pedestal in your mind. When i was younger i used to think girls were like these goddesses that were perfect but once you hear enough of them fart in their sleep youâll realize theyâre humans with flaws too 😂 Even if a girl is pretty sheâs probably some goofy girl deep down thatâs insecure lol just go for it.
Talk to her even if nervous. She will be so charmed by it and her interest in you will go way up. She will tell all her girlfriends how cute and nervous you were and your dealbreakers will become compromisibles.
Start with just trying to build a friendship with them, and pretend in your mind that youâve already had three or four funny conversations with her. Just maker her feel comfortable joking with you before you start flirting
You just need to look at it as a casual thing. Don't take yourself too seriously. Or her either for that matter. Just show light-hearted interaction and a little humor. It never fails.
I did when I was OPâs age, but no longer. After I went MGTOW and not longer had romantic/sexual interest in women I was no longer nervous. Nothing to gain, nothing to lose.
I think itâs pretty normal and human to be nervous to someone you like or attracted to either boys or girls, if you donât get nervous that means youâre not into that person
Yeah I feel the same way. Real ducks most men have to make all the first moves. I guess keep putting yourself in uncomfortable position till you get use to it. I'm missing charisma.
just need to talk to women and in time it will be easy it is like first riding a bike once you do enough then you get comfortable with it and confident
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