Why are so many women so terrified of speaking their mind to men about liking them, that they feel the need to ask the internet how to be honest?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Or worse yet, how to drop subtle hints because honesty is just "too scary"...

Men aren't going to report you for sexual harrassment for talking, we aren't going to call you a pervert no matter what lewd things you say, and if we do, its a compliment.

We aren't going to call security or the police or report you to our boss, we aren't going to bully you for flirting.

Because having that kind of response to someone taking interest in us is childish garbage (even if we aren't interested in you).

The worst thing you will be likely to hear, is "not my type", and it may even include a "sorry", just for dissapointing you.

For fuck's sake ladies (and I mean this is the least weird way possible), grow a pair, just tell him. And if you can't, why? what is so terrifying about it? I just don't get it. I've had lots of women make niche porno level perverted comments to me (after I said not interested), and I still did fuck all about it.

[WonderBell99]

Men are NOT simple creatures to women! At least, the ones that I’ve been interested in weren’t. We do not know how your thought process works. We do not know how to interpret your behavior sometimes. Why would you stare at us often but never really make a move? Why would you claim to be interested in someone else but still flirt? I get that some women do the same; but since society has us believing that “if a man does not make the first move, he isn’t interested” we assume that he might not be interested.

We drop hints, we are subtle, but more often that not, they go unnoticed and the guy has zero clue that we are interested in him. Some people feel like it would be “desperate” for a woman to make the first move… when it’s obviously not. I’ve made the first move thrice; got rejected twice (valid reasons lol) and with the third guy, him and I actually went out on a couple of dates.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"Why would you stare at us often but never really make a move?"
Simple, good looks are not a greenlight to do so (however distracting they may be), and feminism forbids men flirting with women in public, to the point of legal recourse and life ruining consequences. I personally typically do such a quick glance she never notices though.

"Why would you claim to be interested in someone else but still flirt?"
I personally don't do this, I don't even flirt, however this is also simple, there is no way to know who to be interested in without either flirting and getting a response. Or having her do so, because reciprocation, interest, and personality matters. And more importantly, 99% of men who flirt first, are players, they want your pussy for the night with no strings attached, or to add you to a list of his friends with benefits hoes, thats it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

“if a man does not make the first move, he isn’t interested”
If a man makes a move on a woman he doesn't know well, he's interested in sex, not a relationship, if he's interested in a relationship, it will take weeks, months, or even years for him to decide if a move should be made, because women rarely are open about their thoughts, and interest in you means knowing every damn secret you have first.
Why would you expect a guy to be seriously interested in a woman he knows little or nothing about?

"We drop hints, we are subtle, but more often that not, they go unnoticed and the guy has zero clue that we are interested in him."
Thats because they are subtle, subtle will go unoticed most of the time, and when it is noticed, it leaves to much up to interpretation, you want us to guess if it means you are interested, and in todays society where men are legally punished for flirting, we will never rely on a guess. We want to hear direct words that you think we are sexually attractive, or its not a green light to even discuss the topic with you, all because guys whistling or cat calling or even just saying "hi" or giving a compliment or saying you're attractive is "offensive", "creepy", and "a serious problem" to the point where you will have him arrested for "sexual harrassment".

You women made your bed, lay in it. Either initiate flirting yourselves, or don't punish us for doing so.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Sorry, but it really is just simple logic.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Simply put, if women want men they would date to initiate, there has to be zero consequence for men they don't want initiating, because we can't read your minds, we don't know who you like, and for whatever absurd reason, you won't just come out and tell us, even though we don't ever punish while rejecting (like you women do).

You risk getting a no, we risk losing our job and reputation and maybe ending up in jail, its not fair to expect us to initiate ever again at this point, and the guys who still do are the dangerous creeps you women are so paranoid about.

[TheSpaceGnome]

So yes, men are simple in this respect, we want to know your intent, your goals, your hobbies, if you find us attractive, if you have kids or not, if you want kids or not, if you have any infections or are clean, if you want marriage or not, what you believe in or how you think, what your kinks are, and what you look like naked, and we want to know all of this before saying we are interested in anything serious.

[Kori1236]

I mean I’m the type to tell someone that I like them. Mostly because I can’t flirt to save my life. But playing games and subtle signals aren’t proper methods of communication.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You miss deserve true happiness, I could not agree more.

[Bethany22]

It's not that we're scared, it's that we still deep down wish that it was him, the original gender that's supposed to be known as the hunter, to notice US first. It's too embarrassing that we had to actually notice him before he noticed us. To flirt on top of that is just demeaning. I guess like on a dating website, whereby two people knew each other previously through work, but the woman no longer works there, if she messages him that she likes him, she then worries that he's going around her old office laughing with his male colleagues and potentially that ruining her reputation at her new job if someone knows someone from her former office.

[TheSpaceGnome]

That is a really stubborn way to look at it.

Being noticed, and being romantically noticed, are very different things. And do keep in mind, I'm refering to guys who won't ditch you after sex when I explain below.

I can notice you for 5 years, but have such a limited amount of info on you that i'm not interested enough to bother.

Your personality matters, how you think, how you act, what you are interested in, your goals, your relationship status, sexual preferences, etc, we need this information before even wanting to persue you.

If you aren't open enough to flaunt what you like, its a turn off, we may notice you first, but we will mistake you for not our type because we take people at face value, how you act around us, thats the REAL you (even if its not).

If you want to be "hunted", as you put it, you gotta show guys what they are "hunting" first.

You have to declare that you are single, and looking for x type of guy at the very least, to even get noticed in a romantic way, otherwise yeah, we will notice you first... as off limits.

As far as the reputation ruining thing, as I said in my original post, men don't do that, because we don't find perversion or interest offensive. And if guys did go around talking about you that way, the worst that would happen is you get rejected, and possibly one of his buddies he blabbed to asks you out after finding out what you are like from him, but even that is rare.

When guys blab, we don't say "this creepy woman hit on me" we say "this woman thinks i'm hot", we brag, even if we don't want you, so your reputation isn't effected, ours is, our level of attractiveness to women is, and thats assuming he even gossips (99% of men don't. I don't, most guys don't talk about relationships and dates and flirting to other guys, we talk about hobbies). Gossip is a "girly" girl thing or gay guy thing. it's not something straight men (or the prized hot tomboy girls) do.

[TheSpaceGnome]

In fact, most guys don't talk about women at all to other guys, outside of maybe pointing out we like some woman's tits just to prove we aren't gay.

If we talk about women. we prefer to talk TO women when doing so, and usually its to get an answer to something that confuses us.

It's one reason why I made it so only women can answer this question.

[Bethany22]

Thanks, that helps

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're very welcome.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also, if a guy does blab about anything perverse or embarrassing you said to him, his guy friends will likely say he is bullshitting, and ask for proof, and if he shows proof, he gets the "fuck you, you lucky bastard" remark, and then the guy you hit on snickers at his friends because he "won", and it kind of ends there, and the topic switches to what is going on in the game they are playing (geeks) or sport they are watching (jocks), because literally no one wants to hear the TMI that would come after that on the off chance it includes details about her talking about his genitals, because thats just gross.

[AmyHew1tt]

I agree subtle hints are the wrong way to go about it because everyone will get confused, but if you really honestly like the guy, the thought he'll say he doesn't like you back is honestly cripplingly terrifying, and it feels better to (unless he seems like he might reciprocate) just stay safe and get over it on your own. Plus, social anxiety isn't exactly going to give you an encouraging pat on the back in that situation.

There's also an aspect, I noticed, of men, or boys, taking a girl out not because he actually likes her but out of the ego boost. I spoke with a few guy friends of mine, who admitted that lots of the girls they'd gone out with they later found out they didn't even like after the high of 'being liked' had gone. But lots of women generally only go out with guys they have a real or at least potential interest in, so it might be worrying to think he's not actually into you, but the idea of you.

That's how it is for me, at least. I wish we were back in a time when men could approach you without the rightful worry that they'd get reported or something. So-called 'feminism' has ruined a lot of things and made dating even more complicated than it already is, and I say this as a woman. This age is crazy.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Men have to deal with the same crippling fear, plus legal consequences.

I've seen a lot of women use men for money or as a sperm source, so we have to worry she isn't being genuine too.

[AmyHew1tt]

Yeah, it's absolutely horrible. And I'm not taking away from that. Just saying why lots of women won't be that eager to be the ones making the first moves. It's uncertain territory for most people, in both sexes.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Fair enough.