How long do men usually pull away for?

[Anonymous]

It's been over a week, but I still texted him almost every day *not every day and some days only once or twice* I've heard of the rubberband theory, but I'm worried I broke it by chasing and he won't be back.

Updates

+1 y

How long should I wait before I text him again?...

[babygirltiffie]

i have something like this going on and with stuff going on or missing him it can be hard to not chase him. just text him and tell him your sry if he feels like your pushing him away and that you need to know if he feels that way and that you just miss him or omething like that. I don't have a definate answer to your question but felt like since I feel the same way right now, I kinda had to at least try to help you out. it depends on the guy and the situation and his feelings..if he loves you or your good friends and he's a decent guy, it shouldn't be too long. maybe he just needs to think.

[Asker]

Ya I said sorry yesterday, that if he needs some space, just tell me, it's fine, but it makes me feel like he's leaving me and doesn't love me and stuff and that's why I chase him and I'm sorry I text a lot lol

[babygirltiffie]

thats good that you did that then. but like some1 else said he might get annoyed or feel like your a stalker or something stupid like that...not really stalking which pisses me off how guys say that lol. but good luck, I really do feel bad 4 you because ik how it feels to be in this exact situation. give him so long before you say you can't do it anymore. maybe somehow make sure he isn't dating someone else...could be that he has no balls to tell you that he moved on.

[babygirltiffie]

add me? I can't add you because your anonymous

[arsenal25]

okay learn this, if a guy has not responded to your SECOND text, you leave him alone. people receive your texts, if they want to answer they would of. You are ruining it by texting him more, I send one text and if it wasn't a question fine he didn't respond, I'll send a second one next day that requires and answer if that is ignore that is the end of it. Sorry you ignore me, you do not get rewarded by me txting you and chasing you. So stop it, and move on you seem desperate, clingy and probably annoying to him if you have texted for a week without him responding.

[Asker]

Well we've broken up and gotten back together twice now, so he's patient with my clingyness...I just hope I didn't ruin it...I don't know if stopping texting him will help at this point...

[arsenal25]

it doesn't matter, if he is patient with your clingyniess. Why are you even putting up with being ignored? texting him only shows how needy and clingy you are. get a life, and find someone who doesn't ignore you!

[buttercup5]

Wait, were you texting him without getting responses?

[Asker]

Ya, because I thought I did something wrong

[buttercup5]

Ok, you don't continue to text someone if they're not replying. It makes you look desperate.

[Asker]

I am, I'm worried he won't be back XP

[buttercup5]

You don't generally want him to know that even if it's true. Desperation is not attractive.

[Asker]

Too late I guess...I've cut back a lot on how much I usually text him, but my clinginess probably pushed him away and is making this whole thing worse...

[sixstring]

So if I'm not mistaken, he hasn't called or texted for a week but you kept on texting him? That's not a good thing to do. If he doesn't answer the first 2-3, he propably won't answer the next either. Or the one after that.

There's a good chance he'll get annoyed or think you're a stalker/attentiondrain.

[Asker]

He texted back a couple of times...Last time was last Sunday, so almost a week ago, so I'm worried I frustrated him enough that he's gonna leave

[sixstring]

I'm sorry, but he might. If you try to text him again, he might just ignore it. Try to run into him. But don't be needy, asking why he hasn't answered. Try to see how he responded to getting so many messages and apologize if necessary. And just flat out ask him if he wants to hang out again.

[Asker]

I can't just run into him unless it's at his work, which would seem more desperate...I apologized for bugging him so much and told him if he wanted space, just say so so I don't freak out...

[Asailum]

hard to say for any one in particular, but guys are used to being more alone than girls so he can hold out longer than you if that's what you think it is

[Asker]

Well, that's the pattern he seems to follow...He pulls away, I chase him, he feels guilty for "ignoring me", leaves me, comes back, we're closer and more intimate than ever...It was like a light clicked...When I texted thinking something was wrong, he said it frustrates him when I assume and he's fine, he's just been busy. I miss him every day, so I know he can hold out longer than me, I just hope I didn't chase him away for good lol But I guess I'll see...I already apologized

[Asailum]

well, its obviously complicated and I can only say that he's trying but he's confused. And also, you haven't chased him away "for good" unless you severly did something extremely rude.

[Asailum]

also you have to be weary of him(or anybody) who puts any type of guilt feelings on you. Guilt is the way parents control their children but also how governments, authorities and anyone trying to keep the public under wraps.

[Asker]

No I mean I made him feel guilty for pulling away and needing space ('cuz I thought he didn't love me anymore or something was wrong). Now that I think I know why he does it, I won't anymore...I'm worried I chased him away for good with my insane texting, but I know time will tell...Not sure what to do now lol

[Asailum]

hey first of all relax, its perfectly normal for everyone to be unsure about when your actually bonding to someone. try to hold back on texting a little bit because if your constantly doing it he will be annoyed (imo) and you gotta confront the things in the relationship that bother you, aka if he loves you anymore. Give him opportunities to open up, because honestly most guys feel held back by tons of pressures.

[Asker]

Well I know he's willing to adjust stuff for me...And I mean small things like just telling me when he needs space. We've been together a year, and I finally learned just to tell him when something's wrong and since I did, things were a lot better. He shows me he loves me all the time, but I read Men are from Mars...and it said even when a man's in love, he needs space for independence and autonomy and I understand that, but like it said, women pull away when something's wrong so when he does

[Asker]

I automatically think he doesn't anymore...But he shows he does all the time...Before our last fight, he let me stay in his apt with his only key for an entire weekend, he wakes me up by tickling me, brings me home food, stuff like that. A big thing that told me he did was he's willing to change the small things to make me happy, like spending more time with me, if he didn't love me, he wouldn't care and would find someone else...at least so I've heard

[Asailum]

can you give an example of when he's pulled away?

[Asker]

Well like everything will be going great, we spent time together a lot and everything was awesome! Then suddenly he stopped replying to my texts (I did several times every single day). I started visiting him at work frequently and every time I did, he looked like he felt guilty and stuff. This happened for a couple months I suppose, then he broke up with me 'cuz he wanted me to be happy with someone who could spend time with me. Not too long after, we started talking again and got back

[Asker]

together and everything was even better than it was before all the stuff that happened. I spent an entire weekend in his apt and we had a fight because I didn't want to tell him when something was wrong and he wanted to settle down with someone and how could he do that with someone who doesn't trust him...Well, we made up, I reminded him I'm working on trusting more, he just needs to be patient and work with me, but I do wanna marry him one day, I'm just not ready yet. We ended up "apart" for

[Asker]

like 3 days, so I don't count that as a breakup, since he did it out of anger (he cursed at me and he never does that) But since he wanted to get back with me after mentioning getting married and settling down and stuff, I took that as a positive thing - that he wants to marry me one day and he wants to help me get there and work with me. After making up, everything was awesome again. His brother moved in with him and he was talking to me all cute and everything while his mom and brother were

[Asker]

there and his mom means a lot to him so it's important that we get along and stuff. She was supposed to move here, but didn't so I was sad and said 'it's OK, we'll just buy a house, kidnap her and move her here!' He told her what I said and both of them were laughing. I brought up that I still remembered the poem he wrote me like 8 months ago and texted it and he said awww sweet! and when I told him I wanna clear the air of the past, start fresh, he was very receptive to talking to me about it.

[Asker]

Sorry I know it's long :x

[Asailum]

hmmm... I think you should try to play hard to get for a little bit. not to play headgames but it will give you a different perspective on everything

[Asailum]

hey hold on, I just saw all your new posts

[Asailum]

damnit that was supposed to be on here not a new answer

[turbonergrodude92]

If he really loves you he will come back, the main thing here is don't panic or you'll kill yourself with worrying.

[Asker]

Well the other times when he's come back, he gets even closer to me, he certainly acts like he loves me, but I'm scared I pushed him too far, so I'm trying not to text again until he does first...

[turbonergrodude92]

Yeah try not to text him until he replys to you... It sounds mean but some guys do this to keep your interest in them... so far it sounds like its working.

[Asker]

lol Well I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the chapter about rubber bands and it made a lot of sense...He'll pull away, I chase him thinking something's wrong, he feels guilty that he needed his space and that upset me, he leaves, he wants me back and we're even closer than ever lol He just needs to tell me when he wants some space and I need to learn to give it...

[turbonergrodude92]

Yeah I guess that you will just have to wait and see what happens...

Goodluck anyhow :)

[Asker]

Thanks, hoping for the best..

[Asailum]

what did he say after you told him you wanna clear the air?

[Asker]

He was very receptive he said "ok :) I'll let you know when I'm off" he was perfectly fine with it, I really just wanted to leave the past behind so we could move forward...Wouldn't he have just said screw it and left if he didn't love me? And wouldn't care if I wanted to talk about stuff and start fresh? We still haven't but he gets really busy with work, he moved recently, and his brother and girlfriend moved in with him, so I understand the stress...What was really bugging me was does he want

[Asker]

to marry "someone" or does he want to marry me? But I told him he needs to be patient and work with me to work on the relationship and everything and if he didn't wanna marry me he would have said screw you and found someone else I guess

[Asailum]

hmmm... he seems to be definitely wanting to make things better, I dono about marrying necessarily(not that its bad but that takes a lot of time to make that serious of a decision!). If he didn't care he would have already let you down many times by just being unavailable or making up excuses.

[Asailum]

he seems like a good guy but you have to let him know how your feeling on a deep level. that is what being married is about , a very trusting relationship where you can say just about anything that's on your mind and trust that your partner isn't going to judge you and will listen and understand what your saying.

[Asker]

Well he's been willing to make little changes to make it work and all...He was talking about marriage like a month into our relationship lol He did let me down a lot before the first breakup, but he's gotten to where if he's not 100% sure we can do something he says "maybe, I'll have to see"...he's only postponed once lately and that was 'cuz he worked a lot and was really tired...He seems to make excuses for not answering my texts, like his phone isn't working or he's busy, but I know his phone

[Asker]

finally crapped out on him, and he has gotten better at texting me more but he gets quiet and pulls away, then we talk or whatever and everything's even better than it was before. I am trying to get on that level with him, I finally really told him that I think about marrying him every day and stuff, I'm just not ready yet and I tell him we're like puzzle pieces that fit together and we connect well and stuff like that

[Asailum]

hes coming from a low point into optimism, that's why he suddenly seems happy/enthuiastic about the relationship. I will message you later today as I'm going to pass out now

[Asker]

Ok lol I'm sorry I ask so many questions lol

[Asailum]

uh huhhhh.

i just eralized I can't message an anonymous user! Msg me if ya want

[Anonymous]

I guess, you should not be a clingy one. Man doesn't like it anyway. Have your own life, live with it and trust God in your relationship. That's all. :)

[babygirltiffie]

whens the last time you texted him?

[Asker]

Once earlier today. I didn't at all yesterday

[babygirltiffie]

either tomorrow(now its today) or in a couple days to give him space...but I'm not sure if giving him space will make a difference so go by how he usually is in fights...when you fight will he be OK if you talk right away or does he need a day or 2 or whatever to calm down? your best bet is to probably go by that.

[Asker]

Been over a week, though...Ok I have been talking to him, but very little, does that count? o.o

[babygirltiffie]

uve been talking to him very little...is that only you or has he replied? if he has replied that's a good sign if not then like I said go by how you know him...because if he has a short temper you'll only make it worse, if he's a calmer person keep trying but don't be pushy maybe only once or twice a day...ive had this issue before we are only friends now well not really even that but I keep trying every so often because I gave up

[Asker]

He only responded like 3x and that was about a week ago..

[babygirltiffie]

well then keep trying but not too much just once or twice a day maybe or just give him a few days and text him telling him you were thinking aboutt him or somethign like that

[Asker]

Ok...That's what I'm trying anyway...I only texted once every day the past couple days and I didn't say anything at all today...It's hard not to say anything when you think the relationship's in trouble

[babygirltiffie]

oh trust me I know...ive had that happen...i slept non stop one time for 3 days got up ate showered went back 2 bed...but it worked. I try to hang with friends or talk to them or clean..anything to get your mind busy for a few minutes buys you a better attitude from him and situation(hopefully) is how I look at it...even tho I didn't word it right.

[Asker]

Lol I'm trying :( Been 2 days now...I'm worried it's too late and I've pushed him away

[babygirltiffie]

maybe try to ask him

[Asker]

Nah...I don't think he'd say anything