Do men pull away at the beginning of a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been hearing a lot lately about this. Do you believe that men actually pull away before they come closer in the beginning of a relationship (a few months in)? Is this generally good advice if a man does pull away? Should a woman really just pull away as well and leave him be? Is it likely that he will come around then? Feel free to share experiences and opinions.

[scooter071]

i back away at the start to see if she is really into me. then if i feel its genuine enough ill be there for her through everything but i still back away every now and then to test her to see if the spark is still there.
i had an ex girlfriend start off hot for me then she faded away from me and started to go cold towards me after i found out she was talking to her ex behind my back the whole time and making me the lier. and i even caught the ex at her work buy lunches every week and hold a conversation all the time as he tried to convince her to get away from me and move back to him and give him a second chance and he convinced her everyday to go back to him while me and her was in a relationship together.. in the end it sent my stress levels high it put my in hospital and she ended up moving out after a year and going back to him now im single again but head over heals for her.

[Asker]

Wow that it rough. I am sorry that happened to you. So what do you expect the girl to do during this pull away time? Leave you be or keep contacting you?

[DermalPunch]

could it be because you tested her with stupid pulling away games. she likely thought you weren't interested anymore. so dumb

[Blueeyes81]

Every relationship I've been in was because I was really into her and truly wanted to be with her. That being said I've always pulled away at the beginning. It's like I just get smacked in the face with the reality that my life is about to change. I won't be able to do what I want when I want. I won't have as much alone time as I normally would like. I'm going to have to start doing things I don't necessarily want to do. Etc. etc. etc. I go into panic mode and start pulling away. It lasts for a few weeks and I know i just need to push forward and it will pass. It has nothing to do with the woman I'm seeing it's just like everything is changing too fast and i get overwhelmed.

[Asker]

Wow, great reply. So what do you want the girl to do in this time? Just leave you have space? Wait for you to contact?

[Blueeyes81]

Yeah. It just takes me some time to adjust to all the changes. If she starts trying to reel me in it seems to make it worse. I'll come around after a few weeks because my desire to be with her ultimately outweighs everything else.

[Asker]

Okay. I just feel like with me giving him space and not contacting him first, I’m worried he’s thinking that I don’t care.

[Blueeyes81]

Its fine to contact him, just not 10 times a day. Every couple of days will let him know you care and still give him his space. I know its hard to do but if you aggressively seek attention from somebody who is overwhelmed you'll do more harm than good.

[Asker]

Okay. I haven’t heard from him since Sunday afternoon and it’s really bumming me out.

[Asker]

It’s now Tuesday night. I sent him s message yesterday afternoon.

[Blueeyes81]

I know. He'll come around and when he does then it's the time to talk about it. I need my space but once I've sorted everything out in my head I'm more than happy to discuss what was going on in my head and how it made you feel and what we both need in the future to lessen the impact on the other.

[Asker]

Okay, makes sense. I’m really hoping that after 4 months of seeing him he’s not just gonna ghost me completely. So should I shoot him a message or wait for him to contact me first?

[Blueeyes81]

I'd wait. Give him a couple of days without contact, unless he contacts you. He'll come around. Just try and stay busy in the meantime to help keep your mind from thinking about it.

[Asker]

Thank you. I guess the hardest part about it is that I care about him and I’m worried that he’s hurt that I’m not contacting him. But I will wait

[Annie_Mosity]

Only if he doesn't really like you. I have the exact opposite problem with ALL the men I have dated. They have been far more into me than I into them. If someone likes you they won't "pull away". That is a very VERY obvious sign that you aren't working as a couple. Pretending that this action is a thing men just do is really rather stupid and means you will ignore the issues causing you both to drift apart. If someone really likes you then they will want to spend their time with you...

[LunaJ]

exactly. when a guy is pulling away, just leave him to do it n don't chase.
he will come back to you when he thinks it's the good decision.
and you can't do anything about it.
but if you chase him when he needs alone time he will think "omg she's needy" and he will go even more distant

[LunaJ]

ty 🙆😍

[Anonymous]

Guys do this in the beginning middle and years in. Keep your eyes open for red flags of commitment, intimacy, and mental issues such as narcissistic personality disorder. All of these do similar push pull behaviors

[Asker]

Great reply! I’ve actually been thinking about possibly narcissism lately..

[demonics]

The beginning of a relationship is when we find out the first of many deal breaking flaws and we need time for our rationalization hamster to make that thing go away. Could be that she has a drinking problem, she's really messy, she's not fully over her ex, she's on meds for mental issues, she's got some pent up child abuse issues... any thing of that sort.

"Do I have the patience for this?"
Do I even like this girl beyond a booty call?"
"Will this affect my other relationships." (nothing worse than your friends and family hating her).

[LunaJ]

i think you left out the important things, "do i feel comfortable around her? "
"can i really miss her? "

you pointed out problems only some people have, but guys pulling away in a good relationship too, to get some perspective n think about it

[demonics]

@LunaJ Not to mansplain but, yea we aren't that deep. Hell "how fat is she gonna get?" Is right up there too.

[LunaJ]

agree. you guys like your life being simple n no stress 😁

that's why i have more male budd than girl, tbh

[michaelismyname313]

Yes sometimes we do pull away it's because of either fear of mainly hurt cheating and if down the road children were to come into the picture and Joe and Janet decide they ain't working out no more and their kids are there Joe's main concern is will she let me have my kids is she going to go find another man to raise my kids and take my place this our fears them and have because especially when we have kids they're the only thing we care about like I don't even care about you but my kids at Sittin over there I put both of them in form

[Nice222]

Yes I found myself doing that when I met my wife. I think it was that even though I liked her and knew in my heart that she was the one, I was not sure if I was ready for a strong long term relationship. But eventually I came around.

[Asker]

How did she respond to you pulling away? How long did you pull away for?

[Asker]

And when did you pull away? When things started getting more serious?

[Nice222]

Yeah when things started getting more serious. She moved to be closer to where I lived and I started pulling away. We ended up in a bit of a argument and I felt I got to a point where I had to make a decision to either stay or leave. And I decided to stay.

[Asker]

Maybe that’s what’s going on with him then. Because I have been talking about moving back to this town where he lives. But it seemed like that was what he wanted. He kept telling me to take a job here where he lives and was giving me options for finding a place to live. This was just a this past week. And telling me he missed me. And now he’s being so weird. And it’s making me so confused.

[Nice222]

Yeah that sounds a lot like what happened to us. I helped her find a apartment near me.

[Asker]

Should I contact him or wait for him to contact me?

[Nice222]

I would contact him and keep yourself in his thoughts.

[datingandconfused]

How long did you pull away from your wife at the time? Til you decided it was what you wanted? And when you pulled away was there no contact at all?

[MrMilti]

Nowadays, most young people want to feel that intense feeling of being in love, head over heels. This cannot last forever and when this feeling slowly fades and they break up, someone has to do the first step.

In my experience, that has always been my partner.

I am not looking for a short period of ethereal happiness, I want something long lasting, preferably for the rest of my life. But that doesn't seem to be trendy in our current era.

[Asker]

Yesss. Same here. Things were just starting to get more serious and suddenly he’s pulling away. And I’m thinking, great he was just looking for excitement for s few months and now he’s gonna ghost me. Seems like what they all do.. love the chase and once that’s gone, they just fade out.

[10dsw]

I pull away because when the girl starts playing games and/or getting clingy, she's no longer sexually attractive to me and has lost her appeal.

And most guys can see through behaviors like hanging around other guys to create jealousy - this is oftentimes just a mask for insecurities which is deeply unsexy.

Also I don't like relationships, so I pretty much almost always pull away.

[DermalPunch]

girl isn't clingy. she is just reciprocating normally. you just din't like relationships.

[jamesjjw]

It's been a long while since I've been in a relationship but I've always been the opposite and it's gotten me into some pretty bad issues so it was something I was considering for the next time a relationship happened for me

[TNMILFHUNTR]

I am dealing with that in the reverse now. Usually I pull back. Now it's the reverse and I don't like it at all

[topi_tonge]

men usually chase and/or try to impress a girl. they pull back when girl starts​ thinking seriously 😞
so, just control your feelings , don't go in a flow, don't be easy.

[KnightFelllow]

Usually cause

[polit-cuck]

He might be checking if you are serious.. you care or not.. how hard can you try to keep the relationship...
Or may be he really Wana move on

[TallGuy96]

If i ever pull away i do it for like 1-3 days to see if she's interested in me, because i don't want to try to impress a girl who doesn't like me

[Asker]

What do you expect her to do? Wouldn’t you think a few months in that obviously she likes you?

[TallGuy96]

I would wait if she starts the conversation and if the conversation is fairly lengthy.

[DermalPunch]

STUPID

[Dampedlife1]

I've done that, i back up a bit then get closer to her

[Asker]

Okay, why do you do that? As a test of sorts?

[Dampedlife1]

I personally do a test but it helps because i myself set my own boundaries and then later set some expectations so i do it to help myself. There may be a possibility some do it normally without noticing

[Asker]

So would you say if a guy started acting more loving and closer and then suddenly became more distant right after, that maybe he was falling for her and is testing her? Or maybe sitting on his feelings?

[Dampedlife1]

Oh he was close then backs off, that personally gives me a sign of oh there might be something bad happening but depends the type of person

[Dampedlife1]

But yes it may be a small test or there is a personal thing going on

[Gargoyles-embrace]

It's to see if she will chase him. No one wants to be in a relationship with an emotional black hole.

[Anonymous]

Full of half-truth, shuffling around reality, kinda getting it -- but not really. Just gluing together things that could be true, falsehoods that women insist are true and the things they'd prefer to be true. But nothing all that useful.

[Sha84]

most men pull me in to them not pull out or away from

[kaylaS91]

... since when do all men behave in the same way?

[Asker]

No one said they do.

[kaylaS91]

your question implies that they do as you use 'men' as a collective term. Referring to ALL men across the globe.

Anywho- since that's obviously not the case, I'll reiterate that every mane behaves differently. Some men may pull away at the beginning of the relationship because perhaps they realize they were never on the same page as the girl. As in, they might've jumped the gun and want to get out before starting a relationship they realize they never really wanted.

[Asker]

Good point. I didn’t mean to intend all men.

[LunaJ]

it's about the mind set.
and ofc not everyone goes with the crowd

[IamUta]

No, at least I don't.

[Asker]

You’re young yet. You don’t have as much scarring or things to consider with a relationship.

[IamUta]

Is I'll agree with your statement for the most part, I've also been through some shit, including in relationships.

[Asker]

Okay. ☺️

[IamUta]

I think the scariest thing I've faced in a relationship is I've dated a girl with cistic fibrosis

[Asker]

That can be scary. I’ve had PCOS since I was 15.

[IamUta]

Pcos is very different from CF. My ex was going into the hospital constantly, coughing up blood on a normal basis, and she could have died at any time.

[Asker]

That’s rough

[IamUta]

It was very scary. But, alas, her dad broke us up and that ends that.

[Insanyx12]

Nope can't think of a reason why

[rico99]

I don't know about everyone but naw

[honestibrahim]

Nope