How Can I Talk To Him More At Work to Let Him Know I'm Interested?

[littlered14]

Hey there, gentlemen! Happy New Year!

So... I have a kind of strange question that has been wandering around my mind for the past couple of days, and I feel a bit stuck...

There's this new person who just started working with us about two weeks ago. He's one of the first year medical students that works with our attending physicians and he sits in with them for most of the day. But, He's very quiet, perhaps a little awkward, kind of chubby, and, from what I learned, a bit of an art nerd. I would really like to get to know him better, talk to him more but it's challenging since I have to be on the floor as a clinician and he spends most of the day in the office with the med team. I have tried complimenting him, making cookies for the staff, touching his shoulder while talking to him, making good eye contact. But, no luck.

My question is: How do I interact and maybe flirt with him a little more at work without looking too desperate, too forward or like a goofy young school girl?

[Summeroflove]

I think you need to be straightforward. Maybe flirt a bit to see if and how he responds.

I would say just make a move. I know it’s scary. Risk of rejection. But sometimes in life we have to take risks.

Plus. If you look at it this way. A chance he will say yes!!! As well as worst case scenario he rejects you. You have closure and aren’t waiting on a guy whose not even into you.

You also don’t want to wait too long and miss your shot and him end up with someone else.

[littlered14]

Fair point. It's just a little nerve wracking because I don't want my boss to find out, and then I get in trouble because I made him uncomfortable if he doesn't feel the same way. But, also, you're right and I am afraid of missing my chance because he seems really nice and very much having similar interests to mine. The fear of having to sit in the same room with patients with him for the next 6 months if he does say no or isn't feeling it is also a little scary... 😅

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I get it

[Summeroflove]

But if you like someone. You have to find love at some point. If there is policies against dating in the workplace. That’s not good but other then that.

Probably better to be straightforward. Because sometimes that’s better anyways. Because if someone isn’t into you and you’re flirting. They could probably cause more problems

[Summeroflove]

But you got a shot

[littlered14]

There isn't any that I know of except leave your feelings at the door and don't let it affect your work. Which, as professionals, on a psych unit, we have other things to think about, I believe. But, that's why we go to college to have degrees honestly and he won't be with us forever. Just until July.

[Summeroflove]

Yes I see what you mean. I would make a move on him and ask him out. If he says no. Whatever. You’re not working directly with him all the time anyways.

But he may say yes! Just don’t wait too long and he moves on and finds someone else

[MrCommodore]

I would suggest you stalk his social media a little to figure out what he is into, what his passions are. Then the next time you bring cookies or cake, have something of that nature visible on the plate and it might get him to talk.

[littlered14]

I did but, he doesn't really keep up with his social media so I know what he was into a few years ago. I assume it's similar to what he's into now. That may be kind of hard since he likes Poetry, Japanese art and music. 🤣

[MrCommodore]

Oh dear 😂, why couldn't he just be into football, Star Wars or something easier.

[littlered14]

The intelligent ones are some of the best and hardest to crack unfortunately. 🤣

[MrCommodore]

Well good luck with it. From your profile picture you look pretty, so attraction should not be a problem. He may just not be confident or perhaps he is a bit shy.

[littlered14]

I'm not sure. He seems a bit shy, being a little on the heavier side, with glasses. But, he's also a doctor, which I would think is a huge selling point to some women. Honestly, I wouldn't care if he was a nurse or a Therapist or a Psychiatrist because I love to work myself. But, he seems like a catch to me just because he also works hard and seems like a compassionate person based on the job he does for a living. Plus some of the new residents can be a little over confident. 🤷‍♀️

[MrCommodore]

Can you ask him out or is it forbidden due to you being colleagues?

[littlered14]

There's no real rule against dating in the workplace. As long as you handle yourself in a professional manner and don't let it affect your work. Also, he will be leaving in July anyway, if anything were to happen.

[MrCommodore]

July! And if something did happen, would you move or do you think he would stay?

[littlered14]

He can't stay because, as a resident, he has to go to other areas of the hospital, I think. No choice in the matter. So, I would hope that he would either come back if something did happen or we would still see each other outside of work or even during break times or when one of us leaves, isn't there, etc.

[MrCommodore]

Well fingers crossed 🤞 things work out gorgeous you both, its probably just a case of catching his attention. As a man who is a little bit on the heavier side, I suspect he probably doesn't assume girls are generally interested in him. Like if we watch tv shows Grey's Anatomy, it's never the chubby guy getting all of the action.
So keep that in mind.

[MrCommodore]

"For"- not "gorgeous" (Autocorrect 🤦🏻)

[littlered14]

Awww. That makes me sad. I have always kind of had a special place for guys with more boyish features and who were a little chubby. When I was a kid, I had a huge crush on the lead singer of Fall Out Boy because he was a bit on the chunky side. I honestly wish that guys like that did get more attention because there is something very attractive about a man with big strong arms who enjoys food and is okay with just being himself.

[MrCommodore]

Fall Out Ball are brilliant, my favourite band for a while years ago.
Yeah dating scene is not easy for guys
Carrying excess weight, it made me reluctant to approach girls in my late teens, then I lost the weight and started get some female attention, but was crap at reading signs etc. I appreciate now how it can be tough for guys like that.

[littlered14]

I don't base a lot of my opinions on appearance because your actions speak volumes. For example, we have a short little long haired psychiatrist who is married and people make fun of him but, he's my favorite person to work with because he is so good to the staff and our patients. Some of the women we work with are in good shape, but have terrible attitudes and aren't very nice to some people. So... Honestly, if you're a good person, your appearance is good but, you are worth so much more if you are a good person with your own unique attributes

[MrCommodore]

I 100% agree, it's refreshing to hear of someone who looks beyond the outer appearance.

[littlered14]

I grew up as a scrawny pale redhead who got chubby and then got made fun of and became anemic from not eating after I tried to lose weight in high school. I spent most of my youth being bullied before redheads were cool so... I try not to judge anyone based solely upon appearance.

[MrCommodore]

Wow!! Sounds like you had a tough time in your younger years, that can really knock a person's confidence in adult life. However it is often the negative experiences in life that make a person stronger.

[spartan55]

It's never desperate to show interest. Repeat this to yourself one million times.

[littlered14]

Thank you. I am a little quirky and a redhead so I often tend to question my appearance and my behavior at times

[spartan55]

Confidence is very attractive. Good luck!

[littlered14]

Hopefully a bit of shy, silly and sweet redheaded behavior is also. Or maybe not

[Wise4myage]

Slip him a note and be sly about it.

[littlered14]

Interesting... Hmm 🤔

[panamared1]

Just be friendly, let it happen

[littlered14]

Thank you. I appreciate that. I may do that.

[panamared1]

Good luck