Have you ever unintentionally flirted in front of your partner and they called you out?

[DizzyDesii]

So my sister and I have different dad’s. I’m the same age as her brother and he and I used to have a tiny crush on one another as a kid. The few times we lived together, we were there for eachother, crying at the traumatic sounds of having to hear our parents go at it sexually lmao. Anyways, the crush for sure died by time we got to high school (our parents were together when we were like 5 or 6). Well today, I get a knock at the door while I’m otp with bae. So i’m telling him to hold on but I didn’t mute him. I started out like “Who is it? Oh (my sisters brother) really? Wait I don’t have any clothes on give me a minute.” I mean i usually say that to anyone but I don’t think my dude was too happy to hear that. And then the entire convo was a lot of laughs and giggles and number exchanging (for my sisters sake). But yea I think I might have witnessed my dude get jealous for the first time but that was not my intention at all. The convo between the brother and lasted about 10 mins with my guy just sitting otp in the background. And yea, I don’t think the tone in his voice was frustration from having to hold on, but perhaps having to listen to us talk and sensing a bit of chemistry (but it wasn’t). I could literally hear the eyerolls through the phone. I might be a flirt, but not this time AND definitely not with my sister’s brother lmao. I’d never flirt in the face of the person I’m with like that. Anyways, thats my situation and I had to do a lot of awkward explaining after because I realize it might have looked bad. Whats yours if there is one? #FeelFreeToList

Updates

4 mo

And i hate to add this in there, but I would not be surprised if he's slightly threatened by black men. He comes from a place where there's less than 5 black people in town and he knows black has always been my main preference as I know white/Asian was his. But he makes constant comments about the women from where he's from always wanting black men instead and I try not to think of him as insecure with how he describes it and goes on about it. So maybe this triggered him a bit I don't know 🤷‍♀️

Updates

4 mo

Now that I think about it… This might actually explain why he randomly initiated phone sex as soon as the guy left. 🤣 He knows im “working” but he nearly attacked me through the phone and kept on with the “thats my pussy” line. This would’ve been funnier had he been here at the house at the time when the guy showed up. I recall one of my exes nearly beating someone up just for holding the door open for me. Of course my current dude wouldn’t dare but damn that would be territorially hot 😄

[hahahmm]

My take: So your step brother has feelings for you so he bothered to go to your house to exchange numbers instead of simply having his sister text you his contact info. You like the ego stroke of knowing he has feelings. You also like rubbing other dude's in your boyfriend's face... since as you say you HAVE flirted with others. Or another -- and the usual way I look at it - is that you're still on the market and flirting is a way for you to tell other guys you're available IF they're better than your boyfriend. Of course your boyfriend is feeling like the relationship is unstable.

I don't flirt at all. I learned when I was in my 20s how even "harmless" flirting just to be sociable could always turn into something I didn't intend if the woman took it too far and 99% of the time they did. Hell, I almost got attacked by husbands and boyfriends too. NOT because of the flirt.. but because I rejected her when she tried to get the snake & then she lied to her man about me assaulting her. So I learned not to go there unless I truly and completely wanted something beyond the flirt. Just saying - I guess all of this is very different for women. But from a man's POV there's risks for sure.

Oh, and then there's my own relationship. I'm married now. It's not worth it to me to risk my marriage for anybody. And before I was married I was the loyal type. Flirting goes against being loyal. It's a form of cheating in my view. I suppose if the girlfriend is being really hostile/practically acting single that's different. It's not like you're married so at that point things could be grey. But I never got into that situation because I would just either try to fix the relationship or dump her... and not stay in the grey area.

[DizzyDesii]

“So your step brother has feelings for you so he bothered to go to your house to exchange numbers instead of simply having his sister text you his contact info”. — Absolutely not. I wouldn't call him step bro since we were only around eachother for a year or two as kids. As for the high school years, we despised eachother for no reason during that time. That was 10 years ago since we graduated HS 2013. Plus he's happily engaged now and Im happy with who I’m with. I am not attracted to him and i doubt he was attracted to me especially with what i was wearing when i opened the door lmao. My sister is not like other kids who wanted phones at a young age. She is older and still has no phone. She would have to facetime him from my phone. I have never told guy i was available and always make it clear I have a dude. I would never rub that shit in my dudes face especially intentionally. My dude is not innocent so if anything he prob had a taste of his own medicine and again it was unintentional. If i wanted to flirt in his face, i would have done that long before now. So this time, no, you don’t know everything (in regards to my situation).

[DizzyDesii]

Also, my sisters brother lives in another city and is gone out of state again, but stopped by to drop off her Christmas presents. She will be facetiming him ALONE from my phone to say thank you

[hahahmm]

Okay but... "I have never told guy i was available and always make it clear I have a dude." -- if myself and other dudes had $1 for every time a woman said she wasn't available but was to the right guy... we'd be billionaires.

[DizzyDesii]

Normally yes. But in my case, I have definitely tried to be stronger with this one. My love for him is odd and different from what i felt for exes. So as i mentioned in an old post, normally I’d happily snatch up some backup plans. But with this dude, I’m solely focused on him (as i should be). There were two dudes came along while with him and it was hard af (on the inside) to turn them down but on the outside i easily told them i was taken because i respect him and want HIM. Now of course dudes dont give af so one literally said he’ll be there if we ever ended. And i told him that hopefully isn't happening.

[hahahmm]

Aren't you the same chick who once told me you have zero interest in marriage based on what happened to your mom and your experience with dad (s)? If so then any relationship you have is designed to not be forever from the start.

[DizzyDesii]

I have never said that. My mom and dads relationship had no negative affect on me because i aided my grandmother in keeping my parents apart. So that definitely wasn't me. I was never the type of kid who wanted my parents together. I was territorial of my mom until I hit my 20s and now i’d love for her to find love, just not with my dad. he's a good guy but i’d cringe at the thought of them together. As for myself, I 99% still want to marry someday. I’ve just been debating about some things. But yea if ever i did, PRENUP!!

[hahahmm]

Ahh.. then apologies then.

[DizzyDesii]

Its all good. I’ve always appreciated your honesty though you love going in on me 😭👌

[HawkPerception]

I've never unintentionally flirted with another girl in front of my partner. I'm pretty socially aware of my own actions. I would also never intentionally flirt with another girl, even behind my partner's back, no matter how attractive I found them. There's tons of super attractive girls in the world. If everyone was to flirt with someone because they came by a super attractive person, there wouldn't be any committed relationships in the world. The thing that matters most is your bond to your partner, the experiences you make together and the history you have. They're the one you're supposed to sail through life with.

[DizzyDesii]

Beautifully written

[HawkPerception]

Haha appreciate it 😁

[TrueConfection]

Not exactly, but I'll share something that happened along those lines.

My husband had a group of friends visiting us from overseas. One of the guys and I were chatting it up while the entire group of us were sitting at a table. He and I were laughing and sharing (I don't even remember what about).

So, in the middle of this conversation, I looked at another couple and they were staring at us with their mouths practically hanging open.

I immediately realized we appeared to be hitting things off too well. The guy was interesting to talk to, but I was not romantically interested in him. I don't think he was flirting or romantically interested in me either, but I treaded lightly after that so not to give anyone the wrong impression.

I never forgot the look on those faces.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao been there! Did your husband ever say anything?

[TrueConfection]

Nope 😂

[RoseySarah]

Good he got some back bone! 🦴

All men need to feel jealous remind them that your theirs and your not free!

You need Thier attention love and for them to be a man! 😍

Last week made my hubby jealous joking with my work wife! 😜🤣

He teased me right back and after claimed me passionatly!

Not sure if race had anything about it more he hear you having a great time!

Really I'd have ended it feels rude leaving them listening.

Maybe you just need to have someone interested in you for the 3 special words

[DizzyDesii]

I was thinking the same like oooo the balls are beginning to drop 😝 Turned me on a bit haha

[RoseySarah]

Yup but have to have those 3 special words!

I'd have said nope after he tried saying he still has not said the 3 magic words so have to wait!

But you do need your loving can't judge for that!

[DizzyDesii]

I didn't find it rude to place him on hold. People do that all the time and i had no idea it was gonna take about 10 mins. But i wouldve felt more pissed off if i was him HAD i hung up. Because then you dont know whats happening between the two. I used to hate when he’d step outside to talk to his classmates while i was otp. And he has said the 3 words many times, but he only said them first ONCE. I want him to be able to say that more comfortable and FIRST before the sex

[RoseySarah]

O you placed him on hold sorry thought you just let him listen!

Ooo got it but still you need that kvong feeling and sounds like it's mostly lust keeping you with him

He had better say it first soon!

[DizzyDesii]

Placing on hold doesn't actually mean pressing the hold button. Like i literally said hold on because we were both preparing for my dad to be at the door, so he knew he’d have to calm me down to stop me from snapping on that man. I had no idea it was my sister’s bro. Its definitely not lust keeping us together because he doesn't even match my sex drive. There is sexual chemistry yes. But he can't keep up with wht i want lol. He knows all about his competition before I chose him. He won me over with his personality and how caring he was. His competition back then were the ones i was definitely lusting over

[RoseySarah]

I'm sorry just feeling dumb today and wanting some of my own. Missed last night.

Sorry he can't match you it's hard when nothing matches!

So why did you not wanna date your sisters brother? Missed that oart

[DizzyDesii]

we still match in many ways. Just not in the way of him being able to have marathon sex if it came down to it 🤣 As for my sisters brother, i liked him when our parents were just dating (before my sis was created). After that, liking eachother further would’ve been awkward. Plus as a kid, we found eachother attractive. I was not into the teen him and he doesn't even cross my mind now as an adult. Plus i’ll never get over the asshole he became back in HS. he's different now but just not someone im interested in

[RoseySarah]

Ooo got it sorry I thought your sister was... Never mind

Yup people change usually for the worse!

Is he really that white? Can't imagine he be comfy at family reunions with you?

[DizzyDesii]

You thought my sis was what? And i mean my dude comes from a city with 1% black people so yea. he's talked about me meeting his parents sometime next year and shit i’d be just as nervous with the stereotypical statements they have made about natives americans (my grandparents/great grandparents are that). But I don't know he claims there's nothing to worry about so i’ll say the same for him. I am the first time he's dated outside of his race and i am the first time he's dated outside of his preference. But he is not my first white dude, far from it. And everyone in my fam is or has dated someone white. I dont like my extended family so he’d never have to worry about a family reunion. He’d only meet my mom, sis, grandparents, and friends. I’d only meet his parents and friends (who happen to be native American or indian from india)

[RoseySarah]

Thought your sister was sister in law not bio sister.
Like you two were friends while crushing on him!

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no. My sister and i have the same mom. Some would call that “half-sibling” but if we live together than your are simply my sibling. I have 3 bros on my dad’s side who have never lived with me so i dont claim them

[DJB72]

I don't flirt. I suck at it. So on the odd occasion when my wife has asked me what I was thinking the answer is always "thinking? Me?"

And any guy who's so threatened by another man holding the door for you needs a reality check. Chivalry has nothing to do with wanting to "do" the girl. It's a code of being that forms part of a Real Man's character - not just his personality. It's about being a genuine Man and a man with absolute integrity. Most people don't get it.

[DizzyDesii]

Preach

[DJB72]

Don't know why that went anonymous 🤦

[mandyfire98]

I unintentionally flirt with most people. It's just my personality. Even when I'm not flirting it comes off like I am. My boyfriend isn't jealous at all about it. He's far too confident for that. He knows he has zero to worry about. He's got it locked up and he knows it. No amount of flirting would change his outlook.

[DizzyDesii]

I want even the most confident person to have at least one jealous moment. Its sexy to me lol. It comes across as more territorial than insecure and i love to see it. But in this situation, i definitely was not trying to start shit. Its just funny because he has never shown jealousy until this conversation with someone of my own ethnicity happened. He never seemed threatened when i have to talk to non-black men

[mandyfire98]

I'm not sure what the differences in jealousy is or if there is a specific thing between races. It would be an interesting study I think.

I've known white guys that absolutely would get jealous or outright threatened or shitty if they thought a black guy was competition.

What's odd is that I've dated 2 black guys in my life and my current boyfriend is black and neither of them were ever jealous over white guys. I can't think of a single moment when it was even hinted at. Didn't even phase them. Just something that has me curious.

[DizzyDesii]

I’ve seen black men get mad at the financial and job opportunities that white men had but other than that, I’ve never seen them jealous about anything else. My dude however has made some dumb remarks like what some of the blue anons on here ask and so i can tell he sees black men as a bit of a threat especially in regards to the bedroom. But i wish people understood not all black men are alike or “blessed”

[mandyfire98]

Yeah too much porn is the issue for a lot of things. I think guys are more obsessed with the BBC fascination than any woman I know.

[mandyfire98]

It's not the penis size. It's the way guts use it. It's the rhythm. It's the stroke game.

[mandyfire98]

*guys

[DizzyDesii]

I agree. And he said something odd involving his skin color during todays little phone session (after my sisters brother left) that he's never said before. It was definitely make me feel he was threatened by the race

[mandyfire98]

What did he say?

[DizzyDesii]

I rather not repeat but the fact he mentioned the color white was very telling. I mean he knows i’ve dated the rainbow of dudes (white, black, hispanic, Asian, etc) but that black is my main preference. So I don't know why he's acting all surprised. Im happy with him (he's white) but if we didn't work, i’d likely go for my own race again

[mandyfire98]

I understand.

[DizzyDesii]

Just think of something cringey and its likely that lol. Like the white/russian i was with before him once said during foreplay “i want you to take this white dick.” And he kept repeating white and it was soooo cringe. I couldnt tell if he was just fetishizing. So for my current to say something similar was just awkward. And he so happens to be half irish white, half russian white too. So I don't know if its just something they like to say to nonwhite women or what

[mandyfire98]

Yeah I think it's a bit of fetishizing being with someone outside their race. I understand that happens obviously but to do that everytime it can become a problem for sure.

That happens both ways. My ex would do it sometimes too. He'd say stuff like "You like that black dick in you?" He was doing it because the situation to him was hot. I get that but I wouldn't want that to become a constant thing.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea my current only did it today. I’d hope it doesn't continue. The other guy did it until i told him that shit was awkward. I’d like to believe neither is fetishizing but i was the first/only black girl they’ve dated so I don't know

[DizzyDesii]

And my current did say something once about preferring my nipple color so i do kinda wonder if he was watching black porn a lot before we met. I don't know

[mandyfire98]

I mean a good guess that porn is definitely one of the reasons behind it.

[DizzyDesii]

He also said that he only never dated my race because we werent available where he grew up. So i’d like to hope its not a fetishizing case. Plus a lot of non-black men assume black women wouldn't date them and I don't know why they have that insecurity. If you’re cute and we get along, i’m all ears haha

[mandyfire98]

It's normally people just assuming that others have issues with race. It's just damage of racism over the years and the continuing effects of it. People should judge people on their actions and words and individually, not other reasons. Not because of anything else. But because of that some people will just make assumptions.

My current boyfriend I flirted with for like 5 months straight in the gym and he finally asked me out. He said he wanted to ask me from day one but he didn't because he thought I wasn't into black guys. And of course he was wrong because here we are 6 months later and a happy couple.

[DizzyDesii]

Im happy for y'all

[mandyfire98]

Thank you so much

[NathanDavis]

nope, I am not a flirt... lol

I've not been called out by a girlfriend... but others, sometimes... have mentioned that I should not be "that much" of myself sometimes, because it can be seen as flirting or something else lol

I'm just being myself... which is usually "nice or fun" or you know, if someone has the interest to interact with you, well I get interested back but I don't see that as straight flirting lol

[DizzyDesii]

We know lol

[NathanDavis]

lmao...

[Joshydavid25]

Nah, I hardly flirt while I'm single, let alone in front of any partner.. Only time I can think of is when I told a girl that I loved her hair while I was on a date.. But I don't know if she cared.. And I don't think that could have been taken as flirting..

[appleadayisgood]

there has not been a time like that yet lol.

i think i would try even not to unintentionally flirt in front of a partner i hate troblem & not one for people bitching i like peace & quiet.

i would not worry about it its not something you planed on doing life can be a funny ride.

i'm sure deep down your guy knows it was harmless some people just like to make a scene.

[DizzyDesii]

I think exchanging numbers set him off but my sister doesn't have a phone so she's gonna have to call the guy from mine 🤷‍♀️

[appleadayisgood]

true to me & most people a number is just a number it has no value.

no disrepect meant but it seems like your guy is insecure he needs to work on himself like what if you were at a store & a cute guy who works there says what can i do for you. like is your going to get upset over a guy doing his job

[DizzyDesii]

I’d be turned on if he got mad 😄🤷‍♀️

[appleadayisgood]

i did not know that. some of the things i said years ago to you on this site i would he would prob kill me lol

[appleadayisgood]

at what age do you start likeing guys to get territorially just curious.

[DizzyDesii]

I doubt he’d be as threatened by another white dude lol. And a guy can be territorial at any age. Just hopefully not crazy territorial/controlling

[appleadayisgood]

true i wounder why he feels threatened by back men

[appleadayisgood]

as far as i think he won big by meeting you know your great.
just think he needs to ease up a bit

[DizzyDesii]

Im sure its for the same stupid reasons blue anons on here feel threatened by black men

[appleadayisgood]

@DizzyDesii to be honest i'm not sure what you mean by blue anons feel threatened by black men. i was not on site for years i came back a few months ago.

[DizzyDesii]

You know the anons who ask if their dick is big enough or if white men would date a white woman whose slept with a black man and so on

[appleadayisgood]

all that bullshit is coming back to me lol sorry i just always never give any thoughts to it but i know what you mean

[appleadayisgood]

@DizzyDesii just was curious how did you meet your guy he really struck gold

[DizzyDesii]

If only he realized he struck gold. And lmao i’d rather not say

[appleadayisgood]

ok was just was going to message but i can't since i'm not level 2.
i knew you were gold the few times we talked on discord. if i was smarter back then i would have put i more effort in.

[appleadayisgood]

your voice sexy till this day i have never heard a woman with a more sexy voice then you.

[DizzyDesii]

You know im not going to dm you in return so please dont lmao

[appleadayisgood]

i won't i respect your boundaries. just may talk to you in the comments if thats cool lol

[DreamLife7]

Since men aren't approached often or at all they assume one little smile and one hello as being flirty. When all it is, is being polite. This is why I am not nice to men in public generally. Unless he's a man with an education, excellent career, wealthy then I will smile and say hello politely. at least if he takes my gesture as flirting he's worth while.

[spartan55]

You left him hanging 10 minutes while you chatted with your brother. Very rude, and one of my pet peeves. Just say you'll call me back in a few minutes. Easy.

[DizzyDesii]

he's not my brother and he was technically otp with me. We thought it was my dad and he was ready to have my back. And i hate when people say they’ll call back. I wanna be nosey

[spartan55]

What does 'technically on the phone with me' have to do with anything?

[Fabiloso]

Competition always needs to be felt I think. Keeps the umph in the humph. I notice fairly often girls flirting in front of their dude. And works out better for em.

[DizzyDesii]

I can't think of a time it worked in my favor lmao. So i just rather not

[IslaTheWitch]

Frequently :) It's my way to deal with social situations :D

My exes never had a problem with that. We always had boundaries, and they knew I wouldn't break their trust.

[iron_ninjs]

Not that I'm aware of.
Well, if there's no chemistry between you two, he doesn't have to worry.
Wait a minute. Why did you leave your bae otp, while talking to your sister's bro?

[DizzyDesii]

He and i were otp and i thought it was my annoying dad at the door. I just asked him to hold for a sec. So i’m holding my phone in my hand while answering the door but it was my sister’s brother. in my opinion there is no chemistry between us but he knows her brother was there for me a lot when we were kids so he may mistake that as chemistry. Plus the laughing and number exchanging probably didn't help the situation

[iron_ninjs]

I mean, he's your sister's brother. He shouldn't be jealous, unless there's chemistry. But you said there isn't, so it should be okay.

[DizzyDesii]

Being my sisters brother didn't really mean shit since our parents never married and were only together a year or so. I dont consider him like a stepbro or anything. But he's just not my type of guy. And ya there probably was chemistry today but i wouldn't say romantic. We just have a similar sense of humor

[Phoenix98]

Nah whenever I am in a relationship I usually become pretty cold towards other women outside of basic politeness and such.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats actually sexy. Thats how it should be

[Phoenix98]

Indeed.

[electromagnetic]

I could never.
He would slap me into next month.

[DizzyDesii]

Not slaaaaap

[RHK36]

Yes, but I flirt all the time unintentionally 😬🤭. I got into a tiny bit of trouble, but I'm good at explaining 😅

[DizzyDesii]

Mmhmm lol

[RHK36]

🤷🏻‍♂️😇

[kingmaker21]

Not actually...
At club i know guys try to flirt with her in front of me I told them try hard bro if she flirt you back then she is yours...

I keep it simple no drama.

[DizzyDesii]

Woww

[kingmaker21]

Isn't it's fair !

[Amiapowerlessman]

Would you be mad if your man beat someone up that was trying to flirt with you while y’all was on a date?

[Amiapowerlessman]

My ex got turned on after this guy was flirting with her when we were at the bar, I let it go and ignored it because she seemed ok and I know she can handle herself but then I got mad and pushed the guy on the ground, pinned him down until he said sorry, when we got back home my ex just wanted to fuck, I’m thinking some woman get turned on when they see there man be dominant and take control of a situation.

[DizzyDesii]

No i’d be turned on that his balls dropped

[DizzyDesii]

Yes i would definitely just wanna fck after

[Amiapowerlessman]

What if it were the other way around and your man got beat? Would you loose attraction?

[Amiapowerlessman]

Lose*

[DizzyDesii]

No because i’ve had to jump in and fight for an ex or two before. As long as they try, i will still find them hot. But dont jus tstand there and get yo ass whooped 😂 Like my current dude is not a fighter. He showed a bit of a jealous side today but he 100% said he wouldn't step to a guy unless talking things over didn't work. Babe ain't got the balls 🤣 but its ok i got him

[Amiapowerlessman]

Fighting ain’t fun or cool lol, that’s good tho you got him like that.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea its not fun nor cool but it turns me on 😂

[Amiapowerlessman]

You crazy, I don’t understand how y’all be turned by that 🤔

[DizzyDesii]

I watch reality tv shows just for the fights lmao

[Sparkie460]

My wife knows I flirt with other women. She says it's fine as long as that is all it is. Neither one of us are the jealous type.

[DizzyDesii]

Yeaaaa i can't say the same

[Sparkie460]

We've been together for over 35 years. She knows how I am and why I do it. She doesn't have a problem with it

[MysticDevice]

I can't even intentionally flirt. Let alone un-intentionally lol

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao

[Jerre]

I don’t intentionally flirt with other girls when I’m with a girl and, to my knowledge, have never unintentionally flirted with another girl.

[DizzyDesii]

Hmmm

[Mark987]

No never... when I was younger my girlfriends at those times would get jealous if I just said " hello" but not now.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, but my husband knows what I am like.