Guys, I'm tired of paying to go to social events to flirt with men who don't want to go out with me. How to know ahead of time if it's worth going?

[Bethany22]

I wish a girl could at least smile and wave to men as soon as they enter a place (ex. conversation cafés that make you pay an entrance fee, or restaurant gatherings with strangers), whereby men could wave back to let the girls know that it will be worth the girl's while to pay to join them. I'm not expecting men to jump up and come over to pay her way, I'm just saying, if guys aren't already attracted to her when she first enters the place, they're not going to start being attracted to her when she goes over to start talking to them over dinner. So they can help her to not waste her time and money by nodding to let her know it's worth her while to pay to get in.

[hahahmm]

Guys are very visual when first meeting. Yes, an A+ personality can be worth as much as looks (but you still need to look at least average). Very few women have the A+ personality. Your best bet is to improve your personality from a guy's POV. Stop listening to what mustachioed feminists say and start listening to what the kind of man you want in your life thinks! Very few women follow this advice & now most of them are growing mustaches and single at 40.

Make yourself look good without looking desperate for attention. Classic looks are better than 'I just came from the strip club' looks.

Put yourself into places/social circles where the type of guy you want is already there. A hobby club or event where he is there to do something NOT a dating event place.

[Bethany22]

Good advice, thanks 🙂

[hahahmm]

And -- assuming you are more traditional than not -- don't make the first move. If you look right for the guy he will be drawn to you and make the move. It's also better because if you start things then in his mind you were just easy & not something he earned/put effort into. The second he finds a woman even 1% better than you he will jump ship. I'm not saying you should ever play hard to get tho. That's a bad idea.

[lightbulb27]

Can relate as I had no skills nor success at your age.

I know other Canadian woman that seems to show up and get several guys and at least dates for a while. So I think it's social skills, but who knows for sure.

Speed dating? engaging while participating in common interests is best. Sadly, it takes a lot of failures for some to get one success. Otherse seem to trip over a rock and find 5 takers. go figure...

[Avicenna]

It's just not possible to reduce risk to zero in these encounters. Don't go in with great expectations- just try to have the most interesting conversations you can and see if it's worth seeing them again.

[DishLady]

Look at the ratings available on whatever app you're using. Or if it's a social group to which you belong, ask the host in advance about the age range, etc.

[AviatorTom]

Suggestion: Stop going to events where you hope to be picked up. Try online dating. At least then, you can vet the guys before you meet them.

[Universaldance]

I don't know about paying for the social events. Im assuming theyre like speed dating and courting activities though having similar hobbies/priorities is a good way to meet someone who may share more compatibility (those in speed dating may be so serious into finding longterm commitment that theyll invest however much money every month because it would be worth it if they found the right one, I personally believe it is a hit or miss unless the individuals grouped into this pool have similar standards, are real, and no superficiality of what they’re looking for)


As far as exuding signals to men it is a challenge in itself that a good majority of guys aren't able to pick up ‘interested body language’ besides frequent eye contact and a girl making it easy for them to approach (which helps a ton). Im 28M, confident when socializing and holding conversation with people skills but get so nervous to approach a girl I like as an introvert but its mostly all just mental ping pong of how she would make it a scene if I get rejected. Im not so quick witted so this in a social setting would be harsh hence why I wait and assess for potential partner traits and personality if she is polite to the waiter and strangers etc.

[Crimsyjo]

Oh no!! You have to remember men are people too!!! Would you nod your head yes or no at random strange men that haven't even entered the establishment yet? Just to say yes or no that you *might* be interested in them?

I think it's unrealistic to think men will make such a snap decision! And risk rejection too. It's really hard to approach people and yes men are expected to do this more than the woman. Doesn't make it any easier for them. They need to see you more, watch how you interact, see if you look approachable, gauge if you appear single?

Of your not getting attention maybe it's because your expectations are too high and then your vibe is off when you feel like you "wasted time/money" getting in. Go out to have fun. Whether you meet someone is secondary. Your enjoy yourself better that way, be happier, and give off a much better vibe!!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I've not heard of such events. I'm old fashioned though. If I wasn't married and saw a girl I liked, I'd go over and talk to her. Nothing creepy, just polite conversation and see how things progress..

All this paying lark for girls to meet guys and vice versa? It's all very alien to me.

[MicahRaine]

It always helps if you have someone on the inside already who can introduce you to people who are looking :)

Personally, I never attend a social event that costs money unless I know there's a high chance of making connections or learning.

[Unit1]

Been there, done that. That's dating 😐😐😐

You'll never know until you've been there.

One time I was in a German speaking club. First time participation was for free. 2 Girls were there. One's a smoker, the other had a boyfriend in Germany.

I was lurking in a big popular park but I've never annoyed a girl for a potential date. Felt some psychological barrier stopping me.

[Anonymous]

I’d recommend not going to those types of things anymore. A lot of times it’s just women who show up. A lot of men look at those events as the leftover women. The ones who are desperate. Men don’t usually go to those things because we think it’s sad. Like what’s wrong w you that’s why you have to resort to something like this. The men too I’m sure aren’t the best. But yes men don’t go to these things. Not really. Save your money.

[standardguy]

I think that physical attraction isn't it all. Some things like race, height, overweight can be no-gos and block any further interest. But a boring appearance can be overruled far by a funny heart or intellectual brilliance. So a first no at the rntrance can be a wrong signal.

[Pegases]

The irony here is that this is an obstacle men face when dating. The unfortunate reality is that the only way to overcome it, is to become unaffected by rejection. As you can imagine however, that is easier said than done. That being said, is that you in your profile picture? If so, I'm not sure why you would have a hard time with initial interactions with men. I'm curious, what kind of celebrity closely mimics your type?

[IslaTheWitch]

you never know... to get to know another person, time is needed... so people who are strangers can reject you, but if you had more time to really get to know each other, it could be a totally different outcome

[Anonymous]

Ignore Kelley1’s advice. He is probably just responding to his own opinion he left on his other non-fake profile. Obvious man as has been established many times.

[Bethany22]

Thank you 🙏

[DrPepper12]

I think there's more to be gained by referral by friend of a friend or co-workers, joining a volunteer network,. I don't think there's any need to pay for those type of events

[nawtee_me]

It seems like the social gathering that you have been attending have basically the same people going to them time after time. So to change the crowd you might need to change the social events. That or try speed dating?

[FunkyMonkee]

Send a drone with your picture on it saying, "Wanna go out with me? e-mail me at...".

[Dongie]

Personable attitudes go a long way. I'd rather be with an average female with that great personality than with supermodels and their self-centered ways.

[Nifrayu]

I would have very little indicator of whether or not I am attracted to someone until after I interact with her. How else would I get a feel for her personality?

[RetroReviews]

Quit going to events where you have to pay should be able to find a guy for free

[Fireguy17]

Yeppers, dating, finding someone is a lot of work, for both sexes.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the event, I am part of a community that conveniently about twice a month and "dance"... i regularly have all 3 slots on my dance card full before I arrive, and have people waiting til after just in case I am in the mood and have it in me to do more than expected... the reason is I let people know I'm coming and I network

[genericname85]

if you're flirting a lot with men who don't wanna go out with you, I hate to break it to you but you're aiming too high. lower your standards to match what you bring to the table and there will be plenty of takers.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Nothing's free in this world

Money is the root of all evil

[RavVid]

I thought those social event places had died an ugly death.

[Anonymous]

Just going to leave this here, cause this is you.

[Kelley1]

That is telling it like it is.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah pretty much for any woman complaining that she can't find any men.

[Bethany22]

Did you READ my whole question? Unless men like what they see when they first meet me (which is never), they don't care how interesting or compatible I turn out to be when talking to them.

[Kelley1]

@Bethany22 men liked what they saw when you were 10 years younger. Now you are just a hide unless they are middle age or simps.

[Opinion Owner]

For the record I did read the question. They aren't approaching because they aren't interested. It's that simple.

[Bethany22]

Where can I find men that ARE interested?

[Opinion Owner]

I met my wife at a concert. You can find food men literally everywhere, but social functions, I'm assuming you mean high class nonsense, is not a good place. They're either going to be married, play boys, or just not interested.

[Bethany22]

Ok, thanks. I've just been going to coffee shops

[Kelley1]

@Bethany22 Men are all over the place. If you are not finding them, you have unrealistic standards. At age 29, you have lost your bloom. Therefore, the men you could have at age 19 when you were young, fresh, sexy, and beautiful are unavailable to you. Even the men you could have had at age 25, would be a stretch.

[Bethany22]

@Kelley1 regardless of how young I've ever been, men have never even asked for my number, regardless of what they do for a living, and regardless of what they look like. I smile and look approachable, start conversations with all types of men, but they just see me as an acquaintance. What more do I need to do?

[Kelley1]

@Bethany22 You are delusional. Based on your profile photo, even at age 29, 75% of available (even married) men in their 30s and 40s want you. All you have to do is smile and say "Hi." That is, give them an opening. At age nineteen, at least 90%, and likely 95%, of men in their 20s and 30s wanted you. To claim otherwise, means that if a guy not in the top 1% and/or look like Brad Pitt, asked you, he didn't count. In other words, when men that don't meet your standards asks, they don't count. Therefore, according to you, even though you were asked dozens of times, since they didn't meet your standards, you were not asked.

The fact is, you cannot compete with this girl. However, apparently your standards are just as high.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I was going to mention that, if the image in her profile is indeed her, and I were single, she would definitely have my attention and I'm one of those successful 6 figure guys.

[Bethany22]

And what if the picture isn't me?

[Opinion Owner]

Dunno

[Surferboi_02]

Just ask your friends if this is a place where you can definitely flirt and get a date but you are good looking so don't see how you haven't. Lol

[Anonymous]

Have you tried taking a picture of a slave cage and posting it online?

[Anonymous]

Meet me outside and I'll pay for you to come in with me

[andy530]

Find other reasons to go and then if the men are worth it it’s an added bonus

[NathanDavis]

if it's worth, it won't be easy

[noohair]

This question is a waste for anyone that reads it.

[Bethany22]

Why?

[noohair]

You will have to figure that out for yourself.