Guys, Even in a Relationship, Would you just Innocently Chat up a Girl in a Coffee Shop?

Question

CalmUntilAbused · Accepted Answer

I don't think I would. Though I do not have a girlfriend, and finding one might change a few things. As of now, I do my best not to talk to women if not absolutely necessary. Except perhaps the saleswoman at my local manga shop. Manga and anime lovers are mostly safe, I think. Now, if I found a girlfriend, it would definitely require some kind of random interaction between me and some hypothetical girl. If I did not just successfully avoid getting sued for harassment, but also ended up finding a girlfriend through such an interaction, that might force me to adapt my belief that interactions with women are dangerous for men to this new data, potentially making me more at ease with interacting with women. However, the only cases when I would do that would be use-cases: say, if I had to ask for directions or if the woman herself needed help. Absolutely no flirting would be in stock, not even any out-of-proportion kindness would manifest. And I would still avoid any physical contact, since that would mean risking a rape attempt accusation (I mean, my DNA would appear on her skin or clothes, that might be enough of a proof for some judges), one much more dangerous that a simple harassment accusation. Therefore, while I might chat up a woman (including in a coffee shop) while in a relationship, it would not just be innocent, but it would also only happen if necessary.

Avicenna · Accepted Answer

lol, no. I seem to date jealous women, so that would not go down well.,..

northerngal · Accepted Answer

OK not a guy... but seriously men are not allowed to have a conversation with a woman when in a relationship? Thats ridiculous. The key word here is innocently right? If he is just having a conversation with another human there is no problem with that.

White_Widow · Accepted Answer

Depends on the situation really. If someone would ask me something I might sit down with them and have a talk. But I would never chat with the intent to flirt or anything to that accord.

AviatorTom · Answer

When I used to travel alone a lot on business, I often talked to people at the hotel restaurant or a coffee shop. Nothing intended by it, just interesting talk.

I sometimes still talk to people at Starbucks wile waiting for my order.

It's not chatting up", which implies getting together for more than a friendly chat.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Maybe, depending on how much we had in common, but it would be an innocent chat. There's no law against a married man talking to other women. The important issues are his intent, and how it is perceived by his current SO.

RingOfFire · Answer

Don't know why it's so difficult for some people to understand that men are the initiators of the relationship that keeps the human race alive, the relationship between a man and a woman that eventually leads to procreation.

Flirting, courting and sexually pursuing women is in a man's DNA. Millions of years of evolution put it there. Men are the hunters in the relationship, the aggressors, the relentless pursuers. That's how the human race survives. Controlling that instinct is far more difficult for a man and it is for a woman.

Whether or not it is right or wrong for him to control this instinct is a separate question. But understanding why men do this seems elementary to me.

Jupiter1 · Answer

One of my buddies and I were drinking at Finney’s and talking about something that had to do with Elon Musk. Soon after Musk’s name was brought up, one among two girls behind me butted in and said something derogatory about Musk. I turned around and remarked “It’s unfortunate that you feel that way but you’re entitled to your own opinion. Now, if you don’t mind, my friend and I are having a private discussion here.”

She wanted to say more but her friend pulled her away and took her to another table farther away from us. That friend came back many minutes later and apologized to me and my friend for her friend’s behavior. Soon after she apologized, she struck up a pleasant conversation with us. The three of us watched as her friend stormed out of the restaurant.

Our threesome banter let to a meaningful friendship that still stands today. We introduced our new friend to our wives. We are all getting along just dandy.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Honestly... why would I bother?

Let's say my amazing looks and fantastic swagger lets me dodge the risks like false allegations or simply being made out to be a creeper. Then what? She going to tell me about her basic bitch boots (uggs), shopping habit, insane college debts, or Hello Kitty? I have no interests that most women have. The only real reason I can come up with for me to undertake this ordeal...

Because I want to smash.

That's right... if she doesn't want to flim flam on my jim jam, then I don't have anything in common with her... no common interest. Now obviously if it's my Grandma or my wife I'll talk to her... but some random is pointless for me.

But if you want to sit down with me and talk about how the Thundercats would beat the shit out of the Ninja Turtles... then let's have that conversation.

Tarifa · Answer

Chatting up  someone in a coffee shop, meaning  to engage in flirtatious conversation , would be a big no. So I think your question is not entirely correct, as I don't see how it could be done in an innocent way. Chatting with  someone in a coffee shop or any other place is fine, as long as none of the people involved have any intentions to take it any further. I've chatted with total strangers and they have approaced me for a chat. There's nothing wrong with that, even if you or the other person is in a steady relationship.

Cormac995 · Answer

That's fine but sitting down together and having like a mini coffee date that's different and I'd say isn't quite cheating but is definitely kind of disrespectful to your partner. Once you're romantically involved with someone it's kind of unethical to pay too much attention to other woman. A brief chat in the line or as you're leaving is fine but sitting down and having like a half hour coffee break together is getting pretty close to flirting with someone else. The reason Isay this is because often times when that happens it ends with exchanging numbers if it goes well and at that point you not only got her hopes up, but you immediately know that you went a bit too far for someone that's seeing somebody. It's not cheating but it is rude to your partner to an extent if that makes sense. This goes both ways by the way not just men woman too.

coolbreeze · Answer

I chat with strangers all the time. I chatted with women at coffee shops. If a woman is married I don't cross lines to try and get her number or anything like that. Sometimes people just want somebody to talk to.

Med_guy1978 · Answer

Definitely! Why not? It wouldn't bother me if my partner was doing it either.

Juxtapose · Answer

Yeah, why not? I have talked with people in the airport and broke bread with them, knowing I would not see them again. It is a harmless social interaction that has nothing to do with sex or cheating.

matchrestore · Answer

I don't often initiate conversations with people I don't know, but if someone was chatting me up, as long as it didn't turn sexual or romantic, I'd have a conversation with them

Purpleronnie · Answer

I could see myself innocently chatting to a woman and her believing that I was “chatting her up “ , but no , it wouldn’t be my intention while I was in a relationship.

Pudsmucker · Answer

communications are very important thing to everybody's life. Doesn't mean you're in a relationship or trying to flirt with somebody. Shows that you have concern or want some information. Or making new friends.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

Even while single, I didn't chat with random women in coffee shops. Especially nowadays.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Guys do it every day. I know I constantly experience it.

TheStaleMarshmellow · Answer

If I was bored and still waiting for my coffee. Am I not allowed to communicate?

Sunrising · Answer

If I saw a female in a coffee shop by herself, I would try to initiate a conversation.

I'm not sure about chat up, but I'd be friendly.

So innocent, yes, even if she was very attractive.

Probably why I'm a single guy!

What do you think?

jshm2 · Answer

I tend to talk with absolutely anyone when the need arises. I don't care if you're a model, or the ugliest thing in the building. Communication is a very human thing to do, but people nowadays have put up some seriously high barriers, and all for no good reason.

jamesgoldman · Answer

Only in as much buy gold and silver, do plenty of business in them

undertaker007 · Answer

Do women in relationships have normal conversations with guys or does the relationship change things for women?

NicholasRedone · Answer

I'd rather take my hot date aka my girlfriend or would be girlfriend "out" to a coffee shop. Mmm hmm 💟😋😃

overlord337645 · Answer

honestly i would most of my freinds are girls due to past bad experiences with boys i would probably make sure my girlfreind knew about the new person and felt like i was being honest with her but other than that sure

molonski2 · Answer

I talk to many people all. over. " Chatting them up " by definition would mean getting their number , adding them via an app., so I could not do that unless there was some particular reason.

WhatTheHelvetica · Answer

If she approached me and struck up a conversation, sure. We’re just talking. But I would not initiate an in depth conversation with another woman. I find it fascinating that most women in here say that if a man chats with another woman it’s cheating, but women have no problem “just chatting” with a man who approaches them at a bar or coffee shop.

satinpetals · Answer

I know I have been chatted up by guys with girlfriends or wives in a coffee shop. Completely friendly and innocuous. It is perfectly ok, in my opinion, for people to interact with one another, married or not

exitseven · Answer

No, i would probably get arrested.

Spencer10 · Answer

There is nothing wrong with chatting to other women when in a relationship. Chatting does not equal cheating. Its the intent behind the chat that is the possible problem.

serious · Answer

If a guy in a relationship does that then it is highly inappropriate and disrespectful towards his partner.

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

Men never do things for no reason. There is always intention behind them approaching a woman. And it's usually because she has something he wants.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Innocently? Sure. Just because I'm in a relationship doesn't mean that an entire half of humanity stops existing.

Shiprex · Answer

Chat up?  Only for a chuckle and if that makes her have a better day then perhaps but I'm not going out of my way to do so.

Likes2drive · Answer

I may have a conversation with them, but I don’t think I would actually sit down and have coffee with them if I have a girlfriend unless it’s not a serious relationship that I have With her

slatyb · Answer

I would. I would make it clear that I'm not available.

MisfitsLover92 · Answer

Well im a girl and i would hope if a guy liked me at a coffee shop, he would come at least say "hello" or something.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I wouldn't give strangers any time or attention, I dont seek validation or attention and honestly if a girl came up to me and started talking I'd be very suspicious... And walk away haha

This_Boy_Here · Answer

Yeah, if I am in a social mood. Sometimes I will be extroverted, and would even socialize with a guy, (No homo). But sometimes I feel like just being silent, and would just be present and observing everything. Depends.

Anpu23 · Answer

I'm flirty, and my wife knows it. I never do anything about it, it's just me.

ABC1x1x · Answer

No. I would never talk to someone stupid enough to pay a 120% premium to get coffee in a shop that make terrible coffee.

Wiredone · Answer

I would and I have on many occasions. I don't try to get a date or anything, just a simple innocent chat. A few times I got work out of it.

Nightmoon23 · Answer

I really don’t see the big deal chatting with women in general when in a relationship as long as you have no intention to date or be in a relationship why does it matter.

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

You can do that because I know it's not a serious thing but it's just a little bit of friendly flirting and I think it's not a problem with the right relationship.

Massageman · Answer

I don’t waste money in coffee shops. Can’t afford it.

brokenhalo619 · Answer

I think it depends on a lot of factors, but as a woman I would be highly suspect of a man in a relationship approaching me to “just chat”.

hafinjun · Answer

I grew up in Alaska, we talk to everyone culture weren't that many of us , so yes

LiamJHayden · Answer

I would make it clear that I was taken, but I will chat with almost anyone.

Staximus · Answer

I always have random conversations with random people

Nifrayu · Answer

No. I never initiate conversations with strangers. I wouldn't even know what to talk about.

roninzos · Answer

Nowadays? No. Nowhere really. Not in the USA anyway.

nawtee_me · Answer

If I knew her yes but not a stranger if I am in a relationship.

Tomisworthless · Answer

I wouldn't dare to put someone in a situation like that

Darkest-Knight · Answer

I wouldn't talk to anyone. But I'm no good at conversation.

Pterodon · Answer

No I wouldn’t my girlfriend wouldn’t like that

princeofromance · Answer

Yes, there is nothing wrong with having a simple conversation.

charlesthegreat · Answer

I don’t see a problem with it but my girlfriend would be upset so no because I respect my girlfriend lol

Amortentiaslacker · Answer

Nope, If I have my person I would have no need to chat up a stranger. You'd only do so if you're still looking for options

Jordan_Timothy_ · Answer

No…. But I have had a girlfriend and wanted to talk to another girl 7 years younger. Both didn’t work out😒

TallMan89 · Answer

I don't do it ever. Women use it as a way to accuse men of sexual assault.

Anonymous · Answer

Be a sex addict, I might.

NathanDavis · Answer

no... I let her have her coffee in peace

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, because that would be fine in my relationship

Guys, Even in a Relationship, Would you just Innocently Chat up a Girl in a Coffee Shop?

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Guys, would you approach a girl sitting alone in a cafe?

Guys, Even in a Relationship, Would you just Innocently Chat up a Girl in a Coffee Shop?

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Guys, would you approach a girl sitting alone in a cafe?

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