Married coworker seemed to be interested in me, but now he’s avoiding me especially eye contact, what’s the deal?

[Anonymous]

I’m married and have an intense crush on a coworker and the attraction is mutual. He knows I’m married and I just found it that he is.

We’ve flirted back and forth for a couple months and he is now avoiding me.

He started me avoiding me after he found out I was married, but weirdly even though he is, it didn’t stop him with the intense eye contact and checking me out. Why did he back off now but not before?
Thoughts?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah girl, that's a super complicated situation you've got there. Honestly, I can see why your coworker is feeling conflicted and backing off now that he knows you're both married.

Even though the attraction and flirting was mutual at first, the fact that you're both committed to other people puts a whole new spin on things. I can imagine he's feeling guilty and trying to do the right thing by creating some distance.

The intense eye contact and checking you out before he knew about your marriage was probably just his way of exploring the mutual attraction and chemistry you two had going on. But now that he knows you're off-limits, it's probably making him feel really uneasy.

He's probably worried about crossing too many lines, especially since you're both married to other people. Getting too involved in an emotional or physical affair could seriously jeopardize both of your marriages and personal lives. I'm sure he's trying to avoid that.

My advice would be to take a step back yourself and really reflect on what you want here. Even though the feelings are strong, pursuing anything more with this coworker is a risky path that could lead to a lot of heartbreak and guilt down the line. Is it really worth potentially blowing up your marriage?

I know it's not easy, but try to respect his decision to create some distance. He's probably doing it to protect both of your relationships. If the feelings are too strong to ignore, you might need to consider distancing yourself from him at work as well, for your own sake.

In the end, you've gotta do what's best for you and your marriage. As tempting as this coworker may be, getting entangled in an emotional affair is a fast track to a whole lot of drama and pain. Be smart, be strong, and don't do anything you'll regret.

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight, that’s super helpful and makes a lot of sense. Why do you think he even bothered initially knowing that he had a wife, why would he have pursued that? Yeah I don’t what to ruin things, so may have to distance myself.

[Anonymous]

You must make the first move. This will relax his nerves so things can flow naturally between you two.

[Asker]

Thanks, why is he nervous though?

[Opinion Owner]

He is worried that his wife may catch you two together. You have to put him at ease by making the first move.

[Asker]

Ok, but what does he really want from me and why pursue me?

[Opinion Owner]

He wants to be in a relationship with you. You make him feel good about himself. He is not getting those good vibes at home and needs you more than ever.

[Asker]

Ok great, thank you for your insight

[7Phoenix7]

I don't know... but are you really wanting to cheat on your husband? Are you really wanting to get involved in any kind of relationship with a cheater?

Your goal is unknown, but I would advise you to stay professional in your workplace and loyal/faithful to your husband.

[Asker]

Thanks, no I’m not looking to cheat at all. I was just wondering why he pursued this and then stopped I guess.

[7Phoenix7]

You said he stopped when he found out you were married. So maybe he isn't trying to get in trouble with your husband...

[Asker]

Yes maybe

[jahaims]

Having a "crush" while in a relationship is cheating

[missindiana93]

Don't be a cheater. And ruin another person life and marriage. Get over it and find a single guy.

[James994]

Maybe he realises that what he's doing could eventually ruin your marriage if the both of you decides to take it a step further

[jazzy34]

Don’t worry about it. Both of you are married anyway.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? He is married.

[Asker]

I was just wondering why he bothered to pursue me I guess him knowing he has a wife.

[jahaims]

You're trash