I suspected him — do you think I’m right or wrong?

[catgirl1]

There’s a guy I’ve been talking to and I’m interested in him. We started interacting five days ago. I also know his ex-girlfriend. Anyway… On the day of the incident, his ex logged into Discord and went online.

She stayed online for exactly five minutes and then logged out. Two or three minutes later, he logged in. He stayed for about four or five minutes and then logged out as well.

But he didn’t reply to me. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so I waited about twenty minutes for him to text me back. When he didn’t, I wrote and sent him a message to end our communication. Because I thought he still cared about his ex as if they could get back together, and that he only came online because of a notification from her.

Half an hour later, he got back to me. He said that he didn’t get any notifications from anyone else — only from me. He said he had opened Discord on his phone, then put it aside and focused on what he was doing, and that he had just listened to my voice message.

I was a bit upset, so I came up with excuses for everything he said. I told him I didn’t believe him — that he must have received a notification from someone else while appearing offline. And that’s how our communication ended. But now I’m wondering if I was being unfair to him, because he hadn’t logged into Discord for a whole year.

After we started talking, he began logging in regularly every day for five days straight. But after that argument, he didn’t log in again that night. He didn’t the next day either. I’m afraid he’s stopped logging in again.

I just wanted to hear your opinion. Also, while we were arguing, every time I texted something, he would log back in to reply. But after I ended things, he completely stopped logging in. Even when I texted again an hour later, he didn’t respond.

I felt like I might have been unfair to him, so I texted him again. But he never replied and hasn’t logged in since.

[Screenwriter]

Have no idea why you'd think this guy was communicating with his ex simply because of the coincidence of her logging in and out, then his doing the same. Has it only been a short time since they broke up? And if that is the case, then why are you talking to him at all? It doesn't seem like you've known him long enough to feel trust with him.

Regardless, your suspicions and actions blew whatever was going on between you.

[catgirl1]

@Screenwriter You’re right, I probably overreacted and misread the situation. It wasn’t about trying to control him — I just got caught up in my own emotions and fears. I know I should’ve taken more time to get to know him and build trust first. I’ve definitely learned from this and I’ll be more careful next time.

[Screenwriter]

Good luck in the future. I'm sorry. Maybe discuss with a pro about why you did this. May be from a past relationship of yours, or something else about trust... Best regards.

[Abbycado]

Why would you expect him to reply when you ended things?

[catgirl1]

@Abbycado Because I felt like I was unfair to him and I wanted to talk to him again.

[Abbycado]

That ship has sailed most likely when you said things were over. He likely doesn't want that back and forth anymore.

[catgirl1]

@Abbycado We weren’t in a relationship, he just caught my interest, that’s all. And it’s only been a day and a half since I last saw him. :(

[Abbycado]

Let me tag a friend. She is likely not up yet, but she always has good opinions. Though, I don't think her's is going to differ from mine much.

@HollyK21 thoughts?

[catgirl1]

@Abbycado Thank you :)

[Abbycado]

Sure!

[HollyK21]

@Catgirl I won’t say your suspicions were incorrect, because you could be right about him still interacting with his ex. But honestly as a single person, he has the right to explore his options, whether it’s with her or someone else.

You guys have yet to establish where you stand, and you don’t know what your position is in his life. Maybe that’s something to have a conversation about before passive aggressively being upset over other women. I say passive aggressive because of how you handled your emotions. Rather than have a conversation about all this first and foremost, you just ended communications, then doubled down on that with accusations, saying you didn’t believe him. You’re not his girlfriend, he didn’t owe you an explanation or clarity as a woman he’s simply talking to, but he tried giving you that anyway. So for you to go back after the fact with your apologies is just sort of like that ship has sailed.

I don't know what you can expect with this guy going forward, maybe this situation was enough to put him off. But if I were you I’d surely use this as a learning experience. Ask the right questions as soon as you can, and clarify where you stand with a guy once you feel as though your far along enough to ask questions about other women or condemn him for talking them.

[HollyK21]

I also noticed in another comment you said it’s only been like 5 days since you guys started talking. These are a lot of emotions and hurt to have experienced in such a short juncture of time, and I don’t say that to make you feel bad or insecure, I’m just being honest.

[catgirl1]

@HollyK21 You’re right. I realize now that I got too emotionally attached too quickly. I guess I just liked him more than I expected, and that made me overthink things. I’m learning to take things slower and not let my emotions take over so fast.

[Abbycado]

Ty for mho! I’ll share with Holly for the assist.

[loveslongnails]

You answered your own question here. I mean tell me... what did you do that was RIGHT? Everything you did was wrong.

* For starters, if you think or believe he still "cares" about his ex, and by that I mean "he's emotionally and mentally unavailable", then why are you dating him?
* Then you said "I didn't want to jump to conclusions" - that's exactly what you did.
* Then you refused to believe his explanation of the events. You told him flat out "I don't believe you", and you used your own insecurity and the fact that "you were upset" (your fault) as an excusable justification for what you did. It's not.
* Then, you effectively ended things, and now you're wondering why he isn't responding?

He's not responding for one of two reasons:
1) You're 100% correct, you busted him, he's guilty and lying. Odds? About 5% at best in my estimation. OR,
2) He thinks you've got issues and he doesn't want the drama. Insecurity, jealousy, lack of trust, quick to anger and indeed, jumps to conclusions without information, assumes the worst, etc., He thinks you're one of the crazy ones. Are you? I think you acted like it in this scenario.

Do I think you're right? No, I don't think you did anything right. I think you scared him off and rightfully so. Once a guy witnesses this kind of behavior from a woman, he's not going to risk it being a one-off, especially since you're even really involved yet. Well, you asked, and that's my humble opinion..

[catgirl1]

@loveslongnails I understand what you’re saying, and I know how it must have looked from the outside. I just got emotional and reacted too quickly because I really liked him, and I didn’t want to get hurt. It wasn’t about control or jealousy — it was more about fear and confusion. I realize now that I should have handled it differently, and I’ve learned from it. I just needed to talk it through to see things more clearly.

[loveslongnails]

Ok, it's good that you learn from it, just let me point something further out to you if you permit, in a private message? No need to do it on here.

[catgirl1]

@loveslongnails okey

[catgirl1]

@loveslongnails I can’t message you.

[Staximus]

Yeah, you sound like a crazy person that's making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. Stop worrying about stupid shit online and start living in the real world.

[catgirl1]

I’m not making assumptions, I just felt confused and hurt. I know it might seem silly to you, but it mattered to me. I’m not trying to live online — I just needed to understand what went wrong.

[Staximus]

How many times have you seen this guy in real life? (In person)

[catgirl1]

@staximus It’s only been five days since we started talking

[In_Trance]

You're 30?

[catgirl1]

@In_Trance Yeap