Can you tell if a waitress is genuinely flirting verses being professional verses fake flirting?

[Summeroflove]

9/10 she’s doing her job unless you’re extremely attractive then you may get hit on more often. If she’s professional, prompt, and friendly. She’s probably doing her job. If she’s rude she will get in trouble even if someone’s being creepy.

Fake flirting is generally very over the top. Some waitresses do this for bitter tips as well as to mask poor service. Things like showing herself off. Very over the top reactions are probably not a good sign that she’s really flirting.

Real flirting. She has to be careful being too overt because once again she has to be professional. That’s why it can be tricky. She doesn’t want to get in trouble or embarrass herself. She will probably linger longer and ask more personal questions. Even fake flirting…. Interactions will likely be brief and she wouldn’t want to open doors to things getting too weird too fast. So if she’s opening the door and leaving it open…. That’s a good sign. Because having to reject someone won’t help get tips. It’s also uncomfortable and she has tons of other people to attend to.

Also, if you’re getting better service. Despite being a average tipper. She spends more time around you. Maybe comps you things and seems more attentive verses with others. Good sign.

With that all being said. Nothing is a guarantee she’s into you and would accept being asked out. Nothing is a guarantee she’s not into you either. Be respectful and ask if you’re that into her. But at the end… so it doesn’t make things weird for both of you if she says no.

[DishLady]

Nah. Even attractive clients are just clients until clearly proven otherwise. I used to bartend and the guys who'd come in all got a big smile and greeting regardless of how handsome or sweet or flirtatious they were. A few of them got a bat in the head from our bouncer, though. Hmm. Unfortunate.

[Summeroflove]

Well it depends on how you go about it. If you’re overly sexual or assault someoem. That’s one thing.

[Summeroflove]

But most of the time. You’re not going to linger around someone you’re not attracted to any longer then you have to. Even if you’re fake flirting for tips.

It gets uncomfortable fast…

[Summeroflove]

Now not saying it doesn’t occasionally happen. If someone’s a super tipper. Maybe.

[DishLady]

Oh, I totally would chat up some of the older customers bc they had cool stories. Doesn't mean I'd go out with any of them.

[Summeroflove]

That’s different…. There’s chatting with someone in a friendly way because you like them as a person and like their stories.

But again…. It’s not the same as being too close. Asking lots of personal questions. Generally you can tell what someone’s doing

[DishLady]

I'd always say, "Stop me if I'm getting too nosy." bc we'd chat and chat and I'd come back to them if things were slow or if everyone else was served.

A few guys would only come in the nights I worked. "My regulars." It was a bit of a joke.

But some of them were married -- and that's a boundary I'd never ever cross.

Some of the guys WERE flirty, but it wasn't something I'd entertain, even from the big tippers. I remember my last week bartending. I was about to get married. The guys acted so miffed that I was even dating, making jokes about "the competition" and finally joking that if the guy ever gave me trouble he'd have to answer to THEM.

It was such a long time ago... and I was so young and such. Funny enough my ex DID give me a HEAP of trouble... and no one was around to make him answer for it.

Oh well.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah for sure your situation is totally different. Some people read ANYTHING as flirting. She’s being a bitch? Well she must like me. She’s being polite? Must like me. Confirmation bias

[Summeroflove]

But it’s also your job to be friendly. If you’re rude to everyone who flirted with you. Those are the first people to turn you into management.

But there is obvious sings someone’s flirting. Obviously some fake do it for tips. But that’s pretty see through if you know what to look for

[DishLady]

Exactly! It’s our job. Smile, lean a little conspiratorially, be the person to make them feel comfortable. BUUUUT also keep it PG/PG13. The guy with the bat is there for anyone who reaches or grabs or does anything else that’s inappropriate.

ONCE I had to be rude to a guy. He got the bat.

[ShellyB]

Having been a server, and also a hostess, I would say flirting is nearly always about being friend, well liked, and tips. For it to be real, you would need to kind of know the guy moreso than you typically would if that was the only way you spent time around him. JMO!

[ShellyB]

“Being friendly” not “being friend” lol.

[Summeroflove]

No I agree. Many people mistake professionalism for flirtation. Look…. Even if a dudes being a creep. I know if management doesn’t back their employees. You can get written up if you say anything considered rude.

Because the creepy ones…. Will be the first to bitch

[Summeroflove]

I would say some yes…. Fake flirt for tips. As well as genuine flirting for others would be toned down as to not be unprofessional and get themselves into trouble.

But waitresses are human…. They get feelings for people like antone else. It’s how you go about it that makes a difference

[HawkPerception]

They're almost never flirting and I'd never assume they are. Waitresses sometimes flirt just to try and get a better tip. And it's proven that method works. But I'm not a sucker like that. I tip based on service, how much they engage with me, and how genuine they seem to be.

[Summeroflove]

Some try to cover crap service with sone light flirting. Yeah it doesn’t work for me either.

[Summeroflove]

Had one call me broke once because I tipped ten percent. And I said directly…. If she’s not broke why is she working as a waitress begging for money.

After a talk with the manager she doesn’t work there anymore

[Summeroflove]

But I can tell you. Fake flirting verses real…. There’s a big difference

[HawkPerception]

Better than me. I usually keep it at a flat $5 per plate. $10 for great service. $20 for I really like you as a person, man or woman. And I don't tip shitty service at all.

[Chazmatazz269]

‘versus’, not “verses”
😂😂
I don’t hit on waitresses regardless how friendly. It’s literally their job to be charming, friendly and helpful. She would have to be wildly overt to impress upon me that she had more than customer service on her mind.

[Finchie40]

For the most part they are just trying to make a nice tip from you, but to know if she is actually flirting with you is the tricky part, if you don't know how to read a girls' body language , because if you don't know female body language, you are pretty much shit out of luck. especially if she is shy and you are as well. Look to see if she is playing with her hair, or if she looks nervous , or if she is Giddy around you meaning she is always smiling when she comes near you , without looking into your eyes if that's the case , grow a pair a balls and shoot your shit with her , strike up a conversation with her and ask her basic questions about herself , like how long have you worked here , do you like working here , what food do you recommend , do you live close to here , or what"s the best tip you received from a customer? then say would you consider my phone number a great tip so I can take you out sometime , it usually works for me

[Summeroflove]

That’s the issue even fake flirting that she doesn’t mean at all… you will notice closed body language and over the top responses.

[Summeroflove]

But the issue is…. The only way to ever know for sure is to ask. If a server was to be overly forward. Ir could backfire on her and even so much as cost her job.

So…. Wait until the check. Shoot your shot. That way irs not awkward if she says no

[Ilynpayne]

That's what I dread most. Interpreting someone's friendly and kind behavior as flirting, and then realizing it was a misunderstanding. But the opposite can also happen. You have to be very careful.

Last fall, I was terribly conflicted when interpreting the smile, kind demeanor, and friendliness of a bartender girl at a hotel.

She was considerably younger than me. I spent two days of my four-day vacation with a ridiculous sense of insecurity, thinking, "I'd be so embarrassed if she wasn't flirting with me. Who knows what kind of creeps are hitting on these girls here, making their days miserable." But at the same time, I kept an eye on her; we maintained our conversation over cocktails.

Two days before we left the hotel, I asked, "I'd love to continue drinking these amazing cocktails made by you. Do we have to wait until next year, or are you working somewhere during the winter season?" Her reply was, "We're not allowed to give out our phone numbers to customers, but you can tell me your Instagram."

Sometimes you have to spend two days trying to be sure. So I left my phone on the bar counter with Instagram open. I grabbed the cocktail and pretended I'd forgotten my phone. Of course, it took a while to add me on her instagram. :)

Sometimes, you just have to wait to be sure.

[Summeroflove]

That’s why it’s best to be respectful wait until the check comes so it doesn’t become awkward… and be direct.

[MJVillarama]

Honestly, this is a really solid breakdown. Most of the time it is just her doing her job, fake flirting is usually obvious and over the top, and real flirting is way more subtle because she has to stay professional. The lingering, extra attention, and opening the door for conversation part is key. but yeah, nothing’s guaranteed. Be respectful and ask at the end if you’re gonna ask at all.

Also, not gonna lie… I learned this tip from Dating Guru Jared

[Telekinetic-Potato]

The only time I'd take it seriously is if she came up with a reason to stay in touch. And then flirting would come later.

When I was a server, I used to get girls numbers here and there. Makes you feel like a baller.

[Summeroflove]

Girls also sometimes flirt with wait staff for free stuff. But it happens peoppe don’t typically go as far as giving their number to people they don’t want to contact.

[Summeroflove]

So it’s always a good sign. Customer or the employee.

[NathanDavis]

I actually asked one of them, that... and her answer was "both..." and then, she did wink at me

I did like her non-answer, answer... lol

[Summeroflove]

Well then she actually likes you and is trying to get a tip.

It’s possible that was fake to get a tip…. But most people aren’t going to put themselves into a situation to have to reject someone

[NathanDavis]

her flirting was not fake... but it was just flirting, so it was nothing serious

there's just some playful people out there who like to have fun with that and she was FLIRTING for sure, besides being professional as well

now, if she had said something like "you're the most handsome man I've ever seen" then yeah... that would be fake, lol

[Summeroflove]

Well I’m just saying leaving the door open is a good sign.

If you compliment a waitress and she says over the top “OH/AWWW thank you” and walks away…. Uh oh….

If she says thanks and sticks around and talks sweet. That’s a good sign

[NathanDavis]

I never compliment girls on their looks...

they've heard that thousands of times and all of their lives too

so yeah, the "oh/awwwwwww thank you" is a habit and we can't fault them for that, lol

[Summeroflove]

Yeah that’s true too.

[LiamJHayden]

Her shift ends, she changes clothes, and comes and sits with you - flirting. Gives you her real phone number - probably flirting. Otherwise assume that she is maximizing tip.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah

[Spencer10]

I would say no. But all is not lost. No problem with just asking her next time.

[Summeroflove]

Many people would be suprised if they asked. Rejected? Have closure and aren’t wasting your time on it. You won’t wonder what could have been…. Or waste your time on her.

If she’s mean. Dodged a bullet. Be glad she didn’t pick you.

Also:.:. If she says yes. It’s a go and you wouldn’t have missed out. Even if she wanted to directly approach. In a workplace it’s risky.

[loveslongnails]

Waitresses only fake flirt in countries where they depend on tips, like the USA. Of course I can tell, but who cares? I understand the game.

[Summeroflove]

That’s true.

[loveslongnails]

When I'm in the US and eating out (not something I like because the food is shit and overpriced), it goes like this: If the service is barely adequate, she gets 10%. If it's acceptable but not great, she gets 15%. If it's above and beyond, she gets 20-25%. And if I want to marry her, she gets 50%.

[Summeroflove]

That’s the way I do it. If he/she is very rude. Doesn’t check on me my drink isn’t refilled and I’m just genuinely unhappy I’ve tipped zero.

But 10 percent for below basic service. Basic but passable. 15. 20-25 for great. And if it’s amazing 50-100+ if it’s just amazing

[LouRoc]

Well Stop guessing and just ask if she's interested if not move on

[Anonymous]

Nope, I can't really recognize flirting.

[Zionne]

she's doing her job

[Cidknee]

Easily.