How to slow down without hitting the breaks on a new flirtatious association?

[DishLady]

I just met a guy (a few years older, nothing crazy). Seems nice. He approached me... which I like. Has good gentlemanly manners... which I like. He works in an industry I understand... which is good, so we can talk shop by default. And he's chatty in that flirty getting-to-know-you sort of way. He's a LITTLE macho, which is fine. All good. Right?

(Wrong.) I don't know how to tell him he's moving too fast. Ironically, he's flirting in the most obvious way so I was able to realize he's interested and not just trying to hang out for a coffee. However...

We haven't even gone on our first date yet and he's tried to get very hot and heavy over text. Send me pics (I won't). Tell me when I can see [body part] (keep talking like that and the answer is never)... I've been laughing it off, but I'm a little concerned he's coming on so strong when we've only just met.

So Father's Day weekend he was silent. I texted mid-Sunday, "So... are you celebrating Father's Day?" and his answer was strange. He mentioned he's never had kids, when for a deep-dive into his relationship status, then asked the "what about you?" question in a way that felt like a red flag. "Are you married? Divorced? ..."

I thought it was odd he would think a married woman would accept a date with him, or all the flirtation. It feels like he's signaling he's "open for business" no matter what my status would have been. I don't know what to do with that information.

PERHAPS he's just looking for something to do over the summer, but I'm not a "fling" sort of gal. I want him to slow down without making him feel like I've just tossed an ice bucket at him.

I just want to feel more comfortable around the guy before anything else happens.

Suggestions?

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe he asked about your marital status because he wants to make sure he isn't crossing a boundary. I wouldn't assume that he was open to a relationship with a taken woman.

Why don't you suggest a first date and make it a daytime date in a public place, like meet me at the zoo. Daytime date in a public place sends the signal that you don't want to get physical at this point.

[DishLady]

I presume he's thinking of an afternoon/evening date since we work. Also, I don't want to mess up the fact that he is asking the way a man actually SHOULD.

He's been flirting with me for a week before asking if I'm married... It's a little unusual.

[OlderAndWiser]

You could do a daytime date on the weekend. Do you think that sends a message which is too strong?

[DishLady]

I don't know. For example he asked me out for this week. He left the day and time open bc we both work and also there are weather issues. A first date perhaps on a weekday, not a weekend. A drink or coffee, you know? Nothing terrible. Perhaps a walk in the neighborhood. Something open air like a cafe.

[molonski2]

Seriously , I wouldn't over think it that much , just run with it and see , you don't need to do anything


The BIG red flag , someone this age , never had a family? That really says something, and not remotely positive , zero responsibility..

It just is what it is.. just open and run with it , it's up to you , but never trust someone like this , he's zero responsibility dude.

[DishLady]

It's not that he's never been in a relationship. He's said he's been in a few very long relationships so it felt like they were married, but... they parted. He lives with his mom... another factor... which tells me... possibly the mom thing.

[molonski2]

Mother factor , no marriage or children? At his age? Sorry , I don't see any of that as positive , but each to their own..
Mother guys at an age? Big problem..

[DishLady]

I don't know. To me it's a European thing. A parent takes care of us and when they're old it's our turn. I can't imagine it's impossible to fathom. We lived with extended family growing up too. It taught us responsibility.

[molonski2]

Ohhhh.. no , not good..
I find this same utter shite from men who come from Italy , basket case stuff..
He needs to grow a pair..

[Masie]

I suppose you could try and steer the conversation when it gets a little hot and heavy as you put it. I don't know if that will work if the guy is super persistent.

It would at least be worth a try instead of flat out telling him that it is a bit much this soon. You may have to just come out and say it if it doesn't work.

[DishLady]

I just chuckle and thank him for the flattery, then talk about sports or something I know we both like.

[Masie]

Does that work steering the conversation away to something else, or does he just try to go back to it?

[DishLady]

Lol. He goes back. It's still at a point where it's cute to watch him try, but I don't really like American dating -- all the apps and new rules and such. I'm older and remember dating pre-app, married... divorced and now everything seems too fast.

[Masie]

That would be annoying having him be persistent about it. I agree about your views on dating. It is why I just choose not to for the time being. I have more important things going on in life.