My girlfriend wants a break because of another guy. What should I do?

[Tm89williams]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3+ years. I thought things where fine until just recently. About a week ago my girlfriend and I went on a break. She said she just wanted to go out and have some fun. But I found out last night she has feelings for another guy. She just met this guy at a party about a week and a half ago. She said she loves me and I don't have anything to worry about but she went to his apartment. They have kissed, I asked if she felt anything by it. She said not like when she kisses me, which still means yes. Then I find out he asked her to stay, so they didn't have to drive all the way back to drop her off (he lives 2 hours away from her). Anyone can see the true reason he wanted her to stay. Well this morning we started talking on the phone, Oddly she "forgot" she had to go into work at 2. I said I have been doing a lot of thinking, she asks if this is how our relationship is going to end. Huh?!?! She wanted this break, she is going to another guy's apartment, yet she asks me if this is how it is going to end. I don't understand...I told her how I truly feel, she tells me she will call me after she is done eating. She never did, she is currently at work. It seems like she is trying to avoid this conversation. I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I really love this girl and I don't want to loss her. But I also don't want to be her safety net, just in case. Can anyone help please? If you need any more information just let me know.

Updates

+1 y

Well, I did it. I am no longer her safety net. She tried saying that it wasn't about this other guy, but I wasn't going to hear any of it. She got mad at me, yelled and then hung up. Thank you all for your help, this is probably for the best.

[Mahalko]

Man, this is bad news...let's turn the tables for a moment. Could you tell the girl you love that you love her, but the day after go another girl's apartment to kiss (even if that wasn't the initial idea)? I don't think so...because this is not what truly respecting people do to one another. And she's not even 'man' enough to break it to you by trying to put the blame on you ('is this how our relationship is going to end?'); so she can continue with a clear conscience. If she'd feel the least really bad about what she's done to you, she would have done everything possible to apologize - not what she's doing now: avoiding you at all costs..

What was the reason for your break though (about a week ago) - did this come mostly from your side, her side, or mutual..? If I read you correctly, it's her side, I guess we know what that means then as hard as it is :/

If you ask me, you've done all you can: you told her you didn't like what she's doing, and now it's up to her to make up her mind. Keep in mind that IF and when she breaks up with you, the more you fight it the more you'll push her away - you've lost her already when she kissed the guy. But she should have at least the decency to open up to you. Also, tell yourself, with all that happened, would you really want her back or would you just be forcing yourself to believe nothing changed...

If she doesn't want to talk whatsoever, then break up yourself and keep that self-respect attitude you're still showing now (not wanting to be a safetynet). Keep your calm. If that's what she wants, then there's nothing you can force and let go fast. Maybe then, she may be shocked enough to start rethinking what she's doing and perhaps feel bad about it - after all it's been three years...

But still, it doesn't look good..

[Tm89williams]

I agree with you, with everything you have said. No, I could not tell her I loved her then go make out with some other girl at her apartment. It pissed me off so bad, but I didn't want to yell at her. What does yelling truly solve? I'm starting to realize, with the help of everyone here, that breaking it off is the best decision.

Yes the break was fully her idea...I didn't have any say in it whatsoever.

Running out of room so, thank you for your comment. It helps a lot.

[Mahalko]

My hat off to you mate for cutting the rope..You seem to be a decent smart guy with charachter. She still has to realize what she's lost. I'm sure that some lucky girl is out there who will be happy this happened - whenever you're ready for a new relationship that is :)

[acmocaco]

Ignore her. It will piss her off and force her to think about why she keeps calling. You will have to outlast this guy... but she doesn't sound like she is worth it. But weather or not is something you need to figure out for yourself. Just realize that outlasting him will be hard, and it may not pay off. It's risky. Put her in the freezer and move on. Check up on her in a few months.

[Megs77]

Hey. Well first of all I am so sorry to hear that. Second of all, the relationship ended when she started seeing that guy. This exact same thing happend to my best friend. She was so in love with him. Then they decided to take a break, and soon she started seeing pictures on facebook of him with other girls. He then told her he fell out of love with her, and wouldn't anwser her calls, if someone did anwser his phone it was either his friends or girls saying he is busy. It took her soo long to get over him, but now she realized how much better she is than him, and regrets putting herself in such bad condition those few months. I'm telling you this because I don't want you stress yourself out about her. You can do way better. This guy now calls my friend allll the time and trys to get her friends to get her to talk to him because he realized what an idiot he was. Karma is a bitch and she will get hers. I would just let her go, just cut yourself off from her and start hanging around others and doing other things to distract yourself from her. Get rid of her pictures.. Anything that would remind you of her. It really does help, and it will help the mourning process. I hope I was kind of helpful.. Just remember if she does this once to you, it WILL happen again. Hope everything goes okay:)

[Tm89williams]

I know what you mean. I guess I just wanted to trick myself into thinking it would all work out. Thank you so much for your thoughts, I take every word to heart. This is the best way, I can now see that. I have to do exactly what you said and get rid of everything that reminds me of her. Thanks again.

[Kickrockslosers]

I'm sorry that she's treating you this way. I give it straight no chaser so that you don't have to keep wondering what's going on.

Tell that Loser to KickRocks! You were right with your suspicions. She is stringing you along and nothing else matters. She was the one who wanted the break and then she took her liberties to hang out with another man and went to his apartment and stayed the night. How disrespectful. On top of that she didn't call you back like she said probably because she was talking to, texting, or hanging out with the other guy.

Yes it should end unless you want to be her little doormat. I know you love her as you said and don't want to lose her, but you can't lose what you don't have anymore. The minute someone wants to take a break and ends up at a new person's apartment has told you everything you need to know. It's time to let her go. There are tons of girls out there that will treat you right, but you will never find them if you keep hanging on to this girl. Put your foot down, grow some and move on!

[Tm89williams]

I agree with you 100 percent. Not that it matters, but she didn't actually stay the night. She just considered it. That does not matter though, just wanted to point it out.

No I do not want to be her doormat and I understand what you mean by you can't lose what you don't have anymore. Thank you for everything, it means a lot to me.

[Kickrockslosers]

Be strong and hang in there. You did the right thing, it sounds as if she was on her way to cheating. And although she didn't spend the night she considered it. I remember when I was in love with my ex-husband the thought of other hot guys repulsed me. I just couldn't think about hanging out with any other men& I had2male friends that were my best friends for years. I dissed them for my ex-husband. But they understood. Point, if she was in love with you she wouldn't even hang out like that.

[minnie-mouse-143]

I agree with you as well, I went through the same thing and it ended up bad. Your better off taking the high road out of that situation. The first red flag would have been the break itself. Anyone seriously committed to a relationship makes it work or tries there best. Breaks are not to be confused with space. She did the opposite. I hope you're feeling better about this.

[Kickrockslosers]

@MM143 THANQ! At some point in our lives we will all be the dumper or the dumpee. (Really technical terms right?) But when we're the dumpee we just need to move on and when we're the dumper, we need to leave the dumpee alone and not play games. The dumpee has to take responsibility and not let the dumper back in (Self preservation& survival). The dumper has to take responsibility for breaking someone's heart& then give the dumpee peace by honesty and closure. Most dumpers fail to do what's right

[Tm89williams]

I have thought long and hard about this guys. I know this is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. Even though she hurt me so bad, I still love her with every part of my heart. I trust her, I trust everything she says. She has given me no reason not to. We have talked for the past two weeks and hung out last Sunday. I have become to know who I truly am from this break-up and she told me Sunday she is glad to have the real Me back. I am going to ask her back out, she was hinting at

[Tm89williams]

At it Sunday, saying "being single isn't as much fun as I thought it would be, guys are all jerks." I want it to be special. I will be writing "Be my penguin? Yes No" on the inside bottom of a pizza box. We are going to have pizza this Thursday (if all goes well til then).

[Kickrockslosers]

Well, it's your life, live it the way you want. But saying that all guys are jerks doesn't mean that she loves you forever and you are the one for her. It just means that the guys she dealt with while you were all sad while she was 'dating' didn't treat her well. I hope she changed her ways, but experience tells me that you are being her doormat&that she will dump you when the right guy comes along. I'm not responding2your comments&I hope you won't either.You are responsible4ur choices.CTRL it

[amber10-79]

Good for you. I was just going to tell you to give her the 'break' and tell her you won't be fixing it. People like that, selfish people, aren't worth your time. Good luck.

[Tm89williams]

Well thank you. I have come to realize she isn't worth my time, I guess I just didn't want to let go.

[Botosaui617]

hurry and find another girl my dude. LET HER END IT. and NEVER EVER FORGET THIS because it will happen again! every is capable and will do this so never put yourself completly into a relationship NEVER! EVER! NEVER EVER EVER EVER. but dnt let her know it still be invested but also ready to pull out at a moments notice. it might take you a little while but its possible I do it and she has no idea. dis a lesson for you homie.

[Tm89williams]

I know what your saying about finding another girl. But truthfully, I don't want to find another girl at the moment. No, I am not going to do nothing. I will still go out and stuff (hey I'm in college, I should have some fun). I just don;t think another girl would be the best thing right now. Thank you for your comment though, It means so much that you would post your thoughts tryign to help me out.

[Hercules]

Confront her in person. It's the best way, and besides, if this is going to end you deserve closure in person.

[Tm89williams]

I agree, but she doesn't seem like she wants to even see me. I have tried making plans to meet up and talk, but when the time comes she always is busy....Seems like she is to busy for this relationship, if it is even considered that anymore.

[Hercules]

You can drop by where she lives.

[Megs77]

It definitely is. She eventually will realize what an idiot she is and want you back. Just be strong, and don't give in. She can't win! Plus, there are lots of great girls out there, you could try date other girls,

[Tm89williams]

I know she will, this guy will throw her out the first chance something else comes along. I found out who it was exactly and I know he is a player. I hope to find a girl that will make me happy, I'm in college there has to be one haha..

[chettah-two]

I feel for you situation, and you will be alright.

Never ever ever go back to this girl!

I bet you the other guy really does not give a shit.

Do your own thing, and mind your business...

[Tm89williams]

I don't plan on ever going back, even once she does call me....Because I found out who this guy actually is and no doesn't give a shit. He is one of the biggest players I know.