If me and this girl have always teased each other playfully, why is she upset now?

[Anonymous]

Me and this coworker have known each other for a year. Our relationship was a playful one and we tease each other. that's her humor, she has told me about it and she teases others (not as heavy as she does me) and they tease her back. Most of the teasing is about being lazy and not doing work, everybody does it. She was kind of in a bad mood the other day and she told me that I'm always insulting her and her work. I thought it was understood that it was playing, she is a great worker and that's why I tease her about it, but she told me that when I say it, makes her feel like she is doing a bad job. I never take any teasing seriously because we are always smiling and making eye contact, what's her deal now? Why is what I say such a big deal? She never tells that to other people.

[Ssarahbeth]

It’s kind of weird how similar this is to something that happened to me a few months ago. My male friend at work and I tease each other incessantly. We push each other out of the way, tell each other to move, and he blames me for everything that goes wrong. We play argue about the stupidest things to the point where coworkers have even told us to stop arguing, at which point we both insist that the other one started it. Awhile ago, I’d had a bad day at work – I was sick, I’d worked a long, busy shift, and I wasn’t looking forward to my long commute home. Before I left, I kind of fished for a compliment because I felt crappy and wanted to hear something good before I left. My friend teased me like he always does, saying something like “what should I thank you for; I didn’t see you do any work.” It was the same as usual, and deep down I knew he was just teasing, but I didn’t feel well and I think I felt hurt because I really wanted just once to hear “good job.” I wasn’t in the mood for the teasing, and when I got home I sent him a text and told him pretty much what your friend told you – that it hurt when he couldn’t compliment me on a job well done.

Long story short, we spent a long time not talking to each other, both walking on eggshells. I thought he was mad at me and I’m pretty sure he thought I was mad at him, so we just ignored each other. I realized eventually that teasing was how he showed affection, and the stony silence hurt ten times more. We eventually made up after I told him that I thought he hated me because he wasn’t talking to me anymore. We slowly started teasing each other again and things are fine now.

After the whole situation, I can be the first to admit that girls are complicated. We might love teasing, but we definitely have days or moments where we’re too stressed out to enjoy it. Some days we just aren’t in the mood for it, whether it’s because we’re sick, tired, stressed, or just really busy at work. You kind of have to learn to pick up on when a girl has had enough for awhile. If she starts getting short with you or you tease her and she doesn’t tease you back, back off for awhile and give her space. Maybe wait for her to start teasing you again. Spend enough time with her and you can probably pick up on her cues.

[Ssarahbeth]

(edit: I ran over the character count. :-/ Read the answer below this one first!)

But beyond that, girls like compliments. We might love teasing (teasing with my friend at work is actually the highlight of my day), but some girls who have low self-esteem rely on others to make them feel needed and appreciated. They like to hear that they’re doing a good job every once in awhile. Maybe she was stressed out because of her job, feeling underappreciated by the company or whatever, and she just wanted to know that someone saw the hard work she was doing and appreciated it. If she was having a bad day, chances are she just wanted to hear “good job” and not have to discern the compliment hidden under “what work have you done all day?” It sounds like she really values your opinion, which is a very good thing; it just may not have been put across in the best way. She may also like you as more than a friend, which means she REALLY values your opinion. Regardless, she cares what you think. My best advice would be to keep up the teasing – because it sounds like she loves it – but compliment her work every once in awhile. Thank her, tell her she’s doing a good job, something simple. Compliment her on more than just work stuff if you want. If you guys like each other as more than friends, that could go a long way. :)

Have you guys made up yet or talked about it? If things feel kind of weird, or either of you feels upset by the situation, I strongly suggest talking to her about it. Maybe over lunch or something simple. Good luck! :)

[notluckywithlove]

I think I may be able to help you out a bit there actually..she probably like really you. Now with that in mind if she really likes you then she would want you to approve of her and to see the best in her..not the worst, and even teasing can add up after a while. Yeah it doesn't bother her when other people do it because it doesn't mean as much to her. She may tease you back sometimes when you say it to her but it was probably for the same reason when my friend does it to me I tease him back to..she sees you as a more laid back type and she's worried that addressing you with the problem of what you say bothering her may make her look like she's too uptight and can't take a joke very well. Try teasing more about something else, and less about what she's told you is bothering her when you do it...or even try complimenting her on things instead...oh and if you guys aren't going out yet but you like her I'd definenetly look into that as well =P Good luck to you!

[Gawesome]

Cool down casanova! Playful teasing is good but don't go overboard. She likes you. Drop a compliment and flirt here and there and you'll be making out at her office in no time!

[Anonymous]

She's female.. You have to accept that, as a male, you will never understand the workings of a female brain.. :)

Teasing is all very well and good - in fact, my boyfriend and I do this all the time. But every so often you just have to remind her that it is only teasing. Don't just say this, but compliment her every once in a while instead.

She'll probably get all suspicious that you're up to something, but she'll appreciate it..

[Anonymous]

just punch her in the face

[Jessiel207]

Hahahaha :') You made me laugh.