To confront him or to ignore him.

[Anonymous]

Some of you may have seen my other post asking if it was best to ignore my ex by acting indifferent when he starts telling me about his new sex life with his new girlfriend (to make me jealous). Or if it's best to confront him. Everyone agreed it's best to ignore him. However, I started thinking about it and I don't want to play his game, and by ignoring him I feel like I'm playing a bit of a game as well. So I'm tossing around the idea of saying one short statement like, "I thought you were above this" or "I never thought you were an a-hole", and then goodbye. End of conversation. The thing is he's gets really defensive when people think this of him. I mean despite what he's said to me he really is a good guy (not that that gives him any reason to treat me like he has been). I know he's extremely frustrated because his life just isn't going the way he wants and what he wants most is to feel like he did when he was happy. And non a-hole like. Everyone knows he's just not the same. Maybe I'm just over thinking it but he's been terrible to his new girlfriend by telling me all sort of things from how he wants me to how he's making out with her. He was so incredibly good to me until we started growing apart and he started getting all depressed and that's what hurts the most. I don't want to get back together with him but I don't want him to screw things up for himself by being someone he's really not, which do partly to insecurity. Do I sound crazy? I want him to be happy as a friend and someone who loved him, but I know he's not happy if he has to resort to trying to upset me. In fact I was most upset when I thought about how he would be hurting his girlfriend if she knew what he was telling me because I know he would've never done that to me. I just don't know what to do. I know he's not my problem anymore but I still want the best for him even if I don't want to be with him. Maybe it's just PMS haha, but I'm really upset about how things are between us now. I want him to really think about what's he doing.

[Anonymous]

There are advantages to both strategies. On the one hand, if you ignore him you are the bigger person. On the other hand, if you confront him you will feel better. I was in a similar situation with my ex and the way I handled it was best for my situation...when she would talk about these things I would just say "I'm not comfortable talking about this with you, I hope that you are happy and I have to go." Then I would hang up and go about my life. There really is no reason for ex's to talk about these things, and even if it is to make you jealous, I still see no point. Why does he need to make you jealous if you aren't going to be together? After going through this, and seeing my friends go through the same thing, I have determined that it is best to cut contact with ex's. Yeah, it's hard at first, it still is hard after many months, but it's truly best for both of you. The only way to move on with your life is to put it in the past, and you can't do that if he is still doing this to you...so if I were in your situation I would politely cut ties and move on. Best of luck.

[Asker]

I hate that answer because I know it's the right one haha. I know I'm still the only person he really talks to about anything, that's why I'm hesistant to cut him out of my life completely. I'll give him that line and if he keeps it up then it's his loss. I can't be his friend. Part of me wants to compete and make him jealous either by bragging or ignoring him but overall it breaks my heart. Thanks for your thoughts :)

[udntknow]

alright so I'm pretty sure you still have feelings for this guy that's why you ask 9 questions a day about him. him being an asshole warrants you asking one question but this many? I can't see how I can be the only one getting vibes that your not over this guy and his being an asshole is made worse because you still have feelings for him. I don't know maybe I'm way off but that's just the way it seems to me

[mormongirlmichl]

You sort-of answered your own question udntknow...just sayin'

[udntknow]

How? I can admit I still have feelings for her, deep feelings...

[Anonymous]

Ok, it is not a bad idea to talk to him one last time to let him know you are moving on and tell him you just need space from him to do that. Then he knows you are not just being a bitch by ignoring him, and playing mind games. But you shouldn't tell him he is being an a-hole or anything negative like that.

In my experience people who are acting like jerks will only discover they are jerks by themselves and not by having someone tell them. You walking away from him will help him to see the error in his ways more then you telling him the errors of his ways.

So tell him you want distance from him to move on and then simply walk away. Nothing more. This is much more respectable on your part and more likely to give him insight into his jerkness.

[Anonymous]

Well if you say this to him knowing he has a big problem with it then you are still playing a game with him using the ammo words you know will hurt him... you ever think about that? You cannot be held accountable for what he is doing with his own life you cannot help someone if they do not want to help themselves... he is not helping you in any way by being such an ass... . if he screws this up then hopefully he will learn for the next time. Let him go. If you want to help him in any way then ignore him and quit talking to him then he will realize why you are doing this and it is because he is being an ass hole.

[Asker]

Good point. I guess I just want to get the point across to him right away. Maybe I already did the last time we talked. It's just annoying because I was really happy that he had "moved on". He's treating her horribly by telling me this and I know he never would have done what he's doing to her to me when we were together. I think she deserves better then to be used by him to make me jealous. End rant haha.

[Opinion Owner]

She'll figure it out sooner or later... even if you tell her more than likely she won't believe you and be very mad at you and you know what girls are capable of when they are mad at other girls. ya know... it is not your place to tell her... she will figure/find out sooner or later.... just leave it at that and let it be.

[Asker]

Yeah I have no idea how I would even begin to tell her and I don't want to cause any other problems.

[BusyGirl727]

Obviously he is inconsiderate about how you feel when he throws his make-out sessions in your face and he definitely knows what he is doing. I know that you care about him but there comes a time when you have to do what is best for you and that is leave him alone and f*** how he feels..He put himself in that position and it is not your job to pull him out. If he is feeling insecure and upset right now that's all karma...what goes around comes around.

[gotta-know]

He is an asshole--tell him so and walk away-- who knows what he said behind your back.

I bet he doesn't act like that in front of her--better yet you tell him he is an asshole and walk away--if he keeps telling you about his sex life give the new Girlfriend a call and ask her to put a leash on him! What a dog!

[Anonymous]

I can see it from both points of view.

By ignoring him you are showing that you are the better person. But if it is really getting to you, just have one little rant at him and move on. Don't make contact with him again and block him from emailing or calling you!

If you do rant, be careful how you do it. Don't show that you care, just tell him straight that you really don't care and don't want to know his personal business.

[Anonymous]

One short statement isn't gonna make you sound crazy. The usual advice would be to ignore him, but if it's really bothering you I see nothing wrong with expressing your feelings as long as you don't go into some psycho rant lol. It's rude to brag about his sex life and you should put him in check about that. Just don't make it seem like you care though because that's what he really wants. Just say one little thing then ignore him