WHY do we play hot and cold with the person we like?

[Shimmyshammy]

In my situation, it is a guy doing it to me. One day he is crazy silly flirting and teasing me. The next he sit away from me, looks at me a few times but otherwise ignores me.

I didn't want to say why do "GUYS" play hot and cold because both guys and girls do.

WHY? Is it out of fear or insecurity?

GUYS - do you do it because you're afraid you're coming on too strong, don't know how the girl feels, or are insecure and want to be sure if you can see her reaction and tell if she likes you?

GIRLS - do you do it because you want him to chase you? Do you do it for attention? You don't want to appear needy?

How do you STOP them from playing hot and cold without looking like a fool?

[Anonymous]

this is really on the girls. we do it much more and the situation wouldn't be difficult if more of us put as much effort into others as they put into us. the chances of being rejected after being straight forward with a guy is .00000000000000000009%. but instead, most of us hide behind gender roles (only when they benefit us) and expect everything to pan out.

honestly, if we just talk to the person of interest in the same direct manner that we type on here, most of these questions wouldn't be made. we might have some more unique content on this site.

[WeaponZero]

BA. I could marry you for this answer.

[Anonymous]

i think its natural and common and its okay the first few months but after that someone needs to effing say something before things explode and go in wrong directions.

[Shimmyshammy]

I know, right?! So frustrating!

[Anonymous]

I don't do that , I actually hate that..but I agree he probably doesn't know how he really feels aboutvyou.

[SweetnSober]

Why do we play hot and cold with the person we like? Well it's all on the basis of attraction and flirting.

How do you stop them? Well, ask him how he really feels about you, and hint your feelings for him - or just tell him too :)

I typically don't play this game of hot and cold because I'm quite shy, but yeah, its always good to get a response from a girl even if it's just a smile ^^

[Anonymous]

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=ix52LldhtfQ

[Shimmyshammy]

seriously?!...that's a frustrating game!

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, seriously

[Shimmyshammy]

So guys like to be chased just as much as girls?

[Opinion Owner]

Do they like it? They know the girl is going to feel a greater attraction - emotionally, even frustration is attractive to the female psyche. And if a girl is going to the trouble to chase, she's already convinced herself it's worth the hassle for this guy

[Lurkergao]

Even if you like a woman you don't know if she is flirting because she is interested or just seeking some type of validation. Or she liked you before but now thinks you are gross because of the color of your shirt that day. Sounds silly but that's what you deal with as a guy. If you ask somebody out and they are attracted to you you are good, if you are wrong though you are considered repulsive and worse she could make all her friends think your repulsive too. Once they start that feedback loop it gets worse and worse for you. Since it sounds like you guys have mutual friends that would be my take. He has probably written you off actually but is still attracted to you. If you want to pursue this then work on showing yourself as a safe person to open up to. And invite him to social gatherings along with others in your social group. Show that you care about him aside from some nonsense social group pecking order. Think about what could make this dangerous/difficult for him and try to mitigate some of that. Just be easy to talk to. If not interested he'll stop thinking about it after you date somebody else it's the? That makes it hard to stop thinking about it.

[Yeahhbro]

Because experience tell us that if you are straightforward, you are labeled a creep or desperate. Plus no body wants to put their ego on the line and get no for an answer, no body likes to be rejected its a fact, since it makes us think that we aren't desirabled enough for her and it makes us doubt about our ability to attract other people that we like as well. Undeciseveness might be other factor, that person might not be as interested or sure enough that you will make a good girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I guess I was guilty of doing this to a girl and from her point of view she probably thought I was playing "hot and cold" as you put it

For me it was just that I didn't want to pursue her, I think she's be better off with someone else, plus the time I was very flirty with her was when I was pretty drunk. The time I saw her after that I wasn't and I felt she was too much younger than me and she should be with someone closer to her age.

[Shimmyshammy]

He's been like this for months. I figure that if he felt the way you did, he would have stopped long ago.

[quantumdefender]

I think for many, we are trying to gauge if the other party is as interested as we are.

we don't have the guts to just put it on the line and ask if they are as hot for us as we them.

[Shimmyshammy]

So what do you thin, in your opinion, would make it easier to let this type of game subside and for 2 interested partying to take their relationship to the best level?

[quantumdefender]

if only that were as easily done than said.

[Shimmyshammy]

Sorry about the phone auto text. Yes, I know what you mean. I think these days we rely so much on technology that we forget how to react in person too. For instance, he didn't text me , OK he's not interested I'll just move on and flirt w another guy, that upsets him. Someone wrote on my Facebook, they tell him that I went on a date (not true)yet he's confused as to why I'm still flirting w him. If only we all could communicate! They HAD to before all this tech stuff came out anyway!

[MrNameless]

Honestly.. Who knows.. The guy might be trying to play a game, or he might be insecure/unsure if you like him back.

Just how do you respond to his actions anyway?

[Shimmyshammy]

I smile @ him or just smile & look away. Sometimes I just look away. Sometimes I laugh because I'm laughing @ the fact that it's so stupid. Sometimes I'm not even looking & can tell from the corner of my eye. Yet the next time I'll see him, he'll sit closer & flirt w me & ignore her. I noticed hat when he sits away , he's rather loud and obvious - that's what gets my attention. I look up, she's being all flirty then, they laugh, he looks at me. Every single time yet I don't know why I fall 4 it

[olylowlife]

We are cautious about getting attached and getting feelings hurt I assume.

[NayaAbouzaid]

I HATE DOING IT but I have to because I don't want him to think I'm clingy.

[DeanWillis]

We don't want to risk being friend zoned.