In my time on the net I have come across some shocking statements made by young women with regard to expected male behavior. There seems to be a great deal of ignorance as to how a relationship is supposed to work between men and women. A lack of basic knowledge as to what is fact and what is myth let alone what is fare and what is moral. Women have said they expect the man to “take charge” one young woman even wanted to see men “show some dominance”. Very alarming views, in light of what can happen at the hands of just such men. I hope I can be of some help with the article that follows. This is what domestic violence is, and these are common characteristics of an offender.
Domestic violence and abusive relationships are crimes, these are criminal acts. But you can protect yourself from becoming a statistic. Research has been done that can help identify Offenders. They have certain character traits that have been analyzed by professionals by doing research on actual criminals who have committed domestic violence. The following list has been gleaned from such research and is commonly used by police agencies , domestic violence shelters and other organizations.
Of course like anything in nature you have to account for variances, not all stones are shaped or colored the same, but they are all stones and can be recognized as such. The more of these traits are present the more the likely hood of abuse. You can also find abusers with only two or three such traits but they will be very noticeable.
Low opinion of women:
Offenders see women as inferior they will often complain about how hard it is to find a good woman etc. run women down and see them as inferior. Women are portrayed as incompetent, made fun of or spoken of with frustration. The bigotry toward them is readily apparent.
Explaining the behavior as a sign of the depth of their love for you:
In this scenario the abuser simply explains their jealousy or controlling behavior as stemming from concern for the victim. These criminals know that what they are doing is wrong and will take steps to hide it.
Incrementalism and normalizing:
Abusers commonly start small and work up in increments it’s like the story of the frog in boiling water if you heat the water with the frog in it the frog doesn’t notice till it boils to death. Put a frog in already boiling water and it will quickly jump out. With abusers there is a lot of smoke and mirrors.
Jealousy:
Again with the smoke and mirrors, jealousy is explained as the result of the abusers deep feelings. Jealousy is common to people but in the case of an abuser he, is not only jealous of you with other men he’s jealous of you with your friends, family, even hobbies that keep you away from him. Jealousy is rooted in insecurity not love it is a weakness.
Attempts at control:
Like the Jealousy, this to is disguised as a result of concern for you. The abuser is not trying to control you they are concerned that you do what is best for you. Note: The abuser gives himself away here if you’re a good enough critical thinker to catch it. How would they know what is best? If they think that they obviously think they should be in charge that they know more than you do, big red flag right there. Examples are him getting upset if you’re late, upset if you eat something he thinks you shouldn’t or just about anything else that is not his idea.
Sweeps her off her feet:
A lot of victims only dated their victim for a few months before they were deeply involved.
Again this is done with a con game. The abuser insists that you are the one for him, he loved you the first time he saw you stuff taken right out of a romance novel the offender knows good and well what they are saying and it has nothing to do with romance it has to do with them being insecure and needy. These men often push commitment; push every stage of the relationship like sex or moving in or anything else. This is not romance, this is a sales pitch from a used car dealer. Note: While not always the case these men like an easy mark they aren’t looking for a woman with prospects their looking for a shy inexperienced type to pull this con job on.
Expects you to be perfect:
These clowns are dependent on the woman for everything they want to work out a deal that satisfies their parasitic need to feed off of you. Having a criminal mind set they naturally work yet another scam to accomplish this. Phrases like “your all I need” are common. Of course if you use some deductive reason, you can see that the offender is placing responsibility for their
feelings squarely on you.
Using isolation for control:
Another trick an offender uses is to isolate the victim. Notice if they try to keep you from going any place without them or if they try to interfere in your interactions with others such as friends or family. Bad mouthing your friends or family is one way of doing this. Moving to isolated locations or insisting that you quit your job trying to stop you from using the car are also ways to isolate you and have cut others out of the picture. They simply can’t share you with others period.
Blame someone else:
A common theme is to blame someone else for any personal failures whatever the offender failed at its someone else’s fault. An offender will not even take responsibility for the way they feel, If their happy it’s because you did what you were supposed to, if their sad or angry well, that’s your fault to.
Overly sensitive:
Having low self esteem, offenders are easily insulted or upset by things. What they are upset by may be unrelated to them but seen as a personal attack. If something goes wrong like a cut in pay ,or something costs too much, they see this as a serious injustice that they are having to suffer. Things you do like preferring a different coffee mug is seen as a criticism of their preference.
Animal abuse:
Offenders are not known to treat animals very well. Harsh punishments like kicks beatings etc are meted out to dogs or other animals. Neglect and indifference is common as well.
Child abuse:
Children are not children to an offender, they are adults and expected to handle things with adult competence. Children are often punished for things when they have no idea what they have even done. Sadistic actions towards children are common as well emotional abuse like making fun of the child to the point of tears. Jealousy toward children is not uncommon they don’t want to share you with children any more than other adults.
Sexual sadism:
The offender’s idea of sex is violent or forceful. They will often ask the victim to act out sadistic fantasies of sexual torture etc with them or confess that rape excites them. Helplessness in their partner excites them. Typically they try to coerce sex via guilt or other manipulations.
Believes in gender roles:
Offenders are “traditional” after all this is about disempowering you and empowering him.
Offenders expect to be served and obeyed. They expect absolute loyalty.
Verbal abuse:
Offenders will degrade their victims tell them they are stupid or would be lost without them. They will even degrade them to others behind their back.
Personality shifts from agreeable to abusive:
Offenders are almost never constantly bad in their behavior. They are often very nice or accommodating. Putting on a façade of politeness or normalcy in public is common as well. Often offenders are well respected in public but like other criminal types they reserve their criminal activity for places where it will not be discovered. Their mood can swing suddenly due to their insecurity and over sensitivity.
Repeat offenders:
These men are not new to this, they have done this to every woman they have been with, there may well be a criminal record on file from multiple offences.
Breaking your possessions:
Offenders often throw or break possessions of the victim during arguments in an attempt to tear down who they are and what they are about. They want you to forget who you are and make an object of you instead of a person with likes and dislikes and creativity. They want to erase you.
Use of force:
Any and all use of force during an argument is violence which may well accelerate. No one has the right to block you leaving a room or restrain your movements in any way.
Using pets as hostages:
Offenders will threaten to hurt or hurt beloved pets as tools to torture their victims into submission or as a means to terrorize for sadistic pleasure.
“Manly”, “macho”:
Common among offenders, the macho man, aggressive, desperately wants to be the toughest the badest etc he’s in a standoff with the world and takes a aggressive view of others and his surroundings including his victim.
Domestic violence and abusive relationships are crimes, these are criminal acts. But you can protect yourself from becoming a statistic. Research has been done that can help identify Offenders. They have certain character traits that have been analyzed by professionals by doing research on actual criminals who have committed domestic violence. The following list has been gleaned from such research and is commonly used by police agencies , domestic violence shelters and other organizations.
Of course like anything in nature you have to account for variances, not all stones are shaped or colored the same, but they are all stones and can be recognized as such. The more of these traits are present the more the likely hood of abuse. You can also find abusers with only two or three such traits but they will be very noticeable.
Low opinion of women:
Offenders see women as inferior they will often complain about how hard it is to find a good woman etc. run women down and see them as inferior. Women are portrayed as incompetent, made fun of or spoken of with frustration. The bigotry toward them is readily apparent.
Explaining the behavior as a sign of the depth of their love for you:
In this scenario the abuser simply explains their jealousy or controlling behavior as stemming from concern for the victim. These criminals know that what they are doing is wrong and will take steps to hide it.
Incrementalism and normalizing:
Abusers commonly start small and work up in increments it’s like the story of the frog in boiling water if you heat the water with the frog in it the frog doesn’t notice till it boils to death. Put a frog in already boiling water and it will quickly jump out. With abusers there is a lot of smoke and mirrors.
Jealousy:
Again with the smoke and mirrors, jealousy is explained as the result of the abusers deep feelings. Jealousy is common to people but in the case of an abuser he, is not only jealous of you with other men he’s jealous of you with your friends, family, even hobbies that keep you away from him. Jealousy is rooted in insecurity not love it is a weakness.
Attempts at control:
Like the Jealousy, this to is disguised as a result of concern for you. The abuser is not trying to control you they are concerned that you do what is best for you. Note: The abuser gives himself away here if you’re a good enough critical thinker to catch it. How would they know what is best? If they think that they obviously think they should be in charge that they know more than you do, big red flag right there. Examples are him getting upset if you’re late, upset if you eat something he thinks you shouldn’t or just about anything else that is not his idea.
Sweeps her off her feet:
A lot of victims only dated their victim for a few months before they were deeply involved.
Again this is done with a con game. The abuser insists that you are the one for him, he loved you the first time he saw you stuff taken right out of a romance novel the offender knows good and well what they are saying and it has nothing to do with romance it has to do with them being insecure and needy. These men often push commitment; push every stage of the relationship like sex or moving in or anything else. This is not romance, this is a sales pitch from a used car dealer. Note: While not always the case these men like an easy mark they aren’t looking for a woman with prospects their looking for a shy inexperienced type to pull this con job on.
Expects you to be perfect:
These clowns are dependent on the woman for everything they want to work out a deal that satisfies their parasitic need to feed off of you. Having a criminal mind set they naturally work yet another scam to accomplish this. Phrases like “your all I need” are common. Of course if you use some deductive reason, you can see that the offender is placing responsibility for their
feelings squarely on you.
Using isolation for control:
Another trick an offender uses is to isolate the victim. Notice if they try to keep you from going any place without them or if they try to interfere in your interactions with others such as friends or family. Bad mouthing your friends or family is one way of doing this. Moving to isolated locations or insisting that you quit your job trying to stop you from using the car are also ways to isolate you and have cut others out of the picture. They simply can’t share you with others period.
Blame someone else:
A common theme is to blame someone else for any personal failures whatever the offender failed at its someone else’s fault. An offender will not even take responsibility for the way they feel, If their happy it’s because you did what you were supposed to, if their sad or angry well, that’s your fault to.
Overly sensitive:
Having low self esteem, offenders are easily insulted or upset by things. What they are upset by may be unrelated to them but seen as a personal attack. If something goes wrong like a cut in pay ,or something costs too much, they see this as a serious injustice that they are having to suffer. Things you do like preferring a different coffee mug is seen as a criticism of their preference.
Animal abuse:
Offenders are not known to treat animals very well. Harsh punishments like kicks beatings etc are meted out to dogs or other animals. Neglect and indifference is common as well.
Child abuse:
Children are not children to an offender, they are adults and expected to handle things with adult competence. Children are often punished for things when they have no idea what they have even done. Sadistic actions towards children are common as well emotional abuse like making fun of the child to the point of tears. Jealousy toward children is not uncommon they don’t want to share you with children any more than other adults.
Sexual sadism:
The offender’s idea of sex is violent or forceful. They will often ask the victim to act out sadistic fantasies of sexual torture etc with them or confess that rape excites them. Helplessness in their partner excites them. Typically they try to coerce sex via guilt or other manipulations.
Believes in gender roles:
Offenders are “traditional” after all this is about disempowering you and empowering him.
Offenders expect to be served and obeyed. They expect absolute loyalty.
Verbal abuse:
Offenders will degrade their victims tell them they are stupid or would be lost without them. They will even degrade them to others behind their back.
Personality shifts from agreeable to abusive:
Offenders are almost never constantly bad in their behavior. They are often very nice or accommodating. Putting on a façade of politeness or normalcy in public is common as well. Often offenders are well respected in public but like other criminal types they reserve their criminal activity for places where it will not be discovered. Their mood can swing suddenly due to their insecurity and over sensitivity.
Repeat offenders:
These men are not new to this, they have done this to every woman they have been with, there may well be a criminal record on file from multiple offences.
Breaking your possessions:
Offenders often throw or break possessions of the victim during arguments in an attempt to tear down who they are and what they are about. They want you to forget who you are and make an object of you instead of a person with likes and dislikes and creativity. They want to erase you.
Use of force:
Any and all use of force during an argument is violence which may well accelerate. No one has the right to block you leaving a room or restrain your movements in any way.
Using pets as hostages:
Offenders will threaten to hurt or hurt beloved pets as tools to torture their victims into submission or as a means to terrorize for sadistic pleasure.
“Manly”, “macho”:
Common among offenders, the macho man, aggressive, desperately wants to be the toughest the badest etc he’s in a standoff with the world and takes a aggressive view of others and his surroundings including his victim.
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