Survivor's Arrogance of Women

[pavlove]

Not so long ago, here used to be a time when male power went completely unchecked. The majority shared in a common sub-status to men even in this country and as a result they were at the mercy of the whims of those men.

And a lot of those women suffered. And of those women who suffered a few, strong women survived. They did not allow the sharp male power and weak male ego defeat them. They figured out a way to do with less and make a way for themselves even with their sub-status.

But, these women were survivors not because they wanted to be, but because they had to be. They had no other choice, they were trying to live they were trying to build decent lives for themselves and their children.

But it seems a lot of women today, it seems especially in minority races that have "suffered" as a race as well as gender though I've seen white girls fall into this a bit as well, have clung onto this idea of the "survivor" woman. This is a woman who has had a lot of crap thrown at her by men and yet risen and survived and doesn't need anyone. She knows how to tolerate a high degree of badness that would break most people regardless of gender, or so the thinking goes.

Only the problem is these haven't usually been in inescapably bad situations. They always had the opportunity to leave and choose different routes and avenues in life. Furthermore, a lot of the sufferings were easily avoidable unlike the real survivor women who have very few good options at their disposal. These women seem to revel in the legacy of the female survivor. Perhaps their mother was this woman. Or, perhaps they just find a lot of power and confidence in a woman who can get through anything. But again, these women often create their own drama and do nothing to fix it or get out of it. Rather they just silently suffer through and then tell the world how bad they had it and how they were strong enough to survive it. It's not strength at this point, it's arrogance.

It's arrogance and it's fake because you are not a survivor. You're just dumb like the rest of us. No one's blaming you, we all make dumb choices as kids and young adults, but when you become adult it's time to start taking responsibility for making your own life good. No matter how much you've suffered there's far more people than not who have suffered worse than you. When some girl tells me how mean one of her exes was to her and how she no longer puts up with any crap, I'm like good but i'm not going to sympathize with you. I've had horrible exes and maybe they didn't abuse me like yours did but I see no strength in your ability to keep going mainly because again you weren't married you could have left you chose not to. I forgive you for being dumb, I don't admire you for surviving abuse when it was your choice.

Realize, women, that a survivor is a reluctant victim. Having a victim identity at all is a bad thing because it puts you at the mercy of things outside of your control. There's stories of people accomplishing amazing things even though they were born to incredible disadvantage. Get over yourself and your own ego. I don't think even other victims admire "Survivors" and i know a lot of women who go through crap in their life want props for it. I respect a person far more who doesn't brag about all they had to climb because it shows they are humble.

Guys, chances are women are not going to stop with this survivor crap just because we want them to so I'm writing this to say you don't have to feel bad because of what some guy did to her before you even knew her. Ask yourself this, could she have gotten out of it? Did she not have parents to take care of her? Did she not have a job and resources of her own? And if she's in such a bad way, you should not date her but send her to social services. I know this sounds cold but it's just the truth of the matter.

And everyone, stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself. Just pick yourself up and get back in the game and stop feeling like you're special.

[taybae717]

I think you're wrong and I also think you don't really know what happens in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship. You may have had exes that cheated or lied to you but until you feel trapped in your own life with 0 escape or completely helpless or that wherever you go you will be found and hurt or beaten you can't really speak on who is and is not a survivor or victim. There are plenty of people who victimize themselves, they make a situation seem worst than it actually was sheerly for the attention and sympathy, however, that is not a survivor. In fact that is very different. Survivors are people who actually were in terrible situations that they had to claw and fight their way out of and often leave with physical and emotional scars, PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Every relationship is not the same. I think a lot of your views come from a place of ignorance rather than education. Read stories from men and women who have been trapped and battered that were forced to leave their homes and move to different towns or states away from their abusers. Read how some narrowly escaped and cheated death. Read how some became prisoners in their own lives. Then come make a post about what it means to be a survivor, a victim, or someone who victimizes themselves.

[pavlove]

You don't get props though and others shouldn't have to give you patience for it it's your responsibility to heal not theirs

[taybae717]

Like I said, survivors are not people looking or asking for attention or props. I dont even think victims really are. I think people who victimize themselves are looking for props. These are the people that get into an argument and then claim they were being intimidated or people who were pushed and said that they were beaten. Thats not a survivor, thats someone who is purely escalating a situation into something its not for attention or whatever.

[scooogy]

I wish that girls would fight back more

[vishna]

"When some girl tells me how mean one of her exes was to her and how she no longer puts up with any crap, I'm like good but i'm not going to sympathize with you. I've had horrible exes and maybe they didn't abuse me like yours did but I see no strength in your ability to keep going mainly because again you weren't married you could have left you chose not to. I forgive you for being dumb, I don't admire you for surviving abuse when it was your choice."
If you haven't been through what someone else has, why judge? I've never been abused but I can still empathize with people who have-common decency.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you're being very insensitive. I wasn't married to the man that abused me. It was mental abuse and it wasn't something Id realized happened until I was alienated from friends and my family and had just about nowhere to go. Im not saying you're wrong in your opinions. I am saying you're simplifying them. It's not so black and white. I don't brag that I got out. I don't feel pride that I finally took a stand. I feel humiliated and stupid for being in such a messed up situation to begin with.