Before I start off, this picture perfectly portrays the amount of guilt I have accumulated throughout the years particularly due to this one captivating habit of mine.
If I had to be honest, one of my significant traits would definitely be lateness. Ah, what else can I say? That it's one hell of a mesmerising feeling. I certainly love grinning to myself at the thought of how many people I have successfully brainwashed into thinking that I must be an incapable and unreliable princess. Halo effect also works wonders for me.
Speaking of which, where's the red carpet? Roll it out right away. For the late princess is finally here...
Alternatively, if you've had people pull off this annoying bullshit on you, just know that from the bottom of our hearts, we aren't exactly proud of it. Right, I can't speak for all. But hey, I'm really fucking sorry. As ridiculous as I may sound, I do try. 😅
Sometimes I just want to give myself a good kick in the ass. A dramatic 'sky uppercut' perhaps. Anything to traumatise my lazy ass and revolutionise it into a highly disciplined fucker overnight. Sheez, if only it was that easy.
Punctuality... her secret name's actually Puncturella. Shh, don't tell anyone. For the life of me, I can never get this bitch to favour me. It's like the opposite - Puncturella has held me in captivity and officially made me her Cinderella instead. Tragic. In her world, I scrub a thousand floors and condoms while sobbing non stop waiting for that one glass slipper to fall from the sky which never happens.
If I rebel against Puncturella, something always has to go wrong. It's like I always find myself spending money on this gold digger brat somehow. Taxi cabs, breakfasts because my desperate ass couldn't afford to spend some time making my own breakfast or even spare a few seconds grabbing some munchies off the shelves. It's like a curse.
Alright I'm being too dramatic and stupid. I shan't make any more excuses. Puncturella doesn't exist. Wait, why am I even stating the obvious? Duh @ me.
Lord knows how many times I've been late.
The amount of times I've vowed to myself that I'll NEVER be late again and to NEVER snooze my rows of alarm... only to later set myself up for a mega disappointment in which I kiss myself a loving touched "Bye felicia" for having kid myself with a dash of false hopes.
Anyway, here are some things that run through my mind as a habitually late person:
"I hate myself"
"I think everyone hates me. They seem quiet. Better not talk to people today, I'll only get on their nerves."
"Good lord. Whatever happened to me promising myself to wake up early everyday so I will never be late? Congrats, I played myself!"
4. "Dumb bitch, when will I ever learn? Priorities, girl!"
6. "Surprise princess, I'm still late. Shoulda keep on pampering my lazy ass and snoozing the fuck away."
7. "Could've walked peacefully and all. Now I have to run. Sikes, run faster. Fuck my sweaty and sleepy ass, Imm just deal with it."
8. "I have no hope. I've been cursed for life; why am I always late. Maybe I should see a doctor."
9. "Why is there fucking heavy traffic? Great, just when I'm running late."
(as if I didn't know there is always a long jam early morning; again, my stupid ass fault!)
Alternatively, when I do make an effort to a punctual...
10. "Wake up at 6 everyday. No more being late. Be on top of the world, be disciplined, chase success! Prove people wrong. Turn over a new leaf, sweetheart. Don't give up!"
(And all that sort of motivational crap)