How Girls Should Respond on Dating Sites

[Anonymous]

Girls should give more consideration regarding responding to guys on dating sites.

I know a lot of girls will get mad at me because they tend to ignore a lot of messages, but their position is taken into consideration here. I do think that if someone messages you something completely casual asking about your profile or how you're doing but doesn't seem like a bad guy, then you really should respond.

Hear me out. What I just said implies that if the guy makes himself out to be a douche or if he asks for a hookup, then he deserves the silence. Girls say "we get way too many messages" but they also say "so many guys ask to hookup." So that means if you filter out the guys who just want to hookup, you don't have "so many that you can't respond to them all."

If you have a boyfriend and a different guy messages you, you can say something like "Hey, so I should let you know, I have a boyfriend. So I'm not really in a position to talk to other guys. I hope you understand and don't take this personally."

Now to address the "I'm not interested" attitude. It has happened A LOT that a girl is not interested in a guy initially but years later they end up getting married. So initial sparks don't have to be there for you to simply get to know someone. If you're worried about leading him on, you can tell him that you're just getting to know him but currently aren't planning on whether it "goes somewhere" or not. If he complains that you led him on simply by getting to know him, that's his problem.

Some guys will be immature or stupid. You can blow them off. But for the good ones, be friends, get to know him before deciding. You might be surprised.

Prince charming isn't real. If you expect there to be a magical moment where you find prince charmings profile or him in real life, you'll be disappointed.

[Electric_Dreams]

Too many girls won't give guys a chance. I've very recently taken to talking to girls on my Facebook friends who I either barely know or have not met in person, in order to get to know them better and maybe hang out, see where it goes from there etc.

Now in my opinion there is no excuse for ignoring messages from someone on your Facebook friends, y'know for not talking to someone who is all ready on your Facebook friends when they message you. It's a blatant contradiction considering they are all ready on your Facebook friends. The exception is if you have all ready given them a chance. This is what I'm saying girls should give people a chance not just ignore them the first time they even try to talk to them, same goes for guys. If you've given someone a chance and you don't like them, then yeah sure ignore the messages. And if you're really honest and not a hypocrite, unfriend them.. or, talk to them. Because again, why have someone on your friends if you will flat out refuse to talk to them (ignoring messages is a statement of refusal).

[myTake Owner]

Also though when girls say on dating sites that they're "not interested" I have to really wonder where that comes from. They have a very unofficial understanding of who the guy is just based on his photos and what he writes in his profile.

It happens a lot that girls end up marrying someone they weren't initially interested in. That would suggest that "interest" or lack thereof is arbitrary and has nothing to do with the other person

[Electric_Dreams]

Well see, science tells us that initial attraction is only ever sexual. Some might not agree with this, but I think they're wrong.. or science is wrong, because from my research I have found that scientific studies say that initial attraction is purely sexual. From my personal experience too. Actually, I see hot girls and think naughty thoughts, and I don't want to be in a relationship with them, because I don't know them.

It takes time for people to become emotionally attracted to each other. I have emotional attraction towards people I'm not sexually attracted to. Like, well my best guy friends, apparently it's impossible for people to be friends without some kind of attraction, regardless of gender, but that can include emotional attraction which basically just means you like them as a person, which is essentially the fundamental basis of friendship anyway. But also (tbc)...

[Electric_Dreams]

... one example is one of my best guy friends has a girlfriend who I don't think is hot, have never thought about sexually, but I love her personality so I get on with her very well. So I have female friends that I have only ever been emotionally attracted to and not sexually attracted to.

So basically, the primary attraction is sexual, then emotional attraction comes later. Or maybe there's only one. Or if there's none then you just don't like the person. Some girls that I am technically, or have been, sexually attracted to, I don't like at all. And then I actually wouldn't want to have sex with her because I'm thinking "well yeah she's hot but she's an idiot/horrible", so I don't want anything to do with them.

[myTake Owner]

That makes sense but how does it explain the fact that many girls end up marrying a guy they initially werent interested in?

[Electric_Dreams]

Oh yeah.. well that, as far as I know, comes about because sexual attraction can develop as a result of emotional attraction I believe. So while she didn't think he was hot to start with, as she got to know him and became emotionally attracted to him she then became sexually attracted to him.

[myTake Owner]

I guess. You do always hear people say that looks matter less to women than to men. I've heard some people say that girls should be open minded about guys because they might change their mind, which I agree with

[raspberry0416]

You know it is possible for a woman to not be attracted to a guy based on his pictures. It doesn't matter if he is decent and sends a nice message or not. Men also do the same to women.

[myTake Owner]

But it's also happened a lot where a girl ends up marrying a guy who she thought she wasn't interested in at first. Plus women expect men to "make the first move, pay on dates, etc." So a way to reciporocate this is to give him a chance if he does the things you want him to do

[raspberry0416]

You are right, it can happen where a girl likes a guy more after he makes an effort. Some girls just have high standards though and don't want to give these guys a chance.

[myTake Owner]

I think girls who want guys to do the fairy tale prince charming stuff and then dont give a guy a chance if he's a decent guy and does the "pursuit" work are selfish

[coachTanthony]

Women can get 200 messages a day. Never going to happen. This would be like a part time job to reply too all those messages. Guys need to just learn to move on. I instruct all my female clients to not answer any messages and to message guys they are interested in instead. Much easier than sifting through a bag of crap. Life is a bitch. Just got to roll with it.

[myTake Owner]

Again, ignoring the fact that a lot of these 200 messages are asking for bad things and can be eliminated from those 200. Don't just ignore a huge part of the script

[coachTanthony]

I don't care if the message is legit, down to earth, thoughtful, etc. Nobody has to respond to anything they don't want to respond too. Goes for both Guys and Girls. Not responding means, I AM NOT INTERESTED. Pretty simple. Why should anyone care about your feelings? Even better, if they are not interested in you (thoughtful message or not) my advice is to not just not respond but to block them all together so they can't send you another message in the future. Online Dating is about efficiency and time... wasting time responding to messages to someone they clearly are not interested in just to be polite is WHACK. in my opinion... agree to disagree.

[myTake Owner]

A lot of cases girls have "not been interested" in a guy and years later she ends up marrying him. Sounds to me that girls are closed minded and need better judgment with who to get to know, not just based on their superficial perception of someone's pictures and the profile he writes

[ThatPersonOverThere]

Well for what it's worth, there are a lot of women who message me who I don't respond to. It could be multiple reasons:
A) She was lazy as shit and only put "Hey there =)" in her opening message. If your opening message looks like everybody else's, you're not going to get anywhere.
B) She didn't bother to check my profile before messaging, so she only wants me for my looks (Fun at first, but I really am looking for something real)
C) She's significantly older than me... I mean I'm walking with women 7 years younger than me, I'm not going to respond to somebody 10 years older
D) They're not what I'm looking for in terms of physical attraction
E) I checked out her profile, and I really just don't think that we're going to mesh well, typically to her being overly spiritual.

COULD I respond and tell them that? Of course I could. And it's probably a bit rude that I don't respond. I'm... not good at letting people down gently. If I just don't respond they get the idea.

In a lot of ways, I think it is better that these women don't respond. Many guys just don't take No for an answer, and then will sit there for an hour harassing them, proving that she's right to not be into you in the first place.

Now it's true that you don't ever fully understand somebody based on their profile, but that's why it's YOUR job to learn how to make a good profile that will attract the TYPE of women that you're looking for. Your goal shouldn't be to get the MOST women responding, it should be to get the ones who you're actually going to mesh well with and are your type.

I sucked at it first too, but sucking at something is the first step to becoming good at something. If you want man, pm me your profile and I'll give you my take on it.

[myTake Owner]

I'll take you up on the PM offer. Thanks!

[myTake Owner]

I just followed you but it's not letting me message you because you're not following me

[MlleCake]

This is the same stuff a lot of women experience too. Frankly, it's refreshing to hear it happens to guys too.

[SouthpawPablo]

I hear you there bro but thats the problem love and men are now disposable in society today and most people not just men dont want long term or to commit they simply want now or to not be alone now trying to find a normal woman to date that is attractive is downright impossible unless you lie like a shitbag I have had plenty of beautiful girlfriends and never really had an issue im not model by any means but I have never been called ugly by a woman unless she wanted me dead before that any way so I just kind of have given up on finding that and went to the aquarium and museum of science by my dam self and had a blast lol I don't know if im a looser im a looser who has fun and dont give a fuck any more bout not dam dating sites am i still looking yes would i say no hell no but am I getting hurt or stressed of feeling like im not wanted no because i know my self worth and I can and have made every woman I've been with cum enough that they couldnt walk straight for a while after and had to sit down so no worries one day ill find her an make her mine and we gonna make some sweet sweet love and have a wicked awesome and fun life until then fuck it stressing only going to hurt me or turn me into some kinda ass hole

[lacorine197]

Cot damn, talk about a run on sentence lol.

[Professor_Zoom]

No one is entitled to a response. Plus, men can be some little bitches. You will hear a lot of women say that they used to give responses to everyone, but that men start begging and all other types of sad shit. Plus there's the fact that women will receive way more messages than men. I didn't believe it, so I made an account as a woman. Just copied and pasted what was on my profile, and added some pics of some pretty girl from e-mail spam. Before I even put up a picture, there were 15 messages in my inbox. It was a wrap after I put the pictures up. Ain't nobody got time to be responding to 200 messages a day. Fuck that. You just have to be butt hurt over not getting a response.

[myTake Owner]

Was it really 200? If so how many of those 200 we're asking for a hookup?

As I said, she can stop responding if the guy starts being a dick or asks for a hookup.

[Professor_Zoom]

It's not about being a dick or asks for a hookup. It's sensory overload. It's an abundance of options. You don't have to give a response when there are a ton of other guys in your inbox who want to get in between your legs. They're not invested in you.

[myTake Owner]

You didn't answer my question about whether it was really that many and what percent of them were looking for hookups. And I'm talking about the cases in which the guy is not trying to get "between her legs"

[Anonymous]

I don't think you understand the demographics of online dating. Guys outnumber girls on dating sites usually 7 to 3. Girls can reject guys left and right on dating sites and still have more options in a single day then you'd get in a year. They don't have to respond in any way. My advice to you is to go back to finding women in reality. You are not going to find love on online dating.

[myTake Owner]

This comment ignores the part I wrote about the percent of messages girls get that are only about hookups

[Opinion Owner]

That part of your mytake is irrelevant to the numbers.

[myTake Owner]

How so? I addressed the fact that they get tons of messages and also pointed out that a large amount of those messages are from fuckboys they can ignore

[CrashDF]

Well said I do much better in reality, hell I don't even have to say anything. They come up and break the touch barrier, doing the hole grab his forearm thing. It's a very passive way they show they are interested if at some point they learn forward and grab your arm just above your wrist. Make sure to ask them out if you are interested immediately!

[zagor]

I put a fake profile as a girl once, just to see how they did compared to me, and got 60 messages the first day. There is no way to reply to that many messages in a reasonable way.

[myTake Owner]

She can ignore the ones that are from guys who want hookups since they intend to be creepy

[zagor]

Most of the ones I actually bothered to read were not of the creepy, let's-screw variety. At least not on the surface.

[MlleCake]

Guys don't just say that straight up though. The preponderance of message we get are "hi" and "hello" - with no attempt to start a conversation. We don't know what they want. We just know they didn't have the creativity to say much to sell himself.

[zagor]

@MlleCake How much effort should he put in when 98% of the messages he sends get no response at all? When I first went on a dating site I sent personalized greetings, and responded only to those I felt I had a good chance of being compatible with, based on their profiles. It was pretty much wasted time, as the response rate was as low as for the "hi, how r ya" messages I eventually turned to...

[myTake Owner]

Yes, exactly. People keep saying "you need to be more creative in starting a conversation" but girls still don't respond to those

[MlleCake]

True. there is no magic formula that will make all women respond to your messages. There are a million factors why she might not. But time after time, when you ask women what they want in a first contact on a dating site, the biggest thing is getting a message that seems like the person read the profile, and has something to say to you that is about you and not just rando copy paste stuff.

I mean, I know it makes women sound all uppity and stuff, but we get carpet bombed with messages that just amount to "you'll do, come over and make my penis happy." And we learn that guys who don't bother aren't worth a bother.

[myTake Owner]

@MlleCake that's why I've been saying that if he asks for a hookup then that's a different story. If he's one of the few guys who tries to start a conversation she can at least see how he is before judging superficially that he's not good to talk to. There are many cases in which a woman marries a guy she "wasn't interested" in when they first interacted

[blackberrysoup]

If I'm on a dating site, I either respond or message first if his profile seems cool. I'll respond back but I find it's hard to respond back to something that really only needs a sentence. Online dating sites are usually a stepping stone for me. I'd rather not trade one liners for days. That's dull. Rather get them in person. It's a lot easier to understand someone else when you can look at their face.

[FatherJack]

Bottom line is women are in demand... men are ten a friggin' penny and NOT in demand , both on & offline , but online this is magnified greatly. An attractive female profile will receive 1000's of messages daily , 99.99% of those will be binned , you simply HAVE to stand out from the generic man

[MlleCake]

Yep, that's really it. Just stand out in a good way.

[myTake Owner]

That's why I mentioned standing out by not asking for hookups and starting an actual conversation. Which the picky girls think isn't good enough

[FatherJack]

Even borderline repellent women have plenty of options , hence the " picky " girls... an average woman can easily afford to be picky. Men do not do themselves many favours either !!!

[DinaM]

"How girls should respond on dating sites: Say yes. At least to me."

[myTake Owner]

You're acting as if the only messages sent are solicitation related, which isn't true. I always just ask a question about the profile I read

[lacorine197]

I don't even know if you read the post, did you read the post or hopped on immediately to comment your bias?

[Tomblebee]

@lacorine197 Yea, some people can't swallow their pride.

[Wwwyzzerdd]

Expecting women to be accountable for their behaviors? OMG MISOGYNY #TRIGGERED #MUHPATRIARCHY

[Wwwyzzerdd]

/sarcasm

[hasrett]

Believe it or not but we got it.

[Wwwyzzerdd]

@hasrett?

[hasrett]

Meh, nothing.

[lacorine197]

Yeah that was an incomplete sentence, I agree with the question mark there lmfao

[hasrett]

@lacorine197 I meant the sarcasm.

[AC8961]

Hi U get girls who express interest but when I respond they want to text and I have 3 occasions but they are in another country after their profile said they are near. I want to meet some one but specify I do not want a long distance relationship or have to sign for a green card. I know this sound harsh. I going to be 58 3 weeks but these female must think I am a fool but I do things this way because I do not to bars or clubs.

[MlleCake]

Oh yeah, that's bullshit too. I don't blame you for not enjoying being catfished.

[ManwithaConran]

Just be short, to the point and honest. It takes 1 minute to type a reply.

[CrashDF]

They are right though, I've seen an average girl get 200 emails a day. 200 min typing responses would be a waste of their time. Not to mention they would get at least 10-20% angry replies. They can and probably do delete all the 1 word/ sentence emails.

But of course if you are 6 feet and in shape your response is different when asking for something else.

[ManwithaConran]

@CrashDF

I left Tinder when I met someone in real life (thabk GOD!!!) However, a few things I did learn along the way... for instance... you will encounter the following:

1. The Perfectionist, who has nothing remotely interesting to say about herself, on her profile because no man is worthy. She swipes left on everyone as she is holding out for Tom Hardy (or some other unattainable celebrity);

2. The Competitor... A female friend explained its not about quality or even going out with anyone. The aim of the game is to beat the number of conversations their girl friends have; who has the rudest response, the most laughable dkpic... they don't care who they are talking to. They have 16 year olds and grandads.

3: The Romantic. She wants walks in the park, cycling along the beach, no ONS, take it slow, get to know you better, etc etc etc. She wants it so badly... she never makes the first move. And replies once a week. And wonders why she's still waiting for a date.

Thank GOD for Dan

[ManwithaConran]

Thanks God for Danvers 😁

[DodgersGM]

My way of looking at it: if she's not interested enough to respond, then I don't want her to write me anything back anyway.

[myTake Owner]

I kind of agree, the point I'm getting at here though is that "interest" is very arbitrary and it happens a lot that girls end up marrying a guy they initially weren't interested in. So I would say that if a girl is too closed minded to respond to a casual question then she isn't worth it

[Meninist]

Most people online are cunts because they can hide behind a computer.

[QCpress]

... O_o if you treat someone like a spoil princess they are going to act like one...

[lacorine197]

I agree with some of this, except the im not into you attitude, I hope she tells me she's not interested, so I can move on, albeit I'm not on dating sites lol, but in real life though.

[myTake Owner]

I don't disagree with you, what you said doesn't contradict what I say. I just think they should be open minded and give things a try, but I agree they should say straight up after giving it a try if they're not interested

[MlleCake]

One problem we have though is when we respond politely to say no thanks, we get shouted at by butthurt dudes all day. Why bother?

[myTake Owner]

If you tell him in the first place that you're just getting to know him and you're not sure if this will go anywhere, then he can't validly call you out for "leading him on" later

[Pettifog]

They have no reason to respond to everyone when they get hundreds of messages. They only answer to the ones that stand out, the pics they like.

[Juxtapose]

If you're a man, DO NOT try online dating.

[coachTanthony]

Why is that?

[Juxtapose]

@coachTanthony Women can get hundreds of messages while the vast majority of men will only get a few. Since women have such a wide selection of men to choose from, it's only logical to conclude that they're going to go for the most handsome and rich men they can get.

[coachTanthony]

Women already have a wide selection of men to choose from in the real world. There is no difference. So basically if you are not rich or good looking you may as well just give up all together right? Unless in the real world women don't go for the most handsome and rich? Online Dating has nothing to do with it... what a woman wants online or off if up to them... it's not always the most handsome and Rich. Your view is simply a myth and unfortunately untrue. Now if you are a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10 and you think you have the right to be dating a 9 than yeah... YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT!

[myTake Owner]

Women who blow off good guys and date jerks are selfish

[Juxtapose]

@coachTanthony First of all, rating people 1-10 is a childish concept that's far too reductionist for my tastes.

Second of all, online dating magnifies the problems men face in the real world since women it's far easier to hit on women online.. you can do it right from home! So therefore women can get even more attention from many, many men.. right at home without having to go outside!

Plus online dating dehumanizes dating prospects and makes potential dates seem impersonal.. almost like you're shopping for something off of amazon or ebay rather than trying to find someone to form a bond with.

In the real world there's more humanity when you talk to someone face to face.

[coachTanthony]

Agree to disagree... moving on.. have a great night!

[Tomblebee]

Women who blow off good guys and date jerks are selfish - or just very confused and having trouble with understanding their emotions. Life is hard

[myTake Owner]

@Tomblebee thank you, please become a professor who teaches other girls how to think

[Tomblebee]

Was that sarcasm? Sorry. (The first part of that statement was a quote, from someone else). But then again, hey, some good guys turn out to be jerks in the end anyways.

[myTake Owner]

@Tomblebee no I wasn't being sarcastic, I actually liked the way you were thinking

[Tomblebee]

Oh... well okay then. Thanks. But nah i want to save the world instead :)

[Tomblebee]

... And we've already had subject selection and all and i didn't take social studies, which is a bummer but i have no idea what i'm gonna do and it's pretty stink. Also; most girls who would be the problem are probably not gonna sign themselves up fr a class that is gonna tell them what to think.. so... yea, be a bit unemployed.

[myTake Owner]

Lol true. What are you gonna save the world from?

[Tomblebee]

Dunno yet. Saving is probably a bit too much; helping. Choosing from; pollution, energy crisis, air quality water quality, stuff like that.

[myTake Owner]

That's the kind of stuff I'm hoping to get into. My current job has nothing to do with it but I'm gonna try to transition to something else

[Tomblebee]

And what do you do at the moment? Lol my job selling donuts is completely irrelevant...

[myTake Owner]

Process documentation stuff. Boring haha

[Tomblebee]

What are you gonna do to try and make that transition happen?

[myTake Owner]

I might go to grad school or just try to work my way into a different company. How bout you? I'll follow you right now so you can message me your response and we don't spam everyone in this opinion haha

[Anonymous]

If a guy messages a girl, he always wants a response regardless what she says

[scooogy]

Sooner than usual would be fine